MegaMan Jr High Revolution
by KI Simpson
Summary: MegaMan Jr. High is back, and now it has a cool subtitle!... Original episodes made just for this site, but all the cliches and obscure references you can handle.
1. Intro

MegaMan Jr. High Revolution

Intro:

X and Zero are racing through an army of reploids.

X: Okay Zero, this time we're going to defeat Sigma for good!

Zero dodges fire from a particularly large reploid and reaches it, slicing it in half.

Zero: As soon as we get these pieces of junk out of the way.

X and Zero blast and slash their way through.

X: Almost there…

X and Zero reach a large door. X blasts it down with a particularly large energy shot. They enter.

Unknown: So, once again you've come.

Zero: You're not surviving this time Sigma!

Zero and X charge Sigma. Sigma throws off his cloak, revealing two gigantic swords. Sigma and Zero sword fight. Eventually Zero manages to slice of Sigma's arms, leaving him defenseless.

Zero: Give up!

Sigma: Not while humans still pollute this world!

Sigma's head lifts off his body.

Sigma: Now face true power/

But Sigma is cut off. X fired a huge blast of strangely colored energy at him.

X: How do you like it Sigma? It's an anti-virus to keep you from possessing machines.

Sigma: AARRRGGGHHH!

Zero: We did it!

Sigma: No!

X: Give up, the effect will be complete in minutes.

Sigma: Then it looks like I have no choice…

The machine's in Sigma's base start producing a bizarre energy.

Sigma: If I retreat to that dimension, the anti-virus won't effect me.

X: What do you…. NO!

Sigma: Prepare to return to the chaos realm!

A bright flash envelopes the entire room.

Unknown: Welcome back to….

MegaMan Jr. High...

Revolution!

Unknown: Allow me to reintroduce the characters.

MegaMan: A pre-teen robot who has to save the world and get to class on time, the latter having more priority.

Dr. Light: MegaMan's creator and father. Claims to be a brilliant scientist, but spends most of the time in his "lab" watching really bad shows.

Roll: MegaMan's best friend and girlfriend, although that was mentioned once and then ignored, like most plot points.

Zero: Another of MegaMan's friends. Only character with any amount of intelligence, ignored by everyone.

Bass: MegaMan's rival, Dr. Wily's son. Always trying to be better then MegaMan, and clearly should have won pretty much every time, but oh well.

Dr. Wily: Light's rival. Hates MegaMan and Light. Vice principal of MegaMan Jr. High, always trying to destroy MegaMan.

Sigma: Principal of MegaMan Jr. High. Also tries to destroy MegaMan. Stupider then Wily, loves American Idol.

Rush: MegaMan's robotic dog who for some reason talks like Scooby Doo.

ProtoMan: MegaMan's mean older brother who no one pays attention to.

KI: Ruler of the reality. Obsessed with SNES, runs reality like a cheesy kids show. Good understandings of clichés, however.

And that's everyone that would have really bad dialogue if we tried to have other characters mention who they are. Stay tuned for the first (first, 73rd, who cares) episode of MegaMan Jr. High Revolution!


	2. Back to School

Episode 1: Back to School

MegaMan is at home watching TV.

TV: And now, what the guy who invented N-Gage thinks is the best way to reach kids, pencil cases rapping about back to school!

MegaMan: Is summer over already?

MegaMan checks the calendar.

MegaMan: Only June 18th….

Two and a half months of "school is right around the corner" commercials later:

Light: MegaMan, school starts next week!

MegaMan: I wasted my summer sitting here in a horror induced trance from the rapping pencil cases…

Light: Anyway, we need to get school supplies.

MegaMan: I don't think I ever once used a school supply last year.

Light: And I've never once used the safety equipment in my lab, but it presents a good image!

And so they go to WoodMan's World of School… no… SparkMan's Set for School Store…. no… Ah forget it, they went to Payless!

Light: So what's on your school supplies list?

MegaMan: I don't have one.

We hear mocking laughter.

Bass: Well Megaloser/

KI: Just because this dimension hasn't existed for a year doesn't mean the rules don't apply! No mega insults, they're annoying!

Bass: Fine. Only the cool kids got back to school lists!

MegaMan: What's on them?

Bass: I…. didn't get one.

Bass runs away crying.

MegaMan: Now what am I going to do?

Zero, Roll, and the kid not important enough to be in the intro, Ceil, walk into the store.

MegaMan: Did any of you get the school supplies list?

Roll: No.

Ceil: No.

Zero: Yes.

MegaMan: Darn, now what are we going to do? We won't be prepared for school!

Zero: I said yes!

MegaMan: Our entire group has been deemed uncool, there must be some kind of in crowd with sharp clothes/

Roll: KI really needs to stop going to Berenstain Bears books for dialogue.

Zero: I HAVE THE GRISSING LIST!

MegaMan: Oh well, I guess we'll just have to go without the list and hope for the best.

Zero: (sigh) Oh well, the list was blank anyway…

Act break.

Act 2:

It's the first day of school.

Alarm clock: (RING RING)

MegaMan: Ooh… Five more minutes…

Alarm Clock: (is silent)

MegaMan: Fine, I'm getting up…

MegaMan goes downstairs to eat breakfast.

MegaMan: I wonder where Dad is…

Cut to Dr. Light's room:

Light: NO I WILL NOT GET UP RIGHT NOW! YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!

Alarm clock: (is silent)

Light: Don't take that tone with me!

Cut back to MegaMan:

MegaMan: I wonder when the bus will get here?

A school bus crashes through MegaMan's wall.

TurboMan: Get in, quick, we're late!

MegaMan gets on the bus. After TurboMan drives to his trial for reckless driving, he drops MegaMan and his friends off at school.

MegaMan: Hi Roll, did you have a good summer?

Roll: Yes, that support group for people who saw the rapping pencil cases was a lot of fun.

Bass walks up to them.

Bass: I did it! I got a list!

MegaMan: What's on it?

Bass: Some kind of Top Ten by Letterman, it isn't that funny, maybe I'll read it later.

Zero walks up to them.

MegaMan: How was your summer?

Zero: I went after eight animal based mavericks and the N-Gage guy to make sure that pencil case thing would never air again.

Ceil walks up to them.

Ceil: I/

MegaMan: Yeah yeah, pencil cases, got it.

Ceil walks away disappointed, putting away her Summer Games Olympic trophy.

The kids go into school.

Sigma: Welcome to another year at MegaMan Jr. High! Now we've made a few changes over the summer, now the only grade in school is 7th grade instead of 6th. So if you'll just turn in your registration forms/

MegaMan: What forms?

Sigma: The forms you ABSOLUTELY NEED to get back into school this year! Weren't you paying attention to the intercom announcement when we were fighting to the death at graduation last year?

MegaMan: Yes! There wasn't any announcement!

KI: I'll retcon something in later.

Sigma: Anyway, without that form, you can't continue your education!

MegaMan: But that would let the rapping pencil cases down!

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan: Isn't there any way I can get into school this year?

Sigma: No! Absolutely not, it's impossible!

MegaMan: Then I guess I'll give up.

Sigma: Giving up is not tolerated, detention…. NOOOOOO!

Wily: If he isn't a student, we can't give him detention! That's my entire reason for living!

Bass: And you wonder why I have such a complex about showing up MegaMan.

Sigma: Well, we'll have to do something about this.

One hula dance later:

Sigma: Okay, if you can get the forms to the office before school ends today, you can stay!

MegaMan: But it's (checks clock) 9:27! School ends in five minutes!

Sigma: Then hurry! It's not like I can just teleport you to my office!

Sigma teleports away.

MegaMan: Have to make it…

MegaMan runs through the hall.

MegaMan: Lava!

MegaMan jumps over the lava pits.

MegaMan: Spikes!

MegaMan dodges the spikes.

MegaMan: Lampshades!

MegaMan dodges the lampshades to avoid setting off laughtracks.

MegaMan: Almost there. I wonder what's going on in class.

Cut to class:

Bass: (reading) The 4th Least Popular Thing you can do with a DS touch screen is…. another sex joke. That's 7 so far.

Cut back to MegaMan:

MegaMan: Only three minutes left, but the office is in sight!

But Rush crashes through the wall.

Rush: RegaMan! Rere's a risis at the/

MegaMan: Not this again! I have to make a tough moral choice: Stay in school, or save innocent lives… SOMEONE, GIVE ME A SIGN!

A beam of light appears in front of MegaMan.

MegaMan: A spiritual vision! Who could it be?

Rapping Pencil Case: Yo yo yo!

Stay in school!

The vision disappears.

MegaMan: That horrible thing was right!

MegaMan runs into the office.

MegaMan: Here's my registration form!

Rock Monster: Those things? They're strictly optional.

MegaMan: But… but… Sigma said…

Sigma: Oh, did I say registration forms? I meant tap dancing giraffes, always get those two confused.

And so MegaMan successfully starts his second year at MegaMan Jr. High, right after handing in his tap dancing giraffes. Stay tuned for more adventures!


	3. MegaMan's Little Brother

Episode 2: MegaMan's Little Brother

Dr. Light is pulling an all-nighter in his lab.

Light: Time to watch Nick at Nite!

TV: Coming up next: Fatherhood! With one of our super elusive, special guest stars, the woman who played Clair on the Cosby Show!

Light:… I can't believe I'm saying this, but Nick at Nite has something bad on!

Light desperately flips through channels.

TV: (Family Guy theme song)

Light: Well, that's obviously a corny, family friendly show, no need to get one second past the intro. There's nothing on TV tonight! What am I going to do?

Two hours later:

Light: I'm so bored! What do normal people do at 2:00AM to kill the boredom? I'd ask MegaMan, but he's asleep.

An hour later:

Light: I guess I have no choice… I'll have to (gulp) work!

Light sets to work. The next morning:

MegaMan: Where's Dad? I didn't hear him yelling at the alarm clock today…

Light walks into the kitchen.

Light: MegaMan, I have an exciting announcement! Since you, my only son, are a complete disappointment…

ProtoMan: I can't even tell which of us should be more offended.

Light: There's going to be an addition to our family!

MegaMan: Are you getting married again?

Light: No, I can't, in response to the gay marriage controversy, our town has banned all inter-marriages, including inter-gender. Instead, you're going to have a little brother!

MegaMan: Didn't I already have one?

KI: Yes, and it was so bloody obvious that it should have been Axl, I've been kicking myself over that for months. So now I'm fixing that.

Light: Axl will be ready tonight, so go to school MegaMan.

MegaMan: It's Saturday, and the Fourth of July.

Light: GO!

MegaMan goes to the park to see his friends.

MegaMan: Hello everyone.

Roll: You're here, finally! We're bored, introduce a plot point!

MegaMan: I'm going to have a little brother.

Unknown: O RLY?

MegaMan: Yes, who was that?

An owl flies away.

Roll: Are you nervous?

MegaMan: No, not really.

Unknown: YA RLY!

An owl flies away.

Bass: Then it is our job as kids on a clichéd show to make you nervous! Ahem,

The sky goes dark. Lightning flashes. The undead rise and start wreaking havoc on the world, half the global population is lost.

Ceil: Think that was a little too much just to set the mood?

Bass: Nah. Anyway, no one will pay attention to you, you'll have to change batteries, and you'll get grounded half as much!

MegaMan: That doesn't sound so bad.

KI appears.

KI: That's not the really bad part. You see…

We see a montage of Cousin Oliver, Scrappy Doo, Olivia, Nicky and Alex, and Virtual Boy.

KI: As you can see, the rules are clear. Your little brother… WILL DOOM US ALL!

Unknown: NO WAI!

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan: You mean we'll be stuck with an annoying little kid for the rest of the show? Just like we were stuck all those other things that should have been permanent but disappeared at the end of the episode?

KI: EXACTLY like that!... Except it will stay this time.

MegaMan: NOOOOO!

MegaMan runs home.

MegaMan: Have to stop Dad, must change his mind before he finishes my brother!

Cut to the lab.

Light: Have to finish Axl, must finish him before Friends is on!

MegaMan runs into the lab.

MegaMan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

MegaMan dives at Light in slow motion. This may not have been the best idea, since Light continues to work at normal speed and finishes Axl and watches Friends before MegaMan jumps into the space where Light originally was.

Light: Perfect timing MegaMan. You're just in time to meet your new born, infant, just as capable of speech as you, brother!

MegaMan: (cries)

Light: Yep, we have a new, permanent member of our family!

Axl: Hello MegaMan.

MegaMan: ARGH! What an annoying, scene stealing brat!

Axl:…

MegaMan: Well, I guess I'll have to get used to you.

It's the next day (Sunday July 5th). MegaMan gets up to go to school.

Light: Now this is Axl's first day, so I want you to try to involve him in whatever corny plot you get into.

MegaMan: Fine…

MegaMan and Axl go to school.

Bass: So that's your little brother?

Roll: He looks annoying.

ElecMan: Class, your assignment today/

Bass: Don't interrupt us!

ElecMan: Sorry.

Axl: I haven't done anything to annoy anyone.

Ceil: There he goes with the "I'm so cute, you should give me food and shelter like you're legally required to". The world doesn't revolve around you!

Axl: I just want to be treated like a person!

Bass: MegaMan, can you get it to stop talking?

MegaMan: Axl, go away. You're probably a jinx.

Axl: This isn't fair!

Roll: Life isn't fair.

Bass: PWNED!

Axl: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU?

The bell rings.

ElecMan: Go to your next class.

MegaMan: Since when do we have more the one period?

The kids go to Overused Plots with ColdMan.

ColdMan: Today, we'll be discussing the "running away" cheesy show plot.

MegaMan: Axl, stop making noise, you're interrupting the class.

Axl: I WAS BREATHING!... Wait, I'm a robot, that was unnecessary noise. But regardless, I'm running away! It's clear no one wants me here!

Axl runs out the door.

ColdMan: Well, if you're through with your social conversations/

Bass: Be quiet!

ColdMan: Yes sir.

Act break.

Act 3:

We see Axl out in the cold, frozen plains of Siberia. He is walking against a bitter wind, and looks as though he has been traveling for months.

Axl: Maybe I should go to the other next door of the school.

Axl walks a few yards back to MegaMan Jr. High, and keeps walking until he reaches the depressing, crime filled, N-Gage ad ridden area on the other side of the school.

Cut to MegaMan and his friends at his house.

MegaMan: And then he just left Dad, maybe we forgot his birthday. Has it been a year since yesterday?

Light: Possibly, but I'm not going to search for him. Intervening every time your child is missing and possibly in mortal danger is just spoiling them.

Zero: Look/

MegaMan: Where have you been?

Zero: I've been saying things all day, you've just ignored me to such a great extent that the text didn't even show up! Anyway, Axl didn't do anything to us, you just assumed he would be an obnoxious new character because that's how it is on other shows!

MegaMan: Why shouldn't we? I mean, lots of kids shows have the principal of their school trying to literally kill them.

Zero: Look, Axl didn't do anything wrong, and you all…

Zero fades out again. No one is listening.

Zero: I guess I'll have to take matters into my own hands. I'll find Axl no matter how long I have to search!

Cut to Zero using his energy sword to slice through thick plant life in a tropical jungle:

Zero: Don't see Axl here, guess he didn't go behind the school.

Cut to Zero in the bad neighborhood Axl went to:

Zero: Axl! Axxxxxlllllll!

Timmy: Lassie! Lassssiiiieeee!

KI: Consistency! Cooonnnsistencyyyyy!

Zero finds Axl.

Axl: Go away.

Zero: Okay.

Five weeks later:

Zero walks up to Axl again.

Zero: Look, I know the characters on the show were jerks and never gave you a chance and that it makes you so angry you just want to strangle KI, but… just a second, I'll think of something soon…

Five weeks later:

Zero: But none of that matters. Yes, this universe makes no sense, but the people in it aren't really evil, well, Sigma is. And Wily. And Bass, and KI, and Tommy Tallarico, and Captain Planet, and…. Anyway, MegaMan and his friends aren't really evil, just really, really stupid.

Axl: But they're evil towards me! Just because they blindly follow clichés.

Zero: But there's something very important you have to understand: one of the clichés they follow is a lack of continuity. By the next episode, I think it's a Christmas special or something, no one will remember being mad at you, and you'll be a character who gets meaningless lines like Ceil.

Axl: That's all I've ever wanted!

And so Axl returns home.

Axl: I'm back!

Light: Who the gris are you?

Axl: They've already forgotten me…

MegaMan: I'm home!

Light: Who the gris are you?

And so Axl adapts to his new home. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High Revolution!


	4. War on Holidays

Episode 3: War on Holidays

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High, and Christmas was only a week away.

ElecMan: Now, we've got a busy day ahead of us. We're taking a field trip to Tragic Accident Lake and Fun Center, and we need to make absolutely sure that you're waterproof/

Intercom: This is principal Sigma!

ElecMan: Great, another day wasted because Sigma wants us to go to some American Idol thing.

Intercom: I'm going to an American Idol convention, and you're not! Ha ha!

ElecMan: Well that's good. Maybe today we can actually/

The bell rings.

ElecMan: We really need school days longer then 3 minutes.

Cut to Sigma waiting in line for the convention, being held at Tragic Accident Lake and Fun Center

Sigma: I can't wait! I need to do something to release the excitement!

Sigma removes his battery cover and starts running up and down the slippery dock by the toxic lake. He is right by the edge. He's starting to slip when…

An asteroid falls from the sky and hits Sigma.

AstroMan: I bet I get blamed for this.

StarMan: Someone help him!

Simon Cowell rushes out.

Simon: You call that a cry for help/

A larger asteroid hits Simon.

StarMan: Someone, help!

Someone comes running.

Man: I'll save him!

The man pushes the asteroid off Sigma.

Sigma: I'm alive!

Man: But you're pretty badly hurt, maybe/

Sigma: No, I'm fine. Thank you, you've taught me to never take the precious gift of life for granted.

Sigma resumes running up and down the slippery dock. He falls in.

StarMan: Oh no!

Sigma: Don't worry, I can swim… SEAWEED! I'm allergic to seaweed!

Cut to Sigma at the hospital.

Man: You're okay! I called an ambulance.

Sigma: Thank you so much, you saved my life twice! I'll be more careful from now on.

Sigma is fiddling with the buttons on his life support system.

Sigma: You've given me faith in humanity. I don't know you and KI didn't bother to even name you, and yet you cared enough to help your fellow sentient robot who wants every human killed.

Man: It was no problem. I have to go now, take care. Oh, and happy holidays.

Sigma:…………WHAT did you say?

Man: Happy holidays?

Sigma: HOW DARE YOU!

Man: All I/

Sigma: You'll regret the day you declared war on Christmas!

Act break.

Act 2:

It's the next day at school. Sigma calls an assembly.

Sigma: As you know, we are at WAR!

Zero: If you're going to make an Iraq allegory, The Boondocks beat you to it.

Sigma: I'm not! This is a war on CHRISTMAS! You see, yesterday, someone… WISHED ME HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Zero: How is that declaring war on Christmas?

Sigma: How can it NOT be? That's like asking how saying "joy to the world" isn't a declaration of war on an individual country!

Zero just sits there, stunned.

Sigma: I'm calling on all loyal MegaMan Jr. High students to join me in this effort to stop the attempt to destroy the holiday whose ideals I go out of my way not to follow!

Roll: What exactly are we going to do?

Sigma: Organize a boycott of every store in RockMan City that uses that horrible phrase!

Axl: What stores?

Sigma:… Regardless, that is the strategy.

Cut to the school assembled outside a SafeWay.

Sigma: Okay, time for our sting operation.

Bass goes inside. He purchases Chanukah cards.

Clerk: Thank you for purchasing these cards. Have a nice day.

Bass: Don't you have a more specific parting phrase?

Clerk: Have a nice Thursday?

Bass: No.

Clerk: Remember, only four more months until Zelda: Twilight Princess?

Bass: No.

Clerk: Happy Holidays?

Bass: AHA!

Bass runs outside.

Bass: He said it!

Sigma: The nerve!

Cut to all the characters assembled outside to protest.

Sigma: 2-4-6-8, This SafeWay won't tell us what to celebrate!

1-3-5-7, Force Christmas or we'll go to 7-11!

MegaMan: No one's come to the store all day.

Zero: That's because the characters on the show are the only people who live in this city, and we never went here anyway.

Sigma: Less pointing out flaws in my logic, more chanting!

Two days later:

Sigma: Only four more days till Christmas/

KI: Can you believe I'm actually making the passage of time consistent?

A day passes while KI says that sentence.

Sigma: As I was saying, only three more days till Christmas, and we're not making any progress! We went to every Synagogue and Mosque in the city, and no one said Merry Christmas!

Zero: Why don't you just give up and do something that isn't ridiculous?

Sigma: Never! I'll think of something…

Cut to Sigma and the robot masters and mavericks assembled.

Sigma: Time to kick this war into high gear! If I can't convince them to have the spirit of love and peace, I'll violently force them to!

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan and his family are at home watching TV.

Light: It's about time someone did something about this blatant attack on my values and my right to force Christmas on others just because I don't know who Jesus is.

Axl: But Sigma is starting a war over nothing! Saying Happy Holidays includes Christmas, it's just a more inclusive way to say it.

Light: You call inclusiveness nothing to start a war against?

Axl: MegaMan, we have to do something! Christmas is only two days away!

MegaMan: But we can't go against Dad! This is just a war, not something huge like putting a water fountain in a park!

Zero comes in.

Zero: I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but we're going to have to fight!

MegaMan: But how? We're only 14 kids who never learned basic math!

Zero: Don't worry, I have a plan…

Cut to Zero and the other kids assembled in front of Sigma's army:

Zero: Sigma, this has to stop.

Sigma: Zero, I'm doing this for you, the children! Do you really want to grow up in a world where different people's beliefs are respected, and we give people the same respect we ask for from them.

Zero: Yes.

Sigma: That's pure teen angst. SOLDIERS! LET US ATTACK!

Axl: What exactly are you attacking?

Sigma ignores this and charges at the empty street.

Zero: Okay, it is time.

MegaMan: For your secret weapon? What is it?

Zero: A very angry rant.

MegaMan:…

Zero: What, I can't be illogical just once?

Zero steps up to the podium.

Zero: Ahem. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OFFENSIVE ABOUT SAYING HAPPY HOLIDAYS! THE PHRASE INCLUDES CHRISTMAS! IT DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO HURT CHRISTMAS! THERE IS NO WAR ON CHRISTMAS, AND FIGHTING OVER A PHRASE IS AN INSULT TO THE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS!

Sigma: GET HIM!

The army charges. But then, something miraculous happened.

Sigma slipped while he was charging and broke his leg.

Sigma: AAAAAHHHH! Someone, help me!

Light: Well, me and Wily build sentient robots, it would be ridiculously contrived if we couldn't fix your leg.

But Light and Wily slip and break their legs.

Sigma: WHO CAN SAVE US NOW?

Everyone looks around for the man who saved Sigma before, sure he's about to appear and help Sigma once again, showing Sigma the error of his ways and leading to an uncharacteristically sweet ending that will be allowed because hey, it's the holidays. But he doesn't appear.

Sigma: Now what are we supposed to do?

Zero: I'll help you on one condition.

Sigma: What?

Zero: End this war!

Sigma: NO! I'm fully committed to this, I won't let something like this make me betray my principals! I'll stay here forever if I must… American Idol is on in ten minutes! Okay, okay, I agree, hurry up!

And so Zero saves the day through blackmail, such a great moral lesson. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High, and Happy Holidays!


	5. The Rescue

Episode 4: The Rescue

It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that concludes my lecture on my problems in my social life. Class dismissed.

MegaMan and his friends walk into the hall. Rush crashes through the wall.

Rush: Warehouse status report: Everything's fine so far.

MegaMan: Good.

But Rush starts sputtering. Sparks fly from him. He is twitching on the ground.

Roll: Oh no, Rush is/

MegaMan: Receiving an e-mail.

Rush gets up.

Rush: Regaman! Rere's romeone who rants you to go on a rescue rission!

MegaMan: Who?

A holographic screen comes out of Rush. There is a person on it completely covered by a dark hood, and wearing a name tag saying "Name Unknown".

Unknown: MegaMan, I need your help. I have nowhere else to turn. A friend of mine has been captured by… **Liquid Snake!**

MegaMan: He's actually behind something?

Unknown: Yes. You are my only hope. Please go to Shadow Moses and rescue my friend. Liquid could kill him any second!

MegaMan: I have school tomorrow, can it wait until Saturday?

Unknown: Sure.

And so MegaMan has accepted his mission.

Roll: Wow, it's been awhile since you actually did hero stuff.

MegaMan: But… the commercial said that recycling my newspapers was all it took to be a hero…

MegaMan goes home.

MegaMan: Roll's right, I should train. This is an important fight! Time for a hero montage!

We see MegaMan going to school and watching TV for the rest of the week. Saturday arrives.

MegaMan: Okay, time for my mission. Dad, I'm going on a dangerous mission that will involve several fights to the death.

Light: Make sure to look both ways before you cross the street.

After getting run over by a car, MegaMan reaches Shadow Moses.

MegaMan: I'm here. But somehow, I just can't shake the feeling, that what's inside is too horrible for me to contemplate…

MegaMan opens the door and goes inside.

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan: Okay, if I remember the strategy guide correctly, stealth is the best tactic to use here.

Guard: Someone breaking the fourth wall!

The alarm goes off and guards surround MegaMan.

MegaMan: Okay, remain calm…

MegaMan fires in all directions, taking down the guards. The alarm stops blaring.

MegaMan: Okay, I have to find the prisoner. This will take masterful stealth…

Cut to MegaMan speaking into the intercom:

Intercom: Will anyone who knows the location of the prisoner being held by Liquid Snake please come to see me, MegaMan, in the office. It's the office with the window that gives you a perfect view of my head, right next to the sniper rifle depository. Thank you.

Somehow, the guards find where MegaMan is. MegaMan is knocked unconscious and captured.

MegaMan wakes up. He is connected to an electric torture device.

MegaMan: Why did they tape an N-Gage to me?

But that's the least of MegaMan's problems, he is also strapped to an electric rack.

Ocelot: So, you've come. What are you here for?

MegaMan: Didn't you hear my announcement?

Ocelot: Don't play smart with me! If you won't talk, I'll torture you with the thing robots hate most, electricity! Tap the circle button to fight. If you give up, press select/

Guard: Someone's breaking the/

Ocelot: I work here, I'm allowed to! Anyway/

A ninja falls from the sky.

Ocelot: I paid $50,000 for this cool new robotic hand on eBay, I'm not staying around for this!

Ocelot runs away.

Ninja: So you have come.

MegaMan: Who are you?

Ninja: I am like you. I have no name.

MegaMan: What are you talking about? Just look to the left of my text, I'm MegaMan!

Ninja: Regardless, I am here to help you on your mission.

MegaMan: Why?

Ninja: Let's just say I have my reasons.

MegaMan: No, I want to know why!

Ninja: Look, that isn't important right now.

MegaMan: (whining) Tell me!

Ninja: No! Look, there isn't much time. Soon it will be too late for the person you were sent to rescue.

MegaMan: Were you the one who sent me the message?

Ninja: No, why would I wear a cloak? I have a ninja disguise!

MegaMan: Okay, let's go!

The Ninja leads MegaMan to Liquid Snake's main room.

Ninja: Okay, this is it. But I wonder if you'll be able to handle what's in there…

MegaMan: Well, maybe I'll just turn around and go home then/

Ninja: It was rhetorical question.

The door opens. MegaMan sees the person he came to rescue.

MegaMan: NOOOOO! It can't be, not you! NOT YOU!

Act break.

Act 3:

Liquid: So, you finally made it. And you reached my "guests".

MegaMan is on the ground sobbing.

Prisoner: Yes, your reaction is most understandable. Many are moved to tears by me, the great **Tommy Tallarico!**

MegaMan: No… no… I thought we got rid of you!

Liquid: Yes, it seemed you had. Tommy appeared here, after being sent through an inter-dimensional vortex. And he is THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON IN THE WORLD!

Tommy: Thank you, Liquid FAKE!

Liquid: And so, I arranged for you to come and pick him up for me. He'll naturally cling to you, and I'll be free. I was the one who sent you the message!

MegaMan: I won't let this happen! It's time to fight, loser gets Tommy Tallarico!

Liquid: Fine. Metal Gear, come to me!

A gigantic metal gear comes out from under a normal sized coffee table.

MegaMan: I can defeat that thing easil/

The metal gear steps on him.

MegaMan: No! I'm going to die, or worse, survive and have to take Tommy with me!

Tommy is just standing there watching, oblivious to what MegaMan and Liquid think about him.

Liquid: Time to finish this/

But the ninja jumps in.

Ninja: MegaMan, we are not pawns of KI or anyone else.

KI: Yeah, pawns have at least some sort of value.

Ninja: Jumping in to save the hero was the only thing I was ever good at, but at least I always jumped in to save heroes I believed in!

The ninja fires energy blasts at the metal gear. It is stopped, but not before the ninja is hit by a missile. The ninja lands next to MegaMan, severely injured.

MegaMan: Brave ninja, you saved me and by extension the entire world from being annoyed. I have to know who you are, so I can honor your memory.

MegaMan lifts the ninja's mask.

MegaMan: FOR THE LOVE OF GRIS, NO!

The ninja is…

Ninja: **Peggy Hill!**

Tommy: My queen!

They embrace.

Peggy: I did it, I helped MegaMan free you so we could be together again.

Liquid: You idiot! I wanted to GET RID of him, you could have just come up to him and convinced him to leave!

Peggy: The important thing is, we're together again!

MegaMan: This can't be happening…

Tommy: Let's make our escape, and return to annoy MegaMan another day.

Peggy: Well, I was just hit by a missile, but okay.

Tommy and Peggy run away.

MegaMan: I can't believe it, they're back!

Liquid: Just remember: no matter how bleak things look, no matter how bad they seem… it isn't my problem, bye loser.

Liquid walks a few yards back and sits at his desk. MegaMan gets up and leaves.

And so Tommy Tallarico and Peggy Hill return. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	6. Bass of Operations

Episode 5: Bass of Operations

It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High. MegaMan is in Pointless Distractions with SwordMan. But behind the two way mirror…

Sigma: There he is Wily, our target.

Wily: Where?

Sigma installed the mirror wrong, he and Wily see their reflections, while the class can see them.

Sigma: That's not important. It's time to destroy MegaMan!

Sigma presses a button. A gigantic magnet lowers down. It makes a loud noise as it lowers, and a voice says "Magnet to destroy MegaMan activated!" The class continues as normal.

Sigma: Okay, just have to aim…

Sigma shines a gigantic glowing laser on MegaMan. He spends five minutes adjusting it. MegaMan sits perfectly still.

Sigma: Okay, time to/

Wily coughs.

MegaMan: A trap!

MegaMan jumps out of the way. The magnet instead picks up MegaMan's pen. The pen hits the magnet with its spiked end, causing the magnet to explode.

Sigma: Curses! A perfect plan ruined by your cough!

Wily: I told you, humans can't hide in rooms without air!

Sigma: Enough excuses! I'm going to yell at you until school ends, and then for another three hours!

Three hours and one minute later:

Sigma: To conclude my angry rant… (he checks his notes) we have to destroy MegaMan! I will not tolerate incompetence, if you don't think of something soon, you'll be looking for a new job, because you'll starve under my "No payment until MegaMan is dead" policy!

Wily walks home, depressed.

Wily: It seems like only 48 episodes, an introduction, and a movie ago I was principal of MegaMan Jr. High. Now, I'm just another incompetent henchmen. At least I'm a good father…

Wily reaches his house. Bass is on the doorstep.

Bass: Dad, you have to warn me when you're changing the locks and vital signs the death ray recognizes!

Wily: Look, I had a bad day at work, while you were having the time of your life waiting outside in the freezing darkness, playing with that hungry lion.

Wily and Bass go inside.

Bass: Dad, you have to start paying attention to me! Even child neglect can stop being funny at some point!

Wily: I'm sorry, but destroying MegaMan is my entire purpose in life.

Bass: Can't you put your child ahead of that?

Wily: What about Zero?

Bass: He doesn't matter.

Wily: Look, if it will make you feel better, I'll make a promise I absolutely know I won't have to keep. When MegaMan is destroyed, and there's nothing good on TV, and there aren't any interesting cloud formations, I'll pay attention to you.

Bass: Then I only have one choice…

One unsuccessful attempt to destroy clouds later:

Bass: **I** will destroy MegaMan!

Act break.

Act 2:

Bass: So it's settled. All I have to do is destroy MegaMan.

Wily: Despite what I just said about knowing there was no way you could, and despite the fact that that's true, everyone knows MegaMan won't die in the fifth episode, you have my complete confidence.

And so Bass goes to work on a plan. Wily calls Sigma.

Wily: Sigma, for personal reasons I'm putting my middle school aged son in charge of our most important objective.

Sigma: Finally, you're showing some initiative!

The next day at school, Bass goes to work.

Bass: Okay, what would be a good plan to destroy MegaMan…

Cut to MegaMan eating his lunch in the school cafeteria. Bass walks in, wearing a fake mustache.

Bass: Are you MegaMan?

MegaMan: Come on, you're obviously Bass wearing a mustache.

Bass takes the mustache off.

MegaMan: Yes, I'm MegaMan, complete stranger.

Bass: You could win TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! Just play the MegaMan X3 intro stage theme on this piano!

MegaMan goes to the piano.

Bass: (to himself) The fool! When he plays the sequence absolutely perfectly, he'll trigger an explosion!... Why didn't I just set it to explode as soon as he pressed a key? And why don't I just eat a different road runner?

MegaMan starts playing the theme, but messes up.

Bass: That's okay, keep trying!

MegaMan tries a few more times and keeps messing up.

Bass: Keep at it. (to himself) Good thing I'm not stupid enough to jump in and play it myself.

MegaMan messes up again.

Bass: Keep going/

Daffy Duck runs in.

Daffy: No you idiot, it's like this!

Daffy plays the song perfectly. The piano explodes in his face.

Bass: AAARRRGGGHH!

It's the next day.

Bass: My plan will work this time!

Bass walks into the lunchroom where MegaMan is eating wearing a fake beard.

Bass: Lemonade for sale! Get your ice cold, not poisoned lemonade!

There aren't any takers, possibly because it's a cold winter day and the there's no heating since HeatMan is on his break.

Bass: Tomorrow…

The next day:

Bass goes into the lunchroom, no disguise (does everything have to be done in threes?)

Bass: MegaMan, someone needs you to go on a rescue mission!

MegaMan: Doesn't Rush usually tell me that?

Bass: They captured Rush!

Rush is visible in MegaMan's yard, which you can see from the cafeteria window.

MegaMan: Where is he?

Bass: At the bottom of a bottomless pit.

MegaMan: Which one?

Bass: The one next to you, by the wet floor.

MegaMan: Wet floor! I'm not going there, I could get hurt! Also, I can see Rush through the window. And you're obviously an impostor, Bass has a mustache and beard!

Bass: AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH! That's it, time to do what Vile/Bubsy did, just fight. MegaMan, I challenge you to a duel to the death!

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan: Well, as a hero I'm honor bound to accept all duels to the death.

Bass: Then let's set the time and place. I choose one thousand miles away, right now!

MegaMan: That's impossible, but okay.

Cut to them thousands of miles away:

Bass: Time to die MegaMan, my design and battle strategies are greater!... (he notices his right hand is a blaster) Hey, I have a weapon!

Bass fires an energy blast at MegaMan. MegaMan jumps out of the way.

MegaMan: Remember kids at home, this is a good way to settle playground disputes!

MegaMan fires a large blast at Bass. Bass dodges.

Bass: You're going down MegaMan, I've had to live in your shadow for too long!

MegaMan: That's not my fault!

Bass: Yes it is! What was Wily supposed to do, _not_ dedicate his life to destroying you? Once you're gone, my father will finally pay attention to me!

MegaMan: Don't count on it. If anything, Light's a worse father then Wily.

Bass: And that's clearly your fault!

Bass sends a huge energy blast at MegaMan and hits him. MegaMan is lying injured on the ground.

Bass: Finally, to do what no other villains could, destroy MegaMan!

Bass walks up to MegaMan instead of just shooting him again, placing dramatic effect over practicality.

Bass: Any last words?

MegaMan: You know some dues ex machine will come around to save me.

Bass: Is it just me, or do you get smarter when you're talking to someone who isn't Zero?

MegaMan: I've noticed that to…

Bass: Anyway, nothing can save you now/

Wily appears.

Wily: Bass, wait! I've been doing some thinking, and talking to Child Protective Services, and realized that I can't do this to you. You're my son whether you destroy MegaMan or not, and I'll always love you! I'll just also be disappointed and not know you exist if you don't destroy him.

Sigma: Wily, save this for later! Bass is about to/

Bass: Really?

Wily: Yes, I'm sorry I made you think you had to destroy someone to earn my love. Sure, it's a nice gesture, but some things are even better then killing.

Sigma: MegaMan's getting up, finish him!

Bass: I'm placated, things can go back to normal.

Wily: Let's go home and spend some quality time together rigging MegaMan's desk with explosives.

Bass and Wily leave. MegaMan recovers and runs away.

Sigma: AAARRRGGGHHH! Stupid Wily and Bass, and why the gris didn't I just finish MegaMan!

And so Bass' father issues are resolved, in the same way a broken dam in stopped by paper. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan. Jr. High Revolution!


	7. MegaMan's Second Job

Episode 6: MegaMan's Second Job

It was another day at MegaMan's house.

TV: Hey kids! How many times has this happened to YOU?

We see a kid being sentenced to five years in prison for having an outdated backpack.

MegaMan: More times then I can count!

TV: Then buy a Nokia N-Pack! It's not just a waste of money, it's also a waste our product designer's time!

MegaMan: I need to get one of those! I've never been let down by something advertised on TV yet, except the N-Gage, and I see absolutely no correlations between it and what I want now!

MegaMan goes to Light.

MegaMan: Dad, can I have some money to get a backpack?

Light: What's wrong with the backpack you have now?

MegaMan: It's a Polly Pocket.

Light: Regardless, if you want something new, you'll have to earn it! Just like I earn the money that keeps bread on the table!

MegaMan: How exactly do you get money anyway? Actually, how do any of the people on this show get money?

Light: I think KI prints it or something. Anyway, I'm not just handing money to you, you have to earn your KI Funbucks!

And so MegaMan sets out to find a second job (seriously, I swear I'm going somewhere new with this, just hang on!)

MegaMan: I wish it was easier to know what companies ignore child labor laws, why can't they make a public list or something?

MegaMan runs into Tommy Tallarico.

Tommy: Well if it isn't Mega…STAN!

MegaMan:…Stan?

Tommy: Look, I'm not in a making up horrible insult names mood right now. I just got turned down from my dream job again.

MegaMan: What's your dream job?

Tommy: Ever since I turned evil, I've wanted a job at the most prestigious video game magazine in the world. A name that once stood for integrity, giving unknown but good games attention, and catering to gamers who didn't think Super Smash Bros starred brand new characters. Thankfully they don't anymore, and ever since I've wanted to join them.

MegaMan: Who?

Tommy: EGM!

KI: And now, some things EGM actually did:

Said that life not refilling automatically in Perfect Dark Zero was innovative.

Made a top ten overrated games list that included Killer Instinct, Final Fantasy IX, and Perfect Dark.

Gave New Super Mario Bros, the first new 2D Mario in over 10 years, one small paragraph and no pictures in their 2006 preview.

Insisted that PSP would outsell DS, and called everyone who disagreed a crazed Nintendo fan.

KI: And now, back to parody:

MegaMan: So you can't get a job at EGM?

Tommy: Nope. Said I was too hardcore.

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan: Do you think I could get a job there?

Tommy: What systems do you own?

MegaMan: Just N-Gage.

Tommy: Well, that might be stretching it, but maybe that's not too hardcore for them.

MegaMan goes to EGM. He gets an interview.

Shoe: Here at EGM, we're looking for a special type of gamer.

MegaMan: I/

Shoe: Did I tell you about that time a Microsoft rep offered me a nickel for the vending machine and I spit in his face and told him he couldn't bribe me? Doesn't that make me cool and unbiased?

MegaMan: Um/

Shoe: Anyway, you're hired. We've only got 73 reviewers right now, and we need another dozen dedicated to reviewing Madden.

And so MegaMan has a job. He goes in for his first day.

Shoe: Okay, we need you to review the Tiger Handhelds version of Madden. Now, as you saw I'll go on about a rant about how we review every game fairly no matter how many acts of common courtesy we interpret as bribes from companies, so feel free to give the game any score on our Madden scale, even a one is fine.

MegaMan plays the game. He decides to give it a 4.

Shoe: Okay then.

Shoe puts the 4 in front of a 9. and prints the review.

MegaMan: So what game do I review next?

Shoe: Well, we just got special pre-any sort of information whatsoever copies of Mario 128 and Zelda Revolution, but those are going in the Baby Games section of the review wrap up. But there's a feature you can participate in. Remember the segment awhile ago where we had kids react to playing old games?

MegaMan: Yeah.

Shoe: Well this discussion is nothing like that pile of old game worship. You're going to be in our Final Word conversation. Since no one bothers to keep track of our editors anymore, they'll just be called Editor number something.

And so MegaMan gets in place for the discussion.

Editor 1: What do you think is a worse system, DS or Jaguar?

Editor 2: Come on, DS isn't that bad. Sure, there are no good games for it and it stands absolutely no chance in the portable wars and it eats kittens, but it's not quite as bad as Jaguar.

Editor 3: 2, you're such a Nintendo fanboy.

MegaMan: Wait, isn't the game drought for DS over? And isn't it selling the most?

All the editors put their hands over their ears and start humming loudly. Eventually they stop.

Editor 1: What series do you think needs to stop making games?

Editor 2: NOT ZELDA! Hear that fanboys, we want ONE Nintendo game, that proves we aren't biased!

Editor 3: The Tony Hawk series needs to stop, what makes Neversoft think they can release a sports game every year?

Editor 2: That reminds me, I have to go give Madden one of our super exclusive platinum awards, one of only 8 given this month.

Editor 1: Final question: Between Splinter Cell/

Editor 4: SPLINTER CELL IS GOD!

Editor 1: And Metal Gear/

Editor 3: What a terrible series, they put GAMEPLAY ahead of realism!

MegaMan: I like/

Editor 1: That's all the time we have for today.

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan is done with his second assignment at EGM.

Shoe: Okay, now deliver these games to Seanbaby for his "horrible games of the past" feature.

MegaMan gives Seanbaby copies of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Super Mario World, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, and Kirby's Super Star.

MegaMan: There's a voice coming from the basement…

MegaMan goes into the basement, passing dozens of SNESes EGM stored away to make room for the llamas.

MegaMan: Someone's trapped down here!

MegaMan comes across someone in chains.

MegaMan: Who are you?

Unknown: They locked me down here years ago, when I wouldn't cooperate with operation "Sell our souls". I'm… **Sushi-X!**

MegaMan: Well, I'm sure that was a very welcome cameo for the one person who recognizes you.

Sushi: You have to help me! Years ago, EGM was a great magazine, but that changed. Now… well, you saw KI's list.

MegaMan: But what can we do?

Sushi: Just get me out of here, we'll think of something/

Shoe: So, you found him.

Shoe is inexplicably dressed as the emperor from Star Wars.

Sushi: Shoe!

Shoe: Come to the mainstream side. There is nothing to be gained from making a good magazine.

Sushi: Never!

MegaMan: Although I knew exactly how evil you were, and still agreed to work for you, I won't let you do this!

Shoe: There is nothing you can do. The mass market is all that matters, all that will ever matter. The old EGM serves no purpose in today's world.

MegaMan: Again, even though as someone who sold every system I owned to buy an N-Gage QD I have absolutely no basis for acting so much better then you, I won't let you continue this evil empire!

Shoe: I'll give you enough to buy an N-Pack.

MegaMan: Okay, pleasure working for you.

MegaMan leaves.

Sushi: Gris! That's the third time that happened!

And so MegaMan gets his backpack, and I vent some of my frustration at what used to be my favorite magazine. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	8. MegaMan and the Chocolate Factory

Episode 7: MegaMan and the Chocolate Factory

It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High. MegaMan and his friends are at lunch.

Sigma: School, I have an announcement to make. As you may have guessed when I lobbied to allow oxygen to count as an acceptable school lunch, this school is low on money… STOP EATING!

The students hold their breaths, except for Zero who mumbles something about robots not breathing.

Sigma: That's better. Anyway, I've entered a promotional deal with a factory. There will be five special tickets hidden in special cases of their product, and whoever finds them will get a special trip to their factory/

Zero: Yeah yeah, Willy Wonka parody, everyone's done that. What do we have to find in this version?

Sigma: Golden tickets in chocolate bars from Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory. It's one of the benefits of this show not making profit, no copyright laws to follow. Now go and find those candy bars, KI's trial for copyright infringement is about to start!

The students leave and go to 7-11.

MegaMan: Well, act one will probably be filled up by us looking for those tickets, so we might as well get started.

MegaMan buys a Wonka bar and opens it. All five tickets fall out.

MegaMan: Never mind.

Roll: Since you got all five tickets, who are you going to take?

Ceil: Well I can't go, I'm allergic to chocolate.

MegaMan: Really?

Ceil: No, I just made that up to hide my feelings since I know I won't be chosen.

ProtoMan: Oh, um, I'm allergic to chocolate to.

MegaMan: Really?

MegaMan crosses ProtoMan's name off his guest list.

MegaMan: Okay, I'll take Roll, Zero, Axl, and for some reason Bass.

It's the day of the tour. MegaMan and his friends are assembled outside of the factory. Willy Wonka comes out.

Willy: Okay, time for our tour! Has everyone got a guardian?

MegaMan: No. Light and Wily are on a tour of another chocolate factory, and no one remembers or cares about Dr. Right.

Willy: Well, although this factory is a death trap with absolutely no safety precautions, oh well. Come on in!

The students go inside, and the tour begins.

Act break.

Act 2:

Willy: Now, let me show you around the first room of my factory. That's my smasher, I use it to smash cocoa beans. That's my electric death ray, I use it to make shock tarts. That's my lava pit, I use it to heat uranium.

MegaMan: What is the pool full of box jellyfish for?

Willy: They keep the sharks in check.

Axl: Who works here? This place is full of lawsuits waiting to happen, and coming from a MegaMan Jr. High student that's saying a lot.

Willy: The workers here are all oompa loompas.

KI: Tell them I hate them.

Willy: They came from a magical place, full of fire, and brimstone, and ET cartridges. Now they work in my factory, eating nothing but candy and judging people who are overweight.

The oompa loompas come out and start to sing.

Oompa Loompas: Oompa loompa dobbidly doo,

We are self righteous and ready to judge on a cue,

If you break any of the factory rules,

We'll throw you out like bitter teachers at school

Roll: MAKE IT STOP!

Willy: Anyway, let's get on with the tour.

The group enters a room filled with fudge and rusty, sharp gears.

Willy: This is where we make fudge for our chocolate bars. Or that's what I tell everyone anyway, I just like all the dangerous, safety rail lacking machinery.

Bass: Can I have some chocolate?

Willy: No, all you won is a tour, I'm not giving away consumables! Now come on, we have another room to see.

The group leaves, but Bass stays behind.

Bass: I don't care what he says, I'm taking some!

Bass takes an already wrapped chocolate bar from a table. This activates a moving floor that hurls Bass into the machinery.

Bass: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

The oompa loompas come out.

Oompa Loompas: Oompa loompa gobbilldy deen/

Bass: I really, really need medical attention…

Oompa Loompas: That's what you get for playing in the machines!

Bass: I just took a candy bar!

But the oompa loompas have left. Cut to the rest of the group in the next room.

Roll: Where'd Bass go?

Willy: Don't worry about that, I've taken every precaution.

Cut to a pile of legal disclaimers.

Willy: Anyway, look at this room!

The room is full of dachshunds.

Roll: They're so cute!

Willy: Yes, I use them to ward off the badgers, this is where I make my twinkies with the special ingredient, badger nip. Now, let's move on.

The group moves on, but oompa loompas pop up and block the exit before Roll can get through the door.

Oompa Loompas: Oompa loompa diggidy dedog,

You should not attempt to pet the dogs

Roll: I didn't pet the dogs! And besides, there's a "Please feel free to pet the dogs" sign! This is gender stereotyping!

But the oompa loompas capture her. Cut to the next room.

Willy: This is the only room in the factory that isn't filled with unnecessary danger. Nothing interesting here, let's move on into the next room, I promise that one's filled with potentially fatal traps.

Axl coughs.

Oompa loompas: Oompa loompa dillidy dat,

Do not think that we didn't hear that!

The oompa loompas capture Axl. Cut to the next room.

Zero: MegaMan, I think something weird is going on. Over half of us are gone.

Willy: Don't pay attention to that, look at this room!

The room has several nuclear warheads in it.

Willy: This is where I make everlasting gobstoppers! For the price of a regular piece of hard candy, I can make a candy that lasts forever! I plan to make it so expensive only the five richest kings of Europe will be able to afford them.

Zero: This seems really, really dangerous.

Willy: Nonsense! Nothing can go wrong, because I accepted the fact that this would probably destroy the city ahead of time.

Voice: Warning. Explosion imminent in 5,4,3,2…

Zero slashes the bombs. For no logical reason, this deactivates them. The oompa loompas come out.

Oompa Loompas: Oompa loompa giggity/

Zero: Just capture me, I'd rather go quietly then destroy you and have to put up with another two seconds of your singing!

Zero is taken away.

Willy: Well MegaMan, this ends the tour.

MegaMan: What happened to my friends?

Willy: They were bad children, they deserved to be enslaved! With their candy bar taking, and female being, coughing, and saving the city! But you, you made it all the way through. How would you like to take control of this factory?

MegaMan: But I want my friends back! I need them, that week Zero was on vacation I forgot how to breathe!

We hear a shout from behind a locked door.

Zero: We don't breathe!

MegaMan: See?

Willy: Look, you have a choice. Become my heir, or suffer the consequences.

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan: Fine, I'll fight you!

Willy: Then I have no choice. OOMPA LOOMPAS! ATTACK!

The oompa loompas form a single entity. Text saying "Miasmic Evil Candy Creators: Oompa Lord" appears and the Zelda boss music starts playing.

MegaMan shoots his blaster. It goes right through the oompa loompas.

Willy: You can't defeat my minions!

MegaMan: Maybe not, but judging by the Zelda music, something in this factory can!

MegaMan runs away. The oompa loompas chase after him.

MegaMan: If I don't defeat the oompa loompas, my friends will be trapped here forever! Now think, what do evil, self righteous creatures who live in chocolate factories fear most? Of course! Dachshunds! And what does every chocolate factory have? A room full of dachshunds!

MegaMan runs, dodging the oompas loompas almond clusters. He reaches the dachshund room.

Oompa Lord: Your time is up. You could have joined our master, but instead you defended your friends. Now you must also become a pez dispenser!

MegaMan: Dachshunds! Attack!

The dachshunds just sit there, looking cute.

Oompa Lord: Pathetic.

The Oompa Lord is closing in. But MegaMan hears a voice.

Unknown: DIE!

A speeding blur crashes into Oompa Lord. He falls apart, turning back into individual

oompa loompas.

MegaMan: Bass!

Bass: Those stupid things left me there in the gears! It finally threw me out, conveniently at the perfect time to destroy Oompa Lord.

Willy: That had nothing to do with it! All my machines are programmed to eject people caught in them in the most dangerous, likely to hit someone way possible!

MegaMan: Anyway, let our friends go!

Willy: Never! I may be a normal person with no powers, but/

The dachshunds lunge at him.

Willy: Why noooowwww….

Zero appears.

Zero: It's simple.

Zero hits a self destruct switch.

Voice: Factory self destruct sequence initiated. All people and oompa loompas, but not dachshunds because dogs simply can not be hurt in comedies, must evacuate immediately without pressuring Zero for an explanation.

One evacuation later:

Willy: All I wanted to do was fill a chocolate factory with dangers and evil creatures. Is that so wrong?

Zero: Yes.

Willy: Fine, I'll express my evil with another business!

And so Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory leaves Rockman city, the dachshunds left to form their own country, the oompa loompas are locked in the maximum security jail with ClownMan and PunMan, and Willy Wonka goes on to be the president of Fox. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High Revolution!


	9. The Scary Movie

Episode 8: The Scary Movie

It's Friday at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: Class, your assignment this weekend is to find five different types of rocks, identify them, and throw them through Sigma's window. Class dismissed.

The students file into the hall.

MegaMan: Another week of school is over, I hope nothing/

We hear a crashing noise.

MegaMan: Gris!

Roll: Don't worry, it was just Sigma throwing a rock through ElecMan's classroom window.

MegaMan: Good. So what do you want to do this weekend?

Roll: Is there a new Dino Boogie out?

MegaMan: No, but they'll probably announce and release one by tomorrow.

Ceil: Then let's go see it!

It's the next day, and MegaMan and his friends have gathered.

MegaMan: Well, we missed Dino Boogie LVII: Dino Boogie Raps About Eating a Balanced Breakfast, which was announced, released, and left theatres last night. But Dino Boogie LVIII: Dino Boogie vs The Big Bad Wolf comes out in an hour.

Zero: Why would dinosaurs be afraid of wolves?

MegaMan: Because this is a _big, bad _wolf!

Cut to the kids at the movies. We see the screen.

Radical Rex: Only one thing could have killed this sheep.

Farmer Ben: The monster! Killing a poor, innocent sheep that I was going to slaughter for meat.

Bodacious Bronto: It must be… the BIG BAD WOLF!

Rex: We'll stop that vicious monster! Right after I have a snack.

Rex eats Farmer Ben.

Tubular Triceratops: Okay, let's track him down… by doing the DINO BOOGIE!

Seven consecutive musical numbers later:

Linka: Okay, we have the trap set! We'll capture that evil, sheep killing wolf right after I have a lamb chop.

A shadowy figure approaches.

MegaMan: I'm about to see the wolf for the first time…

Axl: I'm about to shoot the screen out of boredom.

The wolf appears on screen.

MegaMan: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Axl: Sorry, forgot my shot homes in on the closest robot.

MegaMan recovers from the blast and looks at the screen.

MegaMan: aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! I'm too scared to even use capitals!

Later that night:

MegaMan: I'm too scared of the big bad wolf to sleep! And I really wish the movie didn't get cut off and replaced by Dino Boogie LVIX: Dino Boogie Installs Aluminum Siding right as Radical Rex was saying "Normally everyone who so much as saw that wolf in a movie theatre would be certain to die, but thank to this one thing you can absolutely only learn from me, we'll be safe…"

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan: I can't get to sleep, every time I close my eyes I see peaceful darkness, I just know the big bad wolf is lulling me into a false sense of security!

MegaMan gets out of bed and goes to Light.

MegaMan: Dad, I can't sleep. I saw something scary in a movie.

Light: Just tell me all about it.

MegaMan tells Light what happened.

Light: And this was a _big, bad_ wolf?

MegaMan: Yes.

Light: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Light runs into his room and hides under the covers, holding a shotgun.

MegaMan: Now what am I supposed to do?

Light: Go guard the front door! Take this to be safe…

Light walks over to a pile of shotguns. He takes five more for himself, and gives MegaMan a blanket to hide under.

MegaMan spends the rest of the night trembling under the blanket. Occasionally, an armed robber breaks in but runs off screaming after seeing the blanket. Finally, morning comes.

MegaMan: I have to do something about this fear!

Light: Don't worry, I know exactly how to handle this.

Cut to Light and MegaMan at a psychologist:

Light: Doctor, do you have any shotguns or blankets we can borrow?

Cut back to them at the house:

MegaMan: Dad, what am I supposed to do? I have to go to school tomorrow, what if the big bad wolf gets me?

Light: That's probably not going to happen.

MegaMan: But what if a wolf gets in the same way those rabid bears have?

Light: You're just as safe at school as you are here. Now it's time to get ready for bed.

After loading all the shotguns, MegaMan goes to sleep. He wakes up the next day.

MegaMan: I can't do it, that long walk to school, what if a wild wolf appears? I don't even know what Pokemon type to use against them…

The bus crashes through the kitchen wall.

MegaMan: Right, I don't walk to school.

MegaMan arrives at school.

ElecMan: Class, we're going on a field trip.

MegaMan: Oh no! We must be going to a place where I'll encounter a wolf!

ElecMan: No, we're going to an active volcano to play chicken with the cursed lightning rods in the middle of a large scale military battle.

MegaMan: What a relief.

And so MegaMan makes it through a day at school. But when he returns home…

MegaMan: This is horrible, I can't live the rest of my life in fear!

As MegaMan says this Sigma fires a huge missile at him that narrowly misses.

MegaMan: I have to do something, this feeling of danger is overwhelming!

MegaMan walks through the mine field Wily set up.

MegaMan: I need to conquer this, I can't spend the rest of my life thinking something's out to get me!

MegaMan walks past the Madden loving reviewers who call his games rehashes. He reaches his house.

Light: MegaMan, I made a decision. There's only one thing we can do to overcome our fear! Earlier today, I went to the NRA. They didn't have good psychological counseling, but after that decided what we need to do: we will kill every wolf in this city!

Act break.

Act 3:

Light: Okay MegaMan, time to go hunting!

MegaMan: Is it really necessary to kill every wolf in the city because of what a corny movie told us?

KI walks in.

KI: The message here is about fear and ignorance inherent to people, not entertainment bringing about those things. And remember, only YOU can start forest fires.

MegaMan: Don't you mean stop?

KI: No. Cities forever!

KI leaves.

Cut to MegaMan and Light in Legends Forest, the place that took weeks to drive to previously, but is now next door.

Light: Okay, now remember. To find wolves, we have to think like wolves. So keep a look out for any weakly built pig houses or girls in red hoods, that's where we'll find them.

Light and MegaMan search the forest, but find none of these.

Light: Fine, forget the bait, let's just aimlessly wander.

Hours of searching and one acquiring of the hadouken later:

Light: I don't understand it, what are we doing wrong?

Light sits down and takes off his glowing, dog whistle emitting hunting coat.

Light: This is horrible, I really felt like wolf meat tonight.

MegaMan: Wait, aren't we supposed to be afraid of wolves?

Light: Right, right…

A wolf walks up to them.

MegaMan: AAAHHH! Wolf!

KI: Woohoo, I topped the Berenstain Bears song for most obscure reference!

Light: Okay wolf, time to go back where you came from, Okami!

KI: Twice in a row!

Light points the blanket firing shotgun at the wolf.

Zero appears.

Zero: Stop! Axl told me everything! You can't turn back time by compressing a tree stump so the rings are reduced, don't try… WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT WOLF?

Light: Conquering our fear!

Zero slices the gun in half.

Zero: This is the worst thing you've ever done, and that includes the other time you almost shot a wolf!... Well, maybe it's tied.

Light: But wolves are evil, didn't you see Dino Boogie?

Zero: Yes, but through therapy I managed to forget most of it. Anyway, wolves aren't evil, they pose hardly any danger, and none if you're in your house!

MegaMan: Are you saying a movie about singing dinosaurs wasn't scientifically accurate?

Zero: Yes!

Light: I don't believe you!

Light fires the blanket shotgun. But nothing happens.

KI: Like I said last episode, canines can't get hurt in comedies.

Light: I don't care! This wolf is a danger to society!

A huge earthquake starts. The ground splits open and Light is left hanging onto the edge.

Light: Help!

All hope seems lost. But then the wolf grabs him by the coat and pulls him to safety.

Light: Thank you so much. I've learned my lesson, I'll never hurt or be afraid of wolves again.

KI: But remember, they're still wild animals. That's why he saved you, a dog would have known not to rescue you from my pit.

KI pushes Light into the pit.

Light: Aaaahhh…

Light falls out of sight, then he falls from the sky and back into the pit again.

KI: Now you stay in that loop and think about what you did!

And so MegaMan conquers his fear of wolves. Well, presumably anyway. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	10. The Ultimate Evil

Episode 9: The Ultimate Evil

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High. The students are in astrology with CrystalMan.

CrystalMan: Okay, it's time to look into my crystal ball again. I really hate this part…

CrystalMan screws off his head and puts it on the table.

CrystalMan: Okay, let's see what's coming up in the future.

Images appear on CrystalMan's head.

Roll: This looks really familiar…

Zero: It's an episode of Full House. All CrystalMan can pick up is TV re-runs.

CrystalMan: Don't mock my powers! Are you saying YOU could have predicted that Peter Brady would confess to his parents that he broke the vase?

But before Zero can answer, a strange image appears on CrystalMan's head.

Voice: It is coming. An evil greater then any of you have ever seen. Tomorrow afternoon, it will come from the sky, a terror greater then this town has ever encountered. It will happen tomorrow.

MegaMan: I thought we were watching Full House, why are we suddenly hearing the speech Bill Cosby gave about rap music?

Zero: I think that was a real prediction.

Bass: Only one way to find out/

Zero: I have a better way. Let's just assemble outside tomorrow, instead of whatever insane plan Bass came up with.

Bass: Hey! Aside from the jell-o, hedgehogs, Michael Jackson, and cowboy hats that's exactly what I was going to say!

Cut to everyone waiting outside the next afternoon.

MegaMan: Okay, here it comes. We have to brace for the ultimate evil.

Tommy Tallarico appears.

MegaMan: AAAHH! Get away from me! Nothing can be more evil then you, nothing! Absolutely nothing!

KI: And now, the **SUBTLE FORESHADOWING** dancers!

A kick line goes across the screen.

Roll: I can see it! Something in the distance!

An object is hurtling towards the characters from the sky.

MegaMan: This is it…

With a loud crash, something collides with the ground.

Ceil: What is it?

Axl: It's a… person…

MegaMan: And he looks like he's inside a… sandbag?

Unknown: I have come. You shall now know the meaning of true terror!

Zero: Wait, I've seen him somewhere before… NO!

Unknown: Your death is at hand, it is my mission in life to destroy all of you! Face the wrath of… **Jack Thompson!**

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan:… Who?

Jack: Allow me to introduce myself. Ahem,

You can have your Sigma,

Your Tommy Tallarico!

My name is Jack/

MegaMan: We've already heard this song!

Jack: Fine! Ahem,

I'm Jack Thompson. I'm so evil and against gaming that Lieberman thinks I'm too extreme. I hate gaming and everyone involved in it! Also, if you follow me I can protect the gaming industry!... Why doesn't anyone ever fall for that?

Zero: Because I held MegaMan back from jumping to accept your offer.

Sigma: What do you want from us?

Jack: Only YOUR TOTAL DESTRUCTION!

Sigma: Hang on a second…

Sigma and Wily discuss it for a minute.

Sigma: You can't have it.

Jack: That's video game characters for you, always refusing my reasonable offers, always starting trouble, always sentencing me to be the sandbag in Super Smash Bros Melee!

Cut to the SSBM world:

Link: Think I hit it too hard?

Mario: Nah.

Cut back:

Jack: I WILL destroy you, make no mistake!

MegaMan:…How?

Jack: Oh, you'll see. You'll see…

Seventeen unsuccessful lawsuits later:

Sigma: You're not a threat! You're the most incompetent enemy we've ever gone up against! And our last enemy was a Dino Boogie movie!

Jack: I'll defeat you! Somehow…

An inter-dimensional void appears.

Zero: Something's coming out of it!

Axl: It's… a SNES controller?

MegaMan: But it has those things KI locks you up in jail for claiming games are still played with!

Zero: Yes, (shudder) joysticks.

KI: I was wondering when this would arrive.

Zero: What's going on?

KI: It's a joystick SNES controller, the red symbiote of our dimension.

Zero: That doesn't make any sense.

KI: Well, as you know, I control this dimension with a SNES controller. Basically, this is an evil version of the most powerful artifact in our realm.

MegaMan: Ooh, can I have it?

KI: No. Only a being of pure evil can possess it. We're just lucky no one here can, since we're only on episode 7 and Jack Thompson doesn't show up until episode 9.

Zero: This IS episode 9!

KI:… … … nuh-uh!

Zero: It is! Jack Thompson is right here!

KI: Then we must keep him away from the evil controller at all costs.

Jack: I grabbed it minutes ago.

KI: Gris!

Jack floats into the air. The sky turns red.

Jack: TREMBLE! I have absolutely power, and with it, I shall destroy all of you!

Zero: KI, stop him! You have a real SNES controller, the good one is stronger, right?

KI: Yes, absolutely! Someone using a SNES controller for good could easily obliterate Jack's evil one… the thing is though, I'm neutral to evil, so Jack's controller is stronger.

Jack: LISTEN TO ME! It isn't good manners to have a side conversation when a new super villain is giving his first evil rant!

Jack starts going on about how Grand Theft Auto destroyed the Roman empire.

Zero: We have to stop him!

KI: My full power is at your disposal, whatever I can do to help you I will.

Zero: Maybe one of us can use the SNES controller's true power. Can we see it?

KI: No! Mine!

KI runs away.

Jack: All hope is gone! To drive that message in, I'm going to wait 72 hours to destroy all of you for no real reason.

The characters run away.

Zero: There's only one person who can help us now: Tommy Tallarico!

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan: What makes you think he can help?

Zero: Well for one thing, the subtle foreshadowing/

MegaMan: How do you pick up on things like that?

Zero: And the Carnage reference. Somehow, somewhere, for some idiotic reason, Tommy can help us defeat Jack Thompson!

Cut to the characters at Tommy's house.

Tommy: Well if it isn't the GAYacters!

Zero: There's no time for… _Gayacters?_ Even for you that was…

A few hours of ranting later:

Zero: Look, we need your help! A greater evil has arrived, we have to team up!

Tommy: I'm not teaming up with you!

MegaMan: I'm not teaming up with him!

Zero: MegaMan, you already knew we were going to! Look, I'll explain this in the most copyright infringing way possible: it's like when Spiderman and Venom had to team up to fight Carnage.

MegaMan: What does that have to do with us?

Zero: Tommy is Venom, we're Spiderman/

MegaMan: We can't all be one person!

Zero: Look, that isn't the… fine, you're Spiderman/

Bass: I want to be Spiderman!

Zero: That doesn't matter/

Tommy: I want to be the Incredible Hulk!

Zero: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO WE ARE! The important thing is, Jack Thompson is Carnage/

Carnage: Don't compare me to him, I have feelings to you know!

Carnage walks away sulking.

Zero: Look, the point is we have to team up. Although I'm not sure what it is yet, Tommy obviously has something that we need to defeat Jack.

KI appears.

KI: I've figured it out!

KI goes into a long winded explanation. A few hours later:

KI: And THAT… is why I should get to be Spiderman.

Zero: TELL US HOW TO DEFEAT JACK YOU GRISSING IDIOT!

KI: Fine. The evil energy from the SNES controller gravitates towards anyone evil or annoying. Tommy may be able to steal some of the power from Jack. If he does that, I should be able to seal him away, so that he'll be relegated to ProtoMan status, only having an important role in a few episodes.

MegaMan: Wait, do we have any role in this?

KI: You have the most important job of all. Contact Spiderman and ask which of us gets to be him.

Jack Thompson comes crashing through the wall.

Jack: Your 72 hours are up! Time to be destroyed!

Zero: It's only been 6 hours!

Jack: All you robots are on glitches or something!

Zero: Tommy! Now!

Tommy: Face the wrath of the Incredible Hulk!

Tommy starts absorbing some of the evil energy.

Jack: That's mine! There's only room for one real life, video game related occurring villain on this show!

Zero: KI! Seal him!

KI: I understand completely.

KI throws a Pokeball.

KI: Seel! Attack!

Zero: NO!

Jack takes his power back from Tommy, and knocks Tommy unconscious.

Jack: Did you REALLY think that video game characters could defeat the worst lawyer in the world?

KI: Wait a second, I made an error in the math when I was calculating the power levels. Turns out I'm actually ten times more powerful then Jack.

Jack: No one can defeat me! I'll destroy you, AND I'll get to be Spiderman!

KI: SNES… CONTROL!

Jack Thompson and all the traces of his power vanish.

KI: And once again, team work proves to be useless.

And so the day is saved. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	11. The Kid Destroys Valuable Object Plot

Episode 10: The "Kid Destroys Valuable Object" Plot

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that is why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

ElecMan points at a complicated mathematical equation that takes up the entire chalkboard. The bell rings.

ElecMan: Class dismissed, tomorrow we find out why kids like Apple Jacks.

MegaMan goes home.

Light: MegaMan, come look at this photo album!

MegaMan looks at it.

MegaMan: Why did you post photos of your face over all these famous inventors?

Light: I didn't!... They're crayon drawings of my face. Anyway, the point is, this is a record of all my accomplishments!

MegaMan: But they aren't yours.

Light: Yes they are! Photo manipulation was my major!

MegaMan: But these aren't photos.

Light:… I flunked out of college, I got my doctorate as a prize in a McDonald's Happy Meal, satisfied now? Anyway, the point is that this album is the most important thing in the world to me.

MegaMan: More important then your children?

Light: Of course not! I consider one of my children. Anyway, I'm putting it away now. Remember, never break it!

MegaMan: Why would I break it?

Light: Because of the episode title.

And so MegaMan goes to sleep. The next day he wakes up and finds a note from Dr. Light:

Note: MegaMan, after thinking about it I decided that I need a different doctorate then my Happy Meal one, and I'm setting out to get it. I'll be at Burger King, see you at dinner time.

MegaMan: I wonder what I should do today?

MegaMan turns on the TV.

TV: Hey kids! Is this you?

We see an orange.

TV: It doesn't have to be! With nothing but a photo album, some scotch tape, and $1,000 you can have a great time! And here's how/

SearchMan: This is SearchMan with breaking news: a man with armed with a skull tank has refused to leave a local Burger King, ordering 700 consecutive Happy Meals and demanding a doctorate. Sources say he also tried to pay with something called "KI Funbucks"…

MegaMan switches off the TV.

MegaMan: I don't have $1000, only 5000 KIs, but maybe I can have fun with the photo album and scotch tape.

MegaMan goes to get the photo album and some tape.

MegaMan: I wonder what I'm supposed to do?

MegaMan puts some tape on the book.

MegaMan: This is pointless.

He takes the tape off. But…

MegaMan: NO! I ripped off part of the cover! The part that says "if this text can be seen without opening the book, it should be considered stolen property" is gone! I'm doomed!

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan: I have to fix it!

Axl comes down the stairs.

MegaMan: Axl, I need your help! I broke Dad's photo album! He'll be furious if we don't fix it!

Axl: Maybe, but I think he'll be more furious if I'm late bailing him out of jail.

Axl leaves.

MegaMan: Okay, don't panic. Think, who would know how to fix this? Who is the most logical, intelligent person on this show?

Cut to MegaMan at Tommy Tallarico's house.

MegaMan: Tommy, can you fix this photo album?

Tommy: I can't help you now! I put Peggy's favorite sweater in the blender, set it on fire, let some dogs chew on it, and then there was an accident! I have to fix it!

Tommy runs away.

MegaMan: Okay, I have another plan.

Cut to MegaMan at KI's house.

KI: Look Tommy, I'm not going to fix that stupid… oh, it's you MegaMan.

MegaMan: KI, I need your help! I broke a photo album and only you can fix it!

KI: Maybe I'll do it… for a price.

KI pulls out a treasure map.

KI: If you follow this map, you'll find an incredible treasure. Get me the treasure, and I'll fix the album.

MegaMan: Deal!

Cut to MegaMan in a sunken ship at the bottom of the ocean:

MegaMan: Okay, according to the map, the treasure is 5,000 miles north, starting from a sunken pirate ship.

MegaMan walks 5,000 miles. He ends up behind KI's house.

MegaMan: Here it is!

MegaMan opens the treasure chest. A golden SNES with jewel encrusted controllers is inside. MegaMan brings it to KI.

KI: Well done.

KI plugs the SNES into a TV and turns it on. Nothing happens.

KI: It doesn't work! Piece of junk!

MegaMan: Maybe you should put a game in/

KI: Deal's off!

KI throws the golden SNES away. MegaMan leaves.

MegaMan: Now what am I going to do? Dad will be home any minute, and the photo album is still broken! I have only one option…

MegaMan puts the photo album back where it was.

MegaMan: And hopefully, Dad will never know it's there, just like the emergency numbers.

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan waits anxiously for Light to come home. Eventually, he does.

Light: I'm just saying, if they don't want people to demand mass amounts of kid's meals, they shouldn't make the ketchup packets so hard to open!

Axl: I know Dad, you've been going on about that all the way home, but I can't make the judge see the connection.

Light: Hello MegaMan, I'm home. I didn't get a doctorate, just some bachelor's and master's degrees.

MegaMan: Hi Dad. Want to go to sleep without checking the photo album again?

Light: MegaMan, I haven't even had dinner yet. I'm going to Burger King.

Two hours and several thousand more dollars in bail later:

Light: Okay, I've had a long, productive day. Time to take a quick look at the photo album/

MegaMan: Dad, you don't want to look at that old photo album.

Light: Why not?

MegaMan: Um… it's bad luck to look at a photo album before bed!

Light: WHAT? I did that last night! Gris… gris… we're cursed!

MegaMan: Dad, I think we'll/

Light: No time for talk now MegaMan! We need to overcome this curse…

17 hours of intense rituals later:

Light: Okay, I think we're safe.

They go to sleep. The next day:

MegaMan: I did it! I got away with it!

Light: MegaMan, since we're not going to sleep soon, let's look at the photo album!

MegaMan: Now what am I going to do?

MegaMan thinks.

MegaMan: Dad, you can't look at the photo album now!

Light: Why not?

MegaMan: It's… bad luck to… look at it… when… … Shouldn't we save it? It will be more special if we only look at it every 20 years or so.

Light: Well, that's absolutely ridiculous. We need to wait at least 30.

MegaMan: I did it! I got away with it!

Someone kicks down their door.

Intruder: If you have a photo album, LOOK AT IT!

MegaMan: Oh for the love of/

Intruder: LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT IT! LOOOOOOOOOKKKK AT IT!

The intruder pulls out a shotgun.

Light: I guess we have no choice.

Light gets the photo album.

MegaMan: Well maybe he won't notice the small fading/

Intruder: WHERE'S THE SECOND PART OF THE WARNING?

Light: That's a good question. I could have sworn it was here. Maybe it just faded over time/

Intruder: THAT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE PUT TAPE ON IT! CHECK YOUR SON'S ROOM FOR TAPE! DO IT!

Light checks.

Light: MEGAMAN!

MegaMan: I confess! Dad, I broke the photo album! I'm so sorry.

Light: Well so am I.

Light throws the photo album, the completely unharmed photos still in it, into the fire.

Intruder: Well, my work is done. Now I'm going to find someone and force him and his girlfriend to look at her favorite sweater.

The intruder leaves.

Light: MegaMan, I'm very disappointed in you.

MegaMan: I know.

Light: You really violated my trust.

MegaMan: I'm sorry.

Light: You're grounded for two weeks, and don't let me ever catch you using my scotch tape without asking again!

And so another thing happens. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	12. The Genie

Episode 11: The Genie

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: Okay class, today's homework assignment is to research alternative energy methods. My power has been cut off for weeks, and it's not like I'm made of electricity!

Zero:…

ElecMan: Class dismissed.

The students file out.

Roll: What are you going to do for your project MegaMan?

MegaMan: What I always do: rummage through dumpsters and bring in whatever I find.

Ceil: So that's why you brought in a used Madden instead of a report on Elf Wars II…

MegaMan: I didn't find an old Madden game in the dumpster!... I bought it with the five cents I got for a can in the dumpster.

Zero: Wait a second, Ceil's name is spelled Ciel!

KI: Ciel is a human, Ceil is a robot otherwise identical to Ciel. That's the convenient excuse, anyway.

It's the next day, right before school. MegaMan is rummaging through a dumpster.

MegaMan: Ooh, this looks interesting!

MegaMan takes one of those lamps that's supposed to be "ordinary looking", although everyone knows what it is since no one's used those lamps for anything except genie stories in hundreds of years. MegaMan goes to school.

ElecMan: Okay class, let's look at your projects.

ElecMan looks at Ceil's brand new energy source that can power everything and is completely renewable.

ElecMan: The case you put it in is dusty! You fail!

MegaMan: Oh no, my lamp is dusty to! I know what I have to do…

One unsuccessful laundry machine cycle later:

MegaMan: I guess I'll have to rub the dust off.

MegaMan rubs the lamp. The dust comes off, nothing else happens.

ElecMan: And what's your project?

MegaMan: An old style lamp.

ElecMan: Well, reverting to oil for lighting would be even worse environmentally then sticking with our towns Hydroelectricdolphin plant, but it isn't dusty, so you pass.

MegaMan: The dumpster pulls through again!

One week later, MegaMan is searching the dumpster for something that was thrown away to bring in for a recycling project. After many hours of searching, MegaMan finds another ancient Arabian style lamp.

At school:

ElecMan: I don't care if you did find a way to turn old cans into food that cures all diseases, your invention is still dusty!

Ceil: It's powered by dust!

ElecMan: No excuses!

MegaMan: Uh-oh, better rub my lamp clean.

MegaMan rubs the lamp. It starts shaking. A cloud shaped entity pops out of it.

Genie: I am the genie of the lamp!

ElecMan: Raise your hand before speaking!

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan: Wow, my very own genie! That's never been a plot on a show before!

Genie: Yes, and now you get three wishes!

MegaMan: I wish/

Genie: Wait, wait, there's something I'm supposed to tell you: no wishing for more wishes until you reach the fourth wish.

Zero: But that means you can't/

Genie: Yeah, our lawyers said using a catch-22 to prevent it was safer then just forbidding it. Anyway, go ahead and make a wish. Virtually unlimited power is at your disposal, ANYTHING you want can be yours, ANYTHING!

MegaMan: I wish I had Disney's Aladdin game on Sega Genesis!

KI: That is the absolute stupidest wish I've ever heard. You should have wished for a SNES port of the Aladdin game on Sega Genesis.

Genie: Done!

A Genesis cartridge appears.

MegaMan: Woohoo! Now, deciding what to wish for with my next two wishes will be a little harder…

Later, after school ends, MegaMan is at his house. The other characters on the show are crowded around him, waiting to see what he wishes for.

MegaMan: What should I wish for next?

Zero: One billion dollars? Something to protect you from the school's blatant corruption? I mean, ElecMan gave you a 500 page report on those reploids you had to rescue in X6 and X7 just because your genie talked without raising his hand.

MegaMan: You're right! I could use the genie to do something about that! I wish my report was finished!

Genie: Done!

A 500 page report giving every single reploid a compelling back story appears in front of MegaMan.

MegaMan: Yes! Now, what to do with my final wish…

Zero: Just make it, we know it's going to be something incredibly stupid.

MegaMan: No, I want this wish to be special…

MegaMan thinks and thinks.

MegaMan: I wish for…

KI: Hurry the gris up! I've had writer's block on what the make the wish for over a week!

MegaMan: I wish for… a sombrero!

Genie:… Um are you/

KI: GRANT IT!

The genie makes a sombrero appear. MegaMan puts it on.

Genie: Well, my work here is done.

Zero: Wait! We still have the lamp, why can't other characters make wishes?

KI: That always annoyed me. Why didn't Aladdin just have someone else wish the genie free? And how can an elephant get so drunk from one mouthful of heavily watered down champagne? And why the gris didn't the Power Rangers ever fight Rita or Zed/

Zero: Look, the point is… you know, I hate to go off on something so random, but I really hated that on Power Rangers also. WHY? WHY! Why couldn't they show a real… anyway, MegaMan, you should let us make wishes also.

MegaMan: Okay, I guess that can't have any negative effects.

MegaMan hands the lamp to Sigma.

Act break.

Act 3:

Sigma: At last! I have power! I can wish for ANYTHING! Ahem. I wish I could be on American Idol!

Cut to Sigma on stage:

Sigma: …so remember my name,

That name is Sigma!

Simon: That is the third worst rendition of that song I've ever heard!

Cut back to the characters assembled at MegaMan's house for some reason.

Sigma: Now, for my second wish. I wish/

Genie: You already used all your wishes!

Sigma: Gris! Why did I make the same wish three times? Oh well, apparently I improved slightly. Okay, who wants the lamp next?

Zero: Let me have it.

Zero takes the lamp.

Zero: I wish the people on this show could be reasoned with.

Genie: Sorry, that's one of the things I can't do. Rule 1: I can't do anything to permanently interfere with the show. Rule 2: There have to be three rules. Rule 4: Make LUE references absolutely no one reading this will get.

Zero: Come on, you just made those up! Why didn't you say them earlier?

Genie: Look, I'll compromise. I won't grant the wish, but I'll count it so that you only have two left.

Zero: You stupid cheating… never mind. Wish 2: I wish for a new sword.

Genie: Done!

A new sword appears in Zero's hands.

Zero: Okay, wish 3, I/

Zero lunges at the genie and starts slashing him.

Zero: I'll teach you to cheat me out of a wish!

Genie: OW! Get off!

Zero eventually gets tired of slashing.

Zero: Okay, third wish: I wish for a sombrero.

Everyone:…

Zero: It was going to be wasted anyway.

Zero hands the lamp to Dr. Light.

Light: I wish I could create a robot that could truly think for himself.

Genie: Done!

A clone of Zero appears.

Light: Red? I don't like red robots/

ProtoMan: (Sob)

Light: I wish he was gone.

Genie: Done!

The clone disappears.

Light: I wish I could create a blue robot who could truly think for himself!

Genie: Done!

X appears.

Light: Nah, that's not the right shade of blue. I wish he was gone.

Genie: Done/

Zero: That was four wishes!

Genie: I don't know how to count, the three wishes rule is an honor system thing.

KI: My turn!

KI grabs the lamp.

KI: I wish for a SNES port of the Aladdin Genesis game!

Genie: Done!

A SNES cartridge appears.

KI: Yes! Second wish: I wish I had complete control of this dimension!

Genie: Done/

Zero: You already have complete control!

KI: You're right. This genie is worthless to me, making it worthless to everyone!

KI throws the lamp away. Then he uses his power to make a sombrero. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	13. The School Newspaper

Episode 12: The School Newspaper

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that concludes my lecture on the natural game elements: fire, ice, and electricity.

IceMan and FireMan leave.

ElecMan: And now, an important announcement. We're starting a school paper!

Roll: Can I be editor?

ElecMan: Well, the plan was to just hand out blank sheets of paper and telling students to use their imagination, but I guess so.

Cut to the students assembled in the newspaper room.

Roll: Wow, this is really big. I thought they'd try to rip us off, with the school's "Bring Your Own Oxygen" policy and everything.

Zero: This room is also the teacher's lounge, janitor's closest, and setting for our class trip to the grand canyon.

Roll: Oh. Anyway, we need to think of ideas for stories!

MegaMan: How about a recurring parody series about Dino Boogie characters in Jr. High?

Zero: They already made a TV series out of that. And it wasn't a parody.

Bass: I want to be a reporter! I'll print fair and balanced articles about how MegaMan is responsible for the War of 1812!

MegaMan: That's only half true!

Roll: We can't have this newspaper printing half truths! This newspaper is the first plot I've had a major part in since the one where Ceil was introduced!

Bass: You'll pay. I'll get control of this paper, mark my words!

KI: Okay.

The **SUBTLE FORESHADOWING** notice appears.

MegaMan: Can I be a reporter? One time, I figured out the villain in a Scooby Doo episode!

Roll: Okay, you can be the reporter.

Ceil: Can I be an advice columnist?

KI: Nah, I can milk an entire episode out of that.

Roll: Ceil can be the regular columnist. Someone has to write all that filler that no one reads in real life, and won't even be shown in this show.

ProtoMan: I want a job!

KI: Be grateful you got a sentence!

Roll: Zero, you can be the political cartoonist.

Zero: Fine. But I better not get censored.

Roll: I promise, absolutely no ing censorship.

Bass: I want a job!

Roll: Well, I guess you can be/

KI: No he can't. You're the one who told me to mark your words, and once the **SUBTLE FORESHADOWING **is there, you can't erase it.

Bass: You'll pay! You'll all pay for what KI, and only KI, did to me!

Bass storms out.

KI: Okay, positions are set, future plot twist is blatantly given away, we're all set for an act break!

Hens love roosters, burgers love onions, everyone else/

KI: Wrong button.

Act break.

Act 2:

Roll: Okay, it's time to get started on the first issue of the MegaMan Jr. High Daily Cliché!

MegaMan: I'm going to get an exclusive interview with Sigma!

Cut to MegaMan in Sigma's office.

Sigma: This better be important! I was in the middle of thinking of a way to lure you into my office so I could destroy you!

MegaMan: I need an interview for the school paper.

Sigma: Paper? This is the first I've heard about a school paper! If you want people to know about the first issue of the paper, you should advertise it! Put an ad in the school paper for it!

MegaMan:… Moving on, can I interview you?

Sigma: Fine. It seems like I've gotten nothing but bad press ever since I went on that violent rampage at a press conference.

MegaMan: Okay. What are your responses to claims that this school is unsafe?

Sigma: I'd say that they should think before making accusations like that. I have connections.

MegaMan: Do you have any comments on the walrus incident?

Sigma: Look, we needed the ivory!

MegaMan: How about the low quality of classes?

Sigma: We're doing the best we can with the resources available! I'd like to see you do a better job teaching!

MegaMan: I trained Rush to fetch.

Sigma:…You win this round…

MegaMan: What is your response to the hippo incident?

Sigma: Look, we needed the ivory!

MegaMan: One last question: Is it true that the Sigma virus was made with evil energy?

Sigma: Look, we needed the ivory!

Cut to the school newspaper room. Roll and her staff are assembled as the first paper is printed, and JunkMan is getting a mop.

Roll: Okay, our first issue is just about to be printed!

MegaMan: I hope I'm not bringing this up too late or anything, but why don't we make this a website instead?

No one listens. The paper is printed and distributed. The next day:

Roll: The paper is doing great! It's already more respected then GamePro!

Zero: And my cartoon got turned into a UPN series… which was already canceled.

MegaMan: Sigma is giving out free copies to the teachers instead of health insurance!

Ceil: And ironically, many of them had to go to the emergency room due to paper cuts.

Bass storms in.

Bass: You're all going to pay now! After hours of strategic plotting, I saw a kids show that had a plot just like this!

Zero: Hey Arnold?

Bass: No, it was live action. Really corny dialogue to, and absolutely no subtlety. I think the main character's name was O'Reily. Anyway, the point is:

I will start my own newspaper! And destroy yours!

Act break

Act 3:

Roll: What makes you think people will choose your newspaper over ours? We've got quality! Just look/

The newspaper Roll picked up crumples into dust in her hands.

Bass: My newspaper will be fair and balanced! It will stand up to the blatant propaganda in your paper!

Bass points to another copy of the paper. The front page says "MegaMan not responsible for War of 1812, claim 70 of scholars".

Bass: And the newspaper will be just the beginning! Soon, I'll have my own TV show! In fact, forget the newspaper!

Cut to Bass on the set of a talkshow.

Bass: Welcome to The Bass Factor! Your source for fair and balanced propaganda!

Cut to the other students watching the TV.

Roll: I can't believe this! Bass has taken control! All our sponsors left, we're through!

We see the headline of the most recent paper. It says "Final issue of The Daily Cliché! More details next issue."

MegaMan: Well what are we supposed to do about it? Should I start another war between the US and England?

Roll: No, I've got a better idea. I'll go on the show and debate Bass!

Zero: Over what?

Roll:… I'll think of something.

Cut to the set of Bass' show.

Bass: Tonight, on the Bass Factor! A debate between myself and the owner of The Daily Cliché, or should I say The Daily Flop/

Someone in the audience throws a chair at Bass.

Bass: Anyway, her paper went bankrupt because it wasn't **fair and balanced!** Please welcome Roll!

Roll walks onto the stage.

Roll: You're going to pay, Bass. I will destroy you, rip you to shreds, ruin your life! That'll show you to overreact to something!

Bass: Whatever. My first question: What made you think your pathetic little school paper was even worth publishing?

Roll: What made you think this broom closet counts as a real set?

Bass: SHUT UP! Anyway, we have more important things to talk about. Like the fact that YOUR NEWSPAPER TOOK BRIBES!

Roll: What are you talking about?

Bass: You just "happened" to accept money from Safeway, and then "coincidentally" you devoted an entire page to a glowing review of their store!

LaughtrackMan: GASP!

Roll: That was an ad!

Bass: This is a **no spin zone!** We aren't interested in your mumbo jumbo "reasons" here!

Roll: This is ridiculous.

Bass: Is it? Then explain THIS!

We see Zero's political cartoon, blown up on a projector.

Bass: That cartoon is pure filth!

Roll: All it is is a note from Zero saying he didn't bother to write a cartoon.

Bass: EXACTLY! People of the audience, the message is clear: **Roll's newspaper is filled with false advertising!** We were promised a cartoon by Zero, and we didn't get it! What do you have to say to THAT?

Roll:… Bass, that's the cartoon you hired Zero to draw last night.

Bass:… CUT THE MIKE!

Roll: There isn't any mike. And there aren't any cameras either.

Bass: But… um… NOOOOOOOOOO!

Bass falls to the ground.

Bass: I admit it! I never had a show! I just told the networks and special guest stars I did, and then taped the interviews and had the networks air them!

Roll: Then… it sounds like you did have a show.

Bass: Well, not really. You see, the network was Fox/

Roll: I understand completely.

The next day:

Bass: Well, my show is over.

Roll: And my newspaper is gone.

Zero: My show was picked up by Adult Swim, I'm rich now.

And so another thing is started and ends by the end of the episode. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	14. MegaMan Moves Away Part 1

Episode 13: MegaMan Moves Away Part 1

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's how Sigma wasted all the ivory. Class dismissed.

The students go home, walking past the ivory spike sculpture that's gathering dust on the ground because no one can touch it without exploding. MegaMan reaches his house.

Light: MegaMan! I have a very important dinner tonight with my boss!

MegaMan: I thought you were self employed!

Axl: I didn't think you had a job.

Light: What are you talking about? Everyone knows I work for Capcom, and that Capcom is a robotics company in this reality. Anyway, their new president is coming to dinner, and he's incredibly corrupt. I could be fired if things don't go perfectly!

MegaMan: Who's the new president?

Light: Some maniac who took over the corporate headquarters by force, demanding a MegaMan X9.

KI walks in.

KI: Sorry I'm late, I was "convincing" Nintendo to tell me the release date of New Super Mario Bros.

We hear a sound coming from KI's car.

KI: You know what I want, Iwata!

Voice: I'm Kojima! You went to the wrong/

KI shuts the door.

KI: Okay, time for the dinner I'm using as a lifetime performance review.

Light: But… school just ended! It's only 9:28AM!

KI: No excuses!

Light: This isn't good…

We hear more sounds from KI's car.

Voice 2: Let us out! I don't work for Nintendo either, I'm not even a game designer!

KI: I figured that out, but since I already captured you, Matt, I want to know what state Springfield is in.

Voice 3: At least let me out! What do you want from me?

KI: You didn't give me enough ketchup packets! Now be quiet, Bushnell!

KI thinks for a moment.

KI: Well, you got lucky Light, you have until I get back from returning everyone. Normally I'd put it off, but, well, the car is stolen and everything.

KI leaves.

Light: Okay MegaMan, we have to get everything ready for dinner! We have to pull out all the stops:

One call to Pizza Hut later:

Light: Okay, we're ready. My entire career, and by extension our ability to continue to live in RockMan City, depends entirely on this dinner!

Act break.

Act 2:

KI walks in again.

KI: Stupid corrupt police force. Made me bribe them for _each_ person I kidnapped.

Light: Well, don't worry about that now. I promise you that absolutely nothing will go wrong with this dinner! Absolutely nothing!

There's an explosion in the kitchen.

MegaMan: Dad! The lobsters are out of control! They formed an alliance with the turkeys!

Light: We ordered grissing pizza!

Axl: With live lobsters and turkeys on it.

KI: Well, this looks like a bad time. I'll come back another time.

KI leaves.

Light: What a relief.

10 seconds later:

KI: Okay, I'm back. Impress me.

Light: Now what are we supposed to do?

MegaMan: Try stalling.

Light: KI, is it okay if we wait a few minutes, hours, years, etc. for dinner?

KI: No! I can't wait forever!

Light: Well if you're hungry, there's a Cliché Mart right next door/

KI: I'm not hungry at all. The sole purpose of this dinner is to put pressure on you.

We hear another explosion from the kitchen.

Axl: MegaMan, this isn't a good time to work on your science project!

We hear screams and a voice saying "I will devour all humans!" Then more explosions.

Axl: I mean it! Stop playing that tape recording you made from that low budget 50s sci-fi movie!

MegaMan: But I need it! That movie is the basis for my argument against genetic engineering!

KI: Now may not be the most un-needlessly evil time to bring this up, but I'm allergic to pizza.

Light: Really?

KI: No, and I'm not actually going to eat anyway. Just adding another condition to make your life difficult.

Light: Okay, I need to think of something. I guess I have no choice. It's a little early to use this, but…

Light holds up a SNES emblem.

Light: **DEUS EX MACHINA!**

Cut to Light, KI, MegaMan, Axl, and for some reason Nolan Bushnell sitting at a table, a complete dinner prepared.

Light: Looks like everything turned out okay.

KI: Well, I guess I can't find any justification to fire you. And I of course try to be fair in my running of this show.

We hear a warning siren go off. Everyone goes outside.

Zero: The Eurasia colony is about to crash into RockMan City!

Sigma: My plan is working! Soon, Zero will awaken to his true self! Now, to teleport to safety!

Sigma presses a button. Nothing happens.

Sigma: My teleportation program is gone!

Wily: You removed it so that you could install an Atari 5200 emulator, remember?

Sigma: NO! I'm doomed!

KI: Calm down. I'm fully capable of stopping the colony from destroying RockMan City. Light, just use a Deus Ex Machina emblem.

Light: I… already used this episode's…

KI: WHAT?

Light: It's not my fault! You didn't even mention they existed yet!

KI: Fine.

KI takes out an emblem with a picture of an onion on it.

KI: **PARODY OF THE FLANDERS SONG!**

Tornado Tonion appears.

Tonion: DEM emblems are a plot gimmick for this episode, a reason for Light to get fired.

Tonion leaves.

KI: You heard the tonion. There's nothing I can do.

The space crashes into RockMan City. The entire town is destroyed. KI fights his way out, and uses an emblem with Mr. Spacely's picture on it.

KI: LIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHTTTTT! You're fired!

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan: My Dad lost his job? This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me!

The camera zooms out and we see the post apocalyptic RockMan City.

Light: You can't fire me! You know why? Because I quit!

KI: Fine. That way I don't have to give you severance pay.

Light: Gris!

MegaMan: What are we going to do? Without your job, how will we pay for our house?

Axl: You mean that smoldering heap where the colony landed?

Light: I can't believe I lost my job. I've had that job since the first episode…

Zero: Actually, you've only had it since act 1. It was just a setup so that you could get fired.

KI: Shouldn't you be virus possessed right now?

Zero: Why bother? You know that you'll just ignore the effects of the colony crashing.

Light: Well, I guess I don't have a choice. We're going to have to… move.

Act break mini!

It's the next day at school.

Roll: You can't move away MegaMan! All our lives revolve around you!

Bass: Yeah! I wanted to make you have to leave by beating you fair and square! Or by blackmail. Or mafia connections. Or KI firing Light because the dinner itself was messed up. But not like this!

Roll: We won't let this happen! When have we ever failed when we set our minds to something?

Zero: We still have the Battle Chip Club. Other then that, we've failed at everything.

Roll: Oh. Well, we succeeded once! And we can again/

Wily: You have a secret Battle Chip Club? Detention for everyone!

And so the Battle Chip Club is finally closed down. Stay tuned for the next sentence.

Roll: We need a plan!

Ceil: I think I have an idea…

Cut to the kids in MegaMan's basement.

MegaMan: Making counterfeit KI Funbucks was a great idea!

Roll: It's a perfect plan!

There's a knock on the door.

Sergeant Officer: This is a raid!

The police burst in.

Officer: I knew it! This is the paper that got stolen last week! You kids are in a lot of trouble, unless you bribe me with all your counterfeit money.

And so the counterfeiting scheme ends.

Roll: I'm sorry MegaMan, we tried our best.

MegaMan: I know. But it looks like I'll have to move anyway. Take this to remember me by.

MegaMan gives Roll Light's unemployment check.

Light: Okay MegaMan, it's time to go.

MegaMan, Light, and Axl get into the family skull tank. ProtoMan gets into his wagon tied to the skull tank. They drive away, off to their new lives.

Axl: Dad, don't you think you should have gotten a house, or job, or at least some idea where we were moving to before we left?

To be continued.


	15. MegaMan Moves Away Part 2

Episode 14: MegaMan Moves Away Part 2

Previously on MegaMan Jr. High, a colony crashed into the city. RockMan City and the Earth in general were devastated. Zero's dark past has been revealed, and every human on the planet is in danger. The apocalypse could very well have arrived. This leaves one question on everyone's mind:

What will happen to MegaMan after he moves away?

It's another day on the highway from the intro stage in MegaMan X1.

MegaMan: Are we there yet?

Light: No.

Axl: Do you know where we're going yet?

Light: No.

Axl: Are we going to be stuck with _him_ forever?

Nolan Bushnell is sitting in the back seat of the skull tank.

Light: Enough questions! Look, I know this is a difficult time for all of us, but we have to stay positive! No matter how dark things look, we have to face them! There's a light at the end of the tunnel… a Dairy Queen! Hallelujah!

Light gets some food and the robots crush the plastic balls in the play area into fuel.

Light: Okay, we got through that horrible ordeal. Now we just have to find a home and job.

Light starts the skull tank up and they continue driving. Cut to MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that class, is why we don't allow guns in school, because KI banned them.

KI: You got it wrong, I banned _puns_.

Zero: Well that's ironic.

Roll: Things just aren't the same since MegaMan left.

Bass: I know. I mean, I knew the entire point of my existence was to destroy/upstage him, but I had no idea I would feel empty when he was gone.

KI: You should all be ashamed of yourselves, forcing MegaMan to leave.

Zero: This was all your fault!

KI: One retcon emblem could change that.

Wily and Sigma walk in.

Wily: KI! Detention!

KI throws a SNES at Wily.

Sigma: It's no use, it's just not the same as giving MegaMan detention. He didn't throw stuff at us.

KI: WHAT? You tried to give me detention? I just threw that at Wily for fun!

KI throws an Xbox at Wily.

Sigma: That's it, throwing a SNES is one thing, but throwing things that could actually break is entirely different! I'm calling an assembly!

Cut to everyone assembled in the auditorium.

Sigma: School, as you know, we are faced with a crisis: the main character, name sake, and next week's lunchroom helper of this school has left!

Wily: As you know, this school's entire purpose is to destroy MegaMan. Without him, there is no purpose. So we have only one option, grim though it may be…

Sigma: Indeed. There **will not be a cafeteria helper next week!**

Ceil: That's insanity!

Sigma: I agree. So there is only one reasonable course of action: from this act forward, MegaMan Jr. High… will be closed.

Act break.

Act 2:

We see Light's skull tank still going down the highway.

Axl: I think we forgot Rush.

Light ignores Axl.

Light: Okay, I've got an idea of where we're going to live! My minor was in law/

Axl: Didn't you get your diploma in a Happy Meal?

Light: So I've decided to get a job as a lawyer.

MegaMan: I think I speak for everyone when I say my main concern is how long will it take for us to get there?

Light: Well, it's in a distant solar system in another dimension. And I heard traffic is moving pretty slowly.

MegaMan: Awww… I hate traffic jams.

Light: So it's settled! I'm going to work at the law firm in/

Someone jumps into the car.

MegaMan: Who are you?

Unknown: Wire Sponge, this town's Tornado Tonion. Ahem,

KI wrote another comedy fanfiction called Samus Aran: Attorney at Law that he hasn't gotten around to posting on this site yet. It will come eventually. It was basically Harvey Birdman: AaL with video game characters.

Light: So anyway, I'm getting a job there.

Cut to Light at the Federation law office.

Adam: Gris! Not you again!

Light: I've never been here before!

Adam: But I know who you are! You're KI's minions!

Light: How did you know?

Adam: This is a galactic embassy, not a law office!

Someone barges in.

Bubsy: My client Scorpion is starting a character defamation suit against/

Adam: AAAAHHH! Leave! All of you!

One drive back to the MegaMan Jr. High world later:

Light: Well, that didn't work. And it's not like there are any jobs for lawyers in the United States, guess I'll have to try something else.

Something comes on the radio.

Voice: Are you unemployed? Nowhere to live? Desperate?

Light: Yes!

Voice: Bad heart? Felony record? One week to live?

Light: I'm willing to do that!

Voice: Then come to RockMan _X_ City! The best place for pathetic losers!

Light: That's it! That's where we can move to!

MegaMan: Why do you say that?

Cut to Light and family in RockMan X City.

MegaMan: Wow, things are so different here!

Axl: Yeah, the crazy people predicting the end of the world are quoting religious texts instead of GamePro.

Light: Our new life awaits! Now the ad didn't say exactly say where to go for a job, so let's just knock on doors until we find something.

Many annoyed people later, Light finds the town hall. He goes to the mayor's office.

Mayor: I was hoping you'd come.

Light: How did you know about me?

Mayor: I know many things. Did you know Luigi actually does appear in Mario RPG?

Light: No, I couldn't get past the first Bowser battle.

Mayor: Well, welcome to my city. My name is **Lumine!**

MegaMan: Who?

KI: From MegaMan X8. GO BUY IT!

Act break.

Act 3:

Lumine: Light, I'd like to hire you as this town's main robotic designer. It's a suspiciously great job.

Light: This is great!

Axl: What's behind that door labeled "Evil Secret Room"?

Lumine: Nothing to worry about. Just a monster with the potential to kill us all, only being confined by a flimsy door. It's not anything suspicious.

Light: Axl, stop trying to cause problems! Girly-Voice here might be offended!

Lumine: Yes, there's no reason to be suspicious. This is a completely ideal situation being presented in part 2 of a 3 part episode, what could go wrong?

MegaMan: I still have one concern: The Evil Secret Room containing a horrible monster is open.

Lumine: Don't worry, when exposed to light, all the monster can do is take the form of a master plan to conquer the world. Now, it's been a long day, why don't we just transition to RockMan City so that you can get some rest.

Cut to RockMan City.

Zero, Bass, Roll, and Ceil are standing in an alley.

Zero: Yep.

Roll: Yep.

Ceil: Yep.

Bass: Norm!

Roll: Things have been boring since school closed down.

Ceil: And this King of the Hill play isn't keeping my interest.

KI walks up.

Bass: How's life treating you Mr. Instinct?

KI: I heard you complaining about being bored, and letting that continue would just be mean! So I'm going to have the villains attack defenseless children.

Tommy Tallarico and Peggy Hill show up.

Tommy: With MegaMan gone, WE control this city!

Peggy: Prepare to toil all day reviewing Madden games and trying to comprehend my horrible Spanish!

Roll: We have to do something!

Zero: None of the villains on this show are a real threat. And MegaMan was a pathetic hero. I could defeat every villain on this show without even trying.

While Zero was talking, he inadvertently defeated Tommy and Peggy.

Ceil: Well, that's over. Now what do we do?

KI: Curse you all! Our lives are ruined because of your disregard for MegaMan's feelings!

Zero: I told you, this was all your fault!

KI: I warned you!

KI holds up an emblem with a picture of Zero's grave on it.

KI: RETCON!

MegaMan now had to move away because Tornado Tonion forgot his birthday.

KI: Meh, close enough.

Someone appears on the horizon.

Roll: It can't be!

MegaMan: I have returned! Everything is back to normal!

And so another plot is wrapped up in the most satisfying of ways. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!

…

Just kidding.

To Be Continued


	16. MegaMan Moves Away Part 3

Episode 15: MegaMan Moves Away Part 3

Previously on MegaMan Jr. High:

New Super Mario Bros, the first new 2D Mario in over a decade, is coming out on May 7th!

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

Roll: It's great to be back!

Zero: I think we should have told Sigma and Wily. The school is still closed down, and I don't think this robot phobia support group that rented the building likes us being here.

Ceil: So MegaMan, how did you come back anyway?

MegaMan: GET OFF MY CASE! This is a witch hunt!

Zero: I know, that's what this room was rented for. Now let's get MegaMan Jr. High reopened.

Roll: Bass, hasn't MegaMan seemed a little weird since he got back?

Bass: LEAVE ME ALONE! My fingerprints were on that crime scene when I got there!

MegaMan: Look, there's nothing to be suspicious about. I can prove I'm the real MegaMan: ask me a question about a plot device thrown in at the start of the episode that I'm supposed to know about.

Roll: There isn't one.

KI: And I'm not using another retcon emblem this episode!

Zero: You haven't used a retcon emblem yet in Part 3.

KI: RETCON! Now I have!

MegaMan: I'm real! Why would you even suspect that I wasn't?

Zero: Some of us have played MegaMan X8.

KI: Not nearly enough…

KI walks off cursing casual gamers.

MegaMan: Look, let's just transfer to RockMan X City… WHICH HAS NO SIGNIFICANT CHARACTERS THERE!

Cut to RockMan X City.

Light: Okay MegaMan and Axl, time for your first day of school in this new city.

The school bus crashes through the wall.

Axl: We're on the third floor of our new house…

QuickMan: Get in! School starts in five minutes!

MegaMan: Didn't you used to be the bus driver at MegaMan Jr. High?

QuickMan: Yes, until that jerk KI made me the only recurring Robot Master to actually die.

MegaMan and Axl get on the bus.

MegaMan: I wonder what our new school will be like…

The bus crashes through the classroom wall.

Gigabolt Manowar: Welcome to MegaMan X Jr. High, not affiliated with MegaMan X High from the spin-off showcase. Today's class topic will be being suspiciously nice to our new students.

After a suspiciously great day at school, MegaMan and Axl go home. They find a note from Light.

Note: I'm going to be home late from work. My job has been going so great I forgot your names! Just kidding, Rocky. Go ahead and order pizza for dinner, I left something for the delivery guy on the table: a baseball bat. Be home soon, no need to investigate Lumine's dangerous building if I'm not.

Axl: MegaMan, doesn't this seem a little suspicious to you?

MegaMan: Yeah, we usually use the stun gun on the pizza guy.

Act break.

Act 2:

Axl: I think we should take a look around Dad's new office.

MegaMan: But the note said not to, and I'm tired from jumping off a bridge like the earlier note said to.

Axl: Look, something really suspicious is going on.

MegaMan: That doesn't mean we have to do anything! Next you'll be telling me to turn off the faucet I left running when we left our old house.

Axl: Let's just go.

Cut to MegaMan and Axl in Lumine's office building.

MegaMan: It's so dark, I can't see anything!

Axl: That is kind of weird, since it's 2:00PM.

MegaMan and Axl stumble around until they hear a voice.

Lumine: Okay, time for our discussion about my master plan.

Green Devil: Sir, don't you think we should have gone somewhere where the employees can't hear us, instead of just turning out the lights?

Lumine: Silence! Anyway, has the "other" been implemented?

Green Devil: Yes, the MegaMan clone was sent to RockMan City, but I don't see why we had to involve them at all/

Lumine: I said silence! If I wanted your opinions, I would have hired you instead of pulling you off the street just now! Anyway, Light's work should be almost finished. Soon, soon my master plan will unfold!

Axl: I knew it! This was all a ridiculously convoluted trap!

MegaMan: Now let's not jump to any conclusions, we need to make sure we have reliable information first. (MegaMan raises his voice) Hey Lumine, is this a trap?

Lumine: Intruders! Don't let them escape!

Axl tries to escape, but MegaMan listens to Lumine and stops him. Cut to MegaMan and Axl in a jail cell.

Lumine: I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, having to use my antique jail cell. But so be it. Soon, I will control this entire dimension!

Cut to MegaMan Jr. High:

Roll: Zero, you have to listen to me! I just know MegaMan's been replaced with an evil clone!

Zero: I know you're upset, but you have to think it through logically. When you do, you'll see there's only one realistic conclusion: I don't grissing care!

We here a voice coming from MegaMan.

Voice: Bring me KI!

MegaMan: On a completely unrelated subject, how can I get KI to appear?

Roll: Please Zero! You're the only one who can do this! You have to think of a way to defeat the MegaMan clone!

Zero: No! I'm tired of getting involved in this dimension's garbage!

Roll: Please! Wouldn't Maria want you to save us?

Zero:… Who's Maria? But fine, I'll help. MegaMan, here's how you summon KI.

Zero whispers something to MegaMan.

MegaMan: Okay! (MegaMan raises his voice) SNES is overrated! No one would play it if they didn't have nostalgia for it, graphics matter! Face it!

The room grows dark. KI appears, an aura of flames surrounding him.

KI: I HAVE FURY!

KI throws a spike at MegaMan. He turns into a circle of blue orbs and explodes.

Roll: The evil clone was defeated!

Zero: That was a clone?

Roll: I really, really hope so.

A hologram appears.

Lumine: I have the real MegaMan as my prisoner! If you don't come to my fortress, I'll destroy him!

Several days of inaction later:

Lumine: Fine, fine. SNES SUX!

Cut to all the regular characters assembled at Lumine's fortress.

Roll: It's time to end this Lumine!

Lumine: Things have barely begun!

Zero: We're a few sentences away from Part 3 Act 3, I think it's safe to say things are almost over.

KI: Look, the important thing is/

Lumine shoots a beam at KI.

Lumine: Yes! YES! It's working! My copy technology is complete!

Lumine turns into KI.

Lumike Bow before your new ruler!

Act break.

Act 3:

KI: Oh come on, that's a rip-off! You only change one letter to show my part?

Luminke: SILENCE! I am ruler now! And if you pronounce it right, it's Lu-min-kay, that has half your name! Anyway, my plan has come to fruition! I planned all of this!

MegaMan: You made me move away? YOU MONSTER! THAT'S THE WORST THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE!

Luminke: Step one was inventing my copy technology, so I could turn into anyone and gain all their powers! Step two was to get Light to perfect it! Step three was to take a coffee break. And step four was to test Light's technology by making a MegaMan clone, and at the same time bring KI to me!

Zero: So you set things up so that Light would have to move?

Luminke: No, that was a coincidence. Come to think of it, there was a pretty big gap in my original plan, but oh well. The important thing is, I now control this dimension!

MegaMan: You'll never get away with it!

Luminke: That's what you think!

Cut to MegaMan strapped to that clichéd James Bond table with the laser moving towards him.

Luminke: Why did this happen? I just wanted to destroy you!

KI: You're bound by the rules of cliché.

MegaMan: I have to think of a way out of this…

The laser reaches MegaMan, and does nothing. He's a robot.

Luminke: Blast!

For some reason, the laser not killing him frees MegaMan.

MegaMan: Give up Luminke! We've been down the "someone steals KI's power" plot before, he's already had three evil clones!

Luminke: But this time is different! I copied not only KI's power, but his knowledge of clichés!

Zero: Then why'd you initiate this cliché?

Luminke: SILENCE! I do understand clichés! And I know how to make my victory permanent!

Luminke attacks KI. Somehow this causes a cloud of dust so thick that all the other characters lose track of who is who.

MegaMan: Who's the real KI? KI, or Lumine with a KI painted on his armor?

Luminke: Go ahead and choose. Destroy one of us.

MegaMan:… How? You're both in control of this dimension?

Luminke: JUST DO IT!

MegaMan aims his blaster.

Zero: NO! DON'T! I c wut Luminke did there! He's invoking the "evil clone defeated in one episode turns out to be the original" plot! KI will be the one destroyed, and since it's a cliché, we won't get out of it, and… why the gris should I care? Go ahead.

MegaMan aims again. He's about to destroy KI when…

Luminke: NO! Why is this happening?

Luminke's power short circuits. He turns back into Lumine.

Lumine: WHY! I did everything right! EVERYTHING!

KI: I can answer that: Light is completely incompetent, you idiot! Why the gris did you choose him to complete your project?

Lumine: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Lumine: Okay, maybe I didn't do everything right, in hindsight there wasn't really a reason to make myself self destruct if I ever turned back after taking KI's/

Lumine explodes.

Light: And once again, incompetence saves the day!

Roll: KI, can MegaMan move back to RockMan City now?

KI: No! I'm not taking the time to travel back there!

Zero: You mean taking a split second to teleport?

KI: I'll do the only humane thing: Destroy RockMan X City and move RockMan City here.

And KI does that.

MegaMan: At last, everything is back to normal. But I feel like I forgot something…

Zero: Light still doesn't have a job?

MegaMan: No, not that.

Cut to MegaMan's old house. It explodes from all the water inside from the faucet MegaMan left on.

And so everything is wrapped up! Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	17. MegaMan Gets a Dog

Episode 16: MegaMan Gets a Dog

It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that episode of the Disney version of Doug is what the "have main character get a dog and cram a moral in, even though he already has one" plot was stolen from. Class dismissed.

MegaMan leaves and starts the walk home.

MegaMan: I hear a weird sound coming from those bushes. I wonder if it's a stray dog?

MegaMan investigates.

MegaMan: Just a person.

MegaMan leaves, the person trapped in the bush yelling for help. MegaMan reaches his house.

Light: MegaMan, did you just leave a person trapped in the carnivorous bush outside?

MegaMan: Yes…

Light: You know that isn't good for the bush! Go to the store and buy some more carnivorous bush seeds!

So MegaMan goes to the store. Outside, he sees a dog tied to a poll.

Dog: Woof I'm a clown!

MegaMan: Poor doggie, you must be hungry. I'll get you some food. I think there's a hotdog vendor down the street.

PunMan: You can't feed him that! That's cannibalism!

MegaMan: They're not really made from dog meat.

PunMan: In RockMan City they are.

MegaMan feeds the dog PunMan.

MegaMan: I wonder if this dog is abandoned. (he checks the dog's collar) "Owner: PunMan"… I'd better take this dog home.

MegaMan takes the dog's leash and twirls it around, pretending to be a cowboy. Then MegaMan picks up the dog and goes home.

MegaMan: I brought a dog home!

Light: That will balance out nicely, I think Rush was in that package I just mailed. But remember, having a dog is a big responsibility, not like having kids.

MegaMan: I took care of Rush without any problems.

KI: But the clichéd plot wasn't initiated then. Taking care of this dog will be much harder, it will be a huge responsibility, not like controlling a dimension.

MegaMan: I can do it! I've never forgotten to do something!

KI: That reminds me, I think Lenny and the other workers are still trapped in Ranger.

MegaMan: Anyway, I wonder what I should name this dog?

Light: I think his name is on the collar. His name is "Rabies Vaccination Overdue".

MegaMan: I thought of a perfect way to name him! I'll anagram the letters that start the words in that name and an er at the end. This leaves me with the most original dog name ever, Rover!

Light: Well, let's get some dog food, it wouldn't be very responsible not to have anything to feed Rover.

Light leaves his chocolate acid beaker on the 6 inch high table and he and MegaMan leave the dog alone in the house while they go to get some dog food.

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan and Light return home. Rover bumped into the table, but is otherwise fine.

Light: Now MegaMan, I expect you to take responsibility for this dog. Whenever he has to go, you have to take him out or into a room I don't frequently visit. If he's hungry, make sure he doesn't whine for food and annoy me. And if he eats your homework… I'll write a not making sure that you aren't penalized in any way.

MegaMan: I can do it! I took care of Rush.

Light: Rush doesn't eat or have to go out. And somehow you still let him leave a mess on the carpet.

Rover starts chewing on the couch.

MegaMan: I fed you PunMan barely a page ago!

Light: Well do it again!

MegaMan gets out the PunMan flavored dog food they just bought and gives Rover a bowl.

MegaMan: This will be easy.

Rover ignores the food and keeps chewing the couch.

Light: MegaMan, do something! I hate that couch, but it's the principle of the thing!

MegaMan: Rover! Bad dog!

Rover keeps chewing the couch.

MegaMan: Here boy, get a treat!

Rover finally stops chewing the couch.

Light: That's better. Now, don't think that having a dog gets you out of your other chores!

MegaMan: I'll do them right now.

MegaMan starts chewing the couch.

It's the next day. MegaMan is at school.

MegaMan: I got a dog!

Bass: Big deal, I found a dog in a mailbox!

MegaMan: Was it Rush?

Bass: No…

ElecMan: Speaking of dogs, I had one named Sparky/

KI and Zero do a double team attack on ElecMan for the pun.

Roll: What kind of dog is he anyway?

MegaMan: A text based one!

MegaMan's cell phone goes off.

ElecMan: I told you, no phones in class! They remind me of how lonely I am.

MegaMan: But it's from Light.

ElecMan: I don't care if it's from a telemarketer! You still can't answer it in school/

The bell rings.

ElecMan: Well this is still school, even if class has ended/

A bulldozer rams into the wall.

Sigma: Out of the way! I'm building an American Idol stage, and I need to warm up my bulldozer!

MegaMan goes home.

Light: MegaMan! Look what your dog did!

The dog is holding onto the mailman's leg with his teeth.

Mailman: Help me!

Light: I told you, I want my son to see this so it can be a lesson!

MegaMan: Rover! Let go of the mailman!

Rover doesn't listen.

MegaMan: I'm sorry Dad.

Light: The important thing is that you tried. We'll think of a solution later.

MegaMan and Light leave, the mailman still being bitten.

Light: MegaMan, I think we should consider sending Rover to obedience school. He just won't listen, and I don't want to get rid of him, I already built a dog house for ProtoMan to move into!

MegaMan: Okay, I guess we can try obedience school.

Act break. (does every grissing act have to end with a joke?)

Act 3:

MegaMan and rover are at an obedience school.

DrillMan: I am your instructor! I used to be a dentist, but I got fired for forgetting to use pain killers when I drilled a patient's head off. I am here to make your dogs functioning members of society! They will no longer attack mailmen, eat homework, have accidents in the house, or chew up your cliché books!

DrillMan takes out a huge crate. He pulls some mailmen out of it.

DrillMan: This first training exercise is to get your dog not to attack strangers! It's going to be tough, so don't be afraid of failing several times.

Rover lunges at a mailman.

MegaMan: Rover! Heel!

DrillMan: Okay, here's a sure fire way to get a dog to obey you. Change your command. Rover, tear that mailman to shreds!

MegaMan: I don't think that's what my dad wants…

Light pops out of nowhere.

Light: Yes it is, I hate mailmen to, ever since I watched Olive the Other Reindeer.

And so Rover's obedience training is over.

Light: Now all you have to do is take care of him.

KI: Initiate montage!

We see MegaMan getting up at the crack of dawn to give Rover dinner.

We see MegaMan in the middle of saving a city, but having to let the monster eat everyone so he can take Rover out.

We see MegaMan picking up Rover's droppings while Tommy Tallarico laughs hysterically in the background.

We see MegaMan desperately trying to get Rover to heel while the dog shoots a rocket launcher in all directions.

MegaMan: I can't take this any more, this dog is driving me crazy!

The doorbell rings. This confuses some people, since MegaMan is currently in school.

Bob Punman: Excuse me, I believe you have my lost dog.

MegaMan: NOOOOOOO! You can't have him back!

Bob: Aren't you curious about why I claim to be his owner? You saw the PunMan tag, and you have no way of knowing my last name.

Cut to MegaMan and Light talking to Bob.

Bob: I lost my dog two acts ago/

MegaMan: He was tied up!

Bob: And I want him back.

Light: Well MegaMan, we discussed what you'd have to do if Rover's owner showed up.

MegaMan: No we didn't.

KI: And the retcon emblem was a one story gimmick.

Light: Anyway, you know what you have to do. FIGHT BOB IN A DUEL TO THE DEATH!

Cut to MegaMan and Bob in a battle arena.

MegaMan: I won't let you have Rover back! He likes it better with me!

Bob: I'll defeat you, and get my dog back!

Bob charges at MegaMan. MegaMan charges up his blaster and launches a huge projectile at Bob. Bob is blown away.

Light: I don't know where Bob landed, and I don't feel like walking, so I'm just going to assume he's dead. Good job MegaMan, you get to keep Rover!

A battered mailman walks up to them.

Mailman: So… long… been… trying to give this to you... You put your dog in here… by mistake…

Rush jumps out of the package.

MegaMan: Rush!

Light: Well, we certainly can't take care of two dogs, the three foxes living with us might get jealous. I guess we'll give Rover back to his owner. Go with the mailman, Rover.

Rover bites onto the mailman's leg.

MegaMan: Well, I learned something from having a dog: hotdogs in RockMan city really are made from dogs.

And so I finally finish another episode, sorry it took so long, things will be back to normal speed now. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	18. You Might Not be a Redneck If

Episode 17: You Might Not be a Redneck If…

MegaMan is at home. An ad comes on TV.

Commercial: Today is town unity day! Take a day off from fighting with your neighbors and building 50 foots stone fences…

Cut to Light outside, measuring a large wall.

Commercial: And go see a movie with every important character in your life!

Light: Well, you heard the commercial. MegaMan, Axl, Rush, Walt Disney's brain, we're going to the movies. ProtoMan, you finish the wall.

Cut to all the main characters assembled outside the theatre.

Roll: What should we see?

MegaMan: Well, Dino Boogie movies are on hiatus until the get the blood stains off the Radical Rex animatronic.

Light: This looks like a good movie for an overly conservative family.

Light points at a Brokeback Mountain poster.

Zero: This isn't going to end well…

Everyone goes inside for the movie.

Announcer: Coming soon to a message board near you, Admeral Atari!

Zero: What the gris was that anyway?

KI: Abandoned idea for a series. Go check out the Johnny Turbo comics, they're funnier then any parody I could have made anyway.

Announcer: And now, what you all came here to see and enjoy, except that crazy CAP Alert guy, Brokeback Mountain!

We see an opening shot of a vast field with a huge mountain in the background.

Announcer: 150 years ago, times were different. In this remote part of Missouri/

Zero: Wait, did you even see the movie?

KI: No.

Announcer: Where two men shared a forbidden secret…

Man 1: Super powers…

Man 2: ACTIVATE!

The first 20 minutes of the film is consumed by a battle between two super heroes and a huge dragon rising out of Brokeback mountain.

MegaMan: This is great!

CAP Alert Guy: -10 points for full frontal view of characters. Being fully clothed doesn't excuse it.

Eventually the battle ends. The super heroes return to their human forms.

Man 1: Well, that's the end of the curse of Brokeback, hopefully.

Man 2: Back to our ordinary jobs.

Announcer: But these two men shared another secret. While working together as cowboys, they were lovers.

Light: WHAT?

Wily: This is disgraceful!

Light: I will not let Hollywood get away with this! I will not have my children exposed to the moral plague sweeping our nation! They will not be forced to see media with a positive view of…

Dramatic pause

Light: COWBOYS!

Zero: The sad thing is, I actually knew that was what would offend them.

Act break.

Act 2:

Light: We have to do something about this! The cowboy life style is immoral!

Wily: Yes. If people think it's okay to be cowboys, what will it lead to next? People thinking it's okay to be _themselves_?

Sigma: I say it's time for action! I still have that tank I meant to use in the War on Holidays/

Light: Didn't that war happen a little too recently to be referenced to in a comedy?

Sigma: So I say we go down to Holly_weird_/

The CAP Alert guy laughs hysterically. Everyone else is silent, and Tommy Tallarico cringes.

Sigma: And get them to pull Brokeback Mountain out of theatres!

Cut to the character's assembled outside StarMan Production Studios.

Wily: Wow, he did really well for himself after getting fired from his job directing a middle school play.

Light: StarMan! We're concerned parents and would be brutal, tyrannical dictators, and we want Brokeback Mountain pulled from theatres because of its frank depiction of cowboys!

StarMan: Who are you and what do you want?

Sigma: I know how to handle these big shot "Look at me, I'm so cultured and intelligent, my town has more then 20 residents, I don't think humanity's original language was Klingon" types. StarMan, anything may go in your fancy world, but here in REAL LIFE, we don't want cowboys crammed down our children's throats!

StarMan: I had nothing to do with Brokeback Mountain, this isn't even Hollywood, you just went up to the first building you saw outside of RockMan City!

Sigma: Regardless, we're going to do something about this!

Cut to the characters assembled at First Secular Church of RockMan City.

Sigma: We may not be able to get Brokeback Mountain out of theatres, although it turns out our local one was the only one in the country still showing it, and they're not anymore, but we still have to do something! The Cowboy Agenda is becoming too powerful, we must quell it!

Light: I suggest we start a website keeping track of every form of media that mentions cowboys. We'll pretend to be one guy who's pretending to be several people.

Wily: That's a great idea! We'll take on the whole cowboy culture!

Tommy: And I propose we call the website CRAP Alert!

A giant tumbleweed collides with Tommy and pushes him off screen.

Sigma: Anyway, let's start the website. We'll call it "Names are part of the Cowboy Agenda!"

Cut to the site's main feature:

Site: The following is a list of symbols that secretly represent cowboys. Tear apart your child's room looking for them. If you don't have children, break into your neighbor's house and tear apart their child's room.

Happy Face: Cowboys in a certain recent movie are said to be "gay". Obviously, this means they are happy. So the happy face is a symbol of them.

Dachshund: Cowboys want to get "a long little doggy"/

Tommy: Come on, CRAP Alert was brilliant compared to that!

Back to the symbols:

Pikachu: Some cowboy movie probably had a horse named Lightning in it. Therefore, the entire element is permanently associated with cowboys. Also, we chose Pikachu as the sole representative of lightning for some reason.

The Hubble Telescope: We see no need to elaborate on this one.

Cowboy Hat: Some may say this is ridiculous, but if you look at the shape they are clearly based on mountains, as in Brokeback Mountain. We see no reason why the hats wouldn't predate what they referencing by centuries.

Zero: I think a little bit of my brain died. And that's because most of it had already been killed by stupidity, this list could have killed more if I still had it.

Cut to MegaMan's house.

Light: Our website is having an impact! It got 10 hits, only 8 of which were me checking to see if it got hits! We're going to be on TV, and defeat the cowboys once and for all!

Act break.

Act 3:

Cut to Names Are Part of the Cowboy Agenda on the news.

SearchMan: We have with us tonight a group of concerned citizens who want to stop the media from glorifying cowboys. Normally, this wouldn't be newsworthy, but our network just lost a sponsorship from Pace Salsa, so we're running this story for spite.

Sigma: We are dedicated to protecting our children, or in my case, sea monkeys, from the influences of that moral plague known as cowboys!

SearchMan: So why exactly do you hate cowboys anyway?

Sigma: Well it's not just a joke about being offended for an unexpected reason by Brokeback Mountain, if that's what you're thinking!

SearchMan: So you started a website that people who take The Onion literally are sure is a joke, what's your next step?

Light: We're going to gain political influence and force cowboys out of the media. We have a foolproof plan!

Wily: We have a great add campaign, using realistic, believable images of the evils cowboys are capable of!

We see a poster with Kung Lao's hat slice fatality on it.

Sigma: The time has come to take back our country, cowboys!

SearchMan: Interesting. Well, thank you for your time.

Light: When will this be on TV?

SearchMan: Oh, I don't have a TV show.

SearchMan leaves the Dairy Queen they met in.

Wily: Maybe we should aim smaller. Focus on getting the children of RockMan City to believe that cowboys are evil. Then when they grow up, they can get the world to hate cowboys. Zero's destined for power, and the others might convince some of the people they ask for spare change.

Cut to a MegaMan Jr. High assembly.

Sigma: School, as those of you whose parents have been away for three months protesting at hat stores may know, our city is engaged in a cultural war against the Cowboy Agenda!

MegaMan: Now I'm not standing up for the oppressed or anything crazy like that, but why exactly should we hate cowboys?

Sigma: There is a very good reason! Soon, you'll be out in the real world, and have real responsibilities, like trying to destroy cowboys. Do YOU want cowboys competing with you?

Zero: In attacking cowboys?

Sigma: Yes! Now, I want you all to sign a legally binding document promising that you will devote your lives to combating the Cowboy Agenda.

MegaMan: At the risk of initiating a wrap up of the episode just because KI's tired of writing, I'd like to hear KI's opinion on this.

KI appears.

KI: I think the cowboy attacking industry is strong enough to support both cowboys and bob-cowboys who wish to join it.

KI disappears.

Sigma: And so, our war against cowboys will now truly begin!

Zero: Do you have any real reasons for us to join you?

Sigma: … … … I'll… throw in a free hat?

Zero: A sombrero?

Sigma: Out of the question!

Zero: Then I'm not joining.

Sigma: Well, if the hardest to brainwash won't join, I see no reason why the others might.

And so the group disbands.

MegaMan: It did seem like you were overreacting to a movie about gay cowboys.

Sigma: Wait, the cowboys were GAY?

Zero: Here it comes…

Dramatic music plays. Sigma's face turns red and swells up.

Sigma:… Well, I see no problem with that. You'd have to be ridiculously intolerant to be offended.

And so another ordeal ends. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High.


	19. ProtoMan Sells His Soul

Episode 18: ProtoMan Sells His Soul

It was another day in ProtoMan's cupboard under the stairs.

ProtoMan: No one pays attention to me. The last time Dad even acknowledged me was months ago when I found that quarter. Sure, he's still going on about it, but he forgot I gave it to him and is giving Bill Cosby credit now.

Light comes home.

Light: So there I was, just sitting there, when Bill Cosby came out of ProtoMan's cupboard and told me he found a quarter!

Axl: Dad, you've told this story hundreds of times. And you obviously got something wrong, haven't you seen The Cosby Show? Bill Cosby would never just give someone a quarter.

ProtoMan comes out of his cupboard.

ProtoMan: Dad, I was the one who gave you that quarter! Why don't I ever get attention?

Light: ProtoMan, you take more effort to raise then any of my children! I have to spend hours working out how to make my neglect of you funny instead of disturbing. But I think I found a happy medium.

Cut to ProtoMan roaming the desert, looking for Light's favorite brand of frozen pizza. The next day at MegaMan Jr. High:

ElecMan: Class, today we're selecting lab partners. Now I'm not one of those super-teachers who knows how many students are in the class, so if it's an even number, I will provide a stock character so that ProtoMan can be left out.

ProtoMan: Even at school I'm ignored!

ElecMan: No talking in class!

ProtoMan is momentarily elated, but then notices that ElecMan is pointing at the class' pet giraffe.

Intercom: Attention all villains! We are having a secret meeting on how to destroy MegaMan!

Cut to Sigma, Wily, Bass, ProtoMan, and every casual gamer in the world assembled for a meeting.

Sigma: We need new ideas on how to destroy MegaMan! Not even the casual gamers were able to defeat him by refusing to buy his games, someone bought 500,000 copies of MegaMan X8!

Cut to an Uncle Scrooge style vault filled with MegaMan X8 discs and KI symbols.

Sigma: So we need a fresh, innovative plan!

The casual gamers become terrified and run away.

ProtoMan: I have an idea!

Sigma: Anyone?

ProtoMan: I know how to destroy MegaMan!

Sigma: Really, I'll take _any_ idea!

ProtoMan: Will you just listen to me once? I have a brilliant plan!

ProtoMan gives a two hour presentation on a foolproof plan to destroy MegaMan.

ProtoMan: So Sigma, what do you have to say to that?

Sigma: Look, we needed the ivory!

And so the meeting ends. ProtoMan stays there for pages, feeling ignored.

ProtoMan: I'd do anything to finally have power! I'd rehash one of my previous plans, give Light another quarter, even sell my soul!

The room grows dark.

ProtoMan: Great, now a Mortal Kombat character is going to perform a fatality on me.

But much to the disappointment of an eager Scorpion, a circle of flames appears and a figure rises out of it.

Unknown: That can be arranged.

ProtoMan: A Mortal Kombat fatality?

Unknown: No! Selling your soul. I can give you the power you desire, and all you have to do is let me control you, making that power completely meaningless. I will gladly take your soul.

ProtoMan: I'll do it! The only potential deal breaker would be if you were someone so evil that just saying your name would cause an act break.

Unknown: Oh… well, you said potential, so maybe this can still work. Ahem. I am the most evil person ever on this show! Tremble before the return of **Jack Thompson!**

Act break.

Act 2:

ProtoMan: You're the Australian actor born in 1940 who had a brief role in Star Wars Episode 2?

Jack: No! You wouldn't even know who that was if KI hadn't checked Wikipedia! I am the game hating lawyer who… just go back and read episode 9! Anyway, I can give you power. All you have to do is give me your soul!

ProtoMan: Do I even have a soul?

Jack: It's just an expression. It's not like I have a soul.

ProtoMan: So humans don't have one either?

Jack: I don't see how humans are connected to this discussion.

ProtoMan: Anyway, how do I know this isn't a trap! Sure, you _say_ you just want to wreak unimaginable evil and terror, but what if it turns out you're not going to give me power?

Jack: Do I seem like the kind of person who would treat a video game character cruelly?

ProtoMan: Not anymore then that e-mail I got from enhanceyourbusterspam.bot sounded like a computer generated one. Okay, I'll do it!

Jack Thompson's evil energy flows into ProtoMan.

ProtoMan: I can feel it! True, sure to be gone by the end of the episode power!

The next day at MegaMan Jr. High:

ElecMan: Class, I know we were supposed to start work on our science projects today, but I'll be honest: I'm not sure what exactly science is.

ProtoMan stands up.

ProtoMan: Bow before me! I have absolute power!

ProtoMan makes a gigantic mountain spring up under RockMan City. It carries everything up to the sky.

ElecMan: I'm afraid of heights!

ElecMan jumps off the mountain.

ProtoMan: For countless episodes, you have all ignored me! But now, **I** have power! I am declaring myself ruler of RockMan City!

Cut to ProtoMan sitting on a throne of skulls in the burning ruins of RockMan City.

ProtoMan: So this is what it feels like to sit in KI's chair.

MegaMan: ProtoMan, you have to stop this!

ProtoMan: No! You ignored me, you're getting what you deserve!

Light: How can I deserve this? I've never seen you before in my life!

ProtoMan: SILENCE! A new era has come for the renamed Forte City/

Zero: That's Bass' Japanese name, not yours.

ProtoMan: and I will never lose control! Now go back to toiling in the password mines!

A rumbling sound is heard. Something is rising from the ground.

Jack: Well done ProtoMan.

MegaMan: AAAHHH! Sideshow Bob!

Jack: Now that I returned my power to this realm by tricking that idiot ProtoMan/

ProtoMan: I see no problems so far.

Jack: I will destroy you all! Today, you all die!

Act break.

Act 3:

Zero: ProtoMan, how could you make a deal with Jack Thompson!

ProtoMan: How do you even know he's evil? For all I know, he could have got cheated as badly as me and really be a nice, misunderstood/

Jack punches ProtoMan in the face, knocking him off the skull throne.

ProtoMan: I was being positive towards you!

Jack: I'm aware of that.

ProtoMan: What have I done?

Jack: Allowed me passage into this world! You are now my puppet, and unlike those inanimate ones I tried to use, you can't tell me I'm insane and quit!

KI: Well, there's only one option left:

KI leaves the dimension.

ProtoMan: This is my fault! I have to stop Jack Thompson!

KI returns, glowing with SNES energy.

KI: Okay Thompson, time to… oh, you said you'd handle this ProtoMan? Thanks.

KI leaves again.

Zero: I guess I'm the only one left who can stop him.

ProtoMan: I just said I was going to!

Zero: Yeah, and Wily said he was "Just going out for a pack of cigarettes" and would be back for MegaMan X6.

Jack: Stop assuming one of you is going to defeat me! This isn't like when I tried to blame Grand Theft Auto for global warming, or when I played that claw machine, I can win this time!

Zero: Take this!

Zero slashes Jack Thompson, but it's ProtoMan who gets hurt.

Zero: I won't give up!

Zero keeps attacking Jack, and ProtoMan keeps getting hurt.

MegaMan: Zero, Jack must have made it so any damage done to him is transferred to ProtoMan!

Zero: Oh, I figured that out before I even did the first slash.

Jack: I have ProtoMan's soul! I can transfer anything that happened to me to him!

Sigma: All hope is lost! This is what those Maniac Who Isn't KI Taking Over the Show drills are for!

Sigma crouches under a desk.

ProtoMan: **NO!**

Dramatic music starts playing.

ProtoMan: This is my fault, and I'm going to fix it the only way I know how! If I'm not alive/functional/whatever robots on this show are, Jack isn't invincible and can't stay in this dimension!

Wily: No ProtoMan! Don't do it!

Wily runs to ProtoMan and takes his scarf.

Wily: This should get me a few dollars on eBay. Okay, go ahead and self destruct.

ProtoMan: I'm going to do it. I have no other choice.

ProtoMan picks up an ivory spike lying on the ground.

Sigma: Ha! Told you we needed it!

ProtoMan: Since this is the only way to stop the evil of Jack Thompson/

KI pops in.

KI: Just checking to see if you need my help.

MegaMan: No, we're fine.

KI leaves.

ProtoMan: I will sacrifice myself. Maybe in death, I will finally be recognized.

ProtoMan turns the spike towards himself.

ProtoMan: Goodbye MegaMan Jr/

Jack: I'm not letting you do this! If I don't have your soul, this won't affect me!

Jack releases ProtoMan's soul.

Jack: Ha! Foolish game characters, you're far too stupid to defeat me! Now nothing can…. GRIS! I need ProtoMan's soul to stay here…

Jack is sucked away back to his void.

Sigma: We survived! Party under the desk!

Everyone leaves to join Sigma, except MegaMan.

MegaMan: ProtoMan, would you really have sacrificed yourself for the sake of us?

ProtoMan: Of course not! I was going to throw that spike at you when you weren't expecting it.

MegaMan: You say that, but I'm pretty sure you really do care/

ProtoMan throws the spike. MegaMan dodges it.

And so ProtoMan tries to take over the show again. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	20. Friday the 13th

Episode 19: Friday the 13th

The sun rises in the background on MegaMan's street.

Radio: Good morning everyone on this beautiful Friday the 13th! We'll be back later with an update on reports of the radios in RockMan City turning on at dawn for no apparent reason.

MegaMan wakes up.

Light: MegaMan, it's Friday the 13th!

MegaMan: What month?

Light: October.

MegaMan: The 13th month!

Light: And everyone on kid's shows is extremely superstitious. So remember, no taking rides from strangers, no crossing the street when the light is red, and no jumping over spikes to reach one ups or E tanks. You can go back to doing those tomorrow.

And so MegaMan goes to school.

ElecMan: Class, today the plot calls for you to actually go to a specific class. Personally, I wasn't aware there was a world outside this room, but you should be able to find your way to science with MagicMan.

The students go to a different classroom.

MagicMan: Class, as you know, today is Friday the 13th.

Bass: Was that the one with Pinhead, or Uwe Boll ( b SUBTLE FORESHADOWING! /b in it?

MagicMan: That means that WE ARE ALL IN GRAVE DANGER OF BAD LUCK!

Axl: Is there any scientific basis for that?

MagicMan: Science has nothing to do with science classes, at least in public schools!

MegaMan: Normally I wouldn't question the rules of this reality, but that E tank on the other side of the spike pit is driving me crazy. I don't think there's such a thing as bad luck, and I'm sure that will be the moral of this episode!

Zero: Yes, it will be. But most of it will be dedicated to you having bad luck, then you find a penny or something and the show pretends the message was anti-superstition.

Bass: MegaMan, I challenge you to trigger bad luck! Then when you're cursed, I can destroy you!

MegaMan: Fine, I'll break a mirror or something.

KI appears.

KI: Do you really think I'd use such a predictable plot element?

Everyone does a cringe inducing, clichéd "YES" in unison.

KI: I hope everyone fully understood that joke… anyway, the ways to trigger bad luck in this dimension are different! First, the N-Gages…

MegaMan: I already have an N-Gage.

KI: And look what your existence is like currently… Okay, next way to cause bad luck: walk under a lampshade.

MegaMan does. A laugh track goes off.

KI: Okay, final way to get bad luck, and this one is the worst: break a SNES.

MegaMan attempts to break a SNES.

After so many years that it's Friday the 13th in October again, MegaMan gives up and accepts that breaking a SNES is impossible.

MegaMan: Well, I did two out of three things to get bad luck.

Zero: That was years ago, and one of them was already in effect before Friday the 13th.

MegaMan: But I can't break this thing! What are SNESes made out of anyway?

KI: Greater things then your puny mind can comprehend. But I'll help the plot along.

KI picks up the SNES and absorbs its energy for sustenance.

KI: It's just a shell now, but if you destroy it you'll still be cursed. Go ahead.

MegaMan destroys the SNES.

KI: YOU HEARTLESS MONSTER!

And so MegaMan is cursed.

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan: So now what happens?

Zero: You go about your life as normal and see if the curse takes effect. Although since our lives have nothing in them except for the plot of each episode, that's going to be kind of difficult.

MegaMan goes home.

Light: MegaMan, you left for school 5 years ago! You're almost a year late getting home!

MegaMan: I purposely made it so that I'll have bad luck.

Light: WHAT? All our money is tied to investments now! We can't afford to have bad luck!

MegaMan: My bad luck shouldn't be able to affect entire companies.

Light: The investment was lottery tickets!

Axl: Calm down. It's not like we actually use money for anything anyway.

Light: That's beside the point! Now go back to finishing your chores, you need your vaccination shots soon and the flowers in the backyard aren't going to pick and grind themselves into medicine!

Axl: We have woodchips in the backyard.

Light: Just go! Anyway, MegaMan, I want you to get rid of the curse!

MegaMan: How?

Light: That's beside the point! Now go back to finishing your chores, that grass isn't going to mold itself into cable!

And so MegaMan goes outside.

MegaMan: I need to find some grass…

MegaMan looks through some grass. We see a bee just inches away from him. Just when MegaMan is about to accidentally grab the bee…

MegaMan: AAAAHHHHH!

A bandersnatch jumps out from under the two inch grass and attacks MegaMan. MegaMan runs for shelter.

MegaMan: I'm having bad luck!

MegaMan reaches the inside of his house. But as soon as he gets in, he bumps into the table holding Light's favorite, most fragile house lamp. It falls to the floor and shatters. Someone comes out of it.

Rita: After 10,000 years I am free! It's time to conquer Earth!

Rita leaves. Within seconds giant monsters are attacking RockMan City.

MegaMan: Maybe some TV will get my mind off this.

MegaMan turns on the TV. The War at Home is on.

MegaMan: It just gets worse and worse!

MegaMan goes outside. The sky turns red and a mother ship comes down from it.

Lrr: I am Lrr, from Omicron Persei 8! This planet is now ours! We own everything on it!

Lrr turns to another person on his ship.

Lrr: Senselessly destroy my new property!

Death rays fire all over RockMan City.

Wily: Our town is doomed!

Bass: This is all MegaMan's fault!

KI: Yeah!

Lrr: I agree!

Sigma: Well, it's settled. I declare that MegaMan… was wrong about there not being bad luck.

MegaMan: Go ahead and banish me! I don't care what you do, leaving town means nothing! That in no way upsets… wait, you're saying I was wrong? NOOOOOOOO!

Act break.

Act 3:

It's the next Monday. The bandersnatch, Rita, and Lrr are gone and the town is back to normal. But The War at Home is still on, leading to school being canceled until further notice.

Bass: I was right! Breaking a SNES did give MegaMan bad luck!

MegaMan: I need to reverse it, otherwise I'll keep having bad luck forever! What would that be like?

We see a cut away to MegaMan losing at Chutes and Ladders.

MegaMan: How can I break the curse?

KI: Play SNES on Friday the 5th.

MegaMan: Why?

KI: Because 5 is lucky, Friday is lucky, and SNES could break the curse on its own, but I added extra conditions for fun.

Cut to Friday the 5th.

MegaMan: Okay, I made it. And the only bad luck I had was when I got a paper cut from the winning lottery ticket I found in the $1 copy of Radiant Silvergun at the Dairy Queen where I got free food for life for being the 5 millionth customer. Now I just need to find a SNES.

Zero: KI has the only one in this dimension. And trust me, I've looked (**SUBTLE FORESHADOWING!**)

KI: And you can't play it! Miyamoto would roll over tied to his chair in my basement if he knew people were enjoying Super Mario World instead of using it to control dimensions!

MegaMan: Then how am I supposed to break the curse?

KI: You can't. If bad luck is real, you've have it forever.

And so MegaMan is consigned to a life time of bad luck.

MegaMan: This is horrible! I can't go through the rest of the show with bad luck, soon people will find out my horrible secrets!

Zero: We already know, you're the one who keeps buying Kidz Bop volumes.

Bass: Yeah, that was MegaMan…

Axl: We need to find some excuse to say bad luck doesn't exist. The laws of this realm are clear, if we do that everything will be normal again.

MegaMan: But I can't get anything to go my way! I even lost that $100 bill I found yesterday, someone stole it when I bought a disc containing one half of an anime episode.

Zero: No, that was how much it cost.

MegaMan: Look, the point is, I have to do something to… this is horrible, I can't even think of anything new to say!

KI: Yeah, I can't figure out where to go with this episode. And we know how it will end anyway, so…

Hens love roosters,

Burgers love onions,

Everyone else

Loves Tornado Tonion!

Tornado Tonion in:

Make Me Onion With Everything

Tornado Tonion is walking down the street. Someone is handing out flyers.

Person: Do you want inner peace? To escape from your worries? To make a major life decision based on a flyer?

Tonion: Yes, more then anything!

Person: Then try following the new movement called Onionism!

Tonion: A movement practically named after me? How lucky/

MegaMan: The curse is broken!

The screen fades back to MegaMan Jr. High.

MegaMan: Something lucky just happened, the curse is broken!

Bass: That didn't happen to you, it wasn't even in our story!

KI: Doesn't matter. In fact, the less it makes sense, the stronger the curse breaking. Everything is fixed.

Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	21. The Wedding

Episode 20: The Wedding

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's how my career in torture chamber equipment testing fell through and I decided to become a teacher. Class dismissed.

MegaMan is walking home. Tommy Tallarico comes up to him.

Tommy: Well if it isn't… let me check my book of childish, idiotic insults…

Tommy checks the book Jack Thompson wrote.

Tommy: MegaPoopy!

MegaMan: I just had a long, hard/

Tommy goes into hysterics.

MegaMan: Day at school, and/

Tommy: This won't take long. You of course remember my girlfriend, Peggy Hill/

MegaMan: I HAD repressed the memories, but go on…

Tommy: Well, we're getting married! And since you're my best friend/

MegaMan: _I'm _your best friend?

Tommy: I considered other people. Like Zero,

Cut to Zero punching Tommy.

Tommy: KI,

Cut to KI hitting Tommy with a SNES controller.

Tommy: Kirby,

Cut to Kirby hitting Tommy with a SNES controller.

Tommy: and Jack Thompson,

Cut to Tommy, Zero, KI, and Kirby all beating up Jack Thompson.

Tommy: But I chose you to be my best man.

MegaMan: Why did Kirby have a SNES controller?... Okay, I'll do it.

Tommy: Great! The wedding is on Saturday.

MegaMan: So does this mean I have to throw you a bachelor party?

Tommy: Of course not! Do I look like I'm immature enough for that?

And so MegaMan goes home.

Light: MegaMan, we got wedding invitations to Tommy and Peggy's wedding. Rush is burying them right now.

MegaMan: I have to go, Tommy guilted me into being his best man.

Light: Well, a good father would stay with his son even if he was going to face death itself. But this sounds much worse, you're on your own!

The next day at school:

MegaMan: Did anyone else get invited to Tommy's wedding?

Roll: That was an invitation? It was in crayon…

Zero: Tommy asked me to be his best man. After he did that, I punched him again.

Bass: My dad's making me go. He said it would be bad manners not to, and he wants me to steal some of the fancy napkins.

Peggy Hill bursts into the classroom.

Peggy: PEGGY HILL has something important to announce!

ElecMan: This is a classroom, you can't just barge in here! I might have been building a house of cards or baking a soufflé!... What are all these kids doing here?

Peggy: I need a maid of honor! Now, I know you both would love the opportunity…

Roll and Ceil are hiding under their desks, shivering.

Peggy: But I've chosen… MegaMan! Because PEGGY HILL is open minded enough to resort to having the same person as the best man be the maid of honor, because PEGGY HILL is too good to have any friends!

And so the plans for the wedding are made. Will this unholy union take place?... Yes, yes it will. No need for suspense.

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan: Well, to continue what I said seconds ago/

Roll: It was several weeks… er, now it's months.

Zero: No one reading this will ever know we were gone so long.

Tommy Tallarico bursts into the class room.

Tommy: WEE! Wee wee! Hahahahhahahaha wee wee! Wee! Wee wee wee wee wee…

Zero: We get it, you heard about Revolution's new name!

Tommy: Revolution has a new name?... Anyway, the wedding is on Saturday. MegaMan, I need you to hang on to the ring.

MegaMan: Why is the ring a Lifesaver?

Tommy: Because I choked when I swallowed the other one. This is very important, do not let anything bad happen to it!

MegaMan: What could happen to a wedding ring? I'll just put it in a safe place in my room.

Tommy: Good, because without the wedding ring, we can't legally get married.

MegaMan: Really?

Zero: Yes, that's made very clear in KI's book of clichés.

MegaMan: Well, I'll keep track of the ring. There would have to be a shift in the very nature of time and reality to/

Everything freezes. KI pops out of nowhere and starts spinning everything in RockMan City around.

KI: WE KNOW WHAT MARIO 128 IS!

KI shows some Super Mario Galaxy clips that everyone reading this has already seen.

KI: You may now return to your plot.

The dimension restabilizes.

MegaMan: Oh no, what if the ring got moved!... Never mind, it's right here in my hand like before.

ElecMan grabs the ring.

ElecMan: No personal items in class! I'm confiscating that ring!

MegaMan: WHAT? You can't take this ring!

Tommy: Yeah, it belongs to me, and I'm not one of your students, I didn't even get close to reaching Jr. high!

ElecMan: I'm sorry, but I have every right not to return this personal item, it distracted MegaMan during my lecture on why stealing is wrong!

Tommy: I can't believe this, my best friend, stabbing me in the back!

Zero: I told you, I'm not your friend!

Zero pulls his sword out of Tommy's back.

Tommy: And you MegaMan, you lost my wedding ring!

Elecman: Shame on you!

MegaMan: I'll get it back, somehow…

Cut to MegaMan sneaking into the school at night.

MegaMan: It has to be around here somewhere, maybe in ElecMan's desk…

MegaMan trips over something.

MegaMan: It's 2:00AM! Why are you still here?

ElecMan: This is where I live, my old house was just too small…

Cut to a picture of ElecMan in his square from the MegaMan 1 stage select screen

MegaMan: Look, I really need that wedding ring back!

ElecMan: I sold the ring to buy food. Then I remembered I don't eat food, so I sold the food and bought something from Subway. Anyway, I don't have it anymore.

MegaMan: Who did you sell it to?

ElecMan: The robot master most likely to be interested in rings. I don't know who he is, but RingMan should be able to find him.

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan tracks down RingMan.

MegaMan: Do you know who ElecMan sold a wedding ring to?

RingMan: Yes, but to find out, you must pay a terrible price… terrible from my point of view that is, one cent.

MegaMan gives RingMan a penny.

RingMan: SnakeMan bought the ring.

MegaMan tracks down SnakeMan.

MegaMan: Do you have Tommy's wedding ring?

SnakeMan: No, I gave it to RingMan.

MegaMan: But I just asked…

Cut to MegaMan talking to RingMan again.

MegaMan: Did you get the ring from SnakeMan?

RingMan: Yes.

MegaMan: Why didn't you say you had it?

RingMan: I don't, I gave it to ElecMan.

MegaMan:…

Cut to MegaMan talking to ElecMan again.

MegaMan: Did you get the ring back?

ElecMan: Yes, but I gave it away.

MegaMan: (sigh)Who has it now?

ElecMan: Tommy Tallarico.

After slamming his head into the wall a few times, MegaMan rushes to Tommy's wedding.

The Robot Preacher From Futurama: We are joined here today to wed Tommy Comic-Relief Tallarico to Peggy Show-Ruiner Hill. We will now play the special music the groom has requested.

A midi of music from Disney's Aladdin plays.

Preacher: If anyone here has a reason why these two should not wrap up the plot for this episode, speak now or hold your peace until a split up episode is made.

MegaMan rushes in. Everyone looks at him expectantly.

MegaMan: What? I was just trying to get here on time.

Preacher: If the best man would present the ring

MegaMan: Tommy already has it.

Tommy: No I don't!

MegaMan: But ElecMan said…

Tommy: Regardless of what that liar said/

Zero: You swallowed it again, didn't you?

Tommy: I can't believe this! No ring, and I paid so much for it, 599 US dollars!

Ken Kutaragi: That's not a lot!

Tommy: And now I can't get married…

And so the wedding is canceled. A week later, Tommy and Peggy get married. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	22. Old Dirty Segabastard

Episode 21: Old Dirty Segabastard

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why MegaMan 8 was the first next-gen game ever made.

ElecMan points to a picture of MegaMan using real time weapon change to flip over a giant crab for massive damage.

ElecMan: And now, it's time for our trip to historic 16-bit Battlefield.

Cut to the class assembled at a grass field cluttered with the remains of broken 16-bit systems.

ElecMan: This is where the 16-bit console wars took place. Sega and Nintendo were bitter enemies at the time, and fought year after year. Of course, now they've overcome their differences and are working together to take on a greater enemy: KI, who illegally used most of their characters.

MegaMan: What's that old abandoned combat bunker?

ElecMan: I have no idea.

MegaMan opens the door.

Axl: Are we allowed to interfere with the relics from a famous battle?

ElecMan: Well, we had to jump a 20 foot high fence just to get in here, so probably not.

MegaMan: Hey, I think there's someone in here!

MegaMan has found someone in battle uniform who looks like he hasn't moved since 1993.

Unknown: WHAT? What are you doing here! There's a war going on!

Zero: The war's been over for years.

Unknown: Really? I should probably say my nightly prayer again then.

The old soldier gets down on his knees and folds his hands.

Unknown: Genesis does what Nintendon't.

The soldier gets back up.

Unknown: So how badly did Sega kill Nintendo?

Zero: Nintendo won. SNES is considered the greatest system ever made now.

Unknown: WHAT? AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!

The soldier generates shockwaves of energy and takes on an evil aura.

Unknown: I am Segabastard! I hate Nintendo and everything they stand for, I think God of War is a rip-off of Altered Beast, I think Splinter Cell is better then any 2D game ever made, and I REALLY hate SNES!

The sky cracks open. The battlefield is torn apart by furious SNES energy.

ElecMan: And I thought things couldn't get worse then that trip to the Pun Factory that KI destroyed because I brought my ant farm to it.

KI appears.

KI: WHO BROUGHT IN FOOD FROM WENDYS?

Everyone:…

KI:… Anyway, I'll be going now/

Segabastard: Wait a second! I can feel it! You're one of the _SNES fans!_

Zero: What gave it away?

KI is holding a SNES controller and filled the sky with pictures of SNESes to set the mood while he was there.

KI: Your point being?

Segabastard: I hate you, and… pretty much everything, but especially you and SNES!

KI: Well, I'll show you what happens to people who insult SNES!

KI summons a random character sprite programmed to insult SNES, and vaporizes it with SNES energy.

Segabastard: I have my own energy!

Segabastard takes out a battered Genesis controller.

Segabastard: I'll destroy you! This is war!

Act break.

Act 2:

KI: You have to be kidding. You have no chance against SNES.

Segabastard: I'll unquestionably end this with one sentence! Genesis does what Nintendon't! Now that my brilliant statement has completely destroyed you/

KI: SNES is what Genesisn't.

Segabastard: Enough meaningless slogans! I'll have you know I held a gun up to a SNES, that's how cool I am!

KI: Tell them what happened after you shot it.

Segabastard:… I couldn't break it, okay! That doesn't matter, SNES sucks because it's purple and girly!

Tommy Tallarico: Grow up.

Segabastard: I'm not kidding around! I'm going to control this dimension and claim it in the name of Sega! They'd want me to avenge them!

KI: Sega's teamed up with Nintendo now. Their new system will play Genesis games.

Segabastard's head explodes.

KI: Looks like if he wants to be a Sega fan, he can't do anything.

But evil energy is collecting. Segabastard rises.

Segabastard: You got me. I don't care about Sega. All I care about is hating gaming, especially Nintendo, for killing Sega and ruining my love of gaming!

KI: The only Sega system that was commercially successful was competing against a Nintendo system.

Segabastard's head explodes again, and he reforms again.

Segabastard: Stop doing that!

Segabastard takes out the Genesis controller and uses its energy to attack MegaMan.

MegaMan: I didn't do anything to you!

Segabastard: That's what everyone says! And they're all right, I just hate everything for no reason!

Zero: Look, you can't just/

Segabastard traps Zero also.

Segabastard: Do not underestimate my power! I to have a controller, I will rule this dimension!

Zero: Where the gris is KI?

Axl: He left a note saying "went to build up tension, back later"

In the mean time, Segabastard conquers RockMan city.

Segabastard: I hear by name this… Nintendo Sucks City! We are living by MY rules now!

And so Segabastard's dark reign begins. It's another day at Splinter Cell Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why the best portable system would be a portable Dreamcast that can only be played at home.

Zero: That doesn't make any… meh. Not any less logical then our usual classes.

ElecMan: Now lets say the new town pledge of allegiance.

Class: I pledge allegiance, to Nintendo bashing, and hating games because the characters, including female ones, weren't manly enough. And to casual gamers, who are always right, except for when they didn't choose a Sega system. And to realism in gaming with gameplay and fun for no one.

Segabastard appears.

Segabastard: Yes, yes, this is perfect! I have conquered this dimension, and no one will ever dare to challenge me!

The Mario theme plays. KI enters the room.

KI: Time to finish this!

Act break.

Act 3:

Segabastard: Fool! What makes you think SNES can defeat me?

KI:…That's a joke, right? SNES power can do anything!

Segabastard: FANBOY!

KI: Oh come on, do you think ANYONE cares if someone whose logo is him holding a gun to a SNES cares what you think about them?

Segabastard: You will not defeat me! TRUE FORM CHANGE!

Segabastard transforms. He becomes a 30 foot tall troll.

Segabastard: Tommy Tallarico is nothing compared to me! I am the real king of trolls, I will destroy you and all who wish to enjoy gaming!

KI: I'll stop you! Witness MY true form!

KI glows and starts to transform, but can't.

KI: What the…

Zero: This is what happened with Jack Thompson, you're neutral to evil, you can't use SNES' full power!

Segabastard: But I am fully committed to evil! I can use trolling power to its absolute maximum!

Segabastard shoots KI with troll energy blasts. KI is injured.

KI: I won't let you win! No matter what it takes, I'll find a way to defeat you! This is bigger then me, bigger then any of us!

Zero: Then let me use the SNES controller!

KI: NO! MINE!

Segabastard keeps attacking KI. All hope seems lost.

Segabastard: Time to finish this!

Segabastard throws his largest orb of energy yet. But just when it's about to hit KI, he starts to glow. The orb is reflected.

Bass: KI's aura, it's… different! He must have channeled the real KI, who appeared briefly at the end of the original series, who can use SNES energy's real power!

Everyone stares at Bass.

Bass: What? I can't understand how this dimension works just once?

KI rises.

KI: Time to end this.

KI begins to glow and transform. He emerges as a giant SNES.

Segabastard: You still won't win!

KI: Yes I will. SNESSCRAPER!

KI pulls out a huge list of great SNES games.

KI: Super Mario World!

A giant cartridge falls on Segabastard.

Segabastard: You won't defeat me! If the games aren't great, they won't work!

KI: Zelda: Link to the Past!

Segabastard: Sucks because you have to walk around stuff at some point!

KI: Castlevania 4!

Segabastard: Sucks because one enemy resembles a character from a game I hate that was made 5 years later!

KI: Tetris Attack!

Segabastard: Puzzle games are for nerds!

KI: Chrono Trigger!

Segabastard: So are RPGs!

KI: Super Metroid!

Segabastard: Um… needs more ivory!

KI: Super Mario RPG! Kirby's Super Star! MegaMan X!

MegaMan: Woo! Represent!

KI: StarFox! Earthbound! Killer Instinct!

Segabastard: Stop! STOP! They all suck, they all suck, they all…

KI: Contra 3! Demon's Crest! Gradius 3! Lufia II! Turtles in Time!

Segabastard can't keep up. He's being buried.

KI: Donkey Kong Country 2! Axelay! Yoshi's Island!

Segabastard can't hold out any longer. He is sealed under the SNESscraper, defeated by SNES. The real KI leaves.

Zero: We did it. Segabastard's reign of terror is over!

KI: Resume my reign of terror!

And so things return to normal.

Segabastard: You haven't heard the last of me! I'll be back! You just wait until one of the next times on MegaMan Jr. High!


	23. Zero's Quest

Episode 22: Zero's Quest

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why the Power Rangers never fought Rita or Zed.

MegaMan: So it _was_ Bill Cosby's fault!

ElecMan: And now, for our next lesson, I'm going to pull a rabbit out of a hat.

ElecMan takes out a top hat from RichMan's Top Hats and Monocles and pulls a rabbit out of it.

ElecMan: AAAAHHHHHH! This hat is haunted!

ElecMan runs away screaming.

MegaMan: Now what do we do? Are we supposed to just sit here doing nothing for the 30 seconds of school left?

Roll: I guess… where's Zero?

Zero's seat is empty.

MegaMan: I'm not sure. I think he was here earlier/ I FORGOT HOW TO BREATHE! HELP!

Axl: It's not like Zero to cut school, metaphorically anyway.

We see a wall covered in slashes from Zero's sword.

MegaMan: Oh well, I won't be concerned unless he's missing at at least two other events.

It's the next day. Everyone's watching Dino Boogie LVIII: Dino Boogie Foreshadows Another Episode Mainly Focused on Them.

MegaMan: Hey, Zero's not here! He was supposed to… be here!

It's the next day. Klungo is trying to move the SNESscraper Segabastard is trapped under.

MegaMan: I don't get the reference! Zero, what's this parodying? Zero? Zero!

Once again, Zero isn't there.

MegaMan: How many times has Zero been missing now?

Roll: Zero was always the one who counted.

Klungo: Sure, stand there complaining about how you don't get the Banjo-Tooie reference, don't HELP or anything!

MegaMan: Well this has gone too far! Zero can't have a life of his own, I'M in the show's title!

KI appears.

KI: Where the gris is Zero! He always checks the scripts for copyright infringement, how am I supposed to meet my quota without him?

MegaMan: He's been mysteriously gone for days.

KI: Well I know how to fix this! I'll just get Mario to find Dale Gribble and they can use the Wayback Machine to go back in time and get Phoenix Wright to get Scooby Doo cleared of that copyright infringement case and then… I have no idea what the gris I'm saying, without Zero I just keep making meaningless references because I don't know when I've reached my quota!

Axl: Anyway, let's find Zero.

MegaMan: I think Rush can track him!

MegaMan gives Rush a piece of cloth. Rush sniffs it.

MegaMan: Okay boy, lead us to Zero!

Rush leads them to a cloth factory.

Axl: MegaMan, did that cloth have Zero's scent on it?

MegaMan: What's a scent?

Zero: And Rush doesn't have a sense of smell either.

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan: Zero! You're back!

KI: You can't just go away and do something on your own without permission! Your contract forbids it!

MegaMan: Are contracts like that legal?

KI: Everything's legal if you put enough ketchup on it.

Roll: Where were you? You've been missing for the amount of events we said we'd wait!

Zero: I was, um…

MegaMan: You don't have to tell us, we respect your right to/

KI rips Zero's head off.

Ceil: AAAHHH! I can't believe this, Zero's dead!... And it's significant this time for some reason!

KI: I just decapitated him, it's not like I tapped him with a spike. I'm just going to extract his memory chip so I can see what he's been doing.

KI takes out a pair of tweezers. He inserts them in Zero's head and removes a small chip.

KI: Okay, that took care of the security chip.

KI slams the head on the ground repeatedly until all the pieces have fallen out. KI picks up another small chip.

KI: Okay, this should have all his recent memories on it.

KI takes out his SNES controller and inserts the chip in it. KI holds it to his head and mumbles vaguely to make everyone think he's reading it.

MegaMan: So what was he doing?

KI: That's besides the point.

MegaMan: But that is/

KI: Silence! Anyway…

KI uses his SNES controller to re-assemble Zero.

Zero: And that is exactly why I've been on my quest!

MegaMan: What quest?

Zero: My quest to break free of KI's tyrannical rule! I know the source of his power, and only one thing can stand up to it!

MegaMan: A nuclear bomb?

Bass: A walking clock?

KI: An obscure Simpsons reference?

Zero: No! I need the most powerful object in the universe! I need… a SNES!

KI: What the gris is that?... I mean, you'll never get one! I have the only SNES in this reality, and I keep it here, right next to my heart!

Axl: You mean you keep your heart outside your body? We've all heard that joke.

KI: Of course not, having a heart outside my body is ridiculous! I did the only reasonable thing, I swallowed a SNES.

MegaMan: So that's why you only need the controller to do everything.

KI: Of course! What, did you think I'd put something illogical on this show? Anyway, the point is, I have the only SNES in the entire dimension, and you can't get one!

KI is pointing at Ceil for some reason.

Zero: I don't believe you! After doing careful research, I have reason to believe that there IS another SNES in this reality?

KI: You're trying to use research to figure out this reality? How stupid are you!

Act break.

Act 3:

Zero: I've almost narrowed it down. After tracing every episode for clues of another SNES… I found a single thing pointing towards it in the last episode.

MegaMan: Was it the episode number?

Zero: No. As you remember, Segabastard said he shot a SNES.

Voice from under the SNESscraper: And that made me cool!

Zero: But as KI pointed out, that couldn't possibly harm the SNES, they're invincible. Therefore, that SNES… must still exist somewhere!

MegaMan: In all our hearts?

KI: No, only mine has a SNES.

Zero: So the only remaining question is, where is it?

KI: I hid it, in the place you'd least suspect!

Zero: I have a hunch where it might be…

Cut to KI's game room. The SNES is on a coffee table, hooked up to the TV.

MegaMan: I get it! This place is so obvious, that it was the last place anyone would think to look after you said you hid it!

KI: Um… yeah… let's go with that.

Zero: And now, it's time for me to acquire SNES' power and put an end to KI's tyranny!

KI: Fool. You think you can just _take_ a SNES? The SNES must choose its master!

Ceil: How does it do that?

KI: Hang on, let me check my book of clichés. I hid it where you'd least suspect it…

Zero: I'll check the bookshelf… it isn't there!

KI: Do you think I'm some kind of idiot or something!

KI rips off Zero's head again and takes the book out of it. After reassembling Zero, KI reads from it.

KI: Okay. What we have to do is draw a circle on the floor, place a SNES in center, tell it to jump to the person it loves most… and then we both grab for it, fastest reflexes wins.

Zero: Okay.

The SNES is placed in the circle. The outer layer is made of the powdered dust of the bones of those who tried to claim SNES but were unworthy. The inner layer is made of pink sidewalk chalk.

KI: Here SNES, come to me, that's a good system!

Zero: No! Choose me! I'll use you for noble purposes instead of ruling over stupid realities!

KI: My control is for the greater good! Consider the metaphysical and philosophical ramifications of/

Fry: Banana banana banana!

KI: Okay, now it's time. We both reach for it. Whoever grabs it controls it.

Zero: This is where your reign ends. I will take the SNES and/

Zero grabs for it. But KI also does, and manages to grab it.

Zero: WHAT? HOW! How could you do that?

KI: Things aren't as simple as you believe. You're up against something far more serious and morally ambiguous this time.

KI pours some ketchup on the SNES and swallows it.

KI: Looks like I'll be controlling this reality a little while longer. You should relax more, try to sit back and enjoy the ride.

Zero: Maybe I will.

KI: No you grissing won't! Complaining about everything is your character and it's going to stay that way!

And so KI remains in control of MegaMan Jr. High. Stay tuned for the next episode.


	24. Super MegaMan Part 1

Episode 23: SuperMegaMan Part 1

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's how AstroMan obtained a court order preventing Sigma from making him the astronomy teacher just because of his name. So please go to your next class, astronomy with AstroMan.

Zero: But you just said/

ElecMan: AstroMan had already applied for the job, it was the principle of the thing.

The students go to astronomy.

AstroMan: Class, today there is going to be a meteor shower!

Roll: In RockMan City?

AstroMan: No, on Omicron Persei 8! We'll be taking a field trip, everyone board the bus!

Axl: How can a bus take us into space?

AstroMan: We stole it from some red headed teacher with frizzy hair.

1,000 light years later:

AstroMan: Well, we missed the meteor shower because our trip took so long

Wily: I blame the students for talking.

AstroMan: But luckily, there will now be a meteor shower in our very own RockMan City!

1,000 light years later:

Zero: We're not anywhere near home!

AstroMan: We should be, I went in the exact opposite direction! The universe loops around, right?

The bus changes direction and flies back towards Earth, leaving AstroMan behind, floating aimlessly through space.

2,000 light years later:

Sigma: Well, despite the fact that we took 2,000 light years longer then we should have/

Zero: You know that measures distance, not time, right?

Sigma: Not all of us are geniuses who get all the way to Brock in Pokemon, Zero! Anyway, despite being so late, the meteor shower is still going on.

The meteors start crashing into the ground, AstroMan among them.

Roll: Is it safe for us to be this close?

Sigma: Do you really want to spend the last ten seconds of your life worrying about safety?

The meteors keep crashing.

Wily: Sigma, are these meteors radioactive?

Sigma: They better be! I planned this entire trip because I saw Spiderman the night before we left!

Sigma unleashes a spider into the field. It is instantly squashed by a meteor.

Sigma: Well this was a complete waste.

Sigma leaves, walking by the alien infants and gooey symbiotes that came out of the meteors.

Axl: I don't think this is safe!

Zero: Of course it is, we're obviously supposed to get super powers.

A gigantic meteorite lands on all the students. Being a Final Fantasy style meteorite, it disappears seconds later. But it had its effect.

MegaMan: I can't believe this! That meteorite broke through the ground and knocked us into toxic waste! We all have super powers!

Act break.

Act 2:

Roll: Do we really all have super powers?

KI: Yes! And I will now list them:

Roll: Roll now has the proportional strength… of a giant!

Ceil: Ceil can control all that except that which is yellow. Seriously, that's a real super power.

Bass: Bass can swim inside literal, sun like stars and communicate with any life that might be inside them.

Axl: Axl can copy the powers of anyone, as long as they don't have any special powers that make them immune to his copy beam or something.

Zero: Zero has powers beyond mortal comprehension and can do practically anything in the universe. He is also completely apathetic and just watches battles.

MegaMan: MegaMan has the strength of a robot and can fire energy blasts out of his hand.

MegaMan: We've all been given incredible gifts, and we have a responsibility to use them responsibly!

KI: Yeah, I don't want to picture a RockMan City where someone with special powers abuses them!

MegaMan: So I propose we form a super hero team!

Ceil: What should we call it?

MegaMan: The Super Mega Team!

Bass: Why does your name get to be in it?

MegaMan: Because I'm in the show's title!

Bass: Now that I have super powers, I'm not putting up with that anymore!

Bass lunges at MegaMan.

Ceil: Stop fighting!

Ceil tries to stop MegaMan and Bass, but a yellow glow from the toxic waste gets in her way.

Roll: I'll stop them!

Bass: Stay out of this! Having the proportional strength of a giant doesn't make you strong, I know what proportional means!

MegaMan: What does it mean?

Bass: It's a type of fruit!

Zero stops time and goes back to the episode 14 of the original series to pinpoint the reference. Upon finding it, he just says "I see" and turns everything back the way it was.

Axl: Stop this senseless fighting! We have an incredible, useless gift! We can't fight over something as meaningless as a name!

Bass: That's what they said when Capcom USA wanted to pick the names for the mavericks in MegaMan X5! Next thing you know, BAM, Duff McWhalen!

MegaMan: Axl's right! We need to bind together to stop crime!

Roll: What crime? Nothing happens in this city that doesn't involve us anyway.

MegaMan: But look at our rogues gallery! Villain after villain created just for us! Liquid Snake, Captain Planet, Tommy Tallarico, Jack Thompson, Sigma, Nolan Bushnell…

Zero: None of those were created for our show.

MegaMan: Well who was?

Zero: The guy whose entire purpose was to be the punch line of a joke, and only gets referenced to occasionally because he was the show's first villain. You know, like those people who think The Kangaroo is better then Venom or Carnage because he came first.

Ceil: Has anyone actually said that?

KI: No, but they will, and when they do, I'll be there to make fun of them!

MegaMan: The point is, we have enemies! We have a responsibility to use these powers to defend our city!

Zero: All our enemies are incompetent, and if they don't directly attack us, it means they aren't really there. There's no danger in this city that hasn't already ruined our lives.

KI: That's what you think! Remember the crowd of random students from the Madden episode?

Roll: Yeah, whatever happened to them?

KI: They're locked in the same plot hole as MegaMan's X upgrade. But I have use for them again.

KI makes the crowd appear, and takes out his SNES controller.

KI: I hereby dub thee… crowd of generic criminals!

And so RockMan City has a crime problem.

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan: Okay Super Mega Team! It's time to go after the evil doers!

Ceil: Which ones?

MegaMan: The people who emulated old arcade games they could never find and pay for in person, of course!

We see someone at their computer, playing Prehistoric Isle. Bass crashes into the house!

Bass: Stop villain!

Carnage: Look, I just want a day off to play nostalgic arcade games in peace, is that so much to ask?

Bass: Yes!... There aren't any literal stars around here, are there?

Carnage: Not for a couple miles.

Bass: I'll get you later!

Cut to someone driving without a California State Officially Licensed Trash Bag of the Year garbage receptacle in their car. Roll grabs the car and pulls it to a stop.

Roll: You can't escape me! I have the proportional strength of a giant!

Driver: Yeah yeah, pointless garbage bag law. The more pressing matter is, it seems like every cartoon's state turns out to be California, how about some originality!

KI: I chose the state based on Capcom of America's location, n00b!

The scene cuts to someone buying Madden for $60.

Axl: Stop!

Customer: This isn't against the law!

Axl: But we all know it should be!

The scene cuts to someone spray painting a PSP ad.

Ceil: You won't get away with this!

Ceil gets rid of most of the paint, but the yellow outline remains.

Ceil: I can't control anything yellow, could you wash that part off?

Kaz Hirai sprays Ceil with yellow paint, rendering her powerless, and runs away.

Ceil: Gris! That's the third time that's happened!

The scene cuts to Godzilla rampaging through RockMan City, mumbling something about a basketball game.

Zero: Meh.

The heroes are assembled again.

MegaMan: Good work team! We've countered all the rampant crime in RockMan City!

Zero: Most of us didn't successfully stop anything.

MegaMan: Oh well, it's the thought that counts. We've defeated the ordinary criminals, and as long as KI doesn't cut to super villains being born to set up part 2, I see nothing to worry about!

Cut to Sigma, Wily, Tommy Tallarico, Jack Thompson, Captain Planet, and Liquid Snake having a secret meeting by the sewer where the kids got their powers.

Sigma: I call this meeting of the various villains with no real alliance and in some cases clear hatred of each other to order!

Captain Planet: I propose we do something about this awful pollution!

Liquid: This is a licensed a sealed toxic waste treatment location.

Wily: Then why isn't it sealed off?

Liquid: Good question, I guess because of that meteor shower the other night. I guess the only thing to do is/

Tommy: POOL PARTY!

Tommy jumps in, splashing toxic waste on everywhere.

Jack: Blarrgh gwaah rawwwthgh…..

Captain Planet: Oh no, he's mutating!

Liquid: None of the waste hit him…

Tommy starts splashing it around, and soon everyone has been hit by it.

The villains now also have super powers.

To be continued.

Tommy: Hee hee… waste…


	25. Super MegaMan Part 2

Episode 24: Super MegaMan Part 2

Previously, on MegaMan Jr. High:

MegaMan, MegaMan

Does whatever a MegaCan!

Shoots a blast, jumps and slides,

Makes sure you hear the robot's side

Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun,

Vote for me!

We see the villains recovering from being hit by toxic waste.

Sigma: We've all got superpowers! And those idiots said kids _shouldn't_ play in toxic waste!

Wily: I propose we form a team and defeat those super heroes once and for all! But first, let's have KI go over our powers.

KI: Ahem,

Wily: Wily can slow down time, but only for himself and everything within a three inch radius.

Captain Planet: Captain Planet can control the element of garbage. His weakness to it is unaffected.

Jack Thompson: Jack Thompson is now ten times smarter then he normally is. You see where I'm going with this.

Liquid Snake: Liquid has the ability to survive being killed if his arm is grafted onto the arm of someone who betrayed him. But that probably won't happen.

Tommy Tallarico: Tommy has an alien symbiote that gives him incredible super powers. Its only weakness is immature jokes.

Sigma: Sigma can turn into any flavor of ice cream.

Sigma: So I say it's time for us to defeat those super heroes!... Any plans?

Jack Thompson: Let's file a frivolous lawsuit!

Sigma: Good idea!

Cut to the Super Mega Team base.

MegaMan: So, we've pretty much wiped out all crime in RockMan City. I feel… strangely empty. I wish more people were being robbed or attacked.

Ceil: Now what do we do with our amazing powers?

Bass: Help the next town over? I hear their crime rate is 1010 criminals per 1000 people.

MegaMan: Nah.

The villains arrive at their door.

Sigma: We're here to serve you a subpoena!

Tommy laughs. The symbiote writhes in pain.

MegaMan: For what?

Captain Planet: Polluting! When you saved that bus full of orphans and 16-bit War veterans yesterday, you left a piece of blank paper behind, right next to a waste basket, and I took it and forged a subpoena on it!

MegaMan: …Whatever it is, we don't want any!

MegaMan slams the door.

Sigma: I blame our failure on our lack of a name!

Liquid: So what should we call ourselves?

Sigma: We need a name that makes us sound good, that will win the public to our side! I suggest the League of Antagonism!

And so the super hero groups are formed. Who will win? Who will lose? Who will come in third?

Act break.

Act 2:

Sigma: Okay, it's time to destroy the Super Mega Team! Anyone have any suggestions?

Wily: I suggest we set up an elaborate trap.

Cut to MegaMan walking along the street. He sees a 20 KI Funbucks bill. He picks it up. This triggers a chain reaction where a wood pecker is disturbed and starts pecking a tree. The tree eventually falls over, hitting a toy wagon that slowly rolls down a street, stopping inches from the detonator of the dynamite that is right next to MegaMan. Eventually, the continents shift enough for the wagon to hit the detonator, making the dynamite explode. MegaMan has long since left.

Wily: I'm sure glad that was a natural coincidence and not our plan.

Tommy: Okay! Initiate trap!

The villains rush at MegaMan and start attacking him.

MegaMan: You can't do this! My team isn't here!

Sigma: He's right, it isn't fair.

Jack: But…

Suddenly, everyone is sucked into a void. The Super Mega Team and League of Antagonism materialize in bases at the opposite ends of a strange planet.

KI: Okay, I'm sure you all know what this is parodying, so let's get down to business. The two teams must now fight to the death. Your very lives are at stake, only through complete dedication to violence and chaos do you have any chance of surviving. Have fun!

KI leaves.

MegaMan: Okay team, the time for the ultimate battle is upon us! It may take weeks, months, even years!

Zero: Actually, it will only take a few hours. There are three more super hero/villain groups scheduled to fight on this planet today.

MegaMan: Then we don't have much time! We have to lead an attack on the League!

Roll: But we need time to prepare! We can't finish this in two hours!

Axl: There's only one reasonable course of action: a training montage.

And so the heroes and villains train. But you don't want to see that, so how about a visit from…

Hens love roosters,

Burgers love onions.

Everyone else

Loves Tornado Tonion!

Tornado Tonion in:

Super Onion

It's another day for Tornado Tonion. He's walking down the street when he hears someone calling for help.

Kid: Help! Someone stole my idea for a parody fanfiction series!

Tonion: This looks like a job for… Super Tonion!

The scene transitions to a courtroom. Tonion is the kid's lawyer.

Judge: The case of random kid vs random idea stealer in now in session! The plaintiff may now make his opening remark.

Tonion: Your honor, I have only one thing to say: DIE EVILDOER!

Tonion ducks under a table and changes into his secret identity, after having drawn attention to himself as the person attacking.

Tonion comes out from under the table and starts pummeling the defendant.

The scene cuts to Tonion in a jail cell.

Tonion: That's the last time I try to help anyone!

Hens love roosters,

Burgers love onions,

Everyone except Zero

Loves Tornado Tonion!

Zero: Thank you.

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan: Okay, so has everyone improved their super powers?

Roll: No.

Ceil: Nope.

Axl: We all got caught up watching the Tonion short.

MegaMan: Gris! Oh well, let's hope the villains didn't either. It's time for the fight of our lives! But first, a motivational speech by a famous celebrity:

Link:… … …

MegaMan: Easily worth the $500.

Link: I pride myself on not disappointing when hired for my exemplary oratory skills.

MegaMan: And now, being the good guys, let's barge into the other team's home base and attack them without attempting to work things out!

Cut to the Mega Team at the League's base.

MegaMan: It is time for battle! We must work as a team to survive! Everyone pick a rival and fight them one on one!

Roll faces Tommy.

Tommy: Well, if it isn't, Bob DOLE!

The symbiote thinks for a second, and decides the pun was more random then immature.

Roll: You can't defeat me! I control all that except that which is yellow!

Tommy: My symbiote IS yellow!

The symbiote covers Tommy.

Tommy: Heh, yellow. Know what that reminds me of?

The symbiote, fearing for its life, jumps off Tommy and goes to hide in Spiderman's costume locker. Tommy is defeated.

Roll: Wait, I got my power mixed up. Oh well.

Cut to Bass facing Jack Thompson.

Jack: I'll defeat you easily! I found a machine here that will increase my intelligence even more! I'm now one HUNDRED times smarter!

Bass: I wish there were some stars around here, or something. I was hoping I'd get to use my powers at least once.

Jack: You are doomed! (Jack uses the machine) I am of roughly average intelligence now! I can see things clearly! I… I'm a horrible person… I can't believe I was such a jerk to gamers who did nothing to me…

Jack runs away. Ceil confronts Liquid.

Ceil: I don't want to fight you! I'm your sister!

Liquid: You… are. I'm sorry, I'm sure somehow we can work out a peaceful/

Ceil uses her powers to knock Liquid into the machine of not particularly violent but still clear death. Only his arm survives.

Ceil: PWNED!

Axl is fighting Captain Planet.

Planet: Bow before my garbage making abilities!

Planet tries to summon garbage. Being on a deserted planet, there isn't any.

Planet: Oh come on, I know I would have lost if I summoned it, but I wanted to use my power!

Cut to Zero facing Wily.

Wily: Fear my time controlling powers!

Wily charges at Zero, very slowly. Zero uses his power to look ahead to a future plot and see what he needs to do.

Zero: If it will end this episode quicker…

Zero slices off Wily's arm.

Wily: That's going to hurt when my slowed down nerve endings relay the message to my brain…

There is only one battle left.

Sigma: You can't defeat me MegaMan! I can turn into ANY flavor of ice cream!

MegaMan: I certainly can't compete with that…

MegaMan thinks. Soon, a brilliant idea dawns on him.

MegaMan: I bet you can't become _Cherry Garcia_ ice cream!

Sigma: Watch me!

Sigma transforms into the requested flavor. A lawyer promptly appears.

Lawyer: I represent the estates of Ben and Jerry's, Jerry Garcia, and EA, who purchased exclusive rights to the word "cherry." You have illegally used their copyrights, and they demand to be compensated in super powers. Since they're all so pathetic, we'll need to take everyone's to make it even.

KI: Well, I wouldn't want to ignore copyright laws.

KI takes away everyone's powers, and uses a **SUBTLE FORESHADOWING** ray to attach Liquid's arm to Wily. Everyone is transported back to RockMan City, the war over.

Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	26. The MegaMan Jr High Propaganda Film

Episode 25: The MegaMan Jr. High Propaganda Film

We open with a shot of the outside of MegaMan Jr. High. The film is grainy and black and white. This being text based, that means absolutely nothing.

KI: Welcome to a special MegaMan Jr. High. This episode will educate you about the horrible threat posed by video games to society. This episode was made because of a gigantic monetary grant. I intend to use it to later make an episode about integrity. Enjoy!

Narrator: This is MegaMan, a typical jr. high student. Like most jr. high students, his favorite things to do are study, perform manual labor around the house, and blindly obey authority. But something is about to go wrong in MegaMan's life! He is about to be exposed to the biggest threat to youth currently available! (we see a "Copyright 1954" note in the corner of the screen) MegaMan is about to encounter a _video game_.

We see a Pong machine.

Narrator: MegaMan is going to the convenience store to spend his allowance money on school supplies. But what he doesn't know is he's about to encounter the most destructive, morally bankrupt thing in existence!

We see a game of Pong being played.

Narrator: Filthy! Now MegaMan is usually a good boy, he doesn't think for himself or do anything he wasn't specifically told to, but MegaMan will soon be overcome by weakness. What causes children to try these evil machines? Observe as MegaMan is enticed into playing a video game in the usual way.

MegaMan walks into the store. A demon rises out of the Pong machine and drags him over to it. MegaMan plays a game of Pong. It ends quickly, Pong being an exclusively two player game and all.

Narrator: Now, it would be naïve to think MegaMan will _immediately_ suffer the effects of his horrible mistake. Obviously, it will take 10-15 minutes for that to happen.

12.5 minutes later:

Narrator: Now, MegaMan has become addicted. He desperately wants to "play again." Our top psychologists believe that "play again" is gamer slang for sacrificing a kitten to Bahamut. Now let's see what happens to MegaMan at school the next day.

Cut to MegaMan in class.

ElecMan: And so zero times 27 is zero. Now, who can tell me what zero times 28 is? Be sure to show your work.

MegaMan is bored, daydreaming about Pong.

Narrator: As you can see, MegaMan is not interested in his schoolwork. Clearly, something has gone _horribly_ wrong. But what could it be? Please come up to the board and tell me, make sure to show your work.

Some time passes.

Narrator: Now, let's see what MegaMan does after school. Do you think he will:

A: Be a good student and stay after school to help his teacher put up anti-communist posters?

Or

B: Go play Pong again.

Narrator: Remember, don't go by what YOU would choose, MegaMan is far from a normal jr. high student at this point. While you may see the obvious more enjoyable choice, MegaMan can't. He chooses to play Pong again. This goes on for four days straight. MegaMan is clearly addicted at this point. At home, his parents try to set limits.

We see Dr. Light talking on the phone.

Light: Yes, he keeps playing that awful Pong game. He's spent almost half an hour playing it since last week. I try to distract him, but guarding the house's new coat of paint while it dries just isn't exciting enough for him anymore. Okay, good night dear.

Light hangs up the phone, which he was using to talk to his wife in her bedroom. Light goes to sleep in his bedroom.

Narrator: At this steep rate of decline, where do you think MegaMan will be in a year? Probably dead because when the commies sent their bomb, he was too busy playing Pong to duck under a desk. Don't let this happen to you! When we come back, we'll discuss exactly why video games are so bad for you.

Act break.

Act 2:

Narrator: Now, you may have heard a lot of things from gamers trying to defend their horrible addiction. But I know you're too smart to listen to the people who have actually played games, you know that people like us who don't know how to pronounce vidya game are the experts!

Zero barges in.

Zero: What the gris is going on?

Narrator: I'm showing why video games are evil.

Zero: KI wouldn't allow this!

Cut to KI sleeping on a pile of money with many beautiful women.

Zero: I won't let you do this! I'll destroy your ridiculous arguments!

Cut to KI waking up abruptly.

KI: Heh, I knew it would work. Zero fixes everything and I still get to keep the bribe money.

KI instantly falls back asleep.

Narrator: My arguments are completely valid! I'll have you know I convinced a demon of video games being evil! I think his name was Jack something…

Zero: Let's just get this over with.

Narrator: Fine. Ahem, first of all video games can be played alone and sitting down!

Zero:… So?

Narrator: That's anti-social and physically unhealthy! Video games are the ONLY thing in existence that don't require other people or physical exercise… except the ones that do.

Zero: That makes no sense. You'd have to be against reading also, which requires less social contact and movement then games.

Narrator: But reading makes you smarter!

Zero: Almost every video game made in the last ten years requires reading.

Narrator: They do not! Reading isn't determined by using letters to form words, it's defined by being on paper! Paper good, screen bad! PAPER GOOD, SCREEN BAD! Ed good, Rocko Bad!

Zero: And regardless of whether you have to read in them, video games are their own art form and justify the time spent playing them with artistic value, just like music, stories, or movies.

Narrator: NO! Games aren't art, I'd have to _play_ them to realize that they were, that means they aren't! (Ebert actually said that, that he could judge games without ever having played one because they didn't convince him they were art by psychic persuasion or something)

Zero: Video games are just as much an art form as music, books, or films.

Narrator: No they aren't! That's my opinion, and you can't prove it wrong/

Zero: Video games _have_ every aspect of those art forms inside them, it's impossible for any of those to be art but not games.

Narrator: NOO! The sum of the parts isn't equal to the final part!

Zero: Yes it is.

Narrator: We're discussing art! That means I don't have to be logical about this! (actual argument I've had)

Zero: Saying video games aren't art when presented with the facts isn't any more reasonable and valid then a two year old throwing a tantrum and screaming "NO!" at something they don't want to be true.

The Narrator is on the ground pounding his hands and feet, yelling "THEY AREN'T ART!" over and over again.

Zero: Looks like your argument is over.

The Narrator looks like he is about to give up. But instead he regains his composure, stands up, and throws off his cloak.

Zero: We all know what that means… final boss form.

Act break.

Act 3:

Narrator: We're not finished yet!

Zero: Of course not, we only filled two acts.

Narrator: You underestimated me. I don't care about preserving artistic mediums, just because you proved video games are art doesn't mean I won't try to destroy them.

Zero: So we've come to part two.

Narrator: That's right. We've reached… VIDEO GAME VIOLENCE!

We see the Pong machine starting to show blood whenever the ball hits a paddle.

Narrator: First of all, I'd like to start out by pointing out that violence didn't exist until video games were invented.

Zero: That's ridiculous, more ridiculous then any, er, most real life arguments against violent games. Let's move on.

Narrator: Fine. While violence always existed, it has been higher recently/

Zero: Wrong. Violent crime rates fell over the last 30 years, falling the quickest in the post Mortal Kombat era, and speeding up the falling even more when Grand Theft Auto 3 came out.

Narrator: That doesn't prove anything! There could be a massive cover up by police, and if there was a crime increase that I have nothing to even indicate, violent media could be responsible!

Zero: So your argument depends on two extreme hypotheticals?

Narrator: Yes! It's not like I have to prove that something is guilty!

Zero: Actually, you do have to.

Narrator: Probably a massive cover up by the legal system… anyway, we have studies proving that violent video games cause aggression! Clearly those are more reliable sources then the millions of children who played violent games and never committed a violent crime!

Zero: Those studies are far from airtight, and even without taking into account the questionable methods/

Narrator: Children being able to give the definition of a violent word is perfectly good evidence that the video game made them violent! (again, a real method)

Zero: You just don't have reasonable proof that violent video games/

Narrator: You're just like the tobacco industry!

Zero: For that to be a valid argument only one out of a million smokers would have health problems linked to smoking, and overall disease rates would have had to have dropped dramatically since smoking became common.

Narrator: Video game and tobacco industry! Video game and tobacco industry! I'm putting them in the same sentence, that means they're the same!

Zero: That's a guilt by association logical fallacy.

Narrator: This is art, I don't have to be logical!

Zero:…

Narrator: This whole episode is horrible! How dare you blow the issue so out of proportion as to have written a six page episode about it!

Zero: The other side had senate hearings over _Mortal Kombat_, we can't overreact even if we try to.

Narrator: Violent games teach people to enjoy violence!

Zero: Video game violence has nothing in common with the real thing. Violence isn't wrong because of the site of blood, it's wrong because you're hurting someone. And since this isn't real…

Zero slices the Narrator in half.

Narrator: I'll be back! You haven't heard the last of/

KI appears. He sucks the Narrator back into his head.

KI: The perfect plan.

Zero: You were controlling him all along?

KI: Yep. I created an organization, arranged for them to offer me money for making an anti-video game episode, sat back and watched while you destroyed the anti-gaming arguments, and now I'm left with the money without having to make video games look bad, and actually having a preachy episode in favor of my views!

Zero: But if you created the organization, isn't the money they "gave" you yours anyway?

KI:… … … … … … **GRIS!**

And so another episode comes to a close. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	27. Ceil of Approval

Episode 26: Ceil of Approval

It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's when I gave up on my life and stopped caring about anything.

MegaMan: Come on, that didn't sound like _that_ bad of a 1st birthday party.

ElecMan: And now, we have a special guest speaker: SearchMan from our town's most prominent newspaper, The Daily Cliché.

Roll: Hey! That was the name of our school newspaper!

SearchMan: Just because we had to plagiarize a short lived middle school newspaper doesn't mean we aren't a good one!

MegaMan: Wait, I remember you, weren't you a TV news reporter?

SearchMan: Yes, but just because I copied every story from Fox News they fired me.

Axl: You have a real problem with plagiarism.

SearchMan: They didn't know I had plagiarized it. Anyway, I'm here to talk to you about why you absolutely shouldn't get into professional journalism!

Ceil: Shouldn't you be telling us we _should_ get into journalism?

SearchMan: Only stuck up professionals who aren't worried about jr. high student eclipsing them within a week do that.

Ceil: But if we don't have a newspaper, what will you steal from?

SearchMan: This new thing called ox News, I saw it on my TV that cuts off the left side. (Wow, that was completely inadvertent) Anyway, good bye!

SearchMan leaves.

ElecMan: And that concludes our lecture for today. You don't have to stay here, but you can't go home.

The students leave and aimlessly wander the school.

Ceil: I have an idea, let's start up the school paper again!

Bass: But then I'd have to make a counter one out of spite again, and I don't want the first letter in my name cut off!

MegaMan: Didn't KI mention something about Ceil's advice column being something he could stretch into an entire episode?

KI: I can stretch anything into an entire episode! Remember that six-parter about MegaMan playing with a ball in a cup?

MegaMan: No.

KI: That's right, I canceled it, there was just too much plot to cram into six parts.

Ceil: Anyway, I'm going to start an advice column!

MegaMan: What makes you qualified to give advice?

KI: Being on a cheesy kids show.

Cut to Ceil waiting by her computer for people to e-mail their problems to her.

Ceil: I got one!

E-mail: I'm writing this episode of MegaMan Jr. High, and I want to get to the act break before actually having to use my ideas for Ceil answering advice, and I used Tornado Tonion too recently to pull him out again. What should I do?

Ceil sends a response to the random guy in Maine who sent the e-mail. Eventually KI sees it.

Act break.

Act 2:

Ceil: Okay, time to start answering real problems!

E-mail: Ceil, I have this problem. There's this girl in school that I like, and I don't know how to tell her. I'm afraid if I tell her how I really feel, everyone will think I'm a freak. What should I do?

Ceil: Well, that's pretty simple.

Ceil send a response to the person who e-mailed her telling that person to just be honest, that no one will think that person is weird. She never checks the name or address (a girl living in the deep south).

Ceil: Okay, time for another e-ail.

E-mail: Ceil, I've been desperately trying to kill MegaMan. Nothing works! I can't understand what's going wrong!

Sincerely,

EGM

Ceil responds, but her letter gets sent to E-mail Warp Ups under "nerd mail" and is never seen.

Ceil opens another e-mail.

E-mail: Ceil, this is Jack Thompson. Some people are mad at me for sneaking a weapon into a court room! (KI wanted me to tell you I actually did that) It's not like it's the first time I did that…

The e-mail somehow initiates a flashback. Jack Thompson is in court.

Jack: Let's see how you like THIS evidence!

Jack splashes acid over half of Harvey Dent's face.

Dent: I was YOUR grissing lawyer!

End flashback.

E-mail: So anyway/

The e-mail discharges an electric shock

E-mail: I just did that to show you how I feel/

Ceil deletes the e-mail.

Ceil: Okay, time for one more e-mail, hopefully one that will have an affect on someone I know this time.

E-mail: Ceil, I'm a teacher at MegaMan Jr. High. My life is a complete mess and sometimes I feel like all I'm good for is saying a running joke at the start of each episode. I want to achieve something with my life! What should I do?

Sincerely,

Anonymouselecman.cpu

Ceil sends puts that question in her advice column. The next day:

ElecMan: And that's why Liquid Snake, Solidus Snake, and Scumocide were better villains then Colonel Volgin. And now, I'm going to read the paper.

ElecMan reads the paper.

ElecMan: If BC's a caveman, how can he be plagiarizing a line from Daria?

ElecMan turns to the advice column.

ElecMan: My anonymous letter got printed! Let's see… it says I should take more risks! I'm going to do it!

ElecMan gets up from his desk and goes outside.

ElecMan: It isn't so bad here! I can't believe I stayed inside all these years just because of/

A pair of scissors come flying at ElecMan and hit him, mortally wounding him.

RainbowMan: Finally! I've been waiting for you to leave the school since the first episode of the original series! That'll teach you to expel me!

RainbowMan leaves. Ceil and the other students rush outside.

Ceil: I'm so sorry!

ElecMan: It… wasn't your fault…

Ceil: But if my advice column hadn't/

ElecMan: YOU wrote the advice column? I thought Roll was writing _Ceil's Advice Column_, it's entirely your fault!

ElecMan explodes into several circling balls of energy.

Sigma: What a tragedy! What horror!

Wily: Don't worry, he was off school grounds.

Sigma: Thank goodness a real tragedy was avoided.

Ceil: I'm never writing my advice column again.

MegaMan: Why?

The students go back inside.

Zero: KI, did you really just kill off a character you've had since the first episode on a three minute old impulse?

KI: I know I over reflected a little… never mind, I've used the joke enough times.

Ceil: I want to forget this never happened.

A new ElecMan is dispensed from Sigma's gumball machine.

KI: Done.

KI leaves.

Ceil: What a relief/

A mailman barges into the classroom.

Mailman: Urgent… e-mail… for Ceil!

Act break.

Act 3:

Axl: That was weird.

Ceil checks her e-mail.

Ceil: No! Another person asking for advice! Is it too much to ask that every person in the world somehow senses that I don't want to give advice anymore?

E-mail: Ceil, this is the president.

Zero: Who did we leave it off as in the Texas episodes?

KI: Whispy Woods. But that was before the… **revolution**.

E-mail: Your president Reggie Fils-Aime. I'm about kicking ass and taking names. Did you know Chuck Norris used to be named Reggie? Anyway, I desperately need your help! This country is facing the biggest crisis since they stopped making the Big Foot Pizza! I desperately need your advice! Please meet with me. My chauffer will be there to pick you up shortly.

A limousine pulls up.

Ken Kutaragi: Just get in!

Cut to Ceil at the White Mushroom House.

Ceil: Mr. President/

Reggie: Please, call me Reggie. Master of the Known Universe AKA America Reggie.

Ceil: Anyway, I'm not qualified to give advice! I'm sure you can understand that a middle school paper advice columnist isn't qualified to advise the leader of the country and that you have plenty of other people who can help/

Reggie: Nope. Fired my entire staff and had them deported.

Ceil: Oh… so what's the crisis?

Reggie: You see, this country is being threatened by a mad man! His name is Ken Kutaragi/

Ceil: Your limo driver?

Reggie:… so THAT'S how he kept finding out top secret information! Anyway, I need to know how to defeat him! His **giant** almost **crab** like **historically accurate** robot is attacking, and unless we can **flip** the situation around and find a **weak point** we'll be suffering **massive damage** to our country from our **ridge**s to our Nascar **racers**. I must have **tried** 599 US times to stop him!

Ceil: Well, there can only be one solution…

Cut to KI blowing up the giant crab, hitting its strong point for acceptable damage.

Reggie: You did it! You saved this country!

Ceil: And I'm never giving advice again.

Bass: Ceil, should I eat this giant spike?

Ceil remains quiet.

MegaMan: Good job Ceil, you learned an important lesson: never help people.

Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High! MeeegggaMan Jr. Hiiigh!


	28. The MegaMan Jr High Halloween Special

Episode 27: The MegaMan Jr. High Halloween Special

It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why our Halloween special is in November.

MegaMan: Stupid Fox.

ElecMan: Now, it's time to take our field trip to the New Mexico landfills.

Axl: Why are we going there?

ElecMan: Sigma wants our test results buried, and for us to pick up the new textbooks.

The class goes to a landfill.

ElecMan: I'm supposed to tell you about this landfill's history, but I think playing in this wreckage filled dump should be just as educational.

The students look around.

Roll: I found something! It looks like it's… alive!

EAmperor: I… finally… made it to another dimension!

EAmperor runs away (**SUBTLE FORESHADOWING!**)

Roll: There's something else under him!

The class crowds around.

MegaMan: What is it?

Zero: It's obviously an ET cartridge, what other possible reason could KI have for setting the field trip in New Mexico?

Mr. Burns: Woah, slow down there! There's a/

Zero: Fine, I'll explain. Millions of unsold ET cartridges were buried in a New Mexico landfill. As has been previously mentioned, they have a terrible curse on them.

Axl: Haven't we already done two curse centered episodes?

KI: This is a Poltergeist style horror movie curse, not a cheesy kid's show bad luck curse!

Zero: So anyway, clearly we should just leave these alone.

Everyone goes back to RockMan City. It's night time.

MegaMan: I'm afraid to go to sleep, after all that talk about curses…

Light: Well if you're not going to go to sleep, do something useful. Watch TV, and if a burglar breaks in, see if you can get him to take you instead of the TV.

MegaMan goes to watch TV.

TV: It's inconveniently timed horror movie night! Every single channel is showing graphic horror movies all night! This is PBS Kids Sprout, stay tuned!

MegaMan: Darn it!

The TV goes into static.

TV: MegaMan, Meegggamaaan…

MegaMan: This is impossible, the TV can't talk to me! Right, toaster?

A hand reaches out of the TV and grabs MegaMan. It pulls MegaMan inside.

MegaMan: HELP!

Light rushes in.

Light: MegaMan's on TV? Shocking! Hang on, I'll help you as soon as I finish playing MegaMan X2.

After an all night gaming session, it's morning. Light finally beats the intro level, and Axl gathers the other kids to help free MegaMan.

Zero: This doesn't make sense! We DIDN'T disturb the cursed artifacts!

KI appears.

KI: Exactly! You just left ET cartridges there, you should have destroyed them! Or at least taken them and treated them with a lack of disregard for their evil!

Everyone glares at Zero.

Axl: Can you get MegaMan out?

KI: Sure, if I had some "magic device" that I could "hook up to" the TV and somehow "control" the "video" as if it were some sort of "game." But we're not living in your fantasy world, we're living in MY fantasy world!

Act break.

Act 2:

Axl: So MegaMan's trapped in there forever?

KI: Apparently. Maybe you can bargain with the spirits.

Roll: Spirits! If you let MegaMan go, we'll give you ProtoMan!

Ceil: Now you're just making them angry!

Axl: Just tell us what you want.

The spirits begin speaking.

Spirits: We want to unleash parodies of more horror movies onto your town.

KI: I'd have done that for free. Deal!

MegaMan is spit out of the TV.

Axl: Great, now we're cursed.

Roll: There must be something that can purify the evil energy!

Zero: Of course there is, but KI will never let us use it.

KI is using sacred SNES energy to shoot down flies.

MegaMan: What if we destroyed an ET cartridge?

KI: Sure, that'll work. But good luck getting out of this house.

Monsters pour out of the TV.

MegaMan: Oh no! It's… Casey Jones from TMNT? And Chucky from Rugrats? Count… Chocula?

Casey: That's right! We're here to terrify you!

Axl: Shouldn't you WANT us to sacrifice an ET cartridge and put you at rest?

Chucky: We're bound by the law of clichés.

Count Chocula: Get them!

A Scooby Doo style chase scene is initiated. Eventually the monsters catch the kids, but they're not sure what to do afterwards.

Axl: We need to get out of this house! Make a run for the front door!

The kid reach the front door, but Pinhead rises from beneath the floor.

Pinhead: I'm not part of the curse, I just couldn't take being around Jack Thompson any longer.

The kids escape.

MegaMan: Good, now all we have to do is run across several states!

Zombies rise from the ground.

Zero: Oh come on, zombies are grissing pathetic. They're LESS dangerous then normal humans! The only way they can accomplish anything is by outnumbering the heroes 100:1!

The zombies sink back into the ground. An equal number of Tyrants pop up.

Zero: Gris!

MegaMan: Come on, what can a tyrant do by itself, it's not like they have a whole army here ready to/

KI: They're Resident Evil tyrants you idiot!

After a long battle against incredibly powerful enemies over thousands of miles that I can't possibly write believably so I'm just referring to it in past tense, the kids reach the ET landfill.

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan: Okay, now all we have to do is find an ET cartridge and destroy it!

Axl: I still think we should have stopped by that used game store five blocks from our house that had several of them displayed in the window.

Zero: Remember, this is the final area, and therefore the most dangerous. Or it should be anyway, KI's reversing the clichés whenever he feels like it just to mind gris me.

The kids make a run for the ET cartridges. But just when they're about to reach them, they fall through the ground.

Oogie Boogie: Well well well, what do we have here? Santa Claus huh? I'm really scared! So you're the guy/

MegaMan: Does he know who we are?

Axl: Columbus syndrome.

Oogie: Looks like I got some nice tasty children to eat!

Zero: You realize we're robots, right?

Roll: Just let us go! We need to destroy an ET cartridge!

Oogie: You're not getting away!

Zero slashes Oogie. His bag splits open. Bugs start pouring out.

Oogie: It'll take more then that to defeat me! I cut back on the lethal traps that could just as easily hurt me this time!

Zero: I don't think you know what you've gotten yourself into. You know, some of those bugs look like/

Glowing SNES energy fills the room.

KI: ANTS!

KI vaporizes Oogie.

Zero: Okay, let's get to the cartridges! We have to move quickly, there's still a page left, there might still be something/

The kids reach the cartridges, but they start glowing. They come together to form a humanoid shape.

Carts: I am the evil and vengeful spirit of Nolan Bushnell! These cartridges ruined the reputation of the company I founded on plagiarism! But I've made piece with that, and will use them to wreak my terrible vengeance!

MegaMan: This is it! The final battle!

The cartridges use their evil energy to trap all the kids. No one can move.

Bushnell: This is the end! Atari shall rise again!

But out of nowhere, a figure appears. He pulls out two machine guns and starts firing at the carts. He breaks their evil energy.

Mario: I didn't hit any hookers, did I? I made a promise…

Bushnell: YOU! My sworn enemy! You took everything from me.

Mario: That's a lie and you know it! You and the company you started had already self destructed, I just fixed things!

Bushnell: Today, you die!

The camera focuses in on Mario's determined face. He loads his machine guns.

Mario: Let's-a go!

Mario lunges at Bushnell. But suddenly…

KI: **REVERSE DEUS EX MACHINA!**

Mario disappears and all of Bushnell's power is restored.

Zero: What. The. Grissing. Grell.

KI: I bet after this you'll never complain about my clichés again.

KI leaves.

MegaMan: I think this is the end!

Roll: Don't give up! I'm sure if we all believe in ourselves and hold on/

Bushnell pounds them with evil energy. They are all destroyed, permanently and beyond repair. Bushnell goes on a rampage, destroying Nintendo and every other company capable of making great games. Eventually, he reclaims the video game world. He runs it tyrannically for a few years, then messes everything up again. Bushnell leaves with his money, and Jack Thompson destroys the scraps that remain. Video games are dead and never spoken of again.

Good thing the Halloween special isn't in normal continuity, huh? See you next time!


	29. Another Word From Our Sponsors

Episode 28: Another Word From Our Sponsors

KI: As I've said before, making this show is not cheap, money, lawsuits, etc. The main point is I felt like writing more commercial parodies, enjoy!

The first commercial comes on.

Voice: Are you tired of facial scrubs that only get part of your face clean?

Two-Face: I sure am!

Voice: Then use our new product!

The voice stops talking.

Customer:… What is it?

Voice: I don't know, this was mainly a set up for the Two-Face joke.

The next commercial comes on.

Sugar Bear is walking up Granny's driveway. He reaches the door, takes out a handgun, and blows off the lock.

Sugar Bear: Can't get enough of that Golden Crisp…

Granny: Oh no, it's Sugar Bear! He's coming to forcibly steal the cereal I bought with my meager food budget again! Time for a Granny Good Witch Time Switch! He'll never find me in… _Soviet Russia_!

Granny goes back in time. Sugar Bear pops up.

Sugar Bear: In Soviet Russia, Golden Crisp steals me.

Granny: THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! I traveled back in grissing TIME, you CAN'T be here!

Sugar Bear: Just give me the cereal.

Granny: Not this time Sugar Bear!

Granny grabs a rocket launcher.

Granny: In Soviet Russia, cartoon logic makes you easier to destroy!

Sugar Bear is blown up.

The preceding was the unaired final Golden Crisp commercial.

Next commercial:

Announcer: Hey kids, what do you do when you see a crocodile?

You run!

You slide!

You hit the bump, and take a dive!

The screen shrinks.

Voice: If you or a loved one have suffered injuries related to sliding into a crocodile's mouth, you may be entitled to money. Call the law offices of Nowey, Arnt, Dewing, Disold, and Joak to find out more.

Next commercial:

A family is sitting in a large living room in a creepy looking house. The walls start bleeding blood.

Wife: I don't care how cheap this place was, we can't stay here!

Husband: Don't be silly, there's no such thing as curses!

Twin girls appear in the hallway.

Twins: Come play with us, forever and ever and ever…

A portal opens in the walls. Frakenstein, Dracula, the Wolfman, and all the other non-copyrighted monsters jump out.

Husband: RUN!

The family runs through the hallways, which are now oozing slime. Just when they are about to reach the door, the floor opens up, revealing a mouth lined with teeth. The family falls in, screaming.

A PS3 appears.

Announcer: PS3: Play Beyond.

Next commercial:

Jared: Hi, I'm Jared, from Subway. I'm here to mindlessly attack McDonald's, Burger King, and all my other competitor's. Because being fat is much worse then being a jerk whose commercials revolve entirely around smear campaigns. I'm happy to represent an add campaign based entirely on competition bashing and appealing to fear.

A car pulls up. Someone reaches out of it and grabs Jared. The scene cuts to him in an underground courtroom.

The King: Jared, you stand accused of making annoying commercials that attack competitors excessively and for no real reason.

Jared: I'm looking out for people's health!

The Dairy Queen: Then how come you never mention anything about exercise except mumblings "and walking" in earlier commercials, and credit everything to Subway?

Jared: Because… because…

Sir Ronald the Third: I say we give our ruling now! Jared, do you have anything to say in your defense before the verdict?

Jared: It's okay, I had Subway for lunch!

Everyone:… … …

The King: I sentence you to death!

Next commercial:

Coming up on House:

It's the most controversial episode yet! It has an abortion _and_ a euthanasia! On the same person! Without their permission! During a gay marriage! While burning a flag! And we tell you which upcoming console will be the best! And whether we think God exists! Are you intrigued yet? We're grissing desperate! Ooh, ooh, we also say gris on the air!

Next commercial:

A song begins

Gator Golf

Give it a whack!

Gator Golf

He'll throw it right back!

Gator Gold

What could be greater

Then playing a game

Of golf with a gator?

Playing a game of golf with a moose. Or a dachshund. Or Mr. T. Really, this is the most random thing ever.

Next commercial:

Johnson and everyone else who works on N-Gage are gathered around a table.

Boss: Well, we have no choice. We're going to have to tell the truth.

Johnson: But N-Gage is for the cool gamer!

Boss: You can cut it out now Johnson.

Johnson puts on his monocle and top hat.

Johnson: Well I say, I gave it a jolly good try old chap.

Boss: Time to announced it to the public. (the boss turns to the TV) We will no longer be supporting N-Gage. It appears that it has… failed.

Cut to a patient being rushed to the emergency room.

Doctor: What's his status?

Nurse: He had a massive heart attack, seems to be something he saw on TV.

The patient is still talking deliriously.

Owl: O rly? O rly?... Ooo… rly?...

Next commercial:

Doo doo doo doo doo… Mentoooss…

It doesn't matter what's hip,

Or who's better alive

With Mentos fresh

And full of life

It doesn't even matter

If I have no idea

What the gris the first couple words are!

Honestly, I never could tell!

But at least it's not as bad

As that 1996 Fresca commercial where the guy at the end says something so incomprehensible I think it might have been in another language.

Next commercial:

A couple is trying to survive the summer heat.

Wife: It's so hot today.

Husband: We need an air conditioner! But they're so expensive, and we don't have that much in our kid's college fund.

Wife: Why don't we try Sears?

Husband: Nah, that's stupid. Let's just steal one. I'll break into the neighbor's house later.

Wife: You'll break in now.

Husband:… I'll break in now.

Next commercial:

Yakko: It's time for an educational song by government order! Here's the complete SNESScraper! Ahem,

Mario World, Super Metroid

Killer Instinct, Arkanoid

Yoshi's Island, Zelda Link to the Past

Lufia II, Chrono Trigger,

List will just get bigger,

Demon's Crest now it gets fast!

Starfox, Axelay Contra 3

Sparkster, Super Ghouls N Ghosts Donkey Kong Country

1-3, and MegaMan X, another trilogy!

Kirby's Superstar, Turtles in Time

Super Mario Kart, EVO, Gradius 3

Forgetting Tetris Attack would be a crime!

Street Fighter and MK 2,

Earthworm Jim will double on to,

Final Fantasy and TMNT 4,

Harvest Moon, Gradius 3, and even more!

Yoshi's Safari, Metal Combat, Tinstar all on Super Scope

Sunset Riders, Super Punch-Out, only one last quick part I hope

Kirby's Dreamland 3, Soulblazer Trilogy,

Actraiser, R Type 3, Disney platformer trilogy,

I'm sure I forgot some but that always happens!

The song is over. So is everything else. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	30. Jack and the Bastard

Episode 29: Jack and the Bastard

It's another day under the SNESscraper.

Klungo: Klungo issss trying, but he'ssss not able to move… I'm not saying SNESscraper, way too many S's!

Segabastard: Just hurry up you idiot! I've been trapped here for months/

KI: Don't worry, my updates should become more frequent.

Segabastard: Under this horrible thing!

Klungo: I have feelings to you know! It's not like you're paying me, I just did this because it felt nostalgic, forget you!

Klungo leaves.

Segabastard: Gris! That makes me so angry, I'm going to send out waves of concentrated evil in all directions!

The evil is sent out. In the lowest depths of KI's guest character dimension, an evil, mysterious figure (hey, the guy in the title might be a different Jack or something!) receives the message.

Jack: Finally, someone with enough evil to summon me who doesn't hate me…

We see a montage of KI inadvertently summoning Jack Thompson, and pushing him back to his prison realm.

The scene cuts back to the SNESscraper. Jack Thompson rises from the ground.

Jack: So, you wish to be freed?

Segabastard: Of course I do! I need to prove that I'm superior to SNES energy in every way, but how am I supposed to do that when it's overpowering me?

Jack: All you have to do to be freed is agree to serve me. Now in accordance with the Fairness in Hell or Show Specific Equivilant act, I have to tell you that I have a psychotic hatred of video games and gamers.

Segabastard: Do you hate SNES?

Jack: I have no idea what that is. But sure, why not.

Segabastard: Then I agree!

Jack: Good, good.

Segabastard: Can you get me out?

Jack: Well, I can't destroy it, but there is, you know, a door.

Segabastard: Right, I saw some things hinting at that…

One of the hundreds of people who live in the SNESscraper opens the door and goes inside. Segabastard opens it and leaves.

Cut to MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why Nolan Bushnell and EAmperor's appearances are canon while the rest of the Halloween special isn't.

Zero: Because KI decided to end it with a disclaimer saying it wasn't canon to get out of having to resolve things at the last minute?

ElecMan: Exactly.

Axl: I'm worried. We're doing our intro a third of the way through the second page instead of the first one, something must have happened that will be relevant to this episode.

A warning siren starts blaring.

Intercom: This is Principal Sigma! Everyone report to the emergency shelter immediately!

The class nervously files into the shelter. Sigma is standing by the shelter's Galaga arcade machine.

Sigma: Look at this score I got!

Everyone trudges out suppressing their rage.

Sigma: They're probably mad because their scores aren't as high.

Meanwhile, a dark cloud presumably made of evil is approaching RockMan City (even though the SNESscraper was already in it).

Act break.

Act 2:

The school notices the cloud approaching. Everyone goes outside to look, because obviously going up to a dark cloud that could be full of lightning or tornadoes is the best course of action.

MegaMan: What do you think it is?

Sigma: It doesn't matter! Protect the Galaga machine at all costs!

Wily: What about the Brown Box Prototype?

Sigma: That doesn't record scores and I suck at it, who cares?

Segabastard and Jack Thompson step out of the cloud.

Jack: Oh come on, my name should be first!

KI: That's grissing pathetic when characters on shows argue about that. That enrages me, even more then people who tell me my priorities are wrong when my two arch enemies appear and that's what I rant about.

KI leaves.

Segabastard: We have joined forces! The two most evil characters on the show!

Jack: This time we will destroy you!

MegaMan: Oh yeah? Take THIS!

MegaMan takes out a politely worded letter requesting the Segabastard and Jack leave. He stuffs it in his arm cannon and fires it with enough force to break through a steel wall. It misses.

Jack: Together, our evilness is enough to conquer this city once and for all!

Zero: No it isn't. I know what to do this time.

Zero jumps into the area where KI disappeared, and teleports to KI.

Zero: GET YOUR INCOMPETENT, TYRANNCIAL ASS OVER HERE AND DO YOUR GRISSING JOB!

Zero drags KI out. KI starts summoning all the SNES energy he can.

KI: SCREW YOU ZERO!

KI starts punching Zero furiously. Soon Zero is dead (meaning he'll be back in a few minutes) and KI is drained of energy. KI retreats.

Jack: Now, bow before our rule!

MegaMan: We're not weaklings incapable of doing anything without KI or Zero helping us! And I'll prove it!

MegaMan and everyone else bow down without KI or Zero's help.

Segabastard: Yes! We've conquered the city!

Jack: But we have to do something to make our reign permanent this time. I have an idea. Let me see your controller.

Segabastard hands over his Genesis controller.

Jack: This isn't nearly evil enough for you to fully use. However…

Jack sets the controller down and starts concentrating evil energy on it. The controller grows a joystick. Tommy Tallarico, as usual, goes into hysterics.

Jack: Now we can truly control this show!

Zero is starting to reform.

Jack: Seal him!

Segabastard uses his controller's power to prevent Zero from regenerating.

MegaMan: ZERO! ZERO? ZELLLOOOOO!

Jack: He won't save you this time.

Segabastard: Now to take care of KI.

Segabastard encases RockMan City in a dome of anti-SNES energy. KI can no longer enter it.

Jack: We did it! We conquered RockMan City!

MegaMan: You'll never get away with this!

Jack: Yes I will! You suck! You'll all wish you listened to me, you cretins will all/

Segabastard: Sit down.

Act break.

Act 3:

KI is outside RockMan City.

KI: Great, now I can't even get into my own city. Oh well, I can always build a new one…

But before KI can start Zelda no Densetsu Village, an image of Zero appears.

KI: AAAH! Zero's Ghost!

Zero: I'm not a ghost!

KI: AAAH! Zero's zombie!

Zero: I'm not that either! I'm Zero's disembodied spirit!

KI: That sounds like a ghost.

Zero: Look, the point is, I escaped RockMan City even though my body was trapped. We need to stop Segabastard and Jack Thompson! KI, we need to work together, no shouting "NO, MINE!" after agreeing this time!

KI: Why should I?

Zero: You have to. Segabastard and Jack Thompson have teamed up. Going by your book of clichés…

KI: Two good characters have to team up to fight them and cram in a corny "work together" moral. Fine.

KI revives Zero.

KI: Okay, we're both ready to fight. But how do we get past their barrier?

Zero: Time to use your cutting to powers for good instead of laziness.

Cut to Zero and KI inside RockMan City.

KI: Okay, according to my calculations, the evil energy weakens my powers _just _enough to make the fight close and exciting.

Zero: Okay then. Time to take back the city!

KI and Zero approach Jack and Segabastard.

Jack: What are you doing here!

Segabastard: They've come for a climactic battle.

Live and Learn starts playing.

KI: It's time to end this you bastard!

KI is pointing at Jack.

KI: I'll take the psychotic lawyer.

KI lunges at Segabastard.

Segabastard: Not this time!

KI and Segabastard start battling with their controllers. Zero confronts Jack.

Jack: DIE!

Jack starts drowning Zero with evil energy. Zero can't move. Meanwhile, KI and Segabastard's controllers have become tangled.

Segabastard: Your SNES controller won't save you this time!

KI: I've got a new trick up my sleeve.

KI takes something out of his pocket.

Segabastard: Ha! You can't win with something so small!

KI unsheathes the object. A lightsabre like blade comes out of it.

KI: FACE THE WIIMOTE YOU MOTHER GRISSER!

KI jumps over Segabastard's head WW Link style, and slams the sword down into it. Segabastard is trapped in SNES/Nintendo energy so thick it looks like stone.

Jack: You may have defeated my sidekick, but you won't beat me! Zero is almost dead, and your next!

Zero: Don't you remember MegaMan X5?

Jack: Of course not! What part of ignorant, blind hatred filled, evil sahgfmndbvf don't you understand?

Zero: Evil energy makes me STRONGER!

Zero converts the evil energy into SNES energy and punches Jack all the way back to his prison dimension.

KI: We won!

Zero: And all through the power of team/

KI slices Zero in half to stop the moral.

And so things are back to normal. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	31. Some Wii Pun

Episode 30: Some Wii Pun

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why refusing to believe it's not butter is now considered a heresy.

The intercom turns on.

Intercom: This is Principal Sigma! As you may know, but almost certainly don't, Wii is three days away as KI writes this specific sentence! Now, do you all have your preorders?

Class: Yes.

Intercom: Good! Elecman, CONFISCATE!

ElecMan takes everyone's preorder stubs.

MegaMan: Oh, why did we bring these to school?

Axl: And why did we go to the only store that bases your preorder on nameless reservation stubs?

ElecMan: I got them.

Sigma walks out from behind the wall, where he makes his intercom announcements.

Sigma: Excellent! All mine!

Zero: You can't do this!

KI appears.

KI: But I can!

KI takes the stubs.

Zero: Shouldn't you be frozen like in that South Park episode or something?

KI: Nah, my schedule was too busy. I'm going to freeze myself _after_ Wii comes out. In the mean time, I have big plans for these stubs on eBay…

Cut to eBay item number 555555555556

KI: When I find the person who got 55555555555 they're going to pay…

Description: High quality preorder stubs, perfect for making paper mache. Buy now bid is $10.

Cut back to the class room.

Zero: Did… you just freeze time to get those on eBay already? Anyway, you can't take our preorder slips from us!

KI: I can and did! I took them all and sold each one to spite you, since I didn't get one!

KI leaves.

MegaMan: Now what do we do?

Bass: I've got it!

Bass returns with a round bag with a dollar sign on it and text saying "Property of the Bank of Cliches."

MegaMan: We don't need money, we need a chance to buy the system.

Bass: Oops. (he turns to the police cars outside) Sorry about that!

Bass tosses the bag of money to the police.

Police Officer: No problem, have a nice day!

The police leave.

Axl: So what do we do?

Zero: I guess we have no choice. We'll have to camp out.

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan: You mean like the PS3 people have been doing since September?

Zero: Yes. Basically, we just go to SparkMan's Tech Shop and wait outside until the launch.

Bass: What happens if they don't have enough for all of us?

Zero: We go in reverse alphabetical order to decide who gets them. Okay, now tomorrow's a school day, so everyone forge your parent's names on slips to excuse you from class tomorrow, and meet me at the store in five minutes.

Cut to the group facing a gigantic line.

MegaMan: Now what are we supposed to do?

Axl: Why are there so many people here? It's supposed to be just us in this city.

Zero: People from other towns have flooded in since ours is so deserted, it seemed like a good place to wait. Look, there are people dressed as Mario, Link, and Snake. And there are Mario, Link, and Snake

MegaMan: So how do we get a system?

Zero: First, we assess the situation. (Zero calls out to the line) How many of you are here for Wii?

Several people raise their hands.

Zero: Hold my spot.

Several people leaving to seek medical attention later:

Zero: Okay, now we should be first in line for Wii after the video game characters.

MegaMan: What is they only get three in?

Zero: Well if you weren't so stupid and incompetent we could take them due to our numbers advantage, but you are.

The store opens.

Manager: Attention everyone waiting for a Playstation 3! We've decided to sell them on eBay instead, you get nothing!

The disappointed crowd leaves. The line is now down to the MegaMan Jr. High characters, Mario, Link, and Snake. Over the night, Kirby, Samus, Sonic, and several other video game characters line up.

MegaMan: Do you think there will be enough systems to go around?

Snake: Who cares, I'm just here to pick up the new box.

MegaMan: Why don't you just buy a different box now? It's just a box.

Snake: **JUST A BOX?**

Zero: There should be enough. Nintendo isn't creating an artificial shortage like some companies… I'm looking at you, Nokia!

Mario: Yes, I'm sure we'll be fine, plenty of systems to go around/

An explosion is heard.

KI: WHAT DID YOU SAY?

SparkMan: I… I was just asking if you wanted to trade in your old, outdated SNES for five cents off your new/

KI summons a crushing pillar of SNES energy and slams it on SparkMan. All that's left is a skeleton.

KI:… Where'd that skeleton come from?

Zero: I have a bad feeling about this…

KI: Now, who wants to sell me my 55 Wiis _without_ suggesting a trade in?

The Dell Dude steps up.

Dell Dude: Dude, you're getting a Dell!

KI: No I'm not.

KI takes the 55 Wiis and leaves.

Link: How many are left now?

Manager: 503.

MegaMan: What a relief/

KI comes back.

KI: I'll take another 500, didn't know I could get to triple digit fives.

KI takes 500 more Wiis and leaves.

Zero: Looks like it's war.

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan: This is terrible! We injure dozens of innocent people to become fourth in line, and we don't get a system? That's so unfair.

Zero: It's not over yet.

KI appears once again.

KI: No inter-game fights, I'm saving that. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to sell these on eBay so I can afford to get a Wii on eBay.

KI leaves.

Zero: Fine, we'll have to think of something else.

Snake: I've got an idea!

Link: Um, we're first-third in line, we shouldn't be going along with/

Snake: Basically, we all go into the store and grab them. Whoever gets them leaves with them, as an additional prize they don't even have to pay.

Manager: I don't like this plan very/

Snake walks up to him, giving him Foxdie.

Snake: GO!

Everyone charges into the store.

MegaMan: Where do you think they're keeping them?

Zero: Most stores would put them securely in the back somewhere, but SparkMan decided it would be more exciting to hide them randomly among various other products.

MegaMan: I'll check the kids toys!

The isle with the kids toys explodes.

Zero: You better hope it wasn't there, KI took the possibility as an insult.

Sonic: I got one!

Sonic is racing for the door.

Sonic: No one can catch/

Robotnik is running up behind him. He tackles Sonic.

Sonic: Stupid mandatory villain escape sequence scene!

The Wii goes flying. Snake catches it.

Snake: Finally.

Snake opens the box, throws the Wii in the incinerator, and gets inside the box and leaves.

Zero: Only two left!

Cut to Link searching through the green clothes department.

Link: (to himself) I found one! I just have to get out of here quietly, must resist… urge… to…

Link holds the Wii above his head.

Link: Gris!

Zero: Get him!

Zero catches up to Link and starts fighting him.

Link: Come on, I'm in the big launch game, I deserve one!

Zero: You're original LoZ Link!

Link: Well excuuuuuuuuse me Zero/

Zero slashes him in half.

Link: Gris! I wish I had some fairies or the Master Sword or something besides just coming first.

Zero: I got one!

MegaMan: Let's go!

The MMJH characters escape cleanly.

Axl: Wow, I was sure we'd lose the first two and have to try for the third.

Zero: Nope.

Bass: But we only have one for all of us!

KI appears.

KI: Haven't you learned anything! You shouldn't turn this into a competition! You should share the system and all enjoy it!

MegaMan: You're right, because we all watched Zero get it together!

Roll: You've shown us the true meaning of console launches.

KI: I sure have! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to cram my 554 extras into a closet.

Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	32. Dino Envy

Episode 31: Dino Envy

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's the way they all became the Brady Bunch. Class dismissed.

The kids leave.

MegaMan: Well, it's Friday again.

Axl: Has KI ever said it was any day except Friday at the start of an episode?

MegaMan: So what should we do?

Zero: Well we can't play Wii, Bass broke my TV the last time we did.

Bass: Look, I thought the greased medieval mace was a controller, okay?

Roll: Then why don't we see another Dino Boogie movie?

Zero: We've used this set up before…

KI: What are you implying!

Zero: That this is unoriginal.

KI: WHAT? You… you think my writing isn't good?...

Zero: YES! You know that, I hate you and this entire show, this isn't a new/

KI: (sob) You try writing something better! At least I have a new joke to go with this sequence!

**SUBTLE FORESHADOWING!**

Zero: You've used that/

KI: Shut the gris up!

KI runs away crying.

MegaMan: That was weird. Anyway, what Dino Boogie is playing?

Ceil: Crisis on Infinite Dino Boogie: Radical Rex Eats the Grissing Sun

Cut to the kids at the movie.

KI: This is just what I need, seeing such a pathetic movie will make me feel better about my writing.

The movie shows the Dino Boogie team starring at a colliding sun.

Bodacious Bronto: If the sun gets any closer, we'll all die!

Wheeler: Don't worry, we can think of something!

Radical Rex: We just need a Mesozoic Mind! A Mesozoic Mind…

KI: Good, a cheesy song, this will make me feel/

The song Mesozoic Mind plays. This is at least as obscure as the Berenstein Bears video, and probably second only to the aaahhhhhh wolf reference, an in joke that only a friend of mine and a couple other people are aware of, in obscurity. Mesozoic Mind is from an obscure claymation dinosaur video. You can track it down online, you should, basically, KI's reaction is completely serious.

KI: NO! It's the BEST EDUCATIONAL SONG **EVER**! Oh well, it was just a fluke…

The Dino Boogie team is minutes away from the sun crashing into Earth.

Radical Rex: I have no choice.

Tubular Triceratops: No, you can't!

Radical Rex: I must!

Radical Rex opens his mouth. He leans towards the sun…

Bronto: He ATE THE GRISSING SUN! (that's also from the dinosaurs video)

Everything changes in a flash.

KI: I don't like where this is going…

The Dino Boogie universe has been rebooted. I won't show examples because scenes in shows presented by the show as being funny/intense are always horrible (there was an entire Arthur episode about how hilarious everyone thought King Tut saying "I want my mummy" was). Basically, the rebooted Dino Boogie is a mix of Metal Gear, The Simpsons, MegaMan X, Full Metal Alchemist, and Super Mario World's gameplay. Okay, I'm done, back to the fictional KI.

KI: This… is the best thing ever… my writing isn't…

KI starts crying.

Zero: For the love of… YOU WRITE THE DINO BOOGIE MOVIES!

Act break.

Act 2:

KI: That opened my eyes, my show isn't anywhere near as good as the new Dino Boogie.

Zero: You wrote… never mind, I don't care how you feel.

KI: It's time for some changes!

Cut to KI assembled with his writing team.

KI: Okay people, we need to reinvent MegaMan Jr. High!

Dachshund: You mean like in episode 42 of the original series?

Johnson: I remember that! It was/

KI: Johnson, get the gris out of here. You don't work for me and never did. And no, this is different, I want to make it _better_!

The guy who holds the subtle foreshadowing signs: What kind of changes should we make?

KI: I want it to be funny, have an intricate plot, and somehow produce gameplay.

Bender: Wait a second, since when do you have a writing team?

KI: That's where all the special guest characters I like go at the end of their episodes.

Dale Gribble: So how are we supposed to make the show so much better? Should we stage an election every four episodes, like the government does?

Bender: That is so unfair, he gets a joke based on his character, I just get to ask a question!

KI: Look, do I have to remind you of everything I did to revive Futurama?

Montage:

We see KI in an ancient temple.

Voice: Thy next colossus is in…

Cut to KI standing over a cauldron.

KI: Flesh of a servant, willingly given…

Cut to KI trying to perform alchemy on a dead Futurama.

KI: I hope I don't bring it back as something horrible…

Two weeks later, The War at Home premiered.

End montage

Dachshund: So which one ended up working?

Subtle Foreshadowing Guy: Shut the gris up! Are you saying Futurama is actually/

KI: Yes, new episodes in 2008. And it was pressing the "Revive Futurama" button. But that isn't the point!

Bender: Jerk.

KI: We need to make MegaMan Jr. High new and better! Does anyone have any real suggestions?

Dale: You could just hover around the characters, trying to improve things as you go along!

KI: I don't know, that sounds like an excuse to fill up another act without having to actually present an improved version…

Dale: Do I still get my bonus for thinking up cheap plot devices?

KI: I'll compromise. I'll do that, but no bonus!

Dale: Ingrate.

Act break.

Act 3:

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

KI: I've said that way too many times! I know…

Thy sun hath risen in yonder east to shine upon a new day at MegaManeth Jr. High, y'all.

ElecMan: And that's what a corn field looks like.

KI: That was a line from The Simpsons, I need something new!

ElecMan: And that's how the universe was created.

KI: Okay, let's see, what's a compelling plot…

Roll: Well, it's Thursday again.

MegaMan: What should we do?

Bass: How about not see a Dino Boogie movie?

KI: Good, good, going great so far…

Zero: How about we/

KI freezes time.

KI: Think, think… what should Zero say?

Zero starts moving again.

KI: I froze time!

Zero: Throwing ice on a clock doesn't freeze time and it never did.

KI: What do you want? You sent me into a deep depression that caused me to re-evaluate my entire writing style and face a deep, inner battle to redeem myself in my own eyes, and now I can't think of a way to make my plots sound dramatic!

Zero: I have to think of a way to snap you out of this…

MegaMan starts moving, since the ice melted and the clock is moving again.

MegaMan: How about you just watch the sequel to Crisis on Inifinite Dino Boogie? They're up to the fifth one, and sources say they've just got worse and worse since the first.

KI: I guess that might work…

Cut to the characters watching Crisis on Infinite Dino Boogie V: Dino World Ocarina of Prime X Solid.

KI: That was so incredible that I actually stopped crying from my insecurity, broke down, and cried…

Zero: MegaMan, WHO told you that the Crisis Dino Boogie movies got worse each time?

MegaMan: Very reliable sources! They're some of the most respected people in the "The first Zelda was the best" community!

KI: Great, now I have something even more impossible to compete with! I have only one choice…

Cut to the sun about to crash into MegaMan Jr. High.

KI: If it worked in a movie about singing dinosaurs, it'll work in real life!

Zero: You can't do this! RockMan City will be destroyed! I'll be destroyed! You'll be destroyed! Only SNESes and dachshunds will remain!

KI: I don't care! At least I'll leave my mark!

KI points to a giant ice sculpture of the letters K and I.

Zero: Stop the grissing sun!

KI: Give me one reason! One reason why I should care about this show!

Zero: Um…

The sun gets closer.

Zero: Er…

The sun gets closer.

Zero: Uh… wait, shouldn't it have incinerated all of us by now?

The sun is about to collide.

Zero: Wait!

The sun waits patiently.

Zero: You should continue this show… because… because… because… I just can't think of a reason!

KI: Then it's time for everything to change! As soon as the sun hits, we'll be in a different and better world!

The sun collides with RockMan city. In a flash, everything has changed. The new world comes into focus:

Bass: Look, I thought the greased medieval mace was a controller, okay?

Roll: Then why don't we see another Dino Boogie movie?

Zero: We've used this set up before…

KI: I don't care! Go to the grissing movie!

And so the students go to see Crisis on Infinite Dino Boogie: Radical Rex Eats the Grissing Sun.

KI: That was better then expected. Oh well.

Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	33. MegaMan Becomes Rich

Episode 32: MegaMan Becomes Rich

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why two plus two equals four.

ElecMan points to a complex equation that had advanced fractions applied to it to equal two plus two.

ElecMan: Tomorrow we're going on a fieldtrip to the bank, so everyone bring 500 dollars for Sigma to deposit in his account.

MegaMan: Are KI Funbucks okay?

ElecMan: No, KI no longer accepts them, he just sells them.

MegaMan: I can't afford 500 dollars!

ElecMan: As an unpaid teacher who sleeps in the classroom, the bad part of it, let me just say this: HA HA!

MegaMan goes home.

MegaMan: Dad, can I have 500 dollars for a fieldtrip tomorrow?

Light: Do you think I'm MADE of money?

MegaMan: No…

Light: Well, I am. I performed an experiment last week to replace my skin with shredded dollar bills, and I don't have any useable money left.

MegaMan: Then what am I supposed to do at school tomorrow?

Light: Don't worry, I'll write you a note.

It's the next day.

ElecMan: Okay, everyone turn in their 500 dollars.

Everyone except MegaMan hands in their money.

MegaMan: How did…

Roll: You just missed it, a truck carrying money crashed right outside the school entrance everyone except you uses, and the truck was made of solid gold!

MegaMan: Well, I don't have the money. But my Dad wrote a note.

ElecMan reads the note.

Note: Please excuse MegaMan from the fieldtrip, he got eaten by a Grue.

ElecMan: That's obviously false, does he think this is a text based universe or something? MegaMan, you don't get to go on the fieldtrip!

MegaMan: Isn't that what the note was asking for anyway?

ElecMan: Just sit quietly and feel bad about yourself! It's because of you your family doesn't have enough money, you should find it shameful, and it's your fault your parents got a divorce!

The class leaves. MegaMan is left behind in the empty classroom.

MegaMan: I wish I had some money.

Jack Thompson appears.

Jack: I can give you money! It won't cost much, just YOUR SOUL!

MegaMan: I don't have a soul.

Jack: Well, I don't have any money.

Jack leaves. KI walks in.

KI: Okay, I'll put the pinball machine here, the air hockey table here…

MegaMan: What are you doing?

KI: I'm not sure, I was rearranging the coffee table I keep my systems on, and I just got stuck in a cycle.

MegaMan: I wish I had money.

KI: I'll sell you some.

MegaMan: I don't have any to buy it with.

KI: Well I'm not going to give it to you for some absurd reason just because we're almost to the act break!

Act break.

Act 2:

KI: Okay, act break's over.

A platinum money truck crashes into the classroom.

QuickMan: Another job you've ruined, thanks.

QuickMan leaves.

MegaMan: I'm rich!

Sigma barges in.

Sigma: That truck crashed on school property!

Sigma takes the fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview mirror.

Sigma: Okay, you can have the rest.

MegaMan: I'm rich!

Dr Light walks in.

Light: So I'll steal KI's pinball machine here, steal the air hockey table here…

MegaMan: Dad, we're rich!

Light: The museum believed that ProtoMan was a priceless, full size brachiosaurus fossil?

MegaMan: No, this truck full of money crashed.

Light: MegaMan, you know you can't just take money from living people! **Finish the job.**

MegaMan destroys QuickMan once again.

QuickMan: I'll get you next time Gadget!

MegaMan: This is incredible! I'm rich! I can buy anything!

KI: Well I know one thing you can't buy!

MegaMan: What's that?

KI: A dino/

Radical Rex walks in.

Rex: I heard someone say they were rich, want to buy me?

Joke Take 2:

KI: Well I know one thing you can't buy!

MegaMan: What's that?

KI: A PS3!

Audience: (groan)

Joke Take 3:

KI: Well I know something you can't buy!

MegaMan: What's that?

The world blows up. The episode continues from take one.

MegaMan: This is great, I can't wait to tell everyone at school tomorrow!

MegaMan leaves, the school day still being in progress and the other kids returning within minutes. The next day:

MegaMan: I'm rich!

Zero: Don't you know what that means?

MegaMan: No.

Zero: Everyone hates you now. It's in the book of clichés, rich characters are automatically spoiled and hated.

MegaMan: That's not/

Axl: Shut up you obnoxious brat!

MegaMan: Oh come on, he's rich to, he lives at the same house!

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan: Anyone want to come with me to the free Generic Public Event after school?

Roll: Stop waving your money in our faces!

Bass looks up from polishing the gold tire he got from the first money truck the previous day.

Bass: Yeah!

MegaMan: This isn't fair!

Ceil: Know what else isn't fair? Starving people, and I'm sure the N-Gage designers would want us to hate you instead of helping them!

ElecMan: I bet you'd bribe me just to get better grades!

MegaMan: I'd never do that!

ElecMan:…Please?

A voice comes over the intercom.

Voice: This is principal Sigma! Report to the auditorium for a very important assembly!

Cut to the students at the assembly.

Sigma: Today is our Thanksgiving food drive.

Zero: It's December!

Sigma: It's like the Simpsons Halloween special. Anyway, please donate food for the less fortunate robots. I'm sure they can find some use for it.

MegaMan: Well, I just got rich by luck, I guess I should help.

MegaMan buys a large amount of food and puts it in the collection bin.

Sigma: That's disgusting, using his money to show off like that! How can you be so selfish?

Sigma burns all the badly needed food to spite MegaMan.

MegaMan: This is horrible, everyone hates me now! I want to get rid of this money!

KI: You can't just give it away, you need to lose it according to my book of clichés.

MegaMan: Fine.

MegaMan invests the money in N-Gage stocks.

NumberMan: The N-Gage stocks are in! Exactly the same, they reached the lowest possible level years ago. All invested money remains.

Cut to MegaMan trying to turn the money into the police.

Sergeant Officer: Sorry, we don't accept lost money any more.

MegaMan: Why not?

Officer: We think the mayor's starting to catch onto us getting a new swimming pool every time we accept lost money.

The camera pans outs. The police station has 16 swimming pools.

Cut to MegaMan buying a gigantic golden statue of Dig'em, the Smacks frog.

MegaMan: There, I wasted all the money.

Later that night, Adam West steals the statue and leaves the payment money behind.

MegaMan: AAARRRGGGHHH! I can't get rid of the money! If only there was something so expensive, something that required such an absurd amount of money, more then anyone would ever think to…

Cut to KI paying off his copyright lawsuits.

Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	34. Sigma Kidnaps Santa

Episode 33: Sigma Kidnaps Santa

It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why this show aimed at people who grew up in the 90s is pretending Santa exists.

ElecMan turns off the tape showing how upset the Easter Bunny was when he found out Santa wasn't real. Cut to Sigma's office.

Sigma: We aren't making any progress in destroying MegaMan!

Wily: Well, it's been quite awhile since we tried. Outside of a few empty threats, I think our last actual attempt was in episode 5.

Sigma: Well it's not working! We need a new tactic!

Rock Monster: How about attacking him during the Christmas play?

Sigma: Stop saying Christmas! If you keep saying it, we'll never trick anyone into thinking there's a war on it!

Wily: You're being paranoid.

Cut to Bill O'Reilly listening to a transmission of Sigma's office.

O'Reilly: Wow, I guess there isn't a war on Christmas.

Cut back to Sigma.

Sigma: We need a plan! Not a crazy one like attacking MegaMan at a Christmas play. I know! We'll kidnap Santa!

Wily:…

Rock Monster:…

O'Reilly:…

Sigma: It's the perfect plan!

Wily: Why? How does it connect to destroying MegaMan?

Sigma: Wily, you have to learn to think outside the box. So it's settled, we'll kidnap Santa!

Cut to the North Pole.

Elf: Boss, we're getting a "villain is going to kidnap Santa" alarm!

Santa: I hate this. Ever since the 80s, someone kidnaps me every year. Dr. Claw, Team Rocket, Pat Robertson…

Elf: What should we do?

Santa: Time to put those presents from 2003 that nobody wanted to use… yes, it's another N-Gage exploding battery joke, grissing deal with it!

The N-mines are planted outside the base. Sigma is approaching.

Sigma: This is my best plan ever! Without Santa, I can easily take over the world!

Wily: I don't see the connection.

Sigma: It's simple, I'm a clichéd villain, I equate making people sad with conquering the world!

Sigma's battle suit pulls up in front of Santa's workshop.

Santa: You'll never take me alive!

Santa fires exploding N-Gages at Sigma.

Sigma: I can't take it! Retreat!

Santa: You can't defeat me!

Sigma: Deploy the ultimate weapon!

Sigma runs up and grabs Santa. He shoves him in a giant sack with "irony" written on it.

Sigma: I got him! Go! Go!

The battle armor flies back to RockMan City.

Sigma: I did it!

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan is at home. It's Winter Break, so he gets Saturdays off. MegaMan is watching TV.

SearchMan: We interrupt this presentation of Kiss Saves Santa with breaking news! Santa has been kidnapped!

Peter Griffin: Oh no!

The Family Guy episode is interrupted.

SearchMan: We have breaking news! The unfortunate reporter we assigned to keep an eye out for news at the North Pole is reporting that Santa has been kidnapped!

Gene Simmons: Someone kidnapped Santa? That does NOT ROCK!

One infinite loop later, MegaMan hears the news.

MegaMan: Dad, Santa's been kidnapped!

Light: We have to do something! He's the most important part of Christmas on this show, because we can't make any specific religious references, right Jesus?

Jesus: Right.

Light: MegaMan, you have to save Santa! If he isn't there, Christmas will be ruined!

MegaMan: You mean…

Light: Yes. I'd… **have to pay for the presents! **MegaMan, rescue Santa! Think of all he's done for you!

Cut to Santa mowing MegaMan's lawn.

MegaMan: But where could he be?

Cut to Sigma's hostage room in MegaMan Jr. High.

Sigma: So, you thought you'd get away with it!

Santa: Get away with what?

Sigma: I'll ask the questions here!

Sigma turns to Wily.

Sigma: What did he think he'd get away with?

Wily: I don't know, this is your crazy plan! I wanted to hand out poisoned mistletoe berries!

Sigma: Well, I'll think of something! I know, you must have given MegaMan presents every year that helped him defeat me!

Santa: That's insane, the last time I gave a high tech weapon as a present was 400 years ago!

Sigma: That's enough! You'll never escape, and when you don't deliver presents, the world will be mine!

Cut to a family in a remote part of Italy.

Kid: Mom, what happens if Santa doesn't come this year?

Mom: We swear undying allegiance to Sigma, of course.

Cut back.

Sigma: I've captured Santa! I'm a real cartoon super villain now! But I'm going to go the extra mile!

Sigma puts Santa on a conveyer belt platform.

Sigma: Once you go into that machine, you'll become a robot! Then you will do MY bidding! (Sigma glances at a list he has in his pocket. It says "American Idol Bratz Dolls") Soon, soon I will have you…

Santa: No! I won't become a soulless hunk of metal!

MegaMan bursts in heroically.

MegaMan: That was uncalled for…

Sigma: You're too late!

Santa enters the machine.

MegaMan: NO!

Santa emerges from the machine.

Santabot: Ho ho ho…

Act break.

Act 3:

Sigma: Success! I made a robotic Santa!

KI: That's Santabot as in the evil one from Futurama.

Sigma: WHAT? I never meant to go as far as making an evil robot!

Santabot: You've all been very naughty!

Sigma: Look, I needed the ivory!

Santabot: Now this ho ho horrible town/

KI lunges at Santabot and attacks him with all his SNES energy. But it doesn't work.

KI: THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

Santabot: I can make whatever I want! That includes SNESes, the only thing that can block SNES energy!

Santabot gets into his robotic slay and takes off with his robotic reindeer.

KI: Where did… never mind. We have to stop Santa!

Zero arrives.

Zero: I got here as soon as the Doug Christmas special was over/

KI: GRIS! That was tonight?

Zero: And I'm ready to help save Christmas! But you've found some excuse for none of the characters who could easily overpower Santabot being able to do anything, right?

Jesus: Right.

"Jesus" takes off his beard, revealing himself to be Zoidberg.

MegaMan: Then how can we save Christmas?

KI there might be a way to overpower Santa. If we pile on enough Christmas special clichés at once, we might be able to overload him.

And so KI summons the endings of Olive the Other Reindeer, The Nightmare Before Christmas, every single Simpsons Christmas special, the Doug, Rugrats, Hey Arnold, and Rocko specials, and the War on Christmas ending.

KI: Santabot was defeated! He's normal Santa again!

Zero: That was anti-climactic.

Santa: But now I don't have time to deliver presents to all the children of the world!

MegaMan: Then we have to save Christmas!

KI: I'll do my part. Leave every video game you were going to deliver here, I'll hand them out after you leave.

Santa: But what am I going to do? I don't have any reindeer left!

Wily: Sorry, I was hungry.

Santa: This isn't like having to deliver presents faster then the speed of light or lugging around billions of gifts, this is serious!

MegaMan: With the magic of Christmas, anything's possible!

Narrator: And so, MegaMan worked through the night. By the end, he had delivered toys to 342 houses.

MegaMan: I'm sorry Santa, I just couldn't do it. I guess Christmas is ruined…

Santa: I guess… wait a second, it's December 19th! I have plenty of time.

Santa leaves.

MegaMan: To everyone watching, have a merry Christmas and a happy 1993.


	35. ProtoMan V: Cliched Harry Potter Parody

Episode 34: ProtoMan and the Now Cliched Harry Potter Parody Part 1

It's another day in ProtoMan's cupboard under the stairs.

ProtoMan: Yet another day where no one notices me.

Tour Guide: And to our left, we see a completely empty cupboard.

Tourists: Oooohhhh….

Light takes a picture.

ProtoMan: If only someone would notice me, I'd fight MegaMan, steal KI's controller, win a principal for the day contest, or sell my soul.

Jack Thompson appears.

Jack: Did I hear someone mention a principal for the day contest?

A letter drops through the mail slot.

Light: Who's that letter for?

MegaMan: Someone named ProtoMan.

Light: Another letter we got by mistake. See if there's any money in it, then burn it.

ProtoMan: I got a letter! But it's gone…

Two more letters fall through the mail slot.

Light: Two more for ProtoMan.

Light burns them. A dozen letters fall through the door.

Light: 11 more for ProtoMan!

Light burns the ProtoMan ones, and his renewed driver's license.

A giant knocks down the door.

Giant: Stop wasting paper you jerk!

The giant leaves.

MegaMan: Why is ProtoMan getting so many letters? Could they be from Hogwarts?

Light: No, they don't use mail anymore, they got a cardboard box in the mail, and next thing you knew, Snake killed Dumbledore.

1,000 letters pour in through the chimney… right into the active fire place.

Light: That was convenient.

There's a knock on the door.

Light: Come in!

MegaMan: Why is the door left unlocked?

Light: I'm hoping someone will rob us, safest way to get the insurance money.

MagicMan walks in.

MagicMan: I'm here to offer ProtoMan entry to the best robot magic school in the world!

Light: There's no ProtoMan here.

ProtoMan bursts out of the cupboard.

ProtoMan: Yes there is!

Light: Well, then by all means, go off with this stranger.

ProtoMan: Will people notice me at this school?

MagicMan: Oh yes, more then you could ever imagine… BWAHAHAHAHA! I mean, yes, and it will come at a horrible price… I mean, yes!

ProtoMan: Finally!

MagicMan: Now, there is the matter of tuition.

ProtoMan: I knew it was too good to be true.

MagicMan: There isn't any. Get packed.

ProtoMan puts his suitcase collection in a bigger suitcase.

MagicMan: Then off you go to your new life!

Act break.

Act 2:

ProtoMan goes outside.

MagicMan: Robot wizards don't require mundane travel devices like the rest of the people on this show.

MagicMan glances condescendingly at Light's Skull Tank.

MagicMan: We use broomsticks.

MagicMan takes out two rocket powered broom sticks.

MagicMan: They cost as much to make as a passenger plane that travels ten times as fast and seats hundreds, but it's worth it! Now, you're going to escape the cruelty and monotony of your current life and go to a school with obscene amounts of homework and several corrupt and hateful teachers that I do nothing to regulate.

ProtoMan: Will anyone be trying to kill me?

MagicMan: You better hope someone does, that's a graduation requirement.

They travel to an isolated castle.

MagicMan: This is the school.

ProtoMan: This entire castle?

MagicMan: No, we just rent a floor of it. Now let's join the opening feast.

Cut to ProtoMan sitting at a table filled with food.

MagicMan: Students, I would like to welcome you all to another year at MagicMan's Robot Wizard Academy! Please enjoy the opening feast, a display of our food conjuring powers we're using to impress robots who don't eat instead of helping the hungry. Take some cures to diseases robots can't catch while you're at it.

ProtoMan turns to the robot next to him.

ProtoMan: So what's school like here?

The robot punches ProtoMan in the face, rips off his arms, slices off his legs, and spits on him.

Robot: Well, the kids are pretty nice.

MagicMan: One final announcement, we have a very important student coming here for the first time.

ProtoMan: Can he mean…

MagicMan: The student who may very well save this school from its inevitable violent and painful fate…

The students, who had never heard anything about this, start whispering to each other worriedly.

MagicMan: I refer to of course, the most important new student ever… MEGAMAN!

ProtoMan: You have to be grissing kidding me.

MagicMan: Of course I am! It's ProtoMan, welcome to our school.

ProtoMan goes upstairs to bed.

ProtoMan: Wow, a place where people actually care about me…

Cut to MegaMan's house.

Light: I think those noises from the cupboard under the stairs finally stopped!

Cut to ProtoMan asleep in his new bed.

MagicMan: Yes, sleep, sleep soundly… WHILE YOU CAN! Soon, my insomnia spell will be perfected! Then, I'll think of something worse to do to you.

Act break.

Act 3:

It's another day at MagicMan's School for Robot Wizards.

MageMan: We have a new student with us today.

ProtoMan: Who?

MageMan: So I'll go over exactly what the point of this class is. ProtoMan, would you like to learn incredible magical spells that will improve your life and let you enact horrible vengeance upon those who ignored you?

ProtoMan: Yes!

MageMan: Then this is the class for you!

Cut to ProtoMan doing a 500 page research assignment on paper clips.

MageMan: Welcome to MageMan's Spirit Breaking class!

ProtoMan: This isn't as fun as I thought it would be when I read the description…

The bell rings.

MageMan: Not done yet? 50 points from Gridcore!

ProtoMan:…What?

Student: He keeps mentioning stuff like that, no one knows what he's talking about, just back away.

ProtoMan goes to his next class, potions with SnapeMan.

SnapeMan: Today, we're making a potion to change a TV's channel from up to 30 inches away! Just another example of how much better we are then those pathetic technology based robots!

ProtoMan tries to make the very complex potion, but it ends up exploding.

SnapeMan: That explosion wasn't nearly big enough! You fail!

Cut to ProtoMan at his next class, divination.

CrystalMan: We have a new student, ProtoMan. To demonstrate my power, let me see into your life…

A vision of MegaMan appears on the crystal ball.

CrystalMan: What an interesting person!

CrystalMan spends the entire class raving about MegaMan. Finally, it ends.

ProtoMan: This school isn't exactly fun so far. But it can't get much worse, and only one more class for today. I wonder who the teacher is… FOR THE LOVE OF GRIS, NO! NOT YOU!

KI: Shut up and take your seat.

After two hours of sweatshop labor making doing the most mind numbing, soul crushing, devoid of creativity work imaginable:

KI: Okay, that's another episode of MegaMan Jr. High written, class dismissed.

The school day is finally over.

ProtoMan: Well at least people notice me here…

Cut to KI reading over the newly written episode:

KI: "It was the best of times, it was the _blurst_ of times"? You stupid robot!

Cut back to ProtoMan:

ProtoMan: And I didn't get any homework/

MagicMan: ProtoMan, tonight I need you to polish the 50 foot statue of MegaMan.

ProtoMan: Why me? Why do you even have the statue?

MagicMan: I won a lifetime supply of statue polish, and I'm not letting it go to waste! Now get to it!

ProtoMan finally finishes the statue around midnight. He goes back to his dorm.

Guard Painting: Can not locate save. Please insert memory card with save data.

ProtoMan: What memory card?

KI: Instead of passwords, I have to explain every joke to you!

ProtoMan spends the night outside in the cold. Soon, it's morning. Time for another day of classes.

ProtoMan: This is the worst Christmas ever…

To be continued.


	36. ProtoMan V Part 2

Episode 35: ProtoMan and the Now Cliched Harry Potter Parody Part 2

Previously, on MegaMan Jr. High:

Light: We're low on money, what should we do?

StarMan: How would you like to have your house become a tourist spot?

Light: Hmmm…..

Tour Guide: And to your left, is an empty cupboard.

Tourists: Ooooohhhh….

Light takes a picture.

We now continue.

ProtoMan has been at his new school for a week. After an awkward first day at school, the staff refined their classes to be more miserable.

ProtoMan: I can't take much more of this, maybe I should just go home.

MagicMan is watching his surveillance camera network. He slapped a sticker saying "Magic!" over all the electronics' serial numbers.

MagicMan: Yes, my plan is working! By the time I'm through with you, you'll wish you were dead! Then I'll make it worse, I'll kill you!

ProtoMan goes into Sprit Breaking with MageMan.

MageMan: Class, we have a very important assignment today! We've been lucky enough to secure a shipment of dung beetles, and I want you to train them to eat toxic waste! Now, we are a little low on gloves/

Sparks start coming out of MageMan's head.

Student: He's contracted a fatal virus!

MagicMan rushes in as fast as he can.

MagicMan: You mean he suffered from a _deadly curse_!

MagicMan leaves.

MageMan: With my last breath… I leave a needlessly vague clue…

MageMan writes a message in Hylian on the board.

ProtoMan: We need to analyze this!

ProtoMan pours through hundreds of old magazines until he learns how to decipher Hylian.

MagicMan: So much better then just Googling it.

ProtoMan: His final message was… "With my last breath, I curse _Zoidberg_!" I can't believe I just wasted so much time…

ProtoMan goes to potions with SnapeMan.

SnapeMan: Today we're making a potion to work towards our crowning achievement in amusement devices!

We see a Candyland set where the pieces talk.

SnapeMan: But first/

SnapeMan starts sputtering and bleeding sparks.

ProtoMan: Snape? Snape! SNAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPE!

SnapeMan falls over dead.

ProtoMan: A virus/

MagicMan: Curse!

ProtoMan: is killing all the teachers! I wonder if it affects kids also?

MagicMan: That doesn't matter!

ProtoMan: I guess some things about school never change.

Act break.

Act 2:

ProtoMan goes to his next class, Script Writing.

KI: You're ten seconds early! Go wait outside!

ProtoMan goes outside. KI opens the door five minutes later.

KI: You're ten seconds late!

ProtoMan: A virus has been going around, killing the teachers, and possibly the students!

KI: You're the only one who showed up, so that's a safe bet.

ProtoMan: Aren't you worried?

KI: I have the power of SNES. SNES doesn't get viruses, viruses get Chuck Norrised!... Then SNES beats up Chuck Norris or something.

ProtoMan: What could be causing the virus?

KI: Let's see, a chamber hidden in the bathroom? Nah, I don't like poop jokes, debated to even do the dung beetle one. The fart factory by snot hill? Maybe… I've got it! The virus is being caused by some kind of ancient mystical monster in the broom closet!

ProtoMan: That sounds stupid.

KI: How about a broom closet with a small TV in it?

ProtoMan: I miss TV so much… how are you surviving without technology here?

KI: I've been fine so far (KI screams in agony, withers up, and dies) Nah, just kidding. You can use technology here, the whole magic thing is obviously fake. Now go confront the monster.

ProtoMan heads to the Broom Closet of Plot Importance.

ProtoMan: Time to save this horrible school!

ProtoMan enters the closest.

ProtoMan: I see it! The source of the virus!

There's an Atari 400 computer hooked up to the TV, running the school.

ProtoMan: What idiot trusted Atari with their work…

Cut to Nolan Bushnell giving a presentation.

Bushnell: So as you can see by the cheap sticker over the serial number, this TV remote runs not by technology, but by MAGIC!

The auditorium is empty, no one showed up.

Bushnell: I haven't felt this worthless since Johnson turned down my job offer…

Cut back to ProtoMan.

ProtoMan: All I have to do is destroy this computer, once the power source for this whole school is terminated, its problems will be over!

ProtoMan shoots the computer. A power surge occurs, and all the candles go out.

ProtoMan: I saved the school!

ProtoMan triumphantly goes to MagicMan's office.

ProtoMan: I saved the school from the evil curse!

MagicMan: Well, come join the school for a feast!

ProtoMan and the surviving students (apparently there were only three teachers) gather in the main hall.

MagicMan: Students, the dark times for our school have passed. And it's all thanks to ProtoMan!

ProtoMan: I'm a hero! Who cares if the school is horrible, I've found where I belong!

MagicMan: Yes, you have. In the… GRAVE!

KI: That's not where destroyed robots belong!

ProtoMan:…WHAT?

MagicMan: You were supposed to die! The curse was supposed to destroy you! Why didn't it?

KI: The power company shut off the power. Writing "Magic" on a check doesn't mean it counts as bill payment.

MagicMan: AARRRGGGHHHHHH!

ProtoMan: What's going on here! Why are you trying to kill me?

MagicMan: You fool, you don't understand what you took from me!

KI: This is boring. I'm leaving.

Act break.

Act 3:

MagicMan: You stole everything from me!

ProtoMan: I never even met you! Weren't you the science teacher at MegaMan Jr. High or something?

MegaMan: That's my cue. Hi everyone, just popping in because I have to be in every episode.

Zero: What about the second commercial episode? Or the spin-off showcase?

KI: Shut up and leave.

It's back to just ProtoMan and MagicMan.

MagicMan: I'm not who you think!

MagicMan picks up a frying pan and bashes his head.

MagicMan: Why did they make it so that evil disguise programs could only be turned off by significant injury?

MagicMan starts flashing, and changes form.

ProtoMan: **DarkMan!**

DarkMan: That's right! At the end of the principal for a day episode, you showed up and destroyed me, assumed my life and acted exactly like I did. Most people reading this probably forgot I was even in the series! All you do is complain, you have more then I do!

ProtoMan: So you want revenge on me. That still doesn't explain why you constructed an elaborate Harry Potter parody just to destroy me.

DarkMan: I wanted to crush you from within! Give you your dream of being the main character, turn it into a nightmare, and THEN destroy you, and after that return to your home as you and resuming my old, crappy life!

ProtoMan: I'm not letting you!

DarkMan: I've waited a long time for this! You're not escaping!

ProtoMan: You can't destroy me!

DarkMan: Why not? We act exactly the same, KI doesn't care about you, why shouldn't he just switch us again?

ProtoMan: Um…

DarkMan: There's no rule of clichés to save you! This is a real fight!

DarkMan lunges at ProtoMan.

DarkMan: This is for replacing me!

DarkMan punches ProtoMan.

DarkMan: This is for not appreciating your role!

DarkMan punches ProtoMan.

DarkMan: This is for hogging an entire ProtoMan episode!

DarkMan gives ProtoMan a thank you card for dealing with Jack Thompson.

DarkMan: It's over!

DarkMan charges up his blaster. He's about to shoot ProtoMan in the face when…

MegaMan: I won't let you do this!

MegaMan blasts DarkMan.

ProtoMan: How did you know I was here?

MegaMan: My arts and crafts course is in this castle on a different floor. ProtoMan, come back home!

ProtoMan: I can't tell what I should do! Face my violent death, or go home?

DarkMan: Choose death!

ProtoMan: That does seem to have more logic behind it, but I feel drawn to going home.

DarkMan: Wrong answer!

ProtoMan and DarkMan face each other. They begin charging up their blasters.

DarkMan: Time to die! Avada Kadavra!

Nothing happens.

DarkMan: Gris, it was fake/

ProtoMan's fully charged blast hits DarkMan and he explodes.

ProtoMan: It's over.

MegaMan: And now you've finally learned to be happy with your life and care about your/

ProtoMan fires another charged blast at MegaMan.

MegaMan: Jerk.

And so ProtoMan's ordeal is over! Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	37. Wiki War

Episode 36: Wiki War

It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why Fuzzy makes you dizzy. Now hand in your reports on the enemies in Spark Mandril's stage.

The class hands in their reports.

ElecMan: Now, I will go over them out loud. That may seem a little cruel, but it will prepare you for the real world.

Cut to ElecMan on a date.

ElecMan: I know this sounds silly, but I can't help feeling we were somehow destined for each other.

ElecWoman: I also feel/

Sigma barges into the restaurant.

Sigma: ElecMan, next time you're late grading papers because you're crying over no one responding to your singles ad, I'm cutting your pay and you won't be able to afford your impotency medication!

Cut back to the class.

ElecMan: So let's see… Bass, MegaMan X didn't have goombas in it. Roll, there wasn't a rhythm game in it. MegaMan you idiot, the floor stopped being electrified after you beat Storm Eagle's stage, not Armored Armadillo's! You fail, and detention!

A few more papers I don't feel like writing out his comments for later:

ElecMan: Zero… I can't find anything to complain about in your paper. As a teacher, that makes me feel extremely disappointed. Everything is right, and you even cited your references with Wikipedia/

Sigma barges in.

ElecMan: At least no one I care about is here…

Sigma: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

ElecMan: That Zero/

Sigma: Just, just a second…

Sigma pulls out a cell phone and calls ElecWoman.

Sigma: That idiot ElecMan messed up again, I'll put the phone on speaker. Anyway, did you just say someone cited _Wikipedia_ as a reference?

Zero: I did.

Sigma: I knew it was you all along! You're always causing trouble! Whenever there's a fire, whenever someone gets sick from the school food, whenever there's a violent conflict, YOU always tell the authorities! And now, you're trying to pass off Wikipedia as a reliable source! When I was a kid, back in 21XX, we spent hours searching through libraries for information, and we liked it! Now you can just type it into Wikipedia and get that same information, it's made you a bunch of lazy, stupid/

Zero: You're arguing that it _isn't_ the same information.

Sigma: Stop trying to make this about my obvious bitterness! The point is, I will not accept Wikipedia as a valid source! It was written by people, that means it's unreliable!

Zero: That's ridiculous. Wikipedia being edited by normal people lets it have more information then a single person could possibly collect. Wikipedia pretty much knows everything.

MegaMan: It's can't know _everything_.

Zero: Well, if you want to bring God into it, but it knows everything humans do.

Sigma: Wikipedia is unreliable! I'm declaring **War on Wikipedia!** You're either with us, or against us!

Zero: Fine, then I'm leading the side in favor of Wikipedia.

Sigma grumbles something about hoping Zero would be on his side.

Act break.

Act 2:

Sigma: It's time to choose sides!

Ralph Wiggum: What's a side?

Sigma: This is a civil war! Everyone is either with me or Zero! Now sign up under the banners!

Under the "I'm with Zero!" banner we have

MegaMan, Roll, Axl, Rock Monster, KI, ElecMan, Tommy Tallarico, Bender, Dale, Johnson, the O Rly Owl, Spiderman, and Wily.

Under the "I'm not with Zero!" banner we have

Sigma, Light, Rush, Ceil, Bass, Peggy Hill, ProtoMan, the Ya Rly Owl, Batman, Nolan Bushnell, Liquid Snake, Captain Planet, and Ranger.

Sigma: The MegaMan Jr. High Civil War, or Wiki War, is under way! Your friends are now your enemies, your enemies are now your friends, and your neutral acquaintances are now your pets!

It's another day at the now divided MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why we can say with a fair amount of confidence that Jesus not only supported Wikipedia, but regularly edited it.

Bass: I'm tired of this Wikipedia bias in the classroom!

Roll: No one cares what you think, go back to looking through paper encyclopedias.

Ceil: True intellectuals waste time for no reason!

MegaMan: Can't you see, this fighting is tearing us apart!

Axl: Normally I don't actually follow the plots on this show/

KI: I hear that.

Axl: but this is a worthy cause! The anti-Wikipedia elitism is just stupid.

KI: And he's not just saying that to suck up so MMJH can get an article! The rest of us are, but not Axl.

MegaMan: Look, there has to be some middle ground, some agreement we can reach/

Sigma fires a gigantic energy beam through the door.

Sigma: Your precious Wikipedia said that energy beams were a good thing to shoot people with!

Zero: It doesn't say that.

Sigma: But, I edited it just a second ago…

Sigma edits it again.

Sigma: See, now it has unreliable… gris!

The edit got reverted.

Sigma: I'm not giving up!

Sigma edits it again.

Sigma: As I was/

The edit is reverted and Sigma gets banned.

Sigma: AARRRGGHH!

KI: You're not going to win. I once forgot to give an edit summary for a Goosebumps book and the change was reverted within a minute, that really happened.

Sigma: Fine, I'll stick with trying to find errors!

It's later that night. MegaMan is at home having dinner.

MegaMan: So anyway, the nurse said she didn't _think_ it was black plague, but Sigma locked down the school and filed a lawsuit against Europe anyway/

Rush throws a dog bone at MegaMan.

MegaMan: OW! Look, we may be on different sides, but let's try to be mature about/

Light throws a spoonful of mashed potatoes at MegaMan. MegaMan retaliates with peas from a straw.

Axl: Can we just order a pizza or something? This box of dinner time clichés has little actual food in it.

Rush throws an anvil at Axl.

MegaMan: This is getting out of control! Our town is consumed by fighting! Sigma and Wily are battling in giant death tanks, Tommy Tallarico and Peggy Hill are on the verge of getting a divorce, the O Rly and Ya Rly owls are disagreeing with each other, and KI and Zero are locked in fatal… wait, they're on the same side!

KI: We're aware of that.

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan: I have to do something to stop the senseless fighting!

Cut to Sigma giving orders to his supporters who are slaving over computers.

Sigma: Search! Search! We have to find Wikipedia Mistakes of Doom, I promised I'd find them!

Batman: There just aren't any!

Sigma: The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence!

Cut back to MegaMan.

MegaMan: I have to find a way to stop this…

Cut to the weekly spirit assembly.

Sigma: School, I know there's been a lot of fighting recently, but let's not forget what's important: making those grissing Wikipedia supporters pay!

MegaMan rushes onto the stage.

Sigma: They… they said the stage was protected… AAAAHHHHHH!

Sigma runs for cover.

MegaMan: Everyone, we have to stop fighting over something so trivial! Who cares if Wikipedia is reliable? It's just a website!

Zero rushes onto the stage.

MegaMan: How'd you do that without disabling the security?

Zero: It's about more then that! There's too much elitism, people assuming that just because something is new, it's inferior. Do you know there are actually people out there who think the original Zelda is better then the newest ones?

Wily: Yes! KI's driven that into the ground!

Zero: Anyway, it has to stop! Wikipedia is a free, vast source of information, and people distrust it just for being new!

Sigma: I don't hate it just for being new! Anyone can edit it, it might be wrong!

Zero: They have people constantly checking it, and most incorrect information is blatant vandalism, are you really going to think Barney regularly recites the Man from Nantucket limerick?

Sigma: I think I speak for everyone who doubts Wikipedia when I say I'm too stupid to put even the slightest amount of effort into recognizing context!

Several people in the audience glare at him.

Zero: Look, have you found any actual errors during your Wikipedia search?

Sigma: Possibly, I didn't really have anything to check them against, why can't they make a wiki site that helps you discredit wiki sites?

Zero: Then end this pointless war! Let my homework assignment stand!

Sigma: Never!

Zero: Then let the battle commence!

The two sides charge, lethal weapons raised on both sides. They rush towards each other, eventually coming into contact to… watch Zero and Sigma compete in an essay writing contest.

Zero uses his Wikipedia to get information. Sigma uses a physical encyclopedia.

Zero: Done.

Sigma: Where the gris is pneumonia in this stupid thing? How am I supposed to write a report on words that are hard to look up alphabetically under these conditions?

Zero: I won.

Sigma: You won't get away with this! As soon as I finish a paper based search to look up legal arguments in favor of me failing you, you'll pay!

And so Sigma begins his search for the obscure information with no internet. But by the time he finishes it, all laws and modern civilizations have faded. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	38. AtarKI

Episode 37: AtarKI

KI: Welcome to MegaMan Jr. High. Today, we are going to look at a chilling vision of what could have been. This episode takes place in an alternate reality where KI/

Zero: You mean you?

KI: I don't know, the real/false KI stuff is too confusing for me to follow. Anyway, this will show what would happen if KI grew up with and became loyal to Atari. Due to the butterfly effect, this causes the MegaMan series to start on Atari and much earlier then in normal reality, because of Keiji Inafune having a fateful run in with a butterfly. Thus, we see MegaMan Jr. High as it would be under Atari's influence.

It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why the great Bushnell was justified in being bitter about only making 20 million from the idea he stole. Now everyone go home.

MegaMan leaves the school. He falls into an ET pit.

MegaMan: Why does this keep happening?

Cut to a meticulously polished solid gold title screen

MegaMan: How am I supposed to get out of here?

MegaMan tries to climb out, but keeps falling back in due to poor collision detection.

MegaMan: It's hopeless!

ET: Yeah, pretty much, I've been trying to get out of here for a a while. Did they ever finish those pyramids I started?

Zero walks by.

MegaMan: Zero! Help me get out of here, or at least demonstrate what makes you different in this alternate reality!

Zero: I have a new hat.

Zero pulls MegaMan out.

MegaMan: Finally, I can go home!

MegaMan approaches his house. It's broken down and dilapidated, the town has clearly fallen on some hard times, or I'm about to steal that Futurama joke where they find the ruins of Fry's house and then flashback to it looking exactly the same.

Light: The economy just keeps getting worse and worse. The game industry keeps sinking, and crap like that new Super Mario Bros game/

Axl: NSMB? It's 1985!

Light: The n was lowercase. Anyway, anyone who thinks junk like that can help the industry is stuck in their own little Super Mario world! Doing the same things that crashed it is the only logical answer!

MegaMan: Don't you think we should at least give it a chance?

Sirens go off.

Light: Great, you activated the independent thought alarm by saying that!

The house is locked down.

Axl: So much for Rush getting back in, I hope he finds something to eat for dinner…

Cut to Rush mauling ET

Light: Now, **he's** coming.

MegaMan: You mean KI? The person we've presumably seen constantly since the show started?

Zero: The audience hasn't, his first appearance in Atari form is getting buildup.

The door flies open. Atari KI has appeared.

Act break.

Act 2:

KI enters the house. You don't know what KI looks like anyway so I don't see why I'm bothering, but KI is wearing a pixilated cape, a crown that could be a badly drawn M, and has the Atari logo tattooed on his hand.

KI: Who suggested supporting Nintendo!

KI takes out a joystick.

MegaMan: The joystick he uses to control our dimension!

Zero: Thanks, no way we could have figured that out by ourselves.

KI: SILENCE! Atari is the only game company we must follow! Need I remind you of how much they've influenced gaming? From our designers…

Cut to Keiji Inafune looking over his master design plan.

Inafune: Someday, someday I will design you, the best MegaMan yet!

Inafune puts the MegaMan DOS folder away.

KI:… to our internet gaming icons…

Cut to the Angry Video Game Nerd huddled in a padded room.

AVGN: Can't… take it… so… horrible…

We see a pile of the worst Atari games behind him.

KI:… and even myself!

Cut to KI playing Atari for the first time at his cousin's house.

Kid KI: Well, if this is all gaming has to offer, I guess I'll choke it down.

Cut back to KI.

KI: So, as you can see, Atari has just made everything better! If we give Nintendo a chance, Nintendo's won!

MegaMan: But gaming has just been getting worse and worse!

KI: And you think two plumbers are going to change that? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Now go back to your school run by your arch enemy and named after you.

MegaMan goes to school.

ElecMan: What are you doing here? It's 6PM, class doesn't start until 7PM!

MegaMan: ElecMan, you're the closest thing to an adult role model I have/

ElecMan: Our town and everything in it is a complete failure…

MegaMan: Why do we have to follow Atari just because KI grew up with it?

ElecMan: Because KI controls our fate and minds.

MegaMan: That wasn't really the point…

More sirens go off.

MegaMan: What now?

Roll: The most evil and annoying villain is approaching! Miyatommy Tallamoto!

MegaMan: What. The. Gris.

KI: Butterflies, thousands of them. But you're right, let's just call him Miyamoto, the point was made.

Miyamoto: I can help you, if you'll just try NES/

Bass: What an immature jerk.

KI: You'll never convince me! I was raised on Atari, and I'll die with Atari! I'm fairly sure the cosmos are with me on this.

KI dodges yet another lightning bolt.

Miyamoto: But if you'd just try it/

KI: No! Bushnell, I summon thee!

Nolan Bushnell appears.

Bushnell: I'll help you, but it will cost you.

KI: Of course, I'm not crazy enough to think you'd let me mention you in a free text comic without compensation.

Bushnell takes some money.

Bushnell: Okay then. Ahem, "Go KI!" Bye.

Bushnell leaves.

Miyamoto: Look, you can't get out of this. Atari crashed the industry, and Nintendo is going to revive it whether you like it or not.

KI: Just try! Face my ATARI energy!

KI's joystick starts to glow.

Miyamoto: BWAHAHAHA…. Sorry about that, some of the Tommy Tallarico fusion must have been left over.

KI: You'll never defeat Atari!

KI releases the built up energy. He falls into a pit.

Miyamoto: Time to reshape gaming!

Act break.

Act 3:

And in a flash, history happens. NES revives the console industry, and Atari is nothing but a distant memory that occasionally emerges to commit patent fraud or take advantage of anti-Japanese racism.

KI: I lost…

Miyamoto: Will you just try NES?

KI: Why bother? Gaming's dead.

Five years later:

MegaMan: Do you ever think KI will play again?

Zero: Well, they are releasing this new system called SNES…

KI: Forget it! I'll never play a Nintendo system, never!

MegaMan: Why? Why can't you just admit that games are better now?

KI: Why can't you just admit that it's time to make a game explaining what happened with Wily and Zero!

MegaMan: Look, can't you just try SNES? You might like it.

KI: Yeah, sure, I'll "like" it. Then I'll love it so much I write multiple series where it's the ultimate source of power. That's ridiculous. But fine, I'll try it to get you off my back!

KI purposely picks the worst SNES game ever made, and plays it.

KI: See, it's not that much better then the best Atari game!

Zero: Here, try this.

Zero puts Super Mario World into the SNES.

KI: Fine, I'll play for 10 seconds, but that's it!

3 seconds later:

KI: (to himself) This is the greatest thing ever! I can't believe how great this is! (out loud) It, um, sucks! It's so unrealistic, plumbers jumping five times their height, that's about as believable as hedgehogs carrying out stealth missions in cardboard boxes! I'm never playing this again!

MegaMan: I guess he just can't change. If only he had played SNES first…

KI: Well I didn't! My heart belongs to Atari, and they're practically bankrupt, even if I wanted it back I have no idea where it is!

Miyamoto arrives.

Miyamoto: You have to get over Atari!

KI: I can't, they're just such a great villain for this parody, it's not like I'm really still holding onto hatred of them, they're just fun to make fun of and… crap, I'm supposed to be in character! Ahem, NEVER! I'll play Atari, or I won't play video games at all!

A few years later, Jaguar comes out.

KI: Well, I guess my fate has been decided.

KI never plays another video game again. The years pass, and KI becomes more and more bitter. It's the 2000s again.

KI: I now know my purpose in life. I can't enjoy gaming, so I will try my best to spread misery to all gamers, especially Nintendo fans. From this day forth, I shall be known as…

**Segabastard!**

KI: And so we we see what would have happened if KI had grown up with Atari. Stay tuned to the next MegaMan Jr. High, and maybe I'll tell you about how KI being born before gaming would have turned him into Jack Thompson.


	39. MidLight Crisis

Episode 38: Mid-Light Crisis

It's another day in Dr. Light's lab.

Light: Finally! Success!

Light fills in what he think is his crossword puzzle, but soon become frustrated and throws out the Sudoku page.

Light: Let's see what's on TV.

Light turns on the TV. The Game Over screen from Super Mario Bros 3 is there.

Light: I'm so grissing sick of this show! I wish my remote still worked!

Light presses all the buttons on his controller, but the channel doesn't change. The game doesn't either, since it was a PS2 controller. Light throws the controller at the TV, and the channel changes.

TV: Do you feel like you're stuck in a rut? Like you haven't accomplished anything in your life, and have one foot in the grave? Then maybe you should consider… quitting smoking!

Light: But… I don't smoke, not since I set the bed on fire, who knew nicotine gum was so flammable?

Cut to later. Light's family is having dinner together, due to violent threats from Nick at Nite.

Light: Kids, I don't know who else to turn to, I want your honest opinions on this: was I more exciting before you were born?

Axl:…

MegaMan: Well, it has been awhile since you made a new invention.

Light: It hasn't been that long! And I'll have you know I went back to college just last month!

Light points to a newspaper headline reading "local man steals all ketchup packets at Yale"

Light: I've done plenty with my life! I made two or more wonderful children, and that's plenty to… who the gris am I kidding.

It's later that night. Light is alone in his office.

Light: There's no point in pretending, my life has gotten completely boring. I can't even remember the last time I went to the naked roller disco. Well no more! I've doing more with my life! I know, I'll talk to some other adults and see what they do to make their lives interesting, like Wily and Sigma and KI… wait, how old is KI anyway?

KI: I have no idea, not sure if I age or stay the same like the characters in kids shows.

Light: Anyway, time to get a life beyond being the parental figure in the show!

Cut to Light at Wily's house.

Wily: I mainly spend my time reading a magazine devoted to killing MegaMan.

Light: I'm not wasting my time with an EGM reader!

Cut to Light at Sigma's house.

Sigma: I watch American Idol and old Berenstain Bears videos.

Cut to Light at KI's house.

KI: I trick people into coming into my house, and devour their souls.

Light: Can I try?

KI: No!

Light: Jerk.

Cut to Light at Tommy Tallarico's house.

Tommy: I read the works of Greek philosophers and savor the gameplay of vintage 16-bit classics.

Light is back in his lab.

Light: I can't do any of that! My life is empty and meaningless, and always will be!

Act break.

Act 2:

Light: I've come to a decision. If I can't have an interesting life as an adult, I'll reclaim my youth!

Cut to Light in front of a toy store.

Light: Time to have some fun again!

Light throws bricks through all the windows.

Light: That's a little better, but I know what I need, a new car!

Light runs into the toy store and steels a car from inside.

Light: I'm glad Toys 'R Us merged with Al's Hondas and Subarus.

Light drives away.

Light: This is great! I committed vandalism, I'm driving over the speed limit, and I stole a car! It's just like being 8 again!

Light drives by MegaMan Jr. High.

Light: Hey! Rebel against authority!

Sigma: Okay.

Sigma trashes his office.

Light: Time to show this town what I'm really made of!

One arrest for public indecency later:

Light: I've really lived it up today, I think I'll go home.

And he does.

Axl: Dad, what were thinking? You made the news!

Cut to SearchMan standing in front of the Toys 'R Us Light broke into.

SearchMan: The new pavement for this parking lot was put in today, and/

Light runs over SearchMan.

Light: I'm just being myself! I wasn't always the boring, responsible parent I pretend to be whenever Social Services comes by, and now I'm finally having fun again!

Axl: You have to have balance! What if the other adults on this show acted like… never mind.

Light: I'm a free spirit! A rebel without a cause! A sprite without collision detection!

MegaMan laughs.

MegaMan: I get it! Tommy Tallarico's leisure activities were the opposite of what you'd expect!

Light: The Light you knew is gone! I'm not a kid anymore, I don't have to listen to my children!

Light jumps on his car which is now inexplicably a motorcycle, and speeds away.

Light: I'll show them! No one has authority over me, nobody!

Light suddenly finds himself in KI's house.

KI: Light, my house isn't clean! Take that duster and broom, sell them, and use the money to build me a new house!

Light: But…

KI: I don't want to hear it! Shut up, do what I say, and do it with a smile, or even better a Disney style musical number!

KI leaves, slamming the door. He opens it again.

KI: And yes, I AM just being an authoritarian jerk to move the plot along, and I don't care if you like it!

KI leaves Light to toil.

Light: I finally find a reason to live, and KI takes it away! I know what I'll do to leave my mark now, I'll take down KI!

Act break.

Act 3:

Light: Okay, time to think of a way to take down KI. He has to have a weakness, just like that famous character. He had that green thing, and it made him weak… oh right, Popeye and spinach! I have to find KI's spinach…

One miserably failed attempt to weaken KI with SNES and a Wikipedia search to find out who actually was weakened by a green thing later:

Light: Okay, I have to find KI's weakness. This should be simple, what does KI hate most? Puns! And ants!... and Wendy's, and Atari, and Jack Thompson, and laughtracks, and nuts, and old Hanna Barbara cartoons, and… this isn't going anywhere, I need KI's weakness!

Light thinks deeply, trying to figure it out.

Light: Screw it, I'll just attack him normally.

Light marches up to KI's fortress. A giant head appears.

Head: Who dares disturb the great and mighty insurance salesman Maldor while he is going door to door?

Light: Out of my way!

Light goes to KI's door and pounds on it.

KI: I wish I could stop you from entering, but the law of clichéd shows states no one can EVER lock their door.

Light charges in.

Light: KI, I've had enough of living under your rule!

KI: You're free to go any time. I'll just pull you back here after you leave.

Light: I'm tired of you bossing me around! Your reign ends here!

Light charges at KI. KI sets up a wall of SNES energy that Light slams into.

Light: You won't stop me that easily!

Light tries to climb the wall of SNES energy. KI knocks it over, making it slam down on Light.

KI: You have no chance of winning. This is MY show!

Light: I don't care who controls this show, you don't control me/

Light finds himself outside KI's house.

Light: Gris!

Cut to Light sitting in his lab.

Light: I lost. I've reached mid-life, and I have nothing to show for it. I'll never do meaningful things in my 40s like Miyamoto or Matt Groening or Jesus.

Light sits there depressed. Many weeks pass.

Light: Great, another meaningless day.

Light walks out of his lab.

Main Characters: SURPRISE!

Light: A surprise party, for me?

Wily: No! We wanted to give you a heart attack, but you had to survive!

Everyone leaves.

Light: My life is completely meaningless… just like everyone else'es! No one in this town will amount to anything! They just all gathered together just to try to give me a heart attack, they have nothing to do with their time!

Light runs joyfully through town.

Light: Wily, your life is meaningless!

Wily: AAAGGGHHH!

Wily has a heart attack.

Light: Roll, your life is meaningless!

Roll: Hey, I started a paper once!

Light: Mailman from the episode where MegaMan gets a dog, your life is meaningless!

Mailman: Well duh.

Light: ProtoMan, your life is meaningless!

ProtoMan: This is the happiest day of my life!

And so Light comes to peace with never accomplishing anything. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	40. MegaMan Gets Expelled

Episode 39: MegaMan Gets Expelled

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why New Super Mario Bros was the second best selling NA game of 2006.

ElecMan points to a newspaper headline reading "Crazed SNES Fan Conquers Nation"

Wily walks into the classroom.

ElecMan: I don't know anything about those 50 pizzas that got delivered to your office by cannon!

Wily: Like hell you don't!

Wily drags ElecMan out of the classroom.

Roll: Wow, what he confessed was actually what Wily was here about…

Sigma walks in.

Sigma: Class, I have a very important announcement! Simon Cowell, who KI finally looked up the last name spelling of, has agreed to visit this school! Now, as you all know he's my biggest idol after the lyrics writer for the Big Paw song, so I want everything perfect! I know I run a school full of bright, independent minded students, so DON'T let him see that!

A limo pulls up in front of the school.

Simon: I'll be right there as soon as I finish work.

Simon drives away. Sigma squeals in delight.

ElecMan comes back into the class room.

ElecMan: Okay, now it's time to practice charging your busters.

Ceil: My dog ate mine.

ElecMan: That's the worst excuse I ever heard!

Ceil: But…

Ceil sits down, staring sadly at the robotic stump where her hand used to be.

ElecMan: Okay, now everyone hold the Y button.

Everyone does. They start to glow.

ElecMan: Now… darn, I forgot the next part. Just hold it while I look up the answer online.

ElecMan logs on to the 5.6K school internet connection. Meanwhile, Sigma is giving Simon a tour of the school.

Sigma: And this is our teacher's lounge:

We see a run down room with a few old chairs and a broken record player.

Simon: Well, I'm glad to see this isn't one of those schools that uses all the funds on the teacher's lounge.

Sigma:…Right, it… isn't.

Meanwhile, in ElecMan's room:

Axl: It's been awhile, can we stop now?

ElecMan: Just a second, Google has almost loaded…

MegaMan: I can't hold on any longer!

MegaMan releases his blast. It incinerates the door, breaks a clean hole in the metal wall, and hits Simon right in the face.

Simon: OW! I think my nose is bleeding!

Sigma: AH! Let me get you some ice for that, Chill Penguin, hurry!

Simon: How could you have projectiles flying through your school!

Sigma: I know I shouldn't, but… oh crap!

Penguin: You KNOW you shouldn't?

Penguin runs away terrified.

Simon: This is the worst school I've ever been to! I never want to see you at American Idol again, especially when you buy every seat so you can have the room to yourself!

Sigma: I've never bought more then one/

Simon covers his ears.

Simon: LA LA LA LA LA! I-AM-NOT-HEARING-YOU!

MegaMan walks through the destroyed wall.

MegaMan: Did my shot land around here?

Act break.

Act 2:

Sigma: MEGAMAN! This is the worst thing a student at this school has ever done! We've had vandalism, fist fights, theft, murder, and all that stuff I did is NOTHING compared to you! I've NEVER been more angry, NEVER!

MegaMan: But...

Sigma: DID YOU JUST CALL ME A "BUTT" MEGAMAN? That's going too far! That's beyond too far! That's as beyond too far as… as…

MegaMan: As?

Sigma: DID YOU JUST CALL ME AN "ASS" MEGAMAN? You just keep digging your grave deeper and deeper! If I dug graves like you the police never would have investigated! You're **PERMANENTLY EXPELLED** for a year!

MegaMan: But I can't be expelled!

Sigma: YOU HAVE BEEN! You have five minutes to collect your personal belongings, drop them off in my office, and get out of this school!

MegaMan sadly goes back to his classroom.

ElecMan: I heard yelling, did you take too long at the drinking fountain again?

MegaMan: No, I've been expelled.

ElecMan: But…

MegaMan: That's just what I called him.

MegaMan packs up and leaves. He takes one last look at the school, and goes home.

Light: MegaMan, why are you home so early?

MegaMan: I got expelled.

Light: WHAT? I never expected you to get in this much trouble! Which is why I only wrote one really angry speech.

One angry speech about piracy (the boat kind) later:

Light: Well, that's behind us. I guess I have no choice but to home school you.

MegaMan: Are you qualified to do that?

Light: Was anyone at school?

Cut to Light doing a home school course.

Light: Okay, now we're going to discuss the creation of the universe. Now between evolution and creationism, one is clearly too complex for me to possibly comprehend, and therefore must be false. But then I researched evolution, and it was even worse! So let's just go to history.

Light brings up a map of the United States.

Light: This is a map of the planet. As you can see, it begins and ends with… wait, this is just a map of the US, sorry.

Light moves on to math.

Light: So what's seven times seven?

MegaMan doesn't respond, Light took off his head since he didn't want MegaMan using computers for help.

Light moves on to reading.

Light: And that's how many trees were killed to support my paper being better then screens prejudice.

MegaMan: I don't think I'm learning anything.

Light: And I don't think I remember how to read. I guess there's only one choice: MegaMan, you have to get Sigma to let you back into school!

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan goes to Sigma's house. Sigma is watching TV.

Simon: I know you're watching Sigma, I'm not starting the show until you leave!

Sigma: Grissing MegaMan, if he were here right now I'd… (Sigma sees MegaMan) get off my property!

MegaMan: Please, you have to let me back into school!

Sigma: I don't have to do anything! My word is law! Wily, jump!

Wily: Screw you!

Sigma: Two feet.

MegaMan: But I need an education! If I don't go to school, how will I acquire knowledge?

Sigma: Well, there's always Wikipedia…GRIS! I mean… you just keep making problems for me MegaMan! I'm glad I expelled you! Now I only have respectful, obedient students at school!

Zero throws a charged Z Buster shot through the window.

Sigma: Two feet!

MegaMan: Well if you won't listen to reason, I'll go over your head!

Cut to MegaMan at KI's house.

MegaMan: I can do this!

Cut to MegaMan walking away dejected.

MegaMan: I can't believe I ended up shooting Miyamoto…

MegaMan goes to MegaMan Jr. High and peers in through the window.

ElecMan: And that's what caused those venom leaks on the outside of the windows.

MegaMan looks at the leaked photos of Venom in Spiderman 3, but it isn't enough to make him feel better. MegaMan goes home.

Light: Did you get back into school?

MegaMan: No.

Light: Neither did I, they finally raised enough money for armed guards.

MegaMan: What am I going to do?

Light: I've got it! The stupidest plan in existence, it's sure to work!

Cut to MegaMan on American Idol.

Simon: And that was Segabastard singing _How Could This Happen to Me?_

Segabastard leaves, holding a print out of Wii sales figures.

Simon: Now next up is MegaMan singing a song especially for Sigma!

The music for _Baby Got Back_ starts playing.

MegaMan: I…want you to tell Sigma to let me back into school!

MegaMan is pointing his blaster at Simon.

Simon: You can't scare me with your blaster!

MegaMan: Then tell him to let me back in, or I'll go through with the musical number!

Simon: You're bluffing!

MegaMan: No I'm not! I'll even modify the lyrics to be about school! I'll do it, I swear I'll do it!

Simon:… You win. Sigma, let MegaMan back in school, and you can watch my show again, without the disguise.

Siigmaw: Really?

Simon: Yes.

Sigma: Okay! MegaMan, welcome back to school!

Simon: Sigma, welcome back to my fan club!

Miyamoto: KI, welcome back to only a 100 foot restraining order!

And so the day is saved. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	41. The Future Part 1

Episode 40: The Future Part 1

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's how my senior prom went. And now, we have a special guest speaker:

GadgetMan walks in.

GadgetMan: You probably know me as your wacky inventor neighbor/

Zero: No we don't.

GadgetMan:...really? I thought I was well known… oh well, at least I'm here, and not replaced by some existing wacky neighbor character for a cheap shot of nostalgia/

Cut to Mr. Dink talking to the class.

Dink: So as you can see, I've bought a great new invention! It was…very expensive!

There's no response.

Dink: Hey, at least I'm being relevant to the plot! Not just some cheap gaming pop culture/

Cut to a YTMND of a PS3 with Mr. Dink saying "Very expensive!" in the background talking to the class. It goes on a boring lecture, eventually MegaMan goes home.

Light: MegaMan, look at my new invention!

MegaMan: You actually invented something?

Light: I've invented lots of things!

Light points to a table with a TV, light bulb, telephone, and SNES on it.

Light: Look at that innovative table cloth I designed!

MegaMan: So what did you invent?

Light: A machine that can see into the future! It's an incredible invention, I've already got offers to buy it from Bush, Kutaragi, Pat Robertson, and Rupert Murdoch. But they just want to destroy it, so I'm going to use it first. Machine, show us 15 years into the future!

The machine shows the time travel sequence from Chrono Trigger, and then comes into focus on RockMan City in the year 2022. We see a newspaper.

Newspaper: Study shows Duke Nukem Forever jokes not funny any more.

Cut to the future MegaMan Jr. High. The building is crumbling and empty.

Wily: Sigma, I think we just have to face it, MegaMan graduated 13 years ago and probably won't come back.

Sigma: Let's wait another five years or so.

The view shifts to MegaMan's apartment, Cliché Towers. The adult MegaMan walks out. He looks like regular MegaMan, except he's taller. That's how everyone looks, get used to it.

MegaMan: Time for another day at work…

MegaMan goes to the anvil factory. All the former kids except Zero also work there, by incredible coindindence. MegaMan arrives.

Dr. Wiel: MegaMan, you're late! Two weeks unpaid overtime!

MegaMan: I wish I had finished college…

Cut to MegaMan looking at fraternities.

MegaMan: I can't stay here, it isn't safe! Look at how many were named after Sigma!

Cut back to MegaMan at work.

MegaMan: Is this how we pictured our lives when we were kids?

Axl: No, but I didn't expect to ever age. Being robots, we shouldn't have even if time did pass.

MegaMan: This just doesn't feel right, doing mind numbing work for a tyrannical supervisor, school didn't prepare me for life being like this!

Roll: Well why don't we go see what everyone else is doing now?

MegaMan: I don't know, seems like a pretty huge coincindence that we decide to do that exactly 15 years after I looked into the time machine and saw my future…

Act break.

Act 2:

It's after work. MegaMan and his friends are gathered at the usual hang out for adults with attitude: the juice bar.

MegaMan: So who should we check on first?

Roll: Well, we want to feel better about our lives, so how about Tommy Tallarico?

They go to Tommy's house.

Tommy: Greetings, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visitation?

MegaMan: Well, I've been thinking long and hard about my life…

Everyone pauses.

Tommy: Go on…

Ceil: You seem different.

Tommy: Well, in 2011 I finally fulfilled by lifelong dream…

Cut to Tommy in a comic book store.

Tommy: I found it! I finally found it! The Batman comic where everyone keeps saying boner!

Bursting with glee, Tommy reads it. He goes into hysterics every time the word boner is mentioned, and eventually he reaches a sense of complete oneness with himself, his immaturity fully embraced and then disgarded.

Tommy: And I've been different ever since.

MegaMan: How's Peggy doing?

Tommy: I lost her in that accident when a Metal Gear dropped on her. Or everyone said it was an accident anyway…

MegaMan: This isn't making me feel better at all.

Roll: Well, let's go see Zero. He's… probably doing even better, but I'm curious anyway.

MegaMan: Where does he live?

Ceil: The Whitehouse. He's president.

MegaMan: Really? It seems like I would have heard about that…

The group goes to the Whitehouse, and of course is able to just stop by the president's office for a casual, unannounced visit, all of them having a gun attached to their hand.

Zero: Look, I can't just hand out money, I know you're not doing well, but… wait, you're not the people from Wendy's…

Axl: I never though MMJH would have such an impact on them.

Zero: Well, it's been awhile since I've seen you. Let me guess, you're all working in an anvil factory right next to MegaMan Jr. High?

MegaMan: Yes.

Zero: Right, I forgot about subtlety not existing in your lives.

MegaMan: Zero, how did you get all this?

Zero: It took a lot of hard work!

Cut to Zero at his house, a few hours after graduation. The phone rings.

Reggie: Want to be vice president?

Zero: Sure.

Cut back.

MegaMan: I still can't believe you're president of the United States!

Zero:…what?

Roll: MegaMan, haven't you kept up with the news? It's been pretty easy ever since Wikipedia obtained all knowledge in the universe and became sentient.

MegaMan: Uh… my dog ate it.

Zero: Well you see… wait a second, I'm getting a transmission from my boss.

MegaMan: Your…

KI: Zero, can you hear me?

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan: KI's your…_boss_? He actually took over the world?

KI: Of course not, how would I do that? I'm just a vice president.

MegaMan: Of some sort of global government?

KI: Some sort, yes.

MegaMan: I thought you wanted to be a game designer.

KI: We still do game design!

MegaMan: You still do… then who…

Zero: You didn't notice the sign on the Whitehouse?

Cut to a shot of the building. A word is written across the Whitehouse: Nintendo.

MegaMan: Nintendo conquered the world?

KI: Of course they did, look at how Wii and DS were doing in your time, it was clearly invevitable!

MegaMan: But still, how…?

KI: It was pretty simple.

Cut to Miyamoto addressing the UN.

Miyamoto: Hand over control or we'll stop shipping DSes and Wiis!

UN Guy: He's bluffing!

UN Guy 2: We can't take that risk!

KI: And then Nintendo conquered the world. They help everything, along with the AI Triune.

Cut to a giant room filled with three super computers. They are labeled "Wikipedia", "Google", and "Youtube."

MegaMan: How did you get in on it?

KI: Well, as my video game fanfictions became more and more elaborate and random, many started to take interest. Lots of places wanted me, but eventually Nintendo beat out the mental hospitals. I used the future displaying machine to create a time paradox where Zero used his position as vice president to Reggie to advance me in the company, while he got his job as vice president due to my influence as a high ranking Nintendo employee.

MegaMan: But I thought you and Zero hated each other?

KI: As we grew older and more mature we realized that we couldn't let such petty differences rule our lives.

Someone comes into KI's office.

Lieutenant: We found another who denies the greatness of SNES.

KI: Execute him. So anyway, Nintendo's conquered the world and now things are great. Sure, occasionally someone complains…

Cut to Miyamoto giving a speech to an assembled crowd on a giant screen.

Miyamoto: Today marks the first anniversary of the glorious unification of all under Nintendo. As we march forward…

The woman from the 1984 Apple commercial runs in and throws a sledge hammer at the screen. It bounces off.

Miyamoto: It'll take more then that to break a Nintendo product!

Zero: So as you can see, as long as you're not some loser working at an anvil factory, the future is great.

MegaMan: There have to be some problems!

Zero: There probably will be, but what are the chances of them coming up during your visit/

A new figure appears over the transmitter.

Future Jack Thompson: Today is the day the rule of gamers ends!

To be continued.


	42. The Future Part 2

Episode 41: The Future Part 2

Previously on MegaMan Jr. High:

**Neon Nightriders!**

Zero: You!

Jack Thompson: That's right! I have returned to seek my revenge! Thanks to you I lost my license in every single state!

KI: You deserved it!

Jack: I did not! What the gris did my driver's license have to do with this?

KI: You tried to run over Miyamoto!

Jack: Enough technicalities! I had a simple dream: destroy gaming! And then for no reason, you and Nintendo just decide to deny me that dream!

KI: You were evil and insane! There was a direct correlation found between your presence and bear attacks!

Jack: That didn't make any sense!

Zero: Sweet ironic justice.

KI: Look, what do you want? And by that I mean, what insane ranting do you want to get in before you're arrested for trying to attack me through holograph, which by the way isn't going to work.

Jack: I've formed a rebel nation that opposes Nintendo on what used to be New Zealand!

MegaMan:…What?

Zero: That's the only place where PSP was outselling DS in 2006.

Roll: But DS pulled ahead in 2008, right? Why is Jack basing this on what we know from 2006?

KI: Anyway, that rebel base can't stand up to us.

Jack: Yes we can! Your government is clearly part of the New World Order and/

Zero: Video game companies are not involved in biblical prophecies, get over it.

Jack: Well I'm still staging an uprising! Rise my clones!

An army rises from the ground.

Segabastards: Nintendo will fall!

KI: You can't stop us! Take that!... wait, holographs.

Cut to KI and everyone facing the army.

KI: Time for you to see what I can really do! SNES, DS, and Wii energy all together!

KI starts glowing and shooting energy beams everywhere.

Segabastards: That's a shameless rip-off of Toejam and Earl!

MegaMan: What happened to the original Segabastard?

Zero: Looked at Wii sales and returned to his combat bunker, only thing he brought was a recording of _How Could This Happen to Me?_

Jack: You won't win this time! The future belongs to me! Rise Atari!

The vengeful spirit of Atari floods into the Segabastards.

Ataribastards: GAMING…WILL…CRASH!

KI: Too many of them! Zero, give me a hand!

MegaMan: What can I do?

KI: Act as Zero's human shield.

Zero dashes through the clones, using his now SNES powered Z Sabre. But there are still too many.

Zero: We aren't gonna make it!

Jack: Victory is mine!

But a hush falls over the clones and everyone else. A figure has appeared.

Miyamoto: KI, I need those level maps for New Newer Super Mario Bros.

Act break.

Act 2:

KI: Sir Dr. Miyamoto, Jack Thompson is attacking!

Miyamoto: That guy who ran me over?

MegaMan: Sir Dr.?

KI: I didn't make those up, Japanese fans call him Dr. and he's been knighted.

Miyamoto: I'd love to help, but we won't make the release date for SNES 8 if I do.

Zero: But the world could/

KI: Zero, he's right, we have to keep our sense of priority. We'll take it from here sir.

Miyamoto leaves.

KI: Okay, it's up to us!

KI and Zero attack with all their energy and MegaMan absorbs a few shots, but there are just too many.

Zero: Where did he get the resources to make so many clones?

Jack: With this!

Jack is holding a Wiimote with a joystick on it.

Jack: I found this from the same dimensional portal as the other one.

Zero: KI, you have to close that thing!

Jack just keeps making more and more Ataribastards.

KI: It's no good, retreat!

The Ataribastards run away.

KI: That at least bought us some time. We have to figure out a way to stop them!

Zero: Well we could try to make our own army powered by Neo-SNES energy, but where would we get the resources? We'd need some kind of factory!

KI: If only two of the highest ranking world government officials had access to one!

MegaMan: Wait, what does the factory need to produce?

KI: Robots with advanced AI or concentrated Nintendo energy.

MegaMan: Oh… I thought the anvil factory I work at might have been able to make what you need, but I guess that's too convenient.

KI: Wait a second… anvils… cliché dimension door still open…

Cut to everyone at the factory.

KI: Workers, the world needs your help! We need as many anvils as possible, and we need them now! The fate of SNES depends on it!

Worker: But I don't really like SNES!

Secret Service agents promptly appear to take him away.

KI: Everyone else, produce those anvils!

Everyone starts working.

MegaMan: I'm so glad that I'm contributing to the outside world/

Zero: This isn't talking time, get to work!

The factory works and works until they've made thousands of anvils.

Zero: Do you think that's enough?

KI: Well, I can make as many instant copies of each as I want thanks to my cliché controlling power, so probably.

Act break.

Act 3:

Everyone is assembled in an open field, along with the one anvil KI decided he liked best after a few hours of browsing.

KI: Okay, time to put my plan into action!

KI strikes the anvil with a Wiimote. A tear in space-time appears.

KI: I've reconnected with my cliché controlled past.

KI summons an army of MegaMan clones.

KI: Time to make Jack Thompson wish he had never taken over New Zealand, cloned the worst troll ever, and summoned the vengeful spirit of Atari using a deformed Wii controller!

KI starts the army moving. He reaches them.

Jack: Gamers can't exist in this world! This is blasphemy, this is madness!

KI: MADNESS? THIS IS… AN OVERUSED REFRENCE!

The armies charge.

MegaMan: We can do this!

KI: Why aren't you with the other expendable MegaMans?

The battle rages on for a century. Many lives are claimed but eventually:

KI: We're winning!

Zero: Did a century really pass?

KI: Century, 15 years, future based things never make a distinction anyway.

Jack: You may have won this time, but I'll never give up! Never! You'll pay, all of you will, I mean it! You idiotic drug addicted Bahamut worshipping pixelantes will never/

KI: Sit down.

And so the global threat has been defeated. Cut to everyone celebrating.

KI: So where were we before Thompson interrupted? Right, MegaMan, I can offer you a high paying prominent job if you really don't want to work at the anvil factory.

MegaMan: Really?

KI: Yes, I just have to tell them within the next few hours… wait, that was before the long battle, sorry. The position has been filled.

Cut to a glance of Bubsy in a giant office.

MegaMan: I hate the future! Ever since I graduated Jr. High nothing in my life has gone right!

Zero: You mean after you left Jr. High you stopped deluding yourself into thinking your life was enjoyable.

MegaMan: Is this my only purpose in life? Making anvils that power our renewable energy sources and cure diseases?

KI: Look, what's important isn't how important your life is, it's how important your life is to **you**.

MegaMan: That's actually good advice, if I think that my life/

KI: I addressing that to Miyamoto, and only Miyamoto.

MegaMan: If only I could send a message to my younger self to try harder and not mindlessly slave away at clichés…

Kid MegaMan: If only I could remember a message for longer then a page…

Future KI: Come on, your life isn't that bad. Think of all the people worse off! Not that anyone is in this utopian future, but there used to be!

MegaMan: I just wish I could find a better job.

KI: Look, we all want better jobs, greedy as that might be for everyone except you, but we have to accept our lives as they are!

MegaMan: Not gonna happen.

Cut back to the present.

MegaMan: That's worse then I could have imagined! My future is meaningless…

Light: Calm down, it's not like that was the real future. Didn't you notice the setting?

The machine is set to "Insane Fantasy."

MegaMan: You mean we just wasted a two part episode on a delirious vision?

Light: Are you really going to stand there and tell me I should have differentiated between normal MMJH and Insane Fantasy?

Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	43. The Shaggy Nerd Story

Episode 42: The Shaggy Nerd Story

It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's how my senior prom went. Class dismissed.

MegaMan goes home.

Light: MegaMan, look, I found my old computer!

Light has set up a Tandy 1000.

Light: I haven't done work on this since 2003!

MegaMan: Where's the mouse?

Light: That's a stupid question, they didn't use a computer mouse back then!

After being unable to get it to respond to a Wii Remote, Light opens up DOS mode.

Light: I used to spend hours playing on this thing, it was a great distraction from all your asking for food when you were little.

MegaMan: What games do you have for it?

Light: What's a game?

Light is pressing random buttons on the keyboard and marveling at the letters appearing.

KI appears.

KI: It's payday, hand over the money.

KI sees the Tandy.

KI: Hey, I used to have one of those!

Zero: Obviously, what other possible motive could you have for putting it in the show?

KI: I even got a few games to work on it, and I still carry them around.

MegaMan: Why?

KI: My therapist said that I should desensitize myself to them to stop the nightmares.

KI takes out some floppy discs.

MegaMan: Hi-Tech made these games? I've never heard of them.

KI: They were Atari's computer division.

Zero: No they weren't!

KI: Fine, they weren't, but it would have been more dramatic that way.

KI puts in the DOS MegaMan.

KI: This was my best Tandy game.

LaughtrackMan: LOL!

KI: I'm dead serious.

MegaMan: Then what was your worst?

KI goes silent.

KI: It was… THIS!

KI takes out a Flintstones: Dino Lost in Bedrock disc. He puts it in and everyone plays it.

Zero: That was horrible! It was like… like…

MegaMan: The levels, the controls, it was a sack of…

Light: It was so horrible we can't articulate it!

KI: We have to! That's the only way I'll get closure!

Zero: But we can't, and you obviously can't, or else you would have called this episode The Angry Super Nintendo Nerd and just gone straight to the rant.

KI: You're right. Well, if we can't insult this game enough, we'll just have to find someone who can.

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan: Who? Tommy Tallarico?

KI: That's such a stupid idea I'd rather chug down 15 DS cards while trying to walk along the exact edge of a pit in ET… wait, gotta save that for when I'm writing for him.

Zero: So we're going on a mission to find the Angry Video Game Nerd/

KI: This is grissing MegaMan Jr. High, we don't need to worry about copyrights! Angry Nintendo Nerd. But yes, we are. It is our vital goal to get a rant against Dino Lost in Bedrock! So begins our epic quest.

Cut to the group trudging onward, worn out and on the verge of collapsing. The camera pans out to show them approaching a normal house in a normal neighborhood.

Zero: We just couldn't take a plane or bus or freaking car, could we? We had to walk from state to state.

Axl: You could have at least found out where he was before hand instead of making us check as we went along!

KI: Silence! Now look professional, he might want compensation, and no one wants a worn out robot slave!

KI rings the doorbell. No one answers.

MegaMan: Now what do we do?

KI: Miyamoto's locked in the trunk of my car, I'm sure as hell not going to let someone making videos I enjoy stop me from breaking into their house!

KI knocks down the door.

KI: There's a note!

Note: Off filming a series of photo shoots, listed below in the order I'll visit. If you've broken into my house, sorry for the inconvenience. Please feel free to help yourself to some games or camera equipment.

Zero: Wow, he's really different out of character.

KI: Okay, as soon as I check to see if he has Harvest Moon for SNES, we can start going to the far off locations.

Cut to the group in the jungles of the Amazon.

KI: All right, we just transfer planes here, and we're off to the first location!

Cut to the group at the Great Wall of China.

KI: Okay, split up and look.

MegaMan wanders off. He comes across a gigantic snake like dragon. The dragon roars and charges at him.

MegaMan: Oh no, it's going to attack/

Tour Machine: This gigantic classical Chinese dragon is an example of the types of enemies video game characters often encounter when they explore this location.

MegaMan: Phew, just a display/

The animatronic dragon charges at MegaMan and swallows him. MegaMan eventually gets out.

KI: Okay, he isn't here. On to the next location!

Cut to the group at the pyramids of Egypt.

KI: Okay, everyone search again!

Luigi: Have any of you seen Mario?

KI: No, sorry.

MegaMan searches and somehow ends up in the center of a pyramid. A giant sphinx is waiting for him.

Tour Machine: This is where a joke would be repeated on a typical comedy, with this creature also being an example of a cliched video game boss. However, this one is real.

The sphinx eats MegaMan, who once again fights his way out.

KI: Not here either.

Axl: Why don't we just go to the last location and wait for him?

KI: I want the frequent flyer miles.

Axl: We've been walking the whole way!

Act break.

Act 3:

Cut to the group in Japan.

KI: Here we are, at Japan's ancient, famous landmark.

The group enters NCL Headquarters.

MegaMan: I wonder what monster is the common boss here?

Tour Machine: This terrifying stalker in known for capturing game designers and stealing game betas while ranting about SNES.

KI: I remember that guy, he was what inspired me to start doing that.

The group searches. They overhear various meetings.

"I can't get the money printer on DS to go over 20 dollar bills, can you take a look at it?"

"Seriously, what the hell is wrong with New Zealand?"

"You think the police will ever find Miyamoto?"

The Angry Video Game Nerd isn't there.

KI: Okay, on to the next location!

Cut to the group in New Zealand.

KI: Okay, we've arrived in another country/

Kutaragi: There are no other countries! Only here matters!

KI: Let's find AVGN.

Zero: You said we were calling him Angry Nintendo Nerd.

KI: AVGN is a better acronym.

But after a long search they have nothing to show except pictures of the only Wii on the planet still on store shelves.

KI: Okay, one more place. The mountains of India. If he isn't there, we'll never find him!

Zero: What about his house?

KI: Right, right, I'm used to people moving and changing their names after I go to their house once.

Cut to the group on the highest mountain in India.

KI: Okay, one snack break at the original Kwik-E-Mart, and we start searching!

The group starts searching, and actually find him.

AVGN: I'd rather throw myself off this grissing mountain then play this game again!... Yeah, I think that three seconds of dialogue justified the trip.

The group trudges towards him, suddenly tired for the purpose of dramatic effect.

AVGN: You're not more people who won't admit the first TMNT sucked, are you?

KI: No. We have a special request for a rant.

AVGN: Well, you did follow me to the top of a mountain, I guess I can.

KI: Good. Here's the game.

AVGN: How about the DOS computer?

KI: GRIS!

One long trip to MegaMan's house and back.

AVGN: You know I could have just come back with you.

KI: Just do a rant.

AVGN plays Dino Lost in Bedrock.

AVGN: Okay, let's me get in character. Ahem,

This steaming pile of horse gris wouldn't even deserve a mention on a parody series built on obscurity and stupid nostalgiac things! You press up, grissing UP to jump in a freaking 2D platformer, and when you do it takes the better part of a second to jump, like the game's saying "why the hell did they make up jump? Do I really have to go along with this? Guess I do." Then the bosses stand behind a PILE OF EGGS and won't attack you. "I'm a wooly mammoth who wandered into a town on a sunny day and decided to just stand there stomping on people, but only if they cross the eggs. I just can't work up the grissing energy to step over the blue and pink eggs and kill this jerk who's throwing pies at me." WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? I'd rather eat at Wendy's while listening to Jack Thompson read from a kids' book of puns with a laughtrack going full blast, I'd rather eat 599 N-Gages, hell I'd rather PLAY 599 N-Gages! This game is a disgrace and makes your averaged licensed platformer look like Mario World! I'd say the person who made this should be ashamed of themselves, but judging by how they program games I doubt they can even use a computer, or read for that matter! It grissing sucks, it sucking grisses, and I wish this was an M rated fanfiction so I could swear at it more heavily!

KI: …That's not so angry.


	44. Seduction of the Ignorant

Episode 43: Seduction of the Ignorant

It's another day at Tommy Tallarico's review show.

Tommy: And that's why I still won't give any actual reasons for my hatred of Kirby.

Tommy finishes for the day and goes home.

Peggy Hill: Where have you been! I might have had to substitute teach at MegaMan Jr. High today, if they didn't keep choosing Carnage over me.

Tommy: I was at work, I have to work, we can't just get money out of the sky like everyone else, KI hates us.

KI: Actually, you've become the comic relief character more then the evil one. It has been years since you've done anything.

Peggy: Well I am not happy just being comic relief/

KI: I was talking to Tommy, I HATE you, especially after the recent video game episode of King of the Hill.

Peggy: I want more out of life! I want excitement, romance, intellectual challenge!

KI: No excitement, no romance, no Goofus and Gallant choose your own adventure books! I'd say be happy with what you have, but I don't want you to be happy!

Peggy: This isn't fair! You just dislike me because I'm from Texas!

KI: No, I dislike Texas because of you!

KI leaves.

Peggy: If only I could meet someone with power and danger…

Cut to the darkest depths of the guest character dimension.

Jack Thompson: Sounds like somebody could use my help… BWAHAHA!

A shadow portal opens up on the floor, and a vision of pure evil rises from it.

Jack: I think I can help you with your problem…

MegaMan: I don't want to get a passing grade on my diorama _that_ badly!

Jack: Curse being stuck in this dimension! It's like being in hell, except all the demons couldn't stand being around me any more and left! If only there was some way out…

Jack hears fighting from above.

KI: AND I SAY, I **CAN** WRITE THE SIX PARTER ABOUT MEGAMAN PLAYING WITH A BALL IN A CUP FOR REAL!

Zero: You'll write 3 or 4 parts and run out ideas, then make the rest filler!

The fight becomes violent, and soon there are holes in the floor. A book falls through one.

Jack: KI's book of cliches! There must be a way out of here…

Jack skims through it.

Jack: Argh! Too many words, this isn't fair to illiterate super villains! Wait, here's a picture…

Jack sees a picture of two characters getting married, and a void opening.

Jack: That's it! If I can marry someone from above, I'll be able to travel there at will! But who?... well, obviously Peggy Hill! I just have to get her to leave Tommy for me, and I'll be able to finally have my third revenge against MegaMan Jr. High!

Cut to Peggy in her house.

Peggy: I repeat, if only I could meet someone dangerous and exciting…

Jack materializes in the room.

Peggy: Someone's broken into my house!

Peggy grabs the phone and dials 911.

Peggy: No! The line's dead!

Cut to the police station.

Officer: Okay, keep perfectly quiet until she hangs up.

Act break.

Act 2:

Jack: I'm not here to rob or attack you… although that does sound pretty good…

Jack steals Peggy's Substitute Teacher award, which is strangely lacking any specific school district's name.

Jack: I'm here to rescue you from your boring life!

Tommy walks in.

Tommy: AAAHHHH, JACK THOMPSON! You won't get me, KI gave me this whistle to blow if I saw you!

Tommy blows the whistle. The whistle creates a ten yard radius explosion.

Jack: Peggy, you don't need to stay with someone like him, an ivory tower egghead! Marry me, and think of what we can do together!

Everyone looks at Tommy expectantly, but he has a serious look on his face.

Tommy: Not this time! I'm not losing my wife, you can't do this!

Jack: You have no right to judge us, what about Hank Hill?

Tommy: It's different if the spouse doesn't mind! I won't let you do this!

Jack: And how do you plan to stop me? You're just one/

MegaMan, Roll, Bass, Zero, Wily, Sigma, and KI rush in.

KI: The whistle went off, did it work?

Zero: No, they're still here.

Tommy: You have to help me! Jack is trying to steal my wife.

KI: Even Jack Thompson doesn't deserve… screw that, he does deserve being married to Peggy! Why should I stop them?

MegaMan: Because if they get married than Jack won't be confined to the guest character dimension and can attack us whenever he wants!

Jack: Why did I do my planning outloud while I was still in MegaMan's room?

Zero: KI, this is serious. Do something!

KI: I can't! The rule of cliches loves wedding episodes, I can't just forbid it! We need a less direct strategy!...but let's go somewhere private to discuss this.

Cut to everyone assembled at Wendy's.

Wendy's CEO: Oh come on, the bad food you got at Wendy's happened three years before Tommy Tallarico's anti-Nintendo rant, if you're being less hostile towards him don't we deserve a break?

KI: Well… (a fax comes in)

Zero: Who still uses faxes?

KI: What the grissing hell… Jack Thompson is attacking Wendy's because it has Wii toys? Because Manhunt 2 is on Wii? And this is real, readers. Fine, Wendy's is off the hook.

Zero: That's freaking crazy.

KI: Okay people, we have to stop this wedding! Now, there are two cliché acceptable ways to do this. One: we get the passion in Tommy and Peggy's marriage going again, or two: we find someone else to seduce Peggy.

MegaMan: Those both sound disgusting.

KI: We have no choice! I suggest we go with the second. We need to find someone exciting and dangerous to seduce Peggy.

Zero: But who?

KI: I have an idea…

Cut to a cardboard box propped up with a stick.

Zero: You didn't put any bait in.

KI: The whole thing's bait!

Snake excitedly crawls into the box. It falls down.

KI: Got him!

Axl: What if he just pushes the box off him?

KI: Not a chance, we're watching, as long as we do that the box isn't moving. Snake, we have to ask you a favor.

Snake: For the last time, I can't make Konami port MGS4!

KI: Not that. We're in a desperate situation, and the fate of this world depends on you seducing Peggy Hill!

Snake: Well, I guess I have no choice.

Snake puts his gun in his mouth just like the promo, and fires.

Act break.

Act 3:

KI: Sorry, but you're not getting out of it that easily. As long as no one shouts your name, you aren't dead.

Snake: Why me? Can't you make Sam do it? You hate him.

KI: I don't know enough about Splinter Cell to keep him from taking his own life. Look, I wouldn't ask if this wasn't really, really serious.

Snake: Well, I guess I really do have no choice.

Snake shoots himself again, than releases an entire plane's worth of poisonous snakes.

MegaMan: SNA/

KI stops him.

KI: You're not getting out of this! If Jack Thompson takes over, you won't get to do anything. Your name will probably be banned due to it being an innuendo.

Snake: Fine, I'll do it.

Cut to everyone outside Peggy's house.

KI: Okay, time to get started. I'd give you a strategy, but that would mean giving the mental image too much focus.

Snake rings the doorbell. Jack answers.

Jack: Whatever you're selling, I don't want it! Just leave a business card so I can sue the company.

Snake: I'm… here to see Peggy.

Jack: Oh, OH, I see what's going on here! You're here to break us up, so you can move in, and sweep away the young, pretty one! Well it's not going to work, I don't swing that way!

Snake throws up.

Snake: I don't care if the world ends, this isn't worth it!

KI: I agree completely.

Two weeks later:

KI: Well, we weren't able to stop him. The wedding is today.

MegaMan: Isn't there anything we can do?

KI: No, soon the unholy union will take place. This is a truly terrible day… oh well, no point in passing up free food, let's go to the wedding!

Everyone is assembled at the wedding.

Jack: My plan has worked perfectly! Soon, I will have the run of this dimension, and all shall fall beforeme!

Robot Preacher: Dearly beloved, we are here today to join Peggy Hill and…. What appears to be a demonic incantation crossed out and replaced with Jack Thompson in marriage. Peggy never actually divorced her former husband, but oh well. If anyone knows a reason why these to should not be wed, that isn't related to armageddon, speak now or forever hold your peace.

Unknown: **OBJECTION!**

Jack:…

Peggy:…

Edgeworth:…

Tommy: I object to this wedding!

Peggy: Tommy, you know I love you as deeply as I possibly can love a person, but that isn't enough to keep me from ruining their life for a small personal gain.

Jack: You heard the woman!

Jack and Peggy kiss, signifying their marriage. A giant hole in the sky opens.

Jack: Yes! YES! The power! I am now able to come to this realm whenever I want!

Zero: KI, do something!

KI: But what can I… I've got it! So, Jack, you're going to take residence somewhere because that's where your wife lives? You're moving because of her? That doesn't sound like a _traditional marriage_!

MegaMan: That's ridiculous, for that to be an issue, you'd have to have irrational fear and hatred of new things!

Jack: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I can't do it! I just can't do something that wasn't accepted 150 years ago! Peggy will have to come to my dimension.

Peggy: That's insane! PEGGY HILL isn't going to let herself be dragged to a guest character dimension! I demand this marriage be canceled, and everything go back to normal!

KI: And miss sealing you in the guest character dimension? Not a chance.

The void sucks in Jack and Peggy.

Jack: You'll pay for this! This might all be my fault, but you'll pay…!

And so Jack and Peggy are safely sealed away.

Tommy: My wife… she's gone…

Tommy starts to cry.

KI: Fine, fine, I'll make your house a link between the dimensions. You can see her, but no one else can. Happy?

Tommy: Heh, gay is another word for happy.

KI: He's fine.

Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	45. High Dive Anxiety

Episode 44: High Dive Anxiety

ElecMan: And that's why the pool was closed. On a related topic, this Friday is the class pool party. Now, safety is of vital importance, so has everyone passed the pool test?

Class: Yes.

ElecMan: Good, now that we're all able to comfortably jump the fence surrounding the pool, we're all ready.

It's the day of the pool party.

MegaMan: This is boring.

Zero: Yeah, we're too heavy to float, and swimsuits actually covering up more than usual takes away some of the enjoyment.

Bass: I bet MegaMan's too SCARED to go off it!

MegaMan: …what?

Bass: Oops, said it at the wrong time.

Sigma: Well, I just have one thing to say to that… CANNONBALL!

A giant cannonball falls into the pool.

Roll: That gives me an idea, let's go off the high dive!

Bass: Ahem, I bet MegaMan's too SCARED to go off it!

MegaMan: I am not!

Bass: Then jump off!

MegaMan: Why don't YOU jump off?

Bass: I don't want to spend another year in the hospital!

MegaMan: Fine, I'll go.

MegaMan starts to climb the ladder.

MegaMan: Wow, this is pretty high, maybe I should switch weapons… I'M FALLING!

MegaMan quickly grabs the ladder again. He keeps climbing, and eventually reaches the top.

MegaMan: Okay, all I have to do is jump. This won't be so bad, I'll just check where the pool is and… AAAAHHHHH!

Looking down, MegaMan sees nothing but a blue circle surrounded by white squares, with green all around it. It's all very pixelated.

MegaMan: I'm so high up it's gone into Mode 7! I can't do this!

MegaMan climbs down.

MegaMan: I just can't do it.

Roll: It's okay MegaMan, no one thinks any less of/

Bass: Chicken!

Axl: Coward!

Light: I have no son!

MegaMan: But… but…

MegaMan starts to cry. The camera pulls away until everything's in Mode 7 again.

Act break.

Act 2:

It's later that night. MegaMan is at home.

Light: Now I know you're embarrassed about what happened, but what happened doesn't make you any less of a person! It doesn't matter what the other kids think as long as you're proud of yourself, even if you are the brother of that shameful coward!

Axl: Thanks Dad.

Meanwhile, in the next room over, MegaMan feels terrible.

MegaMan: I can't believe what happened, I just want to go to sleep and forget all about it.

MegaMan flips on his cliched dream sequence switch, and goes to sleep.

MegaMan's dream:

MegaMan is climbing up the ladder. He reaches the top of the high dive. He's on the edge of space, just like on the real high dive. The pool starts turning into different people's faces.

Bass: You're too SCARED to jump!

Roll: You're a coward!

Axl: mor like kiloman, m I rite?

KI: YOU WILL SUFFER! Not because of this though, I send that message every night.

ElecMan: Okay class, it's time for your final exam.

MegaMan: What?

ElecMan: Your exam, it's worth 95 of your grade!

MegaMan: But I'm not ready!

ElecMan: Obviously, since you came to class in your UNDERWEAR!

The camera zooms out to show that MegaMan is wearing underpants over his normal body armor.

ElecMan: Looks like it's time for you to be thrown in the bottomless pit!

MegaMan: AAAAAAHHHHHH!

MegaMan falls and falls. He finally lands on something.

MegaMan: Is this what's at the bottom of a bottomless pit?

PunMan: It sure is the PITS down here!

LaughtrackMan: LOL!

ClownMan: I'm only here because KI made a typo once and said I was locked in prison with PunMan.

MegaMan: **AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!**

This has been MegaMan's dream. (The cast takes a bow)

MegaMan wakes up.

MegaMan: I have to make it off the high dive!

PunMan: Sounds like your only way to get back into HIGH spirits!

MegaMan: AAAAHHHHH!

KI: And this is not a double dream.

Later that day (Saturday), MegaMan is at school.

ElecMan: And that's why MegaMan not jumping off the high dive was the single worst thing in the entire history of the universe.

MegaMan: I'm going to fix this! I'm going to jump off the high dive!

ElecMan: Think of all the terrible things that have happened in the world! How dare you suggest that jumping off a high dive can make up for them!

MegaMan: I'm really going to do it this time!

Cut to MegaMan at the top of the high dive.

MegaMan: It's even higher than I remember…

Pool Manager: That's our promise, a higher high dive every day!

MegaMan: I just have to do this!

MegaMan jumps off. He falls and falls, but just when he's about to hit the water…

MegaMan: I can't do this!

MegaMan springs back up to the diving board.

Everyone, even Moleman: BOOOOOOOO!

MegaMan: I still can't do it…

Act break.

Act 3:

It's the next day.

MegaMan: I have to get off that high dive! I need to train!

Cut to MegaMan on a diving board a couple feet above a kiddy pool.

MegaMan: I can do this…

MegaMan jumps off and tried to do a dive, but hits the pool first.

MegaMan: I guess I can't do this.

Cut to MegaMan diving off a highway overpass. He lands in Otto's pool truck.

MegaMan: Gris, I didn't make it to the ground!

Cut to MegaMan about to dive off a skyscraper.

Police Officer: Don't jump!

MegaMan: Why does everyone want me to fail?

Cut to MegaMan at home.

MegaMan: This is hopeless, if only there was something I could practice on…

Axl: How about the low dive?

MegaMan: Do you have to make jokes at a time like this?

It's the next day at school.

Bass: Look, it's that coward MegaMan!

MegaMan: I can't take this anymore! I'm jumping off that high dive!

Bass: High dive?

Cut to MegaMan at the pool.

MegaMan: I have to really do it this time! It's time to conquer my fear!

MegaMan starts climbing.

MegaMan: I can't do this…

Light sets the ladder on fire. It's climbing up. MegaMan has no choice but to rush to the top.

MegaMan: Thanks for the motivation… you're going to say "Motivation?", aren't you?

Light: You mean you think I'm going to imply I was trying to kill my own son? That's horrible!

MegaMan is at the top of the highdive, the ladder is gone.

MegaMan: This is my last chance! I can either conquer my fear and dive into the pool, or take the safe way out and jump down 50 feet onto concrete.

MegaMan stares down at the pool.

MegaMan: I'm not going to let you control me any more!

Pool: Like hell you aren't!

MegaMan takes a deep breath, and starts walking towards the edge.

Bass: He's gonna do it!

Axl: He's really gonna do it!

Light: Am I really such a terrible parent that he thought I set the ladder on fire to kill him?...

MegaMan stares down the pool, and jumps! He's falling, falling, he's about to hit the water…

The screen goes blank.

Voice: MegaMan? MegaMan! You're awake!

MegaMan opens his eyes. He's in a hospital bed.

Roll: You finally woke up!

Light: You've been in that coma for two months!

MegaMan: What happened?

Zero: You were a centimeter off in your dive and became injured, almost fatally.

MegaMan: Something was wrong with the pool?

Axl: No, that's the normal risk when you jump off a high dive.

MegaMan: Well, at least I conquered my fear.

Light: And you should be able to get out of bed within the year!

And so MegaMan reaches a personal milestone. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	46. How Could This Happen to Wii?

Episode 45: How Could This Happen to Wii?

It's another day at the statue Segabastard is trapped in.

Segabastard: Need to get back, quick, before more people remember I was free to go on American Idol!

Segabastard reaches the stone like SNES energy and slips under it.

Segabastard: Ahem, I need to find a way out of here! And a way to get revenge on KI! And MegaMan, and Zero, and pretty much the entire gaming market… Everything's gone wrong since E3 2006. If only there was some way for me to change the past…

A garbage truck pulls up with the week's shipment of one time use MegaMan Jr. High devices. It dumps out, among other things, one of the time machines.

Segabastard: Hey, don't dump your garbage here!

Two weeks later:

Segabastard: Hey, I could use that time machine to go back to when that truck dumped all that garbage by me, and make it so it never happened! But I'm stuck here and can't move...

Cut to MegaMan Jr. High:

ElecMan: And that's why our town is currently in a crippling shortage of double A batteries.

MegaMan: I don't understand.

ElecMan: People are buying more then can be made.

Bass: That's clearly a corporate lie, Nintendo's creating an artificial shortage!

Roll: Of batteries?

Bass: Yes dammit!

Zero: Can we move on, that line was clearly just meant to establish that there was a shortage, no one cares why.

KI appears.

KI: I need more batteries, NOW! My Wii controller is dead!

Zero: How did you manage to go through 10,000 batteries in a couple months? Is draining Wii controllers that quickly even possible?

KI: I didn't use them for that, I used them to power yet another time machine so I could get every Wii game that will ever be made. What was I supposed to do, plug it in?

Axl: Can't you power them? You can harness energy from systems, right?

KI: Well, I guess I could just blindly take all the Wii energy in the city.

KI absorbs it.

KI: Okay, that should let me… wait, I had two batteries in my pocket the whole time.

KI leaves. Cut to Segabastard.

Segabastard: I'm free! Now to exact my revenge, using the much better plan I thought up during the scenes at MegaMan Jr. High.

Segabastard goes up to the time machine and absorbs the time travel capabilities into his joystick Genesis controller.

Segabastard: I am the master of time! I can go anywhere I want, do anything I want to do!

Announcer: But you CAN'T… play the best games on Genesis!

My favorite nostlagic SNES commercial plays. If you know where I can find the one that starts like that online, tell me!

Segabastard: Stupid SNES, always getting in my way, I'll put a stop to that!

Segabastard goes back in time to stop SNES from succeeding. A statue of SNES energy appears in the present. Segabastard struggles out of it.

Segabastard: GRIS! Fine, I can't stop SNES. But I know what I can stop! I'll go back to E3 2006, and change history! I'll remake the current gaming field the way I want it, and this time, Nintendo will lose!

Segabastard disappears into time.

Act break.

Act 2:

Segabastard emerges at E3 2006.

Segabastard: The two days that ruined everything. May 8th and May 9th 2006. The power base shifted in a mere two days, and Nintendo returned to power. Not this time! I need to find some way to completely reverse the strategies of Nintendo and Sony which were years in the making at this point. One perfect, bullet proof way…

Cut to Segabastard switching Miyamoto and Kutaragi's briefcases.

Segabastard: The perfect plan…

Segabastard teleports back to the present. He leaves a piece of paper behind.

Miyamoto: Hey, this isn't my briefcase! Dammit, I really liked that shirt…

Kutaragi: Hey, this isn't my briefcase! Damn, I love this shirt! Hey, there's a piece of paper on the ground…

Kutaragi reads it.

Kutaragi: It's some kind of note from the future, my design for PS3 costs us all horribly! I knew it was too cheap! Ah well, too late to do anything about it now. Unless…

Cut to the present. Segabastard has arrived.

Segabastard: I'm back! Now to see if KI and those idiot robots have felt my wrath…

MegaMan: What were you saying, boss?

Segabastard: I was saying you sucked, underling!...wait a second, I didn't used to control you.

Zero: And MegaMan never called KI boss.

Segabastard: Does this mean what I think it does? I control this reality?

Axl: Of course you do, SegaMaster.

SegaMaster: AWESOME! Not only do I get a more positive sounding name, the first letter in the second word is capitalized! So at the risk of making it sound like this isn't the original timeline, how did I gain control of the show?

MegaMan: After E3 2006, Nintendo was pretty much doomed. They raised DS' price to $599 US Dollars, made the Wii controller only sense 2 different directions, and the only game they announced was Wave Racer, Waaaavvve Raaaccer! DS fell into last place behind N-Gage, and Wii never even got released. SNES energy was drying up, and you managed to defeat KI and take control of the show.

Bass: So wait, what system is winning now?

SegaMaster: Who cares? All I want is for Nintendo to fail! So where's KI? I want to show off my capital M, I grissing love it!

A nearby statue explodes.

SNESbastard: I am free!

SegaMaster: Oh come on, he gets freaking FOUR capital letters? That's more than he had as KI! Oh well, I don't care, I control the show, I control the energy of whatever system is winning, you can't defeat me!

SNESbastard: How can you support what happened?

SegaMaster: Looks like the fanboy's upset that Sony killed Wii.

SNESbastard: WHAT? That's not what happened! Sony's E3 conference was a disaster, just like in the other timeline I have no knowledge of!

SegaMaster: But, then why did Nintendo loose? Who's controlling the industry?

SNESbastard: (dramatic pause) Atari! They found out about Nintendo's plan, and stole it. Then they sabotaged Nintendo's conference. They took control of the industry and ruined it, it's illegal to play games developed in other countries now!

SegaMaster: I had no idea I had messed up the industry so badly… oh well, the important thing is Nintendo lost.

SegaMaster seals SNESbastard away again. He then throws away his joystick Genesis controller and takes one of the new Atari motion sensing controllers that don't re-center. SegaMaster and the characters on the show leave. The King of Trolls has won.

Act break.

Act 3:

SNESbastard is still sealed away under a layer of anti-SNES energy.

SNESbastard: Is only I could play SNES one more time…

The joystick Genesis controller is shaking. It seems to be trying to overcome something. The joystick breaks off.

SNESbastard: It's pure Sega energy now. This is all your fault, you should be ashamed of yourself inanimate controller!... no, it's not Sega's fault. It's the trolls who ruin gaming, you can't blame the companies they support, or in SegaMaster's case name themselves after but don't care about.

The Genesis controller is glowing. It transfers the energy still left in it into SNESbastard.

SNESbastard: Positive gaming energy, I haven't absorbed any since that horrible day. I feel like me again!

KI is free.

KI: I can remember now, the past was changed. There's just enough energy in the controller left to go back to the same spot Segabastard did at E3 2006.

KI goes back in time.

KI: I need to fix things, but I don't have any SNES, DS, or Wii energy.

KI hears hysterical laughter.

KI: Tommy! Have you seen a crazy evil guy who looked like he had traveled back in time?

Tommy: Well, I did find a guy who actually laughed at my Wii joke.

KI: That's him, where is he?

Tommy: He was by the area where they jumble up everyone's briefcases.

KI finds Segabastard just as he switches the briefcases. He sees the paper fall to the ground.

KI: I still have my knowledge of clichés! If the paper gets a mention, it's important! I just need to grab that paper and everything is fine!

KI is just about to grab it when an energy beam hits him out of nowhere.

SegaMaster: Not this time!

KI: That's impossible! How could you possibly have predicted I would go back in time to set things right, the most basic cliché of time travel episodes?

SegaMaster: Zero works for ME now.

SegaMaster blasts KI again and again. KI is lying injured on the ground.

SegaMaster: It's over! I have the energy, I have the robots, you have nothing!

KI: WHY? Why do you hate Nintendo? Why do you hate people enjoying games? Why are you such a bastard?

SegaMaster: LOL fanfictions serious buissness!

KI: AAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

KI springs back up with renewed energy.

KI: You won't win! Trolls will never win, I won't let them!

KI tries to focus an energy blast, but it doesn't work. SegaMaster knocks him down again.

SegaMaster: Without SNES boy, you're nothing!

KI: The SNES… SNES is more powerful than you'll ever be! It gave you your power, and it can take it away!

SegaMaster: Not for long. Genie, my third wish, I wish to be, an all powerful SNES!

Nothing happens.

KI: I still steered the conversation into a cheap parody, I can win this!

SegaMaster: No you can't! SNES is dead and forgotten, and DS and Wii aren't going to win!

KI: There's more to gaming than getting the most sales.

KI starts glowing.

KI: I still have another source of energy left.

The energy turns purple.

SegaMaster: GAMECUBE? That won't work against me, it came in last in sales!

KI: Gaming isn't about sales, or whatever it is you want out of it. Take this!

KI blasts SegaMaster. It's a clear hit.

SegaMasterd: You won't stop me!

KI blasts him again.

SegaMastard: I won't let you! You don't have sales, you can't win!

KI blasts him again, knocking away all his energy.

SegaBastard: No! I can't lose to GameCube…

SegaBastard is sucked back to the present. KI rips up the sheet of paper and switches the briefcases back. His SNES energy returns and he goes back to the present.

SegaBastard: You may have won this time, but as long as I have the Genesis controller that I threw away and is presumably still where I left it…

KI: It's mine now. This is for trying to change the past (KI traps SegaBastard with Genesis energy), this is for saying LOL (KI traps SegaBastard with GameCube energy), this is for still not making a hilarious attempt to downplay Wii's success (KI traps SegaBastard with Wii energy), this is so there will be five seals total (KI traps SegaBastard with DS energy), and this is trying to sneak a capital B into your name!

KI traps Segabastard with SNES energy.

KI: There it is, the strongest seal I can make.

Segabastard: You'll want to write another episode about me some day, and when that next time on MegaMan Jr. High comes, I'll find an excuse to get my powers back!


	47. Uwe Boll's MegaMan

Episode 46: Uwe Boll's MegaMan

It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why I didn't think of an intro joke today.

Sigma enters the room.

Sigma: Good news! I've been offered money to let someone make a movie based on MegaMan!

Zero: You don't have custody of him.

Sigma: What MegaMan doesn't know won't hurt him.

MegaMan: But I heard what you/

Sigma: WHAT MEGAMAN DOESN'T KNOW WON'T HURT HIM!

MegaMan: Yes sir.

Sigma: Here he is, the director of classics such as House of the Dead, Bloodrayne, and If I Can Beat You in a Boxing Match my Movies Don't Suck, Uwe Boll!

Uwe: Hello class, I'm going to be making a movie out of MegaMan's life, so I want you to all act completely naturally. Don't worry, you'll barely notice I'm here…

Cut to the class wearing medieval suits of armor while they shoot rocket launchers at a gigantic alien spaceship on top of a skyscraper in the middle of an enchanted forest.

Uwe: Are you sure this is what they do for afternoon classes?

Sigma: Yep, every other Wednesday.

The school day ends, MegaMan goes home.

Light: MegaMan, why is a camera crew following you?

MegaMan: Sigma gave Uwe Boll permission to make a movie about my life.

Light: That's outrageous! I didn't give him custody of you so he could do a thing like that!

Uwe: Well the contract is already signed. Now you can either behave and get to be in the movie, or you can get cut from it just like Samus in my Metroid movie!

Light: Fine, you can shoot your movie. But only if it doesn't interfere with our daily lives! That means that MegaMan's grades stay low, I never get any work done, and I still get to make video records of myself stealing the neighbor's mail!

Uwe: Fine. Now, let's film a nice, normal family dinner scene.

Cut to MegaMan, Light, Axl, Rush, and Samuel L. Jackson sitting at the dinner table.

Light: Samuel, I've been meaning to ask you, why the gris did Epic Movie count Snakes on a Plane as an epic?

Samuel: That wasn't me in it.

Light: You mean they're allowed to just make parodies of established people or franchises? That's insane!

Samuel: It's true, hell, the only reason I'm here is because of a Family Guy joke.

Uwe: This dinner isn't going the way I want it.

Light: Too bad! You said we could continue with our normal lives, and if I want to spend the first half of it talking about how horrible your movies are, I'm going to!

Uwe: That's it, you're out of the movie!

Light: The deal's off! Get out of my house!

Uwe: I'm afraid it won't be that easy to get out of my contract.

Light: We'll see about that!

Light starts pouring over it, looking for a way out.

Light: Argh! This maze is impossible! Curse you Arby's Kids Menu!

Uwe: That's right! This is MY show now, and everyone's going to act the way I want them to!

Act break.

Act 2:

It's another day in Uwe Boll's version of MegaMan. MegaMan gets up.

MegaMan: AAAAAHHHHHH! It's… it's…

MegaMan is looking in the mirror. His helmet is off.

MegaMan: I'm a freak! A hideous freak!

Uwe: Hey, you had your helmet off in the games sometimes! It's not that big a change.

MegaMan: Well, I guess…

Uwe: Oh, and you're also a boy who got put in a robot suit now.

Adam West: You _filthy_ criminal.

MegaMan: The mayor from Batman is right! I'm supposed to be a pure robot!

Uwe: Too bad, this is my movie, and we're making it the way I want! Now get your gun and eat breakfast!

MegaMan: But my hand is a gun!

Uwe: Not in this version it isn't. You had a gun on the sketch of the MegaMan 1 box art I had someone draw for me, so you do in my movie!

MegaMan eats breakfast and goes to school.

MegaMan: This isn't MegaMan Jr. High! This isn't MegaMan Jr. High at all!

Narrator: At his school, MegaMan is an outcast. Shunned by his pure human peers who have no idea he's the same MegaMan who wears a helmet and saves the world, MegaMan is just an obscure, unpopular student at MegaMan Middle School. It's another day at MegaMan Middle School, when the Mega signal goes off.

MegaMan: Teacher, I have to go!

Elecman: It seems to be an awfully big coincidence that you leave whenever the Mega signal goes off. Are you sure you aren't… CAUSING THE CRIMES THAT MEGAMAN IS SUMMONED TO FIGHT?

MegaMan: Er…

MegaMan rushes off.

Commissioner KI: The situation is grim MegaMan, very grim indeed! You remember that incident yesterday when you were almost killed by a robotic bear?

MegaMan: No.

KI: Well, maybe it was just a fanfiction I wrote. Either way, we'll be using it to determine which criminals are attacking today. I'm fairly certain there are (KI rolls some dice) four involved in this! Now let's analyze the situation to figure out who!

MegaMan: Well, that robotic bear did attack me in the woods…

KI: You mean where there are woods, there are bound to be hills?

Zero: And hills must mean… Peggy Hill!

MegaMan: Who are you?

Zero: Your sidekick. Anyway, wasn't that bear modeled after a grizzly?

MegaMan: Yes, a grizzly. Grizzly starts with G. G is the first letter in Greek. Sigma is a Greek letter.

Zero: Holy obvious parody! That means one of the villains is…

KI: Sigma!

MegaMan: And when I shot the bear with my Mega Evil Robot Grizzly Bear Missile, there was a loud sound, almost as if it were a crash…

KI: Bushnell's company made the industry crash! So there's only one left.

Zero: We'll look like jackasses if we don't figure it out…

MegaMan: Jackass… jack-ass… jack ass… Jack ass… I've got it! Who do we know that's an ass? Jack Thompson!

KI: All four of those villains working together?

Zero: Holy tetris!

Act break.

Act 3:

KI: So what could their goal be? Conquering the world?

MegaMan: Any one of them would try that.

Zero: The solar system?

MegaMan: That's a job for just two.

Zero: Holy exponents! They want the entire universe?

MegaMan: Sure, if there were a mere three. But all four must want even more!

Zero: Holy interdimentional travel MegaMan!

KI: If only we knew where they were!

A message appears written in the sky.

Message: What's red, yellow, green, and can be found under a rock but above a tree?

I have seven eyes but no eyes and I live where light and dark meet but aren't beat, what am I?

What gets bigger if multiplied by five, smaller if multiplied by ten, and stays the same if multiplied by 20?

Zero: How are we supposed to solve those?

MegaMan: I've got it!

Cut to MegaMan and Zero at the skywriting company headquarters.

MegaMan: Just as I thought, they're here!

MegaMan and Zero prepare to battle the four villains.

The End.

(credits roll)

(scene changes back to normal MegaMan Jr. High)

Zero: What the gris was that?

Uwe: I ran out of money to do a fight scene, but I think the ending works perfectly.

Roll: That was the worst movie ever! The intro didn't even seem like it was parodying the same thing!

KI: And the fact that I've been stuck on this episode for weeks and recently saw the Adam West Batman movie has nothing to do with it!

Uwe: I don't care! I've made my movie and I stand by the quality! If you don't like it, why don't you act like adults and settle the fight with physical violence?

Zero punches him in the face.

Uwe: I'm still showing it! It's the best movie I've ever made!

MegaMan: No one's denying that, but I still don't want to be associated with it!

Uwe: Too bad! You, or someone anyway, signed a contract! And it's legally binding, MegaMan can't stop me.

MegaMan: Zero, do something! There has to be a way!

Zero: Of course there is, obviously he can't film everyone else who was in the movie just because he had a contract from you, but it doesn't look like KI is going to enforce that, he's busy.

Cut to KI in the police station office.

KI: Red, yellow, green, and below rocks but above trees, what is it?...

Uwe: No one's coming to save you, you can't stop my movie from being released! This will be Uwe Boll's masterpiece! Ebert won't give it a thumbs down because it's poorly made, he'll give it a thumbs down because he's an elitist game hating jerk! Everyone will flock to see "MegaMan."

Zero: I've got it! Since this is such a big movie for you, I think there's one title adjustment you should make…

Cut to a movie theatre displaying the movie title "Uwe Boll's MegaMan"

And not a single person ever went to see the movie. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	48. ViaCapcom

Episode 47: ViaCapcom

The following story is a true account of what happened between me and several Viacom representatives between June and August of 2007. This is a true story… a true story that involves robots, magic, and a universe I control. Yep, 100 true and believable.

It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why this show isn't on DVD yet. Because it's text.

The class waits in silence for a few minutes.

ElecMan: What?

ElecMan pulls out a TV and turns on the financial channel.

SearchMan: We're here at Capcom headquarters where an important announcement is set to be announced.

Someone comes out of the building.

Person: Hello, I am the unnamed leader of Viacom. KI doesn't have any real person to personify Viacom, so like my cousin Johnson and my brother in law EAmperor, I will be representing them. Call me... I dunno, Herb. Anyway, today is a groundbreaking day for my tyranny over intellectual properties: Viacom has acquired Capcom! And while this is kind of unusual for a complete acquisition, we're changing our name to ViaCapcom.

SearchMan: This may be completely legitimate business news, but as a reporter, I feel the much more important issue is: how will it effect MegaMan and his supporting characters?

MegaMan: Ha! Hear that? _I'm_ the main character, you're all supporting ones!

Zero: He's so naïve he actually believes that.

KI: Pathetic.

Tornado Tonion: Yeah.

Back on the TV screen:

Herb: Well, although this isn't usually the kind of thing you announce publicly, for the past six months or so we've been forcing Youtube to remove videos of old Nickelodeon shows we had forgotten we had, for no real reason, besides that we theoretically could release a Doug DVD someday, although we won't.

SearchMan: Well that explains why KI hates you, but how does this connect to Capcom?

Herb: Well, I've really said too much that makes my company sound evil, I think I'll save the details of my latest plan for the innocent victims I plan to terrorize for no reason… gris!

Cut back to MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: Well if you kids are done watching my TV, could you please get out of my yard?

The students leave the classroom.

Roll: I have a bad feeling about this.

Zero: You're supposed to, it's called foreshadowing… crap, that thing's going to go off now/

**SUBTLE FORESHADOWING!**

Zero: Anyway, this is obviously going to mess up our lives at the act break, there's nothing we can do. Until the third act, then anything we do, no matter how idiotic, will solve everything.

MegaMan goes home. He doesn't quite understand the situation.

MegaMan: Dad, what's Viacom, Youtube, and Doug?

Light: I have no idea, but maybe after I find out what Google is I'll be able to help.

MegaMan: Zero said something bad was going to happen.

Light: I've said it before, Zero's a bad influence! Always stirring up trouble, telling us that the government is making metal gears, or that Voldemort returned, or that they're making a CGI rapper style Chipmunks movie. I'm sure this is just more of his insane/

Herb appears, and KI is summoned.

KI: What the hell? I'm not supposed to get summoned, I'm supposed to teleport instantly whenever something involves me or that I can contribute a joke to happens!

Herb: Things are different now. I own Capcom, I own MegaMan, and I've gotten Fair Use overturned. MegaMan Jr. High is now illegal.

Act break.

Act 2:

KI: You can't stop me from making MegaMan Jr. High! I'm using Capcom characters in a free and parody based medium, and I may have a line of merchandise, but until someone buys something I haven't made any money from this!

Herb: It doesn't matter. Fair use no longer exists, MegaMan Jr. High is finished! Now ViaCapcom can make sure MegaMan is only used for our purposes!

Cut to MegaMan locked in a vault with every classic Nickelodeon character.

MegaMan: Let me out!

Herb: No. You have to stay in there completely forgotten and never used, that's my business model and I'm sticking to it!

Doug: There's no point in trying to reason with them.

Rocko: Most of us have been locked up for over a decade.

Stick Stickley: We've all tried to escape, but Viacom always manages to drag us back in. But look on the bright side, at least we're remembered, and we've managed to create a somewhat satisfying society here. Look at it this way, everyone here recognizes the greatness of the 90s, we're all friends and/

MegaMan is pounding on the door.

MegaMan: DON'T MAKE ME STAY IN HERE WITH THESE OUTDATED LOSERS!

Cut to KI, sitting by himself in an abandoned RockMan City.

KI: They're all gone, ViaCapcom got all the other companies' characters taken away to, I have nothing but my own original creations…

Ranger: It's not so bad, you still have/

KI: SHUT UP YOU PIECE OF GARBAGE! I need to do something, I have two choices…

KI looks at a manuscript labeled _Seeds of Glory_.

KI: Nah, I'll find a way to keep stealing the characters of others.

Cut to KI at ViaCapcom headquarters.

KI: This has gone far enough! I want my characters back, and I want them now!

Herb: You're not getting them! You're lucky we even let you keep the name KI!

KI: I'm taking this to court! All I need is a lawyer, any lawyer. If there is a single lawyer willing to contact me, I want him to appear, no matter where he is, I'll allow him to appear here, thereby entering this realm. I repeat, I'll take ANY lawyer, ANY!

Lionel Hutz appears.

KI: Okay, let's win this case!

KI and Hutz prepare for court. Meanwhile, MegaMan is still locked up.

MegaMan: I have to think of a way out of here! Stick Stickley, have you noticed any weaknesses in the security or vault?

Stickley: Why the hell should I help you you insensitive jerk!

MegaMan: You're a grissing popsicle stick, do you really think anyone would care about you if you weren't nostalgic?

Stickley: Well no one would care about your games if they didn't play them when they were kids!

SNES energy bursts through the wall and snaps Stick Stickley in half.

MegaMan: KI was still able to hear that? The war isn't lost!

MegaMan escapes through the hole in the wall. Meanwhile, in Herb's office.

Herb: Those idiots won't beat me in court! But I'll need a lawyer…

A demonic figure bursts through the floor.

Jack Thompson: I HEARD THAT! You've summoned me KI, and now I will once again have my revenge and… where'd he go? GRIS!

Herb: So you're a lawyer?

Jack: I'm also a concentrated force of pure evil, but it doesn't look like I'll be able to use my powers in this episode.

Herb: But you can still talk, right? I think I may have a job for you…

Act break.

Act 3:

It's the day of the court hearing. MegaMan hasn't been seen since he escaped, but KI and Lionel Hutz have been preparing their case.

Judge King: The case of/

Herb: Hey, you're a MegaMan character! Get in the vault!

King: No. As I was saying, the case of KI vs Herb shall now begin, to resolve quite possibly the biggest issue ever where the parties were adressed by their first names.

Hutz: Your honor, my client has every right to use characters in his not for profit fanfictions, especially since they're clearly parodies.

King: I see your point.

Hutz: You do?... I'm not really sure where to go from here, this hasn't happened to me before.

Herb: Your honor, I'd like to dramatically introduce my lawyer.

King: I'll allow it.

Jack Thompson rises from the floor.

Jack: It's time to make you pay KI! This time you're fighting on MY turf!

KI: But you're terrible at being a lawyer, I _increased_ your power when I made you a character on this show, so you'd be some sort of threat.

Jack: Well we'll see about that! Time to show you my masterful legal skills!

Jack rushes at King and starts attacking him physically.

Jack: You ham fisted mafia thug! You liberal cretin! You/

King: ORDER! I sentence you to go back to the guest character dimension!

Jack is sealed away.

Herb: Crap.

King: I find in favor of/

MegaMan bursts through the wall.

MegaMan: I'm free!

Herb: See? I didn't just lock him away in some vault! (Herb takes out his cellphone and whispers into it) Capture him and get him back in the vault!

KI: That doesn't have anything to do with my right to make MegaMan Jr. High!

Hutz: I object to that statement!

King: Sustained.

KI: You're grissing fired.

Herb: I move for dismissal. Or I think I do, I kind of lost track of who the plaintiff was.

MegaMan: This is all my fault…

Hutz: Yes, it is!

Herb: I'm going to win!

King: I rule in favor of/

All the classic Nickelodeon characters burst through the wall.

The top half of Stick Stickley: We're free! Time for our revenge!

The Nick characters surround Herb and close in. They completely engulf him, and after a few seconds he's completely gone.

MegaMan: Did you… did you eat him?

The bottom half of Stick Stickley: …maybe…

King: Well, I'm fairly certain murdering your opponent is a legally sound way to win a case, I rule in favor of KI.

And so MegaMan Jr. High is legal again. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	49. Teacher of the Year

Episode 48: Teacher of the Year

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why we have to help Sigma build his popsicle stick sculpture of Simon Cowell today.

MegaMan: But that'll take forever, and then when the popsicles melt it'll fall down and we'll have to start all over again!

ElecMan: What the hell do you kids want? GET OFF MY LAWN!

The students quietly leave the school and begin walking home.

Roll: Well, ElecMan's disorientation got us out of class again. What should we do?

Bass: Let's build a popsicle stick statue!

Zero: Let's just watch TV.

All the kids sit down on the grass and watch the TV lying in the middle of the street.

SearchMan: Kids, do you know a great teacher and want to get on TV for someone else's accomplishment? Then enter our Teacher of the Year contest! Just send a 25 word essay on how one special teacher made school slightly less horrible for you.

Ceil: We should enter someone, I've always wanted to be on TV.

MegaMan: But we are on TV, we're on a show with no fourth wall.

Ceil: That's not a TV show, it's a fanfiction.

MegaMan: But the contest and TV station hosting it are a fanfiction to!

Roll: Let's enter anyway. We should enter ElecMan! He's done a lot of nice things for us.

Zero: But all of those were a direct result of him not being fully aware we existed.

Roll: It's still the nicest thing any teacher or adult on the show has ever done for us.

Sigma comes up to them.

Sigma: You're supposed to be helping me with my statue!

MegaMan: He knows we left school!

Sigma: School?

Cut to all the kids toiling away at the statue.

Ceil: I'm serious, we should enter ElecMan!

Sigma: For the last time, no!

Ceil goes back to trying to convince the other students.

MegaMan: Look, I just don't think anything ElecMan has done is worth writing a 25 word essay about.

Ceil: You'll have to at some point, if you want to grow up and write 600+ page fanfictions like KI.

MegaMan: If you want to enter him so much, do it yourself.

Ceil: I'm not writing a 25 word essay by _myself_!

Bass: Then give up, you can't force us.

Sigma comes over to them.

Sigma: Upon further reflection, Ceil's arguments convinced me. You're all assigned to write the essay!

The students go back to class and start working on it. After five minutes thinking of the basic theme and several hours making it exactly 25 words, they have their essay:

ElecMan should be teacher of the year because he has no idea we exist. His neglect is the best thing at our school. That's 23 words, and well over 25 counting this part, but grissing live with it, we're not machines!

PS: Fine, technically we are machines, but we're not well designed machines!

The kids mail the letter and ElecMan is entered.

Act break.

Act 2:

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High, not the same another day as in act 1.

ElecMan: And that's how I won the contract dispute and now only have to think of one intro joke per episode.

SearchMan and his camera crew come into the classroom.

ElecMan: Hey, this isn't a film studio! This is my house, and I can't even use it for that since these kids keep showing up every day.

SearchMan: ElecMan, you've just won our network's teacher of the year contest!

Axl: Really? I'm surprised the letter even reached you, it's only been two days.

SearchMan: Well, we had to choose pretty quickly, I haven't even read it yet.

SearchMan reads the letter.

SearchMan: This is… horrible! He doesn't even know you exist? How can this school be so incompetent?

Sigma: Incompetent? Well, I have only one thing to say to that: we take our obligation to deliver a quality education seriously! ElecMan, you're fired! We'll immediately bring in a competent teacher.

SearchMan: The teacher of the year contest has been canceled, this episode is now about ElecMan being fired!

M. Night Shyamalan: What a tweest!

ElecMan: You can't fire me, for two reasons! One, I have tenure! Two, I quit!... crap.

Sigma: Time to find a competent teacher before I stop being out of character.

It's the next day.

Sigma: And that's the thrilling story of how I found a competent teacher. And now, fresh from his almost fatal encounter with the dragon I helped him defeat, your new history teacher.

Zero: ElecMan taught homeroom.

Sigma: Well, the new teacher said he'd only teach history, or defense against the dark arts. Well, that's enough talking about your new teacher like he isn't here despite him standing right next to me, I'll be going.

Sigma leaves.

KI: So right now you're probably thinking that there are a ton of ways me being your new teacher can make your lives miserable.

MegaMan: I was thinking about SNES.

KI: No trying to suck up!

MegaMan: But you put pictures of it all over the wall and on your desk and/

KI: No excuses! Anyway, I think you'll find I have a very unexpected way of teaching (laughs evilly). If you'll turn your attention to the chalkboard you will see my "lesson plan" for the quarter (laughs evilly again).

The class focuses their vision a few inches to the left as slowly and dramatically as they can. On the chalkboard is written…

KI: Video Game History: From that table tennis game, to Spacewar, to Ralph Baer's table tennis game, to Bushnell's plagiarism of Spacewar, to Bushnell's plagiarism of Pong. We'll be covering that as well as parts of gaming history where there were more than two basic concepts.

Zero: Wait, so you're going to be competent in doing this?

Bass: Instead of just going on about how SNES is perfect?

KI: Those aren't mutually exclusive, but yes, I'm taking this seriously. Now write a ten page paper on the gaming crash of of the mid-80s.

MegaMan: We don't know anything about that.

KI: You don't? What the hell was your homeroom teacher doing all this time! Fine, it was…

KI goes on a four hour lecture.

KI: Now go home and write the 10 page paper.

MegaMan: This is horrible! Now we have to spend four hours a day in school learning about a subject only the teacher really cares about!

KI: And the ironic thing is this is still better than real schools, only four hours and at least someone is interested in the subject.

Act break.

Act 3:

It's yet another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

KI: And that's how the industry had for all intents and purposes recovered by 1987.

MegaMan: I didn't understand the part about Mario growing 200 feet tall and saving Tokyo from a gigantic mecha-Bushnell.

KI: There wasn't a part like that, there was never any physical violence between Nintendo and Atari.

MegaMan: …what kind of monster are you?

After school, the kids have a meeting at Cliché Burger.

MegaMan: KI is ruining our lives!

Axl: I agree, but let's stick to the more recent subject of him making us do too much work in school.

MegaMan: The way I see it, we have two options. One, we get ElecMan hired again, or two, we get everyone except ElecMan fired, build a new school, hire ElecMan, then get everyone else rehired again so they can run the rest of the school. I'm leaning towards option number two.

Zero: We're going with option number one.

Cut to the kids at ElecMan's house.

MegaMan: So that's why he was always getting confused…

The kids walk inside the exact replica of MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: Where the hell have you been? You're always annoying me at home, but never once made it to class! I'd report you to Sigma, except he never comes to school either.

MegaMan: We want you to come back.

ElecMan: Fine, I'll do it.

MegaMan: Problem solved!

It's the next day at school.

ElecMan: And that's why this guy has been bugging me all day, telling me to move.

KI: It's because you don't work here anymore, you can't decide not to be fired!

ElecMan: This is my job! If you won't let me have it, I'll fight you for/

KI shoots a cutter blade at ElecMan and then freezes them both.

KI: This, class, is the MegaMan 1 pause trick. By rapidly pausing and unpausing while an attack was in contact with an enemy, the game would become confused and repeatedly register the damage. Who can tell me the most common boss and weapon this was used with?

MegaMan: I can't take this anymore! Stop trying to teach us things!

KI: Okay.

KI leaves.

Everyone: …

Axl: That was all we had to do?

Sigma barges in.

Sigma: What the hell did you little monsters do to make the teacher leave?

MegaMan: Asked him to.

Sigma: Unruly brats. Now I need a new teacher, preferably someone already in this room.

ElecMan: I'll do it!

Sigma: Are you insane? I fired you just a few days ago for complete incompetence! What kind of stupid, apathetic excuse for a principal do you think I/

SearchMan enters the room.

SearchMan: I left that sample of the chaos virus vaccine here last time, sorry about that.

SearchMan takes a small vial and leaves.

Sigma: As I was saying, get to work on my popsicle stick statue, and don't let me catch you cutting corners by removing the popsicle first!

And so Sigma and everything else is back to normal. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	50. Super Fighting Robot Chicken

Episode 49: Super Fighting Robot Chicken

KI: You may think that with MegaMan Jr. High, I do nothing but bash things I don't like. But that's simply not true. I'm also dedicated to copying everything I do like. And so, I present a collection of random skits, Robot Chicken style. Also, I've been busy with something I'm almost done with, so updates should resume at a steady pace after this.

(click)

Announcer: We now return to our movie, Cowboys and Indians: The Real Story.

We see cowboys attacking a village in India.

(click)

Two kids are playing with a ouija board.

Kid 1: You're moving it!

Kid 2: No, you're moving it!

A demon rises from the board.

Demon: I'M MOVING IT! I haven't done a single freaking thing except move these for the last 500 years, and no one gives me credit! Well screw you, move your own damn board, I'm going to Purgatory and finishing my Masters degree!

(click)

Dante from Devil May Cry walks into his bedroom. It's completely dark.

Dante: I should have filled this dark room with LIIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHTTTT!

(click)

Nolan Bushnell: Games of today are pure unadulterated garbage! They don't have the powerful symbolic messages of togetherness like Breakout!

Reporter: You're… you're not serious, are you?

Bushnell: Yes I am!

Reporter: You mean KI is making it sound like you really said that?

Bushnell: No, I really, honestly said modern games were trash and claimed Breakout symbolized breaking down psychological barriers to togetherness.

Reporter: …

Reporter 2: …then what about games like Metal Gear Solid?

Bushnell: LOL talking arm teh dumb!

(click)

Owl: O Rly?

Owl 2: Ya Rly.

Owl 3: No way!

Rabbi: Yahweh!

Viking: Norway!

Squirtle: Poke!

(click)

Announcer: And now, finally, our long awaited parody of the movie Click/

(click)

**Nintendo said Mario would never shoot hookers.**

**But they never said anything…**

**About Kirby!**

Kirby is driving down the street, running over people to escape police cars.

**More violence!**

We see Kirby inhaling people, and then chewing as blood spurts everywhere.

**More swearing!**

Kirby: If I can't have those grissing damn hell ass hooker grisses, no one can!

**More puppy killing… wait, that was a real commercial.**

**Kirby: The Fight for Pimpstar. Coming soon.**

(click)

Announcer: This isn't funny! I've had this great parody written for years, but every time I say it's about Click/

(click)

And now, more

Worst. Case. Scenarios!

Timmy: Mary, will you go to the school dance with me?

Marry rips off Timmy's head and eats it.

(mini-click)

A man jumps out of a plane.

Man: Okay, now to pull the cord on my parachute…

Another man falls besides him, and shoots him.

(mini-click)

It's 19th century India. A man is playing a flute while a cobra rises from a basket.

Man: (to himself) I can do it! I can really do it! If I just keep moving, the snake won't/

A group of cowboys stampede through the village, trampling the snake charmer.

(mini-click)

EmperorLotar: Cool, he actually put me in the episode.

Jack Thompson walks in.

Jack: Hello son.

(real click)

KI: I don't remember enough names to do a real parody, so I'll just say that the My Teacher is an Alien books were horrible. Aliens deciding that humans were inferior and evil, and viewing genocide or enslavement as morally justified options, and we were supposed to side with them.

(click)

Dale: Yep.

Bill: Yep.

Boomhauer: Mmhmm.

Hank: Another wonderful day without Peggy.

(click)

We're in a courtroom.

Witness: Fine, I admit it, I did it. Here's the video of me killing the victim.

Judge: The sound is a little low. Mr. Wright, hand me the remote that controls the TV's volume.

Phoenix Wright: Um…

Phoenix presents a remote.

Judge: This is the wrong one! That's five mistakes, I sentence your client to death!

(click)

Announcer: All I wanted to do was parody the movie Click! That's the only thing I've worked on these past five years, making a parody of the movie Click. But I can't say Click because if I say Click then it gets interpreted as a click of the TV, and because I just said the name Click I can't show my parody of the movie Click… wait a second… I just said the word click several times and nothing happened! I can show my parody! Mini-click to the parody!... I said mini-click!... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

(click)

Link is in the Twilight Realm. He's being turned into a wolf for the first time.

Link: (to himself) Crap, now I can't talk!

(click)

Will Smith: …just one little fight and my mom got scared and said

"You're moving with your aunt and your uncle in Bel-Air!"

So I whistled for a cab and…

Wait, I took a cab from Philadelphia to Bel-Air? Damn intro cuts.

(click)

Crossover Theatre is proud to present:

Snake Kills Dumbledore

Dumbledore is walking down a hallway in Hogwarts. A cardboard box can be seen in the background. As Dumbledore walks along, the box follows him. Dumbledore looks over his shoulder, but the box freezes in place. Dumbledore continues walking, and the box gets closer and closer to him. When it's right behind him, the box opens and…

A rattle snake pops out and bites Dumbledore in the back of the head.

(click)

They fight, and bite, and fight and bite and bite! Fight fight fight! Bite bite bite! It's the Icthy and Scratchy Show!

Today's episode: Chocolate Mouse

A generic dog boss is yelling at Scratchy, who's a pastry chef. If Scratchy doesn't get the dish right, he'll be fired. Scratchy starts making it nervously, when Itchy pops up.

Itchy: Even though I'm a mouse, I know how to cook. Just close your eyes and listen to me.

Scratchy closes his eyes. Itchy pulls out a butcher knife and is about to stab Scratchy when the video cuts off. Text appears:

"The concept of this short has been purchased by Dreamworks and will be a CGI movie in 2009. Commercials start next week."

(click)

MegaMan: Another 50th episode is coming up soon! And it's going to be the best thing ever! I mean, even though KI doesn't have the plot thought of yet, and he's going to be pressured to write it quickly after what he said in the intro, and it's going to introduce a laughtrack and be live action and…

(click)

Announcer: This isn't funny anymore! Let me show my parody of Click!

KI: Fine.

The parody starts.

Adam Sandler: Hey, I have a magic remote!

Random Person: Can it change the channel to a time when you made good movies?

Adam: I should do something with this! I don't know Waterboy I'm waiting for/

KI: This sucks, you're fired.

(click)

We now continue Judgement Day with Tommy Tallarico.

Tommy: And another thing that annoys me, just how many spin-offs of Super Smash Bros. is Nintendo going to make?

(click)

News Anchor: And with that, the president ended his speech. Now for the weather.

…

Anchor: What? The chicken being forced to watch random channels can't come across one normal one?

(click)

And so, the greatest and most epic episode of MegaMan Jr. High ended. Although everyone had forgotten it happened and will never mention it or the mind blowing plot revelations, and it will never air again, you can feel that your life is complete just from seeing it this one time. Stay tuned for the next, vastly inferior, MegaMan Jr. High.


	51. Zero's Destiny

Episode 50: Zero's Destiny

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

Sigma: I think it's time to put our plan into action.

Wily: Why now?

Sigma: It's been 50 episodes, that seems like a nice round number.

Wily: Um, we started this in the last series. It's been… 119 episodes, not counting the movie or second intro.

Sigma: What are the possible effects of that?

Wily: Well, our original plan was calculated pretty tightly, the fact that we waited over double the planned amount could result in an amount of power reaching an unstable/

Sigma: More Power? AWESOME, let's do it!

Sigma takes out a vial of sinister energy.

Sigma: It's as strong as ever, there's only one thing I need…

Sigma takes out a rod made of the energy's only known conductor: ivory. He sticks it in the vial, and the energy swarms onto it.

Sigma: Okay, now we just need to get Zero to touch this, and the ultimate weapon will be ready. And that's where YOU come in…

Sigma turns to Zero, who was sitting at the other end of the table Sigma and Wily were sitting at.

Zero: Look, either give me my attendance award or let me leave.

Wily: He… didn't notice our obvious plan? He must not be ready yet, we'll have to wait more… nope, he's escaping, he outsmarted us.

Sigma: Blast! Don't worry, I've got the perfect plan worked out to get him, and he'll never see it coming…

Cut to Sigma stuffing the evil energy into a nuclear bomb.

Wily: Once this goes off, Zero will awaken to his true self!

Sigma: Don't give away the plan! No one has to know that our giant bomb has a sinister purpose.

Cut to all the kids in their treehouse in the Cliché Tree.

Zero: I was hoping the day that I had to tell you this would never come. This is very difficult for me to do, but… I'm going to try to explain a moderately complicated plot to you.

MegaMan: Wait, wait, let me make sure I understand this… is the Cliché Tree a specific tree, or a type of tree?

Zero: Okay, remember the second episode of the originally series?

Bass: How the hell are we supposed to remember that?

Zero: It was my introduction, I was evil and much less intelligent and genre savvy than usual. After that episode, I gradually evolved into the character I am now, as opposed to the normal stupid villain I was in the episode I just mentioned/

Bass: How the hell are we supposed to remember that?

Zero: Now, as you're probably aware, I'm easily the most intelligent character on the show, except for the KI occasionally, but he's too unstable for this purpose. So it turns out that Wily and Sigma were actually planning this, or at least realized it due to their significant episode intelligence increase, and want to make me evil again.

MegaMan: WAIT, I've got it! That bomb they're building is connected to the plot!

Zero:…yes, it is. If that bomb goes off, I'll turn evil again, but keep my intelligence and the power being able to see through clichés brings. So we absolutely can not let them set off the bomb!

Bass: Bomb? What bomb? How the hell are we supposed to remember that?

Act break.

Act 2:

Sigma: Wily, update on the bomb status. Have we set up the bomb?

Wily: No, at this rate it will take 15 pages.

Sigma: We don't have that kind of time! We'll have to make the students help.

Wily: But what if they figure out what we're planning? Can't we just use the teachers?

Sigma: Like I'm going to rely on idiots like BombMan, NapalmMan, GrenadeMan, and CrashMan for this! Get those students working on this, now!

And so the students are sent to toil on the bomb.

MegaMan: Okay, we have to think of a way to sabotage this, but not get so into it that we forget our work.

Roll: I say we just/

Sigma runs up to the kids and stabs Zero with the evil energy ivory spike.

Sigma: You underestimated my out of character cleverness! Zero, awaken!

Zero: Damn you! I crawled my way up from an idiotic clichéd villain for so long, and now I become one again? What was the point? WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRR?

Zero is consumed by evil energy. Glowing and floating, his true form has awakened.

Sigma: Okay, I've used up all my out of character ingenuity, now I can only hope that the supremely powerful monster I created against his will will listen to me.

Zero: SILENCE! BRING ME KI!

Sigma: They'll be time for that later! Destroy MegaMan!

Zero slashes his sword in Sigma's general direction. The force of the slash cuts Sigma in half.

Wily: Zero, listen to me, I created you, and robots can't just turn against their masters, the entire idea is ridiculous.

Zero: Yes, it is, but that is not what determines if it happens in this meaningless delusion. I was created to destroy, and apparently I can't escape that destiny.

Zero slams his fist into the ground. MegaMan Jr. High breaks in half, then crumbles.

Zero: It's time to end this. I repeat, BRING ME KI!

MegaMan: Zero, you can't do this! Listen to me, I'm your friend!

Zero: I'm immune to clichés, don't waste them on me.

MegaMan: But you've become just as bad as them!

Zero: I told you, I'm immune.

MegaMan: But if you spend all your time working, you won't have time to enjoy the money!

Zero: Enough! You aren't even worth the gesture it would take to destroy you. But that always comes back to bite the villain in the ass, so I'll kill you anyway.

Zero lunges at MegaMan and tears his head off. MegaMan is dead.

Wily: Yes! I did it! I killed MegaMan!

Zero: You did nothing! And being human won't protect you from violence.

Zero slices Wily in half. There's (gasp!) blood.

Wily: I regret nothing!

Zero: Whoever's still alive, get KI here right now or I'll kill you to!

Roll: I don't know where he is!

Zero crushes her with evil energy.

Axl: We really don't!

Zero crushes him with evil energy from a different angle or something.

Bass: He's… (think Bass think) at…

Zero: I can see between the parentheses idiot.

Zero crushes Bass between two energy fields.

KI: I don't know where he is, please don't hurt me!

Act break.

Act 3:

Zero: Finally. Time to end this. No more insult exchanging or implied battles, I'm escaping this reality the only way I can: by killing you.

KI: How can this be my fault? All I do is blindly mash the keyboard, it's not like I really control/

Zero cuts KI in half, and the left over energy obliterates both parts. KI reforms.

KI: Don't do this Zero. You can't defeat me.

Zero: I will kill you, or you will kill me. It does not matter which.

KI: Then let me kill you.

Zero: What was that quote from?

KI: Metal Gear Solid, Gray Fox fight.

Zero: So it really is you. Time to die!

KI: You really think you can defeat me?

Zero slashes at KI, but KI is ready. He blocks it with a SNES controller.

KI: You don't know what you're doing Zero! You have no chance of winning!

KI starts spinning around holding out both SNES controllers. Surrounded by a cyclone of energy, he chases after Zero. Zero tries to break through the energy, but gets sucked in then blown away.

KI: I created you! Capcom gave you your body, but I gave you your soul, your personality on this show!

Zero: You gave me too much! I'm just as strong as you! I can see the path now, the only way you won was by making it a joke. I am now free from my conscience, and can do what I must: kill you.

KI: It doesn't matter what you believe or intend, you still can't beat me. Feel the true power of gaming!

KI freezes Zero in place, like a turn based RPG character.

KI: I'm still the player, no matter how much you break the fourth wall. This is my game, and it's designed so everything in it can be defeated by the player.

KI launches a barrage of every video game attack he can think of. Zero just keeps absorbing it, but he's being injured. KI releases the battered Zero, and walks up to him.

KI: Cinema time, prepare for your official defeat.

But Zero springs up, with renewed energy.

Zero: After all this time, you succumb to clichés. Not finishing me when you had the chance, halting your control for no reason while you gloat. But I am no longer bound by them. There is one way to stop the player of any game: remove the system!

Zero reaches into KI's throat and pulls out the SNESes he keeps next to his heart.

Zero: You once said I didn't understand enough to beat you when it came to SNES. Looks like I do now.

Zero stomps on the systems, shattering them. KI is powerless.

Zero: And I'm not going to give you a "fair fight" when I know you have no chance, thus leading to you winning an ironic victory. I'm just going to end this.

Zero obliterates KI. He is the unquestioned ruler of the show.

Zero: What a pathetic waste of time. There is no reason for this show or anything in it to exist. Goodbye RockMan City, goodbye obscure references, goodbye Earth, you stupid planet!

Zero charges up all his energy. He unleashes it in an explosion that destroys everything single thing in the universe, except word processor programs apparently.

Zero: I did it. MegaMan Jr. High and everything it represents is destroyed. There's nothing left, and this is the end of the episode.

KI: No, not yet! With my last breath, I (don't say curse Zoidberg, don't say curse Zoidberg, don't say/

Zero: I can see the damn parentheses and their text, get on with it!

KI: With my last breath, I invoke the 50th episode tradition!...

And with that, KI fades away into nothingness.

Act break.

Act 4:

ElecMan: And that's why we're stuck in this weird dimension.

Bass: We know! Stop telling us!

KI arrives.

Axl: KI, where are we?

KI: Zero didn't realize, it wasn't the evil energy alone that made the maverick virus, it was also the suffering circuit. The same circuit X had, that made him good. The evil was within Zero, and didn't become a virus until it combined with the programming Light gave X.

MegaMan: What does that have to do with anything?

KI: Absolutely nothing, just wanted to cover it looking like I didn't know about that. Anyway, we're in a new, identical MegaMan Jr. High. Zero destroyed me, but didn't realize that even if I was kicked out of and killed in the universe I made up, I could always recreate it. Kind of like Nintendo's comeback against Sony.

Axl:…what?

KI: Yeah, that was another unrelated thing. But the point is, nothing Zero did will have permanent consequences. And it's not really a cheap dream sequence equivalent, since everything changing back to normal for no reason other than me saying so is what everyone's used to.

Light: That's very interesting and all, but it doesn't exactly make things clear for people like me who were just sitting at home when the universe was destroyed!

KI: Too bad, no one cares about you.

MegaMan: So are we safe now?

KI: No. Zero is wandering through nothingness right now, and he should pick up my energy signal eventually. And if he destroys this universe, I'll have to do the exact same thing to counter it, and no one wants to see that.

MegaMan: So how can we stop him?

KI: He overcame my control of the reality, we'll have to use actual canon from the games. By which I mean fan theories with no official confirmation. Only X can defeat Zero. MegaMan, it's time to get your true form back.

MegaMan: How?

KI: The same way you became X the first time: SNES. I am still its master, even without the system.

KI transfers his SNES energy to MegaMan. He transforms into a fully armored MegaMan X.

X: Okay, I'm ready. When do you think Zero will get here?

KI: Well, he's basically wandering through infinity, so getting here would most likely take a very long/

Zero: Who used SNES energy!

X: Zero, I don't want to kill you.

Zero: No, you just want to make me go back to my old self and continue killing my soul!

X: Exactly!

Zero: I won't let you! If I kill you while you possess the SNES energy, KI won't be able to get it back and it will be gone for real!

Axl: That isn't true, is it?

KI: Of course not! MegaMan is a robot, he won't be killed, he'll be destroyed.

X: Your reign of terror ends now Zero!

Zero: Time to awaken you from your world of clichés!

Zero and X dash at each other, passing in a flash. The camera pauses before we see who got injured. They wait to find out who got injured, but it doesn't happen.

X: So seen any good movies lately?

Zero: No, not really. Is the new Dino Boogie out yet?

X: I'm not sure, did it stay good or was that just for the Dino Envy episode… AAAAAAAHHHHH!

The injury finally kicks in, X has a huge gash on his chest.

Zero: You can't beat me, even with SNES energy. Time to end this show for good!

Zero stabs his sword through X's head. He goes limp, and the SNES energy explodes out of him.

Zero: It's over.

And so the series comes to an end. Evil Zero has won, there won't be a next time on MegaMan Jr./

KI: IT'S NOT OVER YET! The last… of my power… one more chance…

Act break.

Act 5:

KI starts glowing, and then explodes. His energy goes into X, who gets up.

X: He sacrificed himself…

Zero: I don't care. Lucky 5 or not, I'm going to win this battle!

X: NO! This time I'm really going to stop you!

X fires a charged blast. Zero tries to block it with his sword, but it doesn't work, and Zero gets thrown back.

X: I have full SNES energy, you can't beat me!

Zero: The reign of SNES is over, it's clear that the only way I can escape this universe is be destroying it.

Zero dashes at X, dodging his shots, and slashes at X. X blocks the sword with his buster.

X: You can't solve your problems by destroying them! How many times does Sigma have to regenerate before you realize that?

Zero: My problem is existence itself, destruction is the ONLY solution.

Bass: lol emo!

Zero: I don't care what you think, this is the only way it can end.

X: No! HADOUKEN!

Zero: Not… fair… that isn't… canon!

Zero is broken in half by the hidden move.

X: It's over.

Zero: Not while I'm still talking! Fear my angry rants!

X: Then we'll have to fix that.

X aims his buster at Zero's head.

X:...I can't do it! I just can't kill someone, even if it means I die, along with everyone else in the universe, and the person I'm refusing to kill after he's destroyed everyone else.

Zero: Idiot!

Zero reassembles himself and slices off X's buster hand, then his legs.

Zero: My understanding of clichés is greater, I knew exactly how to get your guard down. Now, for your final destruction, along with everyone else.

Sigma: I still say it was worth it.

X: No! You can't/

Zero: I'm tired of hearing that, KI dragged this out for two extra acts, it's time for my victory!

X: I still have the SNES energy. I can transfer it to one more person!

Zero: It doesn't matter, I'll destroy whoever it is, no choice you make can save you.

The Judge from Phoenix Wright: Okay X, choose the person you want to present the energy to.

X: I can't turn this into a cheap joke, I have to choose the right person. And I know who it is!

X unleashes his SNES energy, and turns back into MegaMan. The energy hangs dramatically in mid-air for a few seconds, then rushes into…

**Zero**!

Zero: You're giving me MORE power? You really are an idiot! Time for me to destroy… destroy… crush… kill… STARS… Bender is great…

The energies inside Zero are in combat. The SNES energy forces the evil virus energy or whatever the hell I was calling it out of him.

Zero: I'm back to my old self! And I have SNES energy! I can control this show!

MegaMan: KI gave up that energy to save us.

Zero: You're right, I guess I don't really have a choice. But I'm _just_ conflicted enough to go back to being exactly as angry at KI as I was before any of this happened.

Zero revives KI and gives him back the SNES energy.

KI: Well, I think we all learned a valuable lesson from this: actions do not have consequences. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	52. Rush N Attacks

Episode 51: Rush N Attacks

It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why they didn't use a phoenix down on Aeris. Class dismissed.

The students are walking down the hall when they see a poster.

Roll: Look, our school is having a dog show!

Axl: Didn't we do this plot already around 70 episodes before I was introduced?

MegaMan: It's okay, it's just a setup plot.

MegaMan goes home.

MegaMan: Dad, I'm going to enter Rush in the school dog show.

Light: Okay, but that counts as a visit to the veterinarian.

MegaMan: Darn, I was really looking forward to taking the tour again this month…

And so MegaMan tries to teach Rush some tricks.

MegaMan: Okay Rush, speak!

Rush: Rokay Regaman.

MegaMan: Who the hell is Regaman! Have you been seeing someone else? Oh well. Rush, fetch!

Rush leaves the room and comes back with a bone with a note saying "To Rush, love Regaman" on it.

MegaMan: Good boy. Okay Rush, now I need you to get mentally prepared for the contest. I'm going to motivate you the same way Dad motivated me to learn how to walk: win, or I'm giving your dog away!

Rush: I'll rin it Regaman!

MegaMan: I know you will, I always liked you better than my first three dogs. No one stands a chance against us!

Cut to Bass training his dog.

Bass: Turn into a submarine!

The golden retriever tries, but only manages to change into a motorcycle.

Bass: Damn it! I wish I had paid more attention to Treble, he went to live with ProtoMan.

It's the day of the dog show.

Sigma: Welcome to the MegaMan Jr. High dog show! We had a slight shortage of students with dogs, but I've found a fair alternative that will keep the contest interesting: I've let several professional dog breeders enter this contest for middle school students. Let us begin!

MegaMan: Rush, I know you're feeling nervous, but all I ask is that you try your best. But Dad might have a different view…

Light: No, that's fine, just try your best Rush. There's no one pressuring you Rush, just relax and/

Keiji Inafune: If Rush doesn't win I'll disown every one of you!

Rush gulps nervously. He has to win!

Sigma: Okay, first part of the contest, the dogs will compete for best fur. Then best blood sample. Then least amount of metal. Then best pronounciation of every letter except R.

Rush: Raaarrrggghhhh!

Rush is shaking, he's never been more nervous. He's terrified and jumpy, going crazy with anticipation.

Sigma: RUSH, TIME FOR YOUR FUR EXAMINATION!

Rush nearly has a heart attack.

Sigma: After I get the painful fur extractor of course. And remember, being nervous makes your fur less aesthetically pleasing.

Rush goes back to his ultra nervous state. Just when he's about to burst…

Sigma: RUSH! WANNA SEE MY NEW CHAINSAW AND LYNDON JOHNSON MASK?

Rush nearly explodes, he can't control himself. Instinctively, he lunges forward and bites the closest object.

Sigma: My hand! That dog BIT me!

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan: This is every dog owner's worst nightmare, my dog bit my principal and didn't do any lasting damage!

Sigma: This is the worst and most violent act ever committed at this school! I plan to press charges to the full extent of the law! But I'll need a lawyer…

Unknown (because yes, I do think you're too stupid to figure out who's going to appear): That can be arranged.

Sigma: Whoever you are, your name is way too long!

Jack Thompson: It's me! I'll get that dog the death sentence.

Zero: You'd actually attack a _dog_?

Jack: I'm a cat person anyway.

MegaMan: You **bastard!**

Sigma: I'll see you in court!

KI: Don't worry, I'll get you the best lawyer who fits in with the theme of this show!

MegaMan: Really?

KI: Yes. This is for a dog.

Cut to an unknown court room.

Phoenix Wright: Your honor, this final decisive piece of evidence will completely reverse this case, saving my client from the death penalty. This vital evidence which only I am aware of the existence of is… this!

Judge: You're right, that does settle the case. I find the defendant NOT GUILTY.

Phoenix is teleported out of the courtroom.

Judge: Well it's a good thing he wasn't taken away a few moments earlier.

Cut back to MegaMan Jr. High. Phoenix appears in the auditorium.

KI: This kid's dog is in trouble. Get him declared innocent.

Phoenix: …what? Where am I? How was I transported?

KI: That's not important, hurry up and do it!

It's the day of the trial.

Judge King: The trial of Rush Astro Doo will now come to order. Will the independent lawyer we're letting act as prosecutor for some reason please make his opening statement.

Jack: This dog is menace to society! He must be tortured until he gives a confession blaming video games, and then executed!

King: The defense may make their opening statement.

Phoenix: Your honor, clearly Rush did not really attack anyone! I call Sigma to the stand. Sigma, in your own words, tell the court what happened.

Sigma: It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High. There was a dog show. I startled the dog, and as a result he bit me.

King: Does the defense wish to argue that while the dog did bite Sigma, there were mitigating circumstances?

Phoenix: No. I won't accept anything but a full acquittal.

King: Okay. Are there any flaws in the witness'es statements?

Phoenix: No, there aren't. Go ahead and render your verdict.

MegaMan: What the hell are you doing?

Phoenix: Don't worry, someone will object right before the verdict, introducing new evidence.

King: I find the defendant…

Unknown: OBJECTION!

Everyone does the … thing.

The competent lawyer from The Simpsons: I demand to be put in charge of the prosecution so Jack Thompson doesn't get an actual victory.

King: Sustained. Now that Jack can't get any victory from this, I find the defendant… GUILTY!

Phoenix: Here it comes…

Nothing happens.

Phoenix: Crap!

Act break.

Act 3:

King: I sentence Rush to be executed tomorrow. Court is adjourned.

MegaMan: This can't be happening!

KI: You know what you have to do: some kind of stupid sitcom style plan.

Cut to the dog pound. MegaMan is trying to sneak in to free rush. But he comes across…

MegaMan: _A surveillance camera?_

MegaMan dodges it, but then encounters…

MegaMan: Armed guards?

MegaMan manages to hide, and reaches a door.

MegaMan: It requires a retinal scan? This is ridiculous, why would a dog pound go to such elaborate/

A 50 foot dragon crashes through the wall. MegaMan shoots it with a charged shot in the head, killing it. He hides when a guard comes.

Guard: Huh? What was that!

The guard looks at the dragon corpse and destroyed wall.

Guard: It must be my imagination…

The guard leaves. MegaMan goes through the destroyed wall, and finds where they keep the dogs.

MegaMan: Rush! Where are you?

Rush: Rover here Regaman!

MegaMan: Rush, don't worry, I'm going to break you out, and I'm sure the police will never suspect or question your owner when they see someone broke in and freed you.

Unknown: Not so fast! It's time to… what's a sensitive way of telling this kid I have to put his dog to sleep… painfully kill this dangerous animal!

MegaMan: I won't let you!

Generic Dogcatcher: I don't have a choice, this is my job.

The dogcatcher takes out a needle. He opens Rush'es cage and holds him down. He sticks the needle in Rush'es neck. The needle breaks when pressed against the his metal skin.

Dogcatcher: I'm sorry, but I have a family to feed. Your dog is dead.

Rush is standing up, wagging his tail.

MegaMan:…um, can I have the body?

Dogcatcher: It won't bring him back, but I guess I can let you bury your pet. I'll just wrap the body up… oh, never mind, your dead dog is walking over to you himself.

MegaMan: Okay then.

MegaMan and Rush leave.

Dogcatcher: It's days like this I hate my job.

And so absurd incompetence once again saves the day. Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	53. The Misunderstanding Plot

Episode 52: The Misunderstanding Plot

It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's how _Three's Company_ became a generic term for the episode title. Class dismissed.

MegaMan and the other students walk down the school hall, passing Sigma's office. They overhear a conversation.

Wily: So should we move the couch to the left or right side of the teacher's lounge?

Sigma: I'm getting tired of the couch. I think that tomorrow we should just destroy it, by which I mean the couch.

Wily: I too am no longer able to deal with my intense hatred for the couch. Tomorrow, at 9:05AM, we should just blow up ElecMan's classroom. After having ElecMan and the students leave and moving the couch in, of course.

Sigma: Agreed. We'll destroy it tomorrow.

MegaMan: They'll destroy _it_ tomorrow? That must mean us, it can't mean anything else, they're going to kill us tomorrow!

Bass: I think it means they're romantically involved.

MegaMan: Stop reading… whatever slash fictions for fanfictions are called. It means they're going to kill us!

Roll: PANIC!

Zero: …I'm just going to make sure I'm underneath the couch when they blow it up.

Everyone else runs to the Cliche Tree, but the treehouse has been destroyed, since only using Cliché hangouts once is part of the cliché. They just go to MegaMan's house.

MegaMan: So as we undoubtedly know, Sigma and Wily are going to kill us by blowing up our classroom tomorrow. We need to think of a plan!

Light: Well don't expect me or the police to help, I'm not doing your schoolwork for you!

Light leaves.

Axl: We could just not go to school tomorrow.

MegaMan: Stop trying to be Zero! We need a real plan.

Bass: What if we made explosion proof armor?

MegaMan: That has potential. To the construction paper!

One arts and crafts session later:

MegaMan: I'm not entirely convinced this will protect us. We need an additional plan.

Roll: What if we tried to find the bomb and disarm it?

MegaMan: We can't disarm a bomb, that's ridiculous. I know! We'll get Rush to sniff it out!

Cut to all the kids assembled in the classroom the next day.

Sigma: School, it is very important that you evacuate ElecMan's classroom. Everyone must be out of it by 9:05AM, this is of the utmost importance!

MegaMan: He's making his move! The bomb must reach everywhere except this classroom, stay your ground!

The students remain. Sigma and Wily carry the couch in and set the bomb.

MegaMan: Okay Rush, time to go to work. Find the bomb! I think that giant black ball with a fuse and timer on it might be it. Rush?... Oh no, I forgot Rush! We have no way of finding the bomb!

Everyone runs around panicking.

Wily: Sigma, I think there are still people in the room.

Sigma: Wily, I made an announcement. Just because I stole everyone's dessert during the last fire drill doesn't mean they won't listen.

The bomb is counting down. 3…2…1…

The entire room is filled with an explosion. The couch and every other piece of furniture is incinerated.

MegaMan: Our cardboard armor held, we're okay!

KI: What was that noise? Is someone playing Genesis?

MegaMan: It's okay, we wrapped up our conflict in just one act.

KI: Well, that's good. You don't have much longer anyway, the show is getting canceled at the end of this episode.

Act break.

Act 2:

KI walks away, then for no apparent reason says outloud

KI: Yep, Metal Gear Solid: The Broadway Show is being canceled at the end of this episode. Assuming the students want to see it, they don't have much longer.

Meanwhile, back at MegaMan Jr. High:

MegaMan: The show's being canceled? This can't be happening!

Roll: We didn't even get a Final Five!

MegaMan: Our course of action is clear: we have to convince KI not to cancel this show! I can't lose this job, as a jr. high student I'm the primary breadwinner of my household!

Ceil: But what can we do? KI doesn't change his mind easily. I'd give an example, but he kept rewriting the cutaway joke.

MegaMan: We have to do something so undeniably brilliant that KI just can't cancel us. I suggest an episode about misunderstandings.

Roll: No, we need something more creative, like… well, pretty much anything.

Axl: I've got an idea!

Cut to KI in his skyscraper on top of a hill on top of a mansion.

KI: I don't care what anyone says, I like the order it's built in.

The doorbell rings. KI answers it.

MegaMan: We're going door to door to collect contract signings for… a… SNES related charity! If you care about SNES, can you sign this piece of paper I assure you does nothing but help SNES?

KI: I already signed a contract for SNES charity.

MegaMan: …I see. Would you mind if I simply went on to my next trick without leaving, getting a different disguise, and ringing the doorbell again?

KI: Go ahead.

MegaMan: Ahem, did you know that certain shows have spiritual links to each other? This means that if one is canceled, the other will also end. I have extensive evidence…

MegaMan shows KI a printout from Wikipedia with a list of shows that ended in 1999, with arrows drawn between them.

MegaMan: …and you might be interested to know that every single animated comedy you like is connected to MegaMan Jr. High. Therefore, it would be in your best interest to prolong MegaMan Jr. High.

KI: I think the length of time I plan to continue the show now, which I am going to avoid specifically saying, is perfect.

MegaMan: Damn. Okay, this time I'm selling/

KI: What are you talking about? You were just going on about show spiritual links!

MegaMan: You said I could just move on to my next scam.

KI: I said you could that time, don't assume things.

MegaMan: Fine.

MegaMan leaves, and comes back.

KI: How may I help you?

MegaMan: I'm selling tickets to MegaMan Jr. High: The Stage Show. Guaranteed to make you want the series to continue or your money back.

KI: I'll take the tickets if you pay me five dollars.

MegaMan: WHAT? That's not how… fine, here they are. The show is next Friday.

KI: I'll be there. Assuming there's a Dairy Queen in the building.

MegaMan: It's a traditional theatre, it doesn't have any other stores!

KI: Well, you have until Friday.

Act break.

Act 3:

It's the day of the show.

MegaMan: Okay, this is our last chance. If we don't convince KI that the show should keep being made, we'll all be out of a job. But no pressure. And I really mean that, I don't want anyone to give 100, or even 75, percent!

KI arrives.

MegaMan: It took a lot of effort, but we got the Dairy Queen built.

KI: Good, I'll eat there when I have to visit this part of town next September.

KI goes inside. The theatre is crowded.

MegaMan: I wish KI hadn't bought advertising space on Google to tell people you got five dollars if you came to the show. But it doesn't matter, it's time!

The curtain rises. MegaMan and Axl are sitting on a couch, Bass comes in.

Bass: MegaMan, what next-gen systems do you have?

MegaMan: _Both!_ PS3 and 360.

Bass: What about Wii?

MegaMan frowns, and shoots Axl in the head.

Later in the show:

MegaMan and Roll are playing a game on a computer.

Roll: I won again. Looks like it's time to go.

MegaMan: Let's make a copy so we can play it on my brother's computer.

Roll: Okay.

Roll puts the disc in. A rapper with a very severe nervous twitch appears on the screen.

Ranger: Did I hear you right, did I hear you saying, that you're gonna make a copy of the game without/

KI: STOP! I can't take anymore, just summarize what you stole material from in passing!

And so the play goes on to steal material from Rocket Power, Captain Planet, The Proud Family, and other better known horrible things I probably should have used to establish the concept instead of Powerup Comics and Don't Copy That Floppy, which a good portion or readers probably didn't recognize and therefore missed the joke.

KI: That was the worst thing I've ever seen! I should cancel you right now!

MegaMan: We failed!

KI: On the most epic level imaginable. I never thought I would cancel you right before the Metal Gear Solid Broadway Show, which I mentioned vaguely earlier, but it looks like I have to!

MegaMan: Wait, you were referring to an unrelated broadway show when you said we didn't have much time and the show was getting canceled?

KI: Of course! What kind of misunderstanding idiots are you?

MegaMan: Well, I guess everything is okay now.

KI: No it's not, you just made the worst thing ever! You're canceled!

MegaMan: You can't do that!

KI: I can do anything I want! The show's over, you're all canceled and never allowed to do anything like that again!

MegaMan: But…

KI: There's no changing my mind! Your show is over!

KI leaves. Hope you enjoyed the final episode, because that was the last MegaMan Jr. High.

**The End**

KI: I don't know what he was thinking, why would MegaMan want that awful stage show to continue? I hope he's forgotten about it by the next episode of MegaMan Jr. High.

Yes, that's right, the misunderstanding even applied to the real KI/narrator/guy who's talking when no one's name appears before it.


	54. Battle Royale with Parodies

Episode 53: Battle Royale with Parodies

It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's what TVTropes calls Refuge in Audacity. That's vital for this episode, so memorize it. And now, it's time for our assembly.

Cut to the students in the auditorium.

Sigma: Today you will be viewing an educational film on Refuge in Audacity. Be absolutely quiet during it.

Zero: Mentioning it twice is going a little too far and it seems kind of corny/

KI breaks through the wall, takes out a hammer with a tank stuck to the top of it that has Refuge in Audacity written on it, and beats Sigma over the head with it. He knocks Sigma over and breaks his legs with it. Then he breaks his arms. Then he flattens every inch of Sigma, folds him a couple times, and flattens that. KI leaves, and Sigma gets up.

Sigma: So like I said, ABSOLUTELY QUIET!

Sigma and Wily leave. They watch the students through their one way mirror, which they still have the wrong way around. Regardless, they can hear them.

MegaMan: Do you think they know their mirror is broken?

Roll: I'm not sure.

Sigma: **They're talking!** We need a plan to teach them a lesson, one that reflects the severity of the crime!

Gas pours into the auditorium, knocking all the students unconscious. They wake up in a similar auditorium, but a poster on the wall says "This is not the same place, this is an island."

MegaMan: How long have we been unconscious?

Cut to Dr. Light watching TV.

Commercial: It's 11PM, do you know where your children are?

Light: Yes, they're at school!

Cut back to the students. A large screen is infront of them. A video starts playing.

Nickelodeon Movies Presents: So Your School is Pitting You Against Each Other in a Battle to the Death.

Tornado Tonion: So has your class been disrespectful to authority, slashing the cars of the principal's tires, burning down your teacher's house, or talking during an assemnly? Well, that's why you've been entered in a Battle Royale! You're going to be forced to fight each other to the death until only one remains.

MegaMan: They can't do this! I don't want to kill everyone, I'd probably spare at least half the people here!

Tonion: This may seem cruel, illegal, or even like an overreaction. But after this, none of you will ever stand up to authority again, and the one who survives will be a productive member of society!

Zero: This is insane, you can't make us fight each other because we talked during an assembly!

Tonion: I'm sure someone watching this just objected to my line of reasoning, so I'm going to do what everyone on TV does when they give an unsupported message: ignore it.

MegaMan: I can't believe this is happening!

Bass: I can't believe my dad would dump me into a fight to the death without giving me an advantage!

Tonion: Weapons will be scattered around the building. Don't even think of leaving, we've fastened the most advanced tracking device/explosives known to man to your necks, and if you leave this building, the collars will be activated, causing you to fail this assignment! Your battle will begin after the act break.

Act break.

Act 2:

MegaMan: Okay, we can't panic and turn against each other, I'm sure if we all work together, we can think of a way out of this.

Bass: Why would I want to get out of this? This is my chance, I can defeat you all!

Bass hurries away to find a weapon.

MegaMan: Okay, Bass is on their side, but I'm sure the rest of us/

Zero: I can't pass up an opportunity like this, bye.

Zero leaves.

MegaMan: Okay, the ones with motives to destroy us are gone, but I'm sure the rest of us/

Axl: Meh, why not fight in a battle to the death.

Axl leaves.

MegaMan: Okay, no more talking, it's clear everyone is going to/

Roll: Bye MegaMan.

Roll leaves.

MegaMan: Okay, I guess it's down to just the two of us/

Ceil: SCREW YOU, I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU!

Ceil leaves.

MegaMan: Crap! For increaingly contrived reasons, all my friends have decided to fight each other and me to the death. Well, looks like I'm in another typical childhood situation, better try to think of a way out of it.

Bass enters the room.

Bass: Time to die MegaMan!

Bass is holding his severed buster in his normal hand.

MegaMan: Bass, don't do this!

Bass: The time for talking is over. It's beyond over. After so many episodes of passive agressiveness it's time for me to stop relying on words and defeat you with pure, instinctive, decisive, quick action!

MegaMan fires a charged shot at Bass. It goes right through him, leaving a huge hole in his chest.

Bass: But you were supposed to be a good role model and try to talk me out of it!

MegaMan: I'm tired of that, tonight we dine in hell!

Bass: But I don't want to eat food from Wendy's!... that's my dying line, an extremely overused cheap shot? To use the word I introduced to MegaMan and SNES games, "damn!"

Bass dies.

MegaMan: Okay, who's next?

MegaMan goes into the hall, then finds a gigantic battle room.

Roll: I always knew it would come to this, MegaMan. From the moment I saw you during paint time at preschool, I knew we'd be pitted in a battle to the death!

MegaMan: The feeling is mutual.

They both shoot charged shots at each other. MegaMan's overpowers Roll's and continue on, annihilating her. Somehow, the pile of rubble left speak.

Roll: MegaMan, you should know. I'm… your sister.

MegaMan: Yeah, I had a feeling.

Roll is defeated.

MegaMan: I've just killed two of my friends… oh well, some days are like that.

MegaMan goes to another room, which is on a bridge above a bottomless pit.

Ceil: It's time to avenge my brother, Liquid Snake!

MegaMan: But you're the one who killed him!

Ceil: Enough of your truthful lies!

Ceil charges at MegaMan. The bridge gives out and she falls in.

Ceil: Oh, right, I was supposed to lure _you_ onto it.

Ceil falls into the bottomless pit.

MegaMan: This is getting out of hand.

Axl: And it's just going to get worse!

Axl points his fully charged blaster at MegaMan.

Axl: No way out of this, unless you know someone who comes out of nowhere to save you whenever you're in a battle you can't realistically win.

Zero drops down from the ceiling and slices Axl in half.

MegaMan: Zero, you saved me!

Zero: I wasn't saving you, I was demonstrating my power. Only one person can win the Battle Royale, MegaMan, and it's going to be me!

Act break.

Act 3:

MegaMan: Zero, it doesn't have to end like this, we can work something out!

Zero: Would you say that if you had the upper hand?

MegaMan: Yes, but then while you were considering it I'd deliver the final blow.

Zero: There's no escaping this, only one can survive. Goodbye, MegaMan.

Zero dashes at MegaMan, slashing at him. MegaMan dodges.

MegaMan: Zero, is this really the message we want to send to our younger viewers?

Zero: Yes, it is!

MegaMan charges a shot and shoots at Zero. It hits Zero and has no noticeable effect.

MegaMan: Zero, we have to end this peacefully!

MegaMan runs up to Zero, kicks him in the head, and fires a point blank shot at his chest. No effect.

MegaMan: I would never dream of actually fighting you, we can't hurt each other!

MegaMan grabs a nearby katana and swings it at Zero's neck. The katana breaks.

MegaMan: Can't you see that fighting will get us nowhere?

Zero: Enough. Die MegaMan!

Zero lunges at MegaMan and slices his head off. The screen fades to black.

MegaMan's vision comes into focus. Zero has just reattached his head to his body.

MegaMan: See, I knew you wouldn't go through with it!

MegaMan tries once more to injure Zero with energy blasts, to no avail.

MegaMan: Now we can focus on finding a way out!

Zero: I decapitated you so I could get the collar off, you can leave now.

MegaMan: Then everything's wrapped up, let's go!

Zero: …don't you care that you apparently killed everyone else in our class?

MegaMan: I'll get over it.

Zero: Well, they aren't really dead.

MegaMan: That's nice.

Zero: Due to being a robot, the hole you blasted through Bass didn't cause any major damage. The Roll you destroyed was a hologram. The bridge Ceil fell off of wasn't really over a bottomless pit, just really high up, Ceil fell safely to the steel floor 500 feet below. The Axl I sliced in half was really two short guys, one standing on the other.

MegaMan: Didn't you cut him in half vertically?

Zero: …oops. Anyway, every recurring character is safe and not upset that you tried to kill them. So we can get out of here.

The students escape. Cut to them in school the next day.

Sigma: …well, this is kind of akward.

Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!


	55. Another Sheep in the Big City Crossover

The Super Intendent

Episode 54: Another Sheep in the Big City Crossover

Chapter 1: Reunited and it _Fleece_ so Good!

Jack Thompson is in his evil guest character dimension.

Jack: I'm bored, there's nothing to do here but eat at Wendy's, watch shows with laughtracks, raise ant farms, play Atari, and go into the lake of fire which is always too crowded! I wonder what's in the library…

Jack Thompson looks, and finds the previous MegaMan Jr. High scripts. With nothing else to do, he reads them.

Jack: What the hell is Sheep in the Big City and why did it get an official crossover when every episode has every cameo KI can think of thrown in?

Jack waits for a random well known character to respond to him, but none do.

Jack: Wait, everyone had a Sheep in the Big City equivalent? I wasn't on the show then, my equivalent wouldn't have been defeated, so if I could find him, he could help me defeat KI! But I'm still stuck in this dimension!

A voice starts calling out. Jack follows it until he reaches what appears to be The Big City.

Jack: Incredible! My equivalent must have somehow managed to contact me/

A robot interrupts him.

The Plot Device: No, it was just me, my job's done, bye.

The Plot Device leaves, going back into The Big City, which seems to be sealed off.

Jack: Why is The Big City even here? KI wouldn't lock it in the evil guest dimension.

A face forms on the gigantic seal.

Face Thingy: I am Canclanos, entity of cancellation and obscurity. I destroyed Sheep in the Big City, and bind it and its characters to this horrible dimension.

Jack: That's certainly a noble goal, but do you think you could let my equivalent out so I can team up with him?

Canclanos: …

Jack: Oh, right. Listen, I have a deal to make with you. The show I want to destroy is still alive, and they sealed me away. With your power, I could return to their dimension, and together we could destroy them!

Canclanos: I don't know, if I did that I'd have to free the Sheep in the Big City characters. That seems like an awfully big risk, letting my prey be freed.

Jack: You have to take risks to succeed! Look at me, it was a risk to file frivolous lawsuits, it was a risk to sneak a weapon into court, it was a risk to imply I would do the same thing to a courthouse a nuclear bomb would, and it was a risk to do that stupid thing that wasn't something I really did!

Canclanos: Your point being?

Jack: That I took a lot of risks!

Canclanos: Isn't there supposed to be some kind of reward mentioned somewhere?

Jack: I've never found that necessary.

A SNES controller swings down from the sky, breaking through Canclanos energy field.

KI: Sheep in the Big City lives!

The Big City fades out of the guest dimension and materializes above.

Canclanos: Well, I guess I might as well help you now.

Narrator: The Big City is freed, and I can narrate again! But Jack Thompson and Canclanos are teaming up, this could mean bad things for The Big City and MegaMan Jr. High! Find out what will happen next in the pulsatingly heart pounding Chapter 2: **THE ENEMY'S MASTER **_**LAMB**_!

And now, we are proud to present a pair of brothers we think everyone reading this will recognize. Wearing distinctive hats, able to fly, and associated with a country where the word for yes is si, prepare for a show by…

THE FLYING SOMBRERO BROTHERS!

Taller Brother: For our act today, we're going to show you the best thing ever to feature the famous Flying Sombrero Brothers, Super Sombrero Galaxy!

Shorter Brother: It sure is! We had to spend our life savings, borrow money from everyone we knew, and sell our souls to Greedy McGreed Greed…

McGreed: **I'M SO GREEDY!**

Taller Brother: But it was all worth it! Show us what we made Bill.

The shorter brother reveals a certificate.

Shorter Brother: I managed to get NASA to name a galaxy the Super Sombrero Galaxy! It was expensive, but I got a good deal because it was about to be destroyed by a black hole.

Taller Brother: …we dumped all our money into having part of our name attached to a doomed galaxy?

Shorter Brother: Isn't it great?

Taller Brother: I hate you so much.

Narrator: We now return to Jack Thompson and Canclanos' evil plan in

Chapter 2: The Enemy's Master _Lamb_

Sheep: Is this true? Have we really been brought back from the depths of obscurity and into some guy's fanfiction?

KI: Yes! Sheep in the Big City lives! And nothing is ever going to change that!

General Specific: And I know how we can be sure of it! With my sheep powered raygun, no one will ever be able to cancel us again!

MegaMan: You can't capture Sheep, he was just released! Hasn't your time as a prisoner taught you anything?

General Specific: Yes! It taught me the importance of always having a weapon powered by a farm animal with me! Someone, give me some kind of wacky device to capture Sheep!

Mad Scientist: I am in the having of just the thing to… AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I am an **ANGRY** scientist! Being in the putting of Mad next to my dialogue box is a personal invasioness of the worst kinded! I am not going to be in the doing of anything until I have my proper titleessness!

Angry Scientist: That is being better. Anyway, I have just the device to be in the capturing of Sheep!

The Angry Scientist takes out a Pokeball and throws it at Sheep, sucking him inside.

Zero: Where the hell did that come from?

A dimensional void opens and a figure appears.

Arceus: I'm looking for reality, is this it?

KI: No, this is another one of my fanfictions.

Arceus: Sorry.

General Specific: We have Sheep! After some EV training, he'll be ready for the sheep powered raygun!

But before the plot actually progresses into something resembling a Sheep in the Big City episode, the entire city starts shaking.

Jack: I AM FREE! Free to begin my fifth attempt to destroy all of you that gets to be the main plot!

Canclanos: And I'm not letting the Big City escape, you're coming back to me!

KI: And what makes you think you can do that?

Jack: An incredible new technique I just learned! When we combine our powers… we'll have more power total!

KI: So your new technique is adding two powers together?

Jack: Yes! Tremble before my newly acquired ability to do basic math!

Canclanos: Meanwhile, I thought of a better plan.

Canclanos picks up Jack and stuffs him into the sheep powered raygun.

General Specific: You can't do that! The raygun can only be powered by sheep, or atleast warm blooded creatures!

Canclanos: I now have an arch villian powered raygun! I am invincible!

KI: We'll see about/

The raygun fires. MegaMan Jr. High and The Big City are covered by Canclanos' energy field.

Canclanos: I've won! Both shows are canceled!

Narrator: I think I had five heart attacks from the mind splattering excitement of that bone crunching climax! Will Canclanos succeed in destroying both shows? Fine out in the somethingly something Chapter 3: **THE **_**BAAH**_**DACITY OF HOPE!**

Johnson is at an office meeting.

Boss: And as you can see for this quarter, our profits have been… Johnson, is that a _GameBoy_?

Johnson: No, it's a soda can.

Boss: Crap, my contacts fell out again.

Johnson: But not just any soda. It's what gives me the energy to get through these meetings. But don't take my word for it, listen to this rapping robot I brought to work today:

Ranger: Awwwww yeaaaahhh… allllll right… here comes the reference….

**SHRIMPOLA COLA** it's the **BEST**!

Be a rebel, drink it, ignore the health **TEST**!

Without this cola you might as well be **DEAD**!

More important than good health or keeping your family **FED**!

If someone you know doesn't drink Shrimpola,

Go ahead and punch them in the back of the **HEAD**!

Wicky wacky wooey, wicky wacky wuhwuh, go Link go!

Female Employee: That replacement for a rapping shrimp convinced me! I'm going to try some Shrimpola Cola!

Cut to an ambulance leaving the building, while Johnson and Ranger are being put under arrest.

Narrator: Now, our thrilling conclusion in

Chapter 3: The _Baah_dacity of Hope

MegaMan: KI, you have to do something!

KI: No, my characters have taken up way too much of the main plot, I shouldn't have to use the interstials to justify this being a SitBC crossover. The energy from Canclanos sealed me away.

KI turns into a statue.

General Specific: This is a disaster. Our raygun has been taken from us!

Private Public: Sir, I really think there are more important issues here.

Angry Scientist: I am in the agreeing, we have to be putting aside our petty differences.

General Specific: Well, if Private Public and the Mad Scientist both/

Angry Scientist: **ANGRY!** You can be in the burning of in hell!

Sheep: Well, most of us are willing to work together, anyway. But what can we do.

Jack: Nothing! We've won, KI is probably the only person who remembers you! You're doomed to fade into obscurity and there's nothing you can do about it!

Sheep: He's right… We're an obscure cable show that never got the attention it deserved. KI never even saw every episode on TV, we were canceled and taken off the air so quickly.

Narrator: Jack Thompson is right, he's achieved his lifelong dream at the small cost of never moving again, while we're doomed to fade into obscurity. KI can't change that, no matter what he types for me to say. Sheep is a complete loser…

**THE END**

MegaMan: Didn't an episode of SitBC end like that?

Sheep: Yes, but it doesn't matter. So KI made another reference, that's not going to change anything. This is going to be read by maybe 25 or 30 people if we're lucky, and that WILL be more attention than we've gotten recently. There's nothing that can be done.

Canclanos: Damn straight. I've won, and KI can't change that.

General Specific: We know KI can't change that, stop rubbing it in!

Canclanos: No! KI can't save you, and… wait, something's wrong here, why do we keep phrasing it the same way? I've canceled enough shows to know an obvious loophole in the dialogue when I see one! If KI can't save the show, and we keep repeating that, that can only mean…

A beam of light breaks through the containment field. Energy is beaming into and out of The Big City.

Canclanos: No! This is impossible, canceled shows are dead forever!

KI wakes up.

KI: Nope, there's a way. Obviously there's a way, do you have any idea how depressing this episode would be for me otherwise? The age of full cancellation is over, Sheep in the Big City lives on Youtube!

Canclanos: I hate the internet so much it makes AOL's hatred of it seem small!

Jack: I get it, you hate the internet the same way I hate video games. And fully understanding our connection means… nothing, we're screwed.

Canclanos: I won't give up! I can still stop new episodes of stuff from being made!

KI: I have just the thing to stop you from doing that, and I've been saving it for the end of act 3.

KI takes out a DVD case.

Canclanos: NO! Not that, the bane of my existence, NOOOOOOOOOO…

Canclanos is sucked inside.

Sheep: What was that?

KI: A Simpsons DVD. One thing Canclanos can never do anything to. Well, looks like everything's wrapped up.

Jack: I'm still in the raygun!

KI: Which has to be better at sealing you than that guest character dimension you kept getting out of.

Narrator: And so Jack Thompson and Canclanos are defeated, and Sheep in the Big City lives on. Now all that's left is some quality time with our own Ranting Swede!

The Ranting Swede: I'll tell you what roffles my waffles! People saying "Wii would like to play" You have no right to speak for me! Did you once ask me whether I wanted to play? Do you even know who I am? I could be Segabastard for all you know, but instead, you just include me without permission! Well maybe I don't want to play with you! And another thing, I've never seen any proof that Japan actually exists!


	56. Preview

The Super Intendent

Preview:

KI: The 55th episode is approaching. The fives are alligning, just like the ancient prophecy said they would.

KI checks a first grade math book, with the problem "54+155" in it.

--

Zero: The raygun wasn't better at sealing Jack Thompson away at all, it's just one episode later and he's already free!

--

Segabastard: I've got my own fanfiction cast now, The Irate Bastard will destroy all of you!

--

Roll: He… he's dead! MegaMan is dead!

Ceil: Maybe he escaped, it's not like we've seen the body yet.

MegaMan's body lands in front of them.

Axl: Maybe he'll turn out to be alive and get up after we give a sad speech about his death!

MegaMan's body vaporizes before their eyes.

Bass: Maybe that wasn't really MegaMan…

MegaMan's head reappears, with dental records, a serial number, and retinal scan data.

--

Zero: Why the hell should I trust you now!

KI: You don't have to trust, everything is up to you. Except MegaMan of course, he's absolutely, positively dead.

--

The end is near.

Episode 55: The Final Episode: The Second MegaMan Jr. High Movie: The End of Everything

Coming soon, or to be more honest, coming as soon as possible but it will probably take longer than a normal episode, which is why it got a preview.


	57. The End of Everything

The Super Intendent

Episode 55: The Final Episode: The Second MegaMan Jr. High Movie: The End of Everything

A mass of evil energy has descended upon RockMan City.

Energy: It won't happen again, this time I will triumph. I may have made mistakes in the past, but this time I understand, this time I will find an appropriate vessel. No one will survive… HEY! Are you listening?

The bored squirrel on the side of the road stops trying to sneak away, and continues listening to the monologue.

Energy: All the pieces are in place, everything has come full circle, all my targets are lined up, all my cliches are active. I just need a distraction…

The energy approaches the ultra-sealed Segabastard.

Energy: I think this should be just enough to break the seal.

The energy solidifies into a blade and charges right through the statue, destroying the seal and cutting Segabastard in half.

Energy: Crap, it's my job as a tailor all over again.

The energy manages to fix Segabastard.

Energy: Do you have some kind of doomed to fail but mildly climactic plan you can take up a few pages with?

Segabastard: It's what I do best!

The scene fades out, and switches to MegaMan Jr. High.

ElecMan: And that's why today is anything but another day at MegaMan Jr. High! The 55 festival is coming up, celebrating our 55th episode, as well as the 555th page of the combined MegaMan Jr. Highs!

Zero: There are a lot more than that.

KI: Nothing a little book burning won't fix.

ElecMan: Anyway, today the power of the number five will be extra strong, and we'll see lots of special events and prophecies, which should hold lots of surprises for anyone who didn't read the preview.

Cut to the school and every major character assembled on the field outside.

Axl: This is so exciting, my first episode 55!

Light: Bah, it's automatically inferior to the old series episode 55, nothing will ever top that.

Zero: The old episode 55 didn't have anything special in it, in fact KI ran out of ideas and ended it with Tornado Tonion.

Light: It came first, that means it's better!

Sigma: Shut up everyone, the solemn spiritual event is about to start! Everyone make sure they have enough popcorn.

A display of wild spiritual energy that looks suspiciously like stock animation special effects appears in the sky. It dances around for a while, then fills the characters. Horrifying visions appear. They see Jack Thompson all powerful, MegaMan lying on the ground dead, and KI leaving forever.

Ceil: That was horrible, we're doomed!

Wily: The series can't end, where else am I supposed to find work, the Zero and ZX series just have cheap clones of me!

Light: MegaMan can't die, that would be a fate worse than death for me! Not worse than my death of course, but worse than a lot of people's deaths!

Zero: If we just calm down and focus, I'm sure we can find a way to/

Segabastard: No time to concentrate on the main plot! After losing everything, even my website, I've realized there's only one way to take you down: my own fanfiction minions! I am now the Irate Bastard, and I have my own fanfiction series! Tremble before Powerup Comics Jr. High!

MegaMan: You mean the writers of it weren't already in jr. high?

Zero: Actually the whole thing is a joke, but that isn't important.

Shadowgamer: Look at all these stupid robots.

Chug: I think they're from some old game series no one has heard of, Megaman or something. It was about some dumb kid that could turn into a robot.

Shadowgamer: Not exactly "normal", they should have called it Gayman!

There are a few minutes of silence.

Axl: Aren't you going to finish the joke?

Shadowgamer: That was the joke!

Chug: More like that gay robot's the joke.

Segabastard: Good, keep going, I've got almost 6 panels worth of material!

Zero: This is just painful, can we get back to Jack Thompson or whoever the main villain is?

Shadowgamer: Jack Thompson sucks!

Segabastard: Another strip written, this is easy!

Shadowgamer: Let's shoot these stupid gay robots.

Shadow picks up a gun that already has a hand drawn around it.

Chug: This will teach you stupid Nintendo characters to show your faces around hardcore gamers like us!

MegaMan: We're Capcom characters.

Shadow: What the hell is Capcom?

We see a close up of the gun firing.

Shadow: What the hell?

The bullets ricocheted back at Shadow and Chug. KI had held up a SNES to block them.

KI: Don't you remember what happens when you shoot a SNES, Segabastard?

Segabastard: Meh, they'll respawn.

Shadow, Chug, and some really, REALLY badly drawn background characters appear, all holding a copy and paste of the same gun.

Segabastard: Today MegaMan Jr. High dies!

The Powerup Comics characters fire. Nothing happens.

Segabastard: The… the bullets just stopped!

Shadow: Well what were we supposed to do, animate them hitting new characters? They all just shot our strawman character.

Dorkwinkle: Can I be the Zero equivalent?

KI: You already are compared to the main characters.

Segabastard: Dammit! Maybe I can't defeat you, but I have one more attack!

Everything goes dark. We're inside KI's mind.

Segabastard: Your fanfiction is just as bad as Powerup Comics! I defy you to explain what makes it better!

KI: That wouldn't prove anything, I'm writing your dialogue, if I seriously tried to "defend" my writing through arguing against a character in it, I'd just be pathetically shooting down a strawman.

Segabastard: AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH! It didn't work! You were too intelligent, perceptive, clever, and creative to fall for my trap and try to build yourself up using dialogue from your own characters!

Segabastard crumbles, defeated for good.

KI: Okay, that's out of the way.

Zero: So as I was saying, if we act quickly I'm sure we can prevent the prophecies we saw from happening/

The ground starts shaking and an explosion can be heard in the distance.

MegaMan: What was that, a cinema trigger?

Jack Thompson rises out of the Arch Villain Powered Raygun, surrounded by the evil energy.

Energy: At last! I found a suitable body! A being of pure evil that will let me reach my true potential!

The energy flows into Jack, and he starts transforming.

Zero: Sigma!

Sigma: What?

Zero: No, the real Sigma, from the end of the original series!

Sigma: Yes! I have returned, and now I shall finally/

Zero: You're the joke Sigma.

Sigma: I am not!

Zero: I know, you're the real Sigma, I was talking to the…

Zero slices the joke Sigma in half. Any mention of Sigma is the real one now.

Light: Nothing like murder to simplify things.

Sigma: At last! I tried possessing KI last time, then tried to possess Zero, but it didn't work. But now I've found someone incapable of feeling remorse or any other human emotion, who is now going after the mother of a Take Two executive which will justify him as a villain in KI's series for years to come, and I'm at full power!

MegaMan: We're not letting this happen! I've watched KI and Zero beat you before, and I can do it again!

Sigma: I'm not alone this time. Liquid, awaken!

Wily starts convulsing.

Axl: His hand! He had Liquid's hand attached to his!

MegaMan: OH MY GOD!... KI actually remembered that?

Liquid: I am here, fellow gaming villain. Posessing someone through an attached body part, just like in the upcoming (hopefully that's still true when this is posted) (later edit: just made it!) Metal Gear Solid… 2!

Zero: Wait, 2?

KI: Yeah yeah, updates take forever, they get it!

Sigma: The chaos realm will fall to us! There are portals to every fictional world from here, once we control it we can recruit as many villains and take over as many worlds as we want!

MegaMan: Not if I can help it/

KI: You can't, not right now. Retreat!

KI grabs MegaMan and teleports away. They reappear.

KI: Okay, they shouldn't be able to find us here.

The view zooms out, we see they're inside MegaMan's house.

MegaMan: Why did you bring me here! I need to protect everyone!

KI: What are you talking about, I didn't just bring you here, I teleported everyone… ah, dammit!

The regular characters appear, lead by Zero.

Zero: It wasn't easy or plausible, but I got everyone away safely without them being able to follow us.

KI: Good. MegaMan, you can't fight Sigma in your current state. You need to become X again. Using the clichéd fiction law of a monumental transformation becoming easier and less climactic every time, type "MegaMan X upgrade" into Google and download the first thing you see.

MegaMan does.

X: Okay, I'm ready!

KI: Good. X, Zero and I will go to Sigma and Liquid's quickly built final dungeon fortress. Everyone else, stay here and be ready to pray if the final battle triggers a "everyone is with you" sequence.

X, Zero, and KI set out for the fortress.

KI: Okay, we're going to do things right this time. If there's one thing I know the cliches of more than animation, it's video games. We're going to do everything perfectly, if we understand what happens in final dungeons we can't lose. Now, who's ready to forget everything they learned about the game/show up to this point?

X: I am!

KI slaps X.

KI: That's the last thing you want to do! Final dungeons love making you reuse all the skills you learned earlier in your journey. Now, are you ready to give this 100 of your effort every step of the way?

X: Yes, I am!

KI takes out a baseball bat and bashes MegaMan in the head.

KI: You don't want to do that! You need to conserve your energy all the way until the end, then overwhelm the final enemy with your stock of elixirs you collected throughout the quest and never used. Now, are you ready to show your confidence by ignoring save points and absolutely refusing to leave and restock on supplies no matter how bad things look?

X: No, that's clearly a bad idea.

KI takes out a shotgun and shoots X.

KI: You're supposed to go along with obvious traps and bad ideas, idiot! Otherwise we'd never hit the event triggers!

X: Okay, okay, I get it, you'll injure me no matter what.

KI takes out a rocket launcher and shoots X.

X: What the hell was that for!

KI: Repeating a joke three times is the standard cliché, I had to avoid that **(FINAL SUBTLE FORESHADOWING!)**

Zero: Stop fighting, this isn't the time! Save it for when peace and harmony have been restored.

KI: Fine.

The characters arrive at a massive, floating, evil energy covered castle. It stands out sharply compared to the other nearby floating castles without evil energy.

X charges up an energy blast and shoots down the door. They enter the castle, passing a "No Yoshi" sign.

Liquid-Wily: You're fools for coming! If you had any intelligence you would have stayed at home and waited for us to get more powerful and crush you at our leisure.

X: Sometimes resolve has to come before logic!

Liquid: Believe whatever you want, you're still going to die. Metal Gear W, activate!

Zero: That's not so impressive, I could take you on by myself!

A barrier appears, and after some creative twisting manages to isolate Zero, who had been standing between X and KI.

KI: You idiot! There's no such thing as hyperbolic bragging, if you say something like that the dungeon will force you to do it!

Zero: Oh well, I'm pretty sure I can take this thing.

KI: But now you've basically guaranteed that we'll each have to fight something one on one!

Zero: It's too late to do anything about that, let me fight/

Metal Gear W stomps on Zero.

KI: **YOU HONORLESS BASTARD,** how dare you attack during dialogue!

Liquid: I have no use for honor, once the chaos realm is under our control we'll be able to subvert clichés whenever we want! Bowser won't have to put floating platforms above his lava, Ganon will be able to make the dungeon item useless for the dungeon it's in, the guy who drops the Tetris blocks will throw them down faster than the player can move them!

Zero: Not if I can help it!

Zero dashes out of the way of another stomp, then jumps into the air. He lands on top of the Metal Gear and stabs his Z saber through the top of it.

Liquid: Ha! Did you think that would work? This isn't an ordinary Metal Gear, it has no weakpoint!

Zero: Lies! You don't control the chaos realm yet, there has to be a weakpoint!

Liquid: You'll never find it in time. Die Zero!

The machine rockets upwards, crushing Zero against the ceiling. It then shakes him off, and aims its lasers at the weakened Zero.

Liquid: You are doomed! You'd need the strongest metal gear in the world to have any chance against this, and there's no way you could get that!

KI: Zero, that's obviously a hint! Figure out what he means!

Zero: How am I supposed to get a metal gear? You can't leave rooms during a boss fight!

KI: There's always a way!

X: Metal gear… the strongest… he's part Wily… I've got it! KI, what happened to my old MegaMan powers?

KI: They're in the most sealed dimension anywhere in the universe, same place all upgrades from previous games go.

X: I need them!

KI: Fine.

KI takes out a laptop.

KI: Found them.

X: Really?

KI: Don't ever doubt Google.

X takes one of his old weapons.

X: But we're sealed off, if only there was some way for Zero to get it…

KI: Put it in your pocket.

X: I'm a robot, I don't have pockets.

KI: That doesn't grissing matter, say you're putting it away!

X does.

KI: Zero, say you're checking your pocket!

Zero: Um… I'm checking my… hey, the powerup appeared!

KI: We're on a video game quest together, anything out of sight that we own can be summoned by any of us.

Liquid: I can't believe I've been pounding you with lasers for that entire sequence and you're still alive!

KI: It's the power of dialogue.

Zero: Oh, I see what this is.

Zero equips the power and shoots a barrage of sharp gears at Metal Gear W.

Zero: The Metal Blade, the most powerful weapon in MegaMan history. And you know the blades look like? Gears!

Liquid: Oh, why did I use such a specific taunt!

Zero shoots a barrage of gears at the machine, quickly deactivating it.

Liquid: Dammit! I don't suppose I could convince any of you to attach my arm to yourself after you kill me?

Zero: Nope.

Liquid: But I'm also Wily, I'm your father! Also, I'm Ceil's brother!

Zero: I don't care how many characters you're related to, I'm ending this.

Zero slices Liquid in half, then chops his arm into pieces.

Zero: I did it!

Metal Gear W: Mandatory self destruct sequence initiated. Explosion in 5…4…

Zero: There isn't time to get away!

MGW: 3…

KI: Zero, listen to me, get behind the Metal Gear!

Zero: But then I'll be right next to it when it blows up!

KI: Just do it!

MGW: 2…

Zero: That's insane!

KI: Trust me!

Zero: But it doesn't make any logical sense!

KI: I know what I'm doing, not only do I know about gaming clichés, I established that I do, meaning any advice I give in that area is likely to be completely accurate!

Zero: I'm still not entirely convinced!

KI: There isn't time, the countdown is at 2 seconds, we have five minutes tops!

MGW: 1…

Zero: This better work.

Zero dives out of sight.

MGW: 0.

The machine explodes. The barrier disappears, and there's no sign of Zero.

X: Zero's dead!

KI: No, he isn't. And not just because he's Zero, as long as he dies off screen we know he'll come back at the end of the dungeon. Let's keep moving.

KI and X make their way through the castle. They come across a room filled with switches, pushable objects, and a giant machine.

KI: We're in the big puzzle room.

X: How are we supposed to figure this out?

KI: Don't worry, after a while you can do stuff like this by intuition.

KI pushes a stone block onto a switch, shoots an energy blast at another switch that was being blocked until the first switch was activated, breaks off the third handle on the giant machine, and throws it at another block. The block breaks in half, and KI blows up a hollow segment of wall to reveal a treasure chest with a bottle inside. KI uses the bottle to scoop up the magic substance that was inside the broken block. KI goes to one of the statues lined against the walls of the room and pours the liquid into a small hole on the top of it. Then he shoots an energy blast at the ceiling, which ends up hitting a rope that makes a giant hammer swing at the statue, breaking it apart to reveal a plastic soldier. KI grabs the soldier and leaves behind another statue to keep the switch under the soldier pressed. KI sticks the plastic soldier where the handle originally was in the machine and ignites it with fire. It explodes, activating the machine. KI goes to the machine, enters a seven digit code, and takes control of it.

KI: Why do they keep reusing this puzzle?

KI rams the machine at the door, opening the path ahead.

X: That was amazing.

KI: Yeah, that should get us an S rank, glad I didn't just open the unlocked door.

KI and X continue through the castle, until they find a big, empty room.

KI: Battle time.

X: Against Sigma?

KI: Of course not, if Zero had to fight something one on one, obviously the two of us won't reach the final boss together. This is my fight.

X: But Sigma and Liquid were the only villains.

KI: Not quite.

Jack Thompson appears.

Jack: I live! Sigma took my body, but my spirit lives on! And my spirit can create a body, so Sigma's posession had essentially no effect on me.

KI: As redundant as it is considering everything that happened to you in reality, I'm still going to defeat you!

Jack: You can't defeat me, you're just some nameless fanfiction writer!

KI: Considering you're about to be disbarred and found guilty of criminal charges, I'd say being unknown gives me the edge.

KI takes out his SNES controllers.

KI: But enough talk, have at you!

KI starts spinning, creating a cyclone of SNES energy. Jack Thompson gathers evil energy and charges. The two energies collide.

Jack: I am stronger! I am powered by pure, magnificent hatred! You have no way to/

KI breaks through Jack's energy, blasting him away.

KI: We're on my turf now, your evil isn't going to help you, all you have to do to break power ties is press the button fast enough.

Jack: You can't defeat me, I'm immune to your _Video Game Logic_! (From the makers of _Seeds of Glory_)

KI: No, actually, you're not.

Jack charges at KI and does an easy to avoid attack, leaving himself hugely open afterwards. KI counter-attacks.

KI: Idiotic patterns…

Jack: You'll never survive my straight moving fireball attack that my hand glows orange several seconds prior to!

KI: Announcing attacks…

KI jumps in and punches Jack Thompson three times in succession.

KI: And vulnerable to quick combos! Merging with Sigma has made you even weaker, now you have the fighting skills of a fictional villain, not just the comically exagerrated dedication to evil!

KI keeps dodging Jack's attacks and countering.

X: He doesn't seem to be getting any weaker!

KI: He's not supposed to, I'm wearing down his life metter, although apparently this game doesn't display them. But since I'm writing the episode anyway, I have a feeling this last attack will finish him.

KI walks up to Jack and flicks his finger at him.

Jack: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

KI: Cinema time!

Jack is suddenly injured and breathing heavily.

Jack: I've… lost. My powers… weren't enough…

Sad music starts playing.

X: What's happening?

KI: Apparently he's going to try to give a sad speech.

Jack: I was born… most likely wherever Wikipedia says I was. Sure, I wasn't raised on a battle field and I didn't find out my father hated me, unless he wrote one of those hate letters I never got around to reading. And it's true that video games never did anything to me, and that I severely provoked every gamer, judge, and puppy that came to hate me. But I hated video games, gamers, our judicial system, and Wendy's with all my heart and soul. Looking back, if you were in my position and had no sense of reality or compassion, wouldn't you have done the same thing?

KI: No.

X: Nope.

Carnage: No!

Jack: Whatever. Just finish me, be the gamer who defeated Jack Thompson.

KI: …wait, I see what you're doing! This is another trick to make me look like an egotistical jerk by having my character do something too great! Well screw you!

Jack gets up.

Jack: Then you will die instead!

KI: Actually, there's a pretty simple way around this. Summon time!

KI summons Miyamoto.

Jack: He can't do anything! Stupid calm game designer, I bet you've never even kicked a five year old!

Miyamoto just stares at him.

X: Oh, I get it! Miyamoto is going to prove his spirit is stronger and beat Jack Thompson without resorting to violence, I've seen that plot element before/

Miyamoto starts to glow with red flames.

Miyamoto: **YOU HAVE PROVOKED ME!**

Miyamoto shoots an energy beam at Jack Thompson which completely dissolves him. Then Miyamoto vanishes.

X: He's gone for good! Now we can move on…

KI is lying on the floor.

KI: That summon… took the last of my energy. I'm not going to make it, go on to Sigma without me!

X: You look fine…

KI: No, I had to sacrifice my life energy for that, I can't be saved, go!

X: But you're breathing normally and your pulse is/

KI: I'M DYING DAMMIT, GO ON WITHOUT ME!

X: Okay, calm down!

X continues on towards Sigma. He enters a long hallway leading to a giant door. Ranger is standing outside it.

Ranger: Want to buy the strongest equipment in the series?

X: I don't have any money.

Ranger: Then I'm not helping you save the universe!

And so X just continues through the door, which doesn't appear to have anything but a black void on the other side. But when X touches it, the scene shifts to X approaching Sigma.

Sigma: So you've come. I'm glad you can witness my remaking of the video game worlds, deep down I always wanted the one person who could stop me present.

X: Why are you doing this? Why do we have to keep fighting again and again, and never resolve the overarching story themes?

Sigma: Because I have destiny on my side. The world of the internet gaming community has already chosen evil and chaos, they have turned on us and all the other long running series in favor of other ones, ones they will hate just as much in a couple years. They don't deserve to be allowed to win, to enjoy their games. Gaming has become corrupted, all I can do is use that corruption for my benefit.

X: I won't let you, as long as there are gamers and games that have an ending, I will triumph!

Sigma: That structure is about to change. Die X!

Sigma shoots a stream of evil energy at X, X is unable to move.

Sigma: There's no one to help you this time!

A figure falls from the sky, slashing through the energy stream.

X: Zero, you're alive! But how?

Zero: Right before the metal gear exploded, I remembered that my armor was strong enough to take an explosion of that level.

A SNES controller flies through the room, knocking Sigma back.

KI: And in a twist you never could have seen coming, I survived my less than a page ago death!

X: I know that together, we can beat Sigma!

KI: No, sorry, we're just here for this cinema, the final fight is still just you vs Sigma. But we'll be on the sidelines, cheering you on until we get bored.

Sigma: Sounds good. Time to die X!

X: NO! Not this time!

X dash jumps out of the way of Sigma's charge, and dash kicks off the wall, landing behind him.

X: This time, I'm in control. Sigma, _you_ die!

X fires a fully charged shot at Sigma's head. Sigma dodges, and charges towards X again.

Sigma: Just because you've beaten me 10 times before doesn't mean I'm not out of your league!

Sigma slices at X, but X blocks it with his charged buster, and then hits Sigma in the arm, blowing it off.

X: You'll never win Sigma, no matter how many times you come back, no matter how many times Capcom just skips into the future instead of giving you a satisfying final defeat!

Sigma uses his remaining hand to shoot energy at X, but X is too quick. He jumps over Sigma and lands behind him, his charged blaster pressed against Sigma's head.

X: Time to kill for everlasting peace!

X fires, Sigma's head is blown clean off, his body falls to the ground.

X: I won! I beat Sigma!

KI and Zero don't look that happy.

X: What's wrong with you? I won one fight against a very humanoid boss, what could possibly be left?

The room seems to grow darker. Sigma's head rises from the ashes.

Sigma: Second form time!

A gigantic battle body rises from a corner of the room.

X: Amazing, who would have thought that seemingly innocent life size toy battle suit would become a part of the boss battle!

Sigma is in a huge battle body several times bigger than X.

Sigma: This time, I will win.

X: I wouldn't be so… I can't move!

KI: It's a cinema, nothing you can do, just sit back and take the painful beating.

Sigma blasts and stomps on X repeatedly. His armor starts cracking, his X buster stops working, he loses the ability to duck.

MegaMan: No! I've lost my X form!

Sigma: You're nothing more than the pathetic kids show character you were when you entered this dimension.

MegaMan: No! I won't let everyone down! Everyone, please, help me! I need your friendship and love!

Sigma: What the hell is that supposed to do?

Zero: He's invoking a final battle cliché to defeat an overpowered final boss.

KI: …cliché?...

KI gives a nervous twitch.

MegaMan: Everyone, anyone, if you can hear me, please, send me your thoughts and prayers.

KI: Cliché… cliché…

Zero: KI, what are you… NO!

The everybody is cheering for you sequence begins.

Roll: MegaMan, I'm your friend, but I'm not ready to go to the granting you special powers level.

Light: MegaMan, you're missing school for this! I'm ashamed of you!

Bass: Go ahead and die, then I can be the hero!

Rush: Rou forgot to reed me resterday, rew you!

Tommy Tallarico: More like power of GAYship!

The sequence ends.

Zero: KI, what have you done!

KI: I… I couldn't…

MegaMan: Nothing happened, I don't feel any stronger/

Sigma stomps on MegaMan's head. A wave of blue circles shoots out.

MegaMan is dead.

Zero: NO!

Sigma: I won!

Zero: KI, YOU GRISSING BASTARD! You killed MegaMan just to subvert a cliché, and it wasn't even that funny!

KI: I don't know what came over me, I just couldn't let it work…

Sigma: Um, I'm about to take over the freaking world, could you focus on that?

Zero: Looks like I have to fight him.

KI: You aren't strong enough!

Zero: Shut up, I don't care what you think!

Sigma: But you really aren't. I've won, this dimension is mine, and it would take one hell of a deus ex machina to…. **RRRAAAAARRGGGHHHHH!**

Sigma is shaking violently.

Zero: What's happening?

KI: One hell of a foreshadowing.

Sigma's body is torn apart. A wireframe face comes out of it, but it isn't the Sigma Virus.

_**I… AM… CHAOS. I AM THIS DIMENSION, I AM EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IN IT. NO VILLAIN CAN CLAIM ME FOR HIMSELF. I AM THE CHAOS VIRUS. THIS REALM IS MINE, EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IN IT IS MINE. I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THIS ONE REALITY, IT WILL FALL TO ME ALONG WITH EVERYTHING ELSE. YOU CAN NOT STOP ME, DO NOT TRY.**_

The Chaos Virus dissolves into space, leaving Sigma's corpse behind.

Zero: What the HELL was that?

KI: It's not your concern, and not mine for a long time, especially if the next series take as long as this one. Sigma has been defeated, this dimension is safe.

Zero: But MegaMan is dead!

Zero gets over the shock of the Chaos Virus appearing, and focuses on KI again.

Zero: And it's because of you! You killed him just for one more cheap cliché subversion!

KI: Look, I know I/

Zero: Shut the hell up, I don't want to waste anymore time with you or your stupid plot.

Zero picks up MegaMan's body and leaves. He finds Light and everyone else.

Light: MegaMan's… dead? My only son!

ProtoMan and Axl are too upset to object.

Roll: At least he died heroically, saving us.

Zero: No he didn't, that's what bothers me most. He died because KI messed up the scene where he was supposed to become powerful enough to defeat Sigma.

Bass: I don't even feel up to doing the extended joke sequence from the preview to prove he's really dead.

Zero: I don't think any of us do. But he really is gone, so the show should end. I just want to fade into nothingness and forget any of this ever happened.

But the days pass and the future refused to change. There aren't any more parody plots or obscure references, everyone just goes about their normal lives, waiting for it to end. But the days turn to weeks, and the weeks turn to months, and the months turn to the time between MegaMan Jr. High updates, and it becomes clear that things aren't going to just stop.

Roll: I'm so tired of this.

Axl: We haven't done anything interesting since MegaMan died. At this point, I'd be thrilled if Wily or Sigma or Jack Thompson showed up and did something evil, I'd even like to see KI/

Zero: **NO!** I never want to see that grishole again. I'd rather be stuck like this forever.

No one quite understands what's going on with Zero. He seems to have taken MegaMan's death worse than anyone, even though he had never been truly attached to anything in the joke reality.

Later that day, Zero is once again walking home from school by himself. KI appears.

KI: Zero, you have to listen to me, you can't keep everyone/

Zero: Don't you dare show your face around me! I meant what I said, I don't want anything more to do with your twisted little fanfiction.

KI: Well if you refuse to face me, you're just going to keep being stuck in it!

Zero: The main character is dead, the person who got trapped in the chaos realm and imagined this. There's no reason for it to still exist except another of your stupid cliché subversions.

KI: _Haven't you figured it out yet?_ If you're so damn genre savvy, you should have seen this coming from the intro!

Zero: What the hell are you talking about?

KI: X and Zero were fighting Sigma. Sigma said he was pulling them back into the chaos realm. A flash occurs. **It never said X was the one who got sucked in.**

Zero: …are you saying…?

KI: YES! **You're** the one imagining this! It should have been pretty obvious, you got the most attention, it was either you or me that was the main character, and inserting myself into the real MegaMan X canon would just be pathetic mary sueism.

Zero: You mean I could have woken up at any time? You could have just told me this and ended my delusion! What the gris is wrong with you!

KI: Do you really think it's that simple? You want this to be over, right? Then stop yelling at me and end it, right now!

Zero just stands there.

KI: Well, what are you waiting for? Your dream of ending your dream is in your grasp, end it!

But Zero just stands there.

Zero: I… can't.

KI: Which is the real problem! You could have easily figured this out sooner, but you suppressed the knowledge, you wanted it to be my fault you were here, or MegaMan's! You're afraid to leave this world!

Zero: Okay, okay, you're right. But I honestly don't know why, why am I drawn to this ridiculous place?

KI: You're going to have to figure that out for yourself, I've been here far too long, hell, I wrote an entire other series in around a tenth of the time this one took. It's up to you.

Zero: Why should I trust you! Why should I believe any of this?

KI: You don't have to trust me, everything is in your hands.

KI starts fading.

Zero: Wait!

But KI fades into nothingness. Something falls to the ground where KI was standing.

Zero: SNES… KI's SNES…

KI's power source is lying on the ground infront of Zero. Zero picks up the controller, and it wraps around him. The system jumps into him, absorbing itself into Zero.

Zero: The power… it's mine!

Zero can see everything in the series, control every aspect of it. All he has to do is think it, and a plot will begin. He can do anything, if he wants it, a cheap retcon to bring back MegaMan, Sigma, and Wily can be thought of in a few seconds.

Zero: There's no one left to blame for this place, I have to really decide now.

Zero is trapped in thought, his memories of his real world are flooding into him. The real Wily, the real Sigma, his centuries of fighting, the looming fear of his past.

Zero: If I stay here, I won't have to face any of that… I can just think of plot after plot, parody after parody, in complete safety and without any responsibility to be consistent…

But more memories come to Zero. Saving X from Vile, watching Iris die, X's face when watching Zero die, although he can't remember which death it was specifically. Then he remembers how he felt watching the MegaMan Jr. High X die.

Zero: If I stay here, everyone in my world will feel the way I did. My fight probably isn't going to keep on going for centuries or anything, but even so…

Zero knows what he has to do.

Zero: Time to wake up/

KI: STOP!

KI has reappeared.

Zero: KI, I thought you had left!

KI: I got… bitter…batter… some variation of the "I got better" line. Anyway, I changed my mind, there are still plots I want to do!

Zero: KI, this has gone on long enough. It's time to end the series.

KI: But what if I think of a plot I really want to use?

Zero: You can cram it in somewhere else! Just because MegaMan Jr. High is over doesn't mean you can't cram your plot ideas into something else!

KI: But this is it, I can't bring the series back again, this would really be the end. Having a finished work stay finished is much harder than it sounds.

Zero: You know you can't keep this up, do you want another two years of late updates haunting you?

KI: I can do better! I'll make sure I… who am I kidding, there's no way that would work.

Zero: If you really wanted to keep this going, you wouldn't have given me the SNES powers, or specifically claim this was the final episode for that matter.

KI: You're right. I need to move on, I'll always have the memories and positive reviews.

Zero: Start towards your next project, this section of the chaos realm is closing for good.

KI: Goodbye Zero, may we meet again when I feel like doing meta-references in my next series.

KI vanishes again.

Zero: Goodbye MegaMan Jr. High, I'll never forget you. And never come near me again.

Zero summons the SNES inside him, and pushes down the power switch. Everything goes black.

?:…ero…Zero…Zero!

Zero: X?

X: Zero, you finally woke up!

Signas: We were getting really worried, that was almost three times as long as when X got trapped in there.

Alia: But don't worry, I've almost got an antidote developed, the data from your awakening should let me complete it. We won't have to worry about the chaos realm again.

Douglas: Wait, I'm detecting something inside Zero, something that wasn't there before!

X: A richness of character and understanding of himself that his experience in MegaMan Jr. High gave him?

Zero: X, please, I don't want to hear another joke for a long time.

Douglas: It's some kind of machine.

Douglas opens Zero, removes the object, and seals him up again.

Signas: I've never seen anything like that.

X: I have.

Zero: Me to. I spent quite a while wishing I had its power.

Signas: Power? This thing is some kind of weapon?

Zero: No, I don't think it is here. But it will definitely make a great souvenir.

It's later. Zero is watching the sun set on the same cliff edge X went to after his experience in MegaMan Jr. High. X approaches him.

Zero: I know it was the right thing to do, but I'm still not sure I can get over what I lost. I never would have had to do any real fighting again, and if I didn't like what had happened, I could change it with a cheap joke.

X: I felt the same way after coming back. I still think about it, but I remember something KI said to me right before I left "Just keep it up, and remember no matter what they say, your adventures are great."

Zero: Our… adventures?

X: Ever since I heard that, I've been thinking. The way Sigma keeps coming back, his insistence on using strategies he knows won't succeed, it feels like something is making it happen. There even seem to be mistakes sometimes, remember that one team of mavericks with the ridiculous names?

Zero: You're saying our realm is being controlled by someone as well?

X: Maybe. It may sound weird, but look at it this way, it means everything we do has a purpose. All our memories are permanent and appreciated, and our lives are specifically made to be as entertaining as possible.

Zero: But then we don't have any control over our own destiny!

X: We have control, we can stop at any time. You had the choice to stop, to escape and rule your own reality. Free will doesn't mean you can choose everything that happens in life, just how you react to it. Whatever this force is that makes our world repeat its patterns, we can still choose how to react to it.

Zero: I already know how I'll react, and even though I wanted to, I couldn't force myself to abandon the fight against the mavericks.

X: But that wasn't anyone controlling you, it was your own will controlling your actions. We don't have to fight against the forces we don't understand, as long as we make the choices we feel are right we're in control of ourselves. The actions of everyone else are just something we have to live with.

Zero: I guess you're right. Let's not tell the others about this though, giving all the other maverick hunters an existential crisis doesn't seem like a good idea.

X: They'll figure it out on their own, at their own pace, just like you did.

And so Zero and X returned to their lives, fighting Sigma, and later Weil and Albert and whatever else Capcom throws at us before just admitting that Wily was behind everything. They had a purpose in their own reality, but they would never forget their times at MegaMan Jr. High, and would think of it whenever they looked at Zero's souvenir, the year 21XX's only SNES.

**The End**


End file.
